Chapter 19
Nineteen
Why was her room so hot? She tried to move, but couldn’t.That’s when she realized she wasn’t alone in the bed.
It took her a moment to realize it was Rory in the twin bed with her, which meant they were in the dorm room. What were they doing in the suite? They never stayed here. And he was supposed to still be in Austria.
Oh God, how long had she slept?
How was he here? Had she let him in? Some people walked and talked in their sleep on Ambien. She vaguely remembered taking a Xanax as well. Or was it two?
“Hi, Sir,” she whispered and pressed her lips against his.
He woke and ended the kiss by turning his head. He looked at the clock.
She put her face in the crook of his neck. “I missed you.”
Rory slid his arm out from under her and sat up, one leg off the bed on the floor.
She watched him, not sure what to say or do. She needn’t have tried to decide. A moment later, he stood and said, “Get up.”
When he flicked on the light, she gasped. Things were everywhere. Someone had swept everything off the shelves and dumped all her storage boxes and bins. There were piles of clothes and papers, boxes of colored pencils and markers that had spilled.
“What happened?”
“I happened.”
Her eyes widened. “What do you mean?”
“I did this to make sure I had them all.”
“All what?”
“The pills.”
She froze, her thoughts finally crystallizing. She looked at the door. There was a chair pushed against it and splintered wood sticking out from where it closed.
“Yes. I broke the door to get in.”
She sank to the bed. He’d broken into the room, and she’d slept through it. She could feel his eyes on her. She thought she might faint.
“I don’t know how this happened. I just took a sleeping pill and something to relax because I couldn’t sleep. I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I slept until Sunday.”
“You didn’t. I came home early.”
“Why?”
“Get up and get dressed.”
He was angry and disappointed. He must have been so tired after the trip, and he’d had to come to her dorm suite and find her unconscious from drugs.
Oh God. It was the most horrible thing she’d ever done.
And he’d stayed with her. Had he been forced to talk to her suite mates? What had he told them?
“Kate, I told you to do something. Do it. Now.” He said the words in that voice.
She lurched to her feet.
Kate dressed, used the suite’s bathroom, packed her laptop and schoolwork and the things she’d need for the weekend. Rory had called someone to come and pick them up.
All her suite mates were standing in the common area when she and Rory emerged. He let her introduce him to them, not bothering to put down her duffle bags as he shook hands with each girl, except Maya who he’d apparently already met. There was a look that passed between them that made her wonder.
The girls might have made a fuss if not for the way Rory maneuvered their way through the group. They tried asking questions, but he moved her in front of him and turned.
“She’s fine. Have a good weekend,” he said, before they walked out.
“I’m so, so sorry,” she said when they were out of the building.
“Stop apologizing. Start explaining.”
“Things didn’t go well. I was having trouble. I just wanted to sleep.”
“For how long? Forever?”
“No, of course not,” she said with a gasp. “I just wanted to get the days over so you’d be back.”
“Have you ever been hospitalized for an overdose?”
“No.”
“Ever been hospitalized for depression? Or drug abuse?”
“No! Of course not!”
“Lower your voice.”
A black SUV pulled up, and Rory put her in the backseat. He talked to the man in the black suit for a moment then got in beside her.
“I need to know, Kate, if you were trying to hurt yourself.”
“I wasn’t. I swear!”
“Okay, we’ll talk more about it at home,” he said as the driver got in. He took her hand. She tried to pull it back, but he tightened his grip until she stopped resisting. It immediately made her feel better.
When they arrived at Rory’s, he had to bring in his own bags, too, which is when she realized he hadn’t even been home yet from his trip.
Inside, she gathered the mail and stacked it neatly on the counter, then started to take her bag to the room.
“Leave all that where it is,” he said.
She returned to the kitchen. “Do we have to talk about it? I just made a mistake. I deserve a bad punishment, so you can forgive me and we can get back to normal.”
“Sit,” he said, nodding at a chair. “I’m not gonna punish you for what happened, Kate.”
She sat. “Why not?”
He hadn’t called her kitten. Not once. It was making her feel ill.
Rory folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the counter. “Punishment’s not the answer.” He watched her so closely and for so long that she started to fidget.
“What? Please! I’ll do anything. What do you want me to do?”
“Nothing. I just want my eyes on you while I think.”
“Can I come there to you?”
He shook his head. “It’ll affect my judgment.”
She cocked her head. What was he trying to decide? Her pulse quickened. She opened her mouth to speak, but he held up a hand to stop her.
“Was the fact that I was gone the worst part of the past few days?” he asked. “You said that you were trying to get through the days until I got back. Did you take the pills so you could sleep through the time I was gone?”
Her heart thumped. This seemed like a dangerous question. Would he think she was too unstable to be a good pet? Would he keep his distance or send her away?
“It won’t happen again.”
“Answer the question I asked.”
“Please,” she said, her lower lip trembling.
“Tell me the truth. Communication is key. Without it.…” He shook his head, and the implication was clear.
It felt like she’d swallowed a gallon of adrenaline. Her hands shook as she clasped them in her lap. “Yes. You were gone, and it was the worst thing.”
“In my car, I made you promise you would call and tell me if you were in trouble. Why didn’t you?”
“I didn’t think you meant for something like this. What was I supposed to say? I miss you so much I can’t cope. Please cancel your very important business meetings and fly all the way back from Europe so I won’t be lonely? I didn’t want to mess up your trip. I’d be such a bad pet to do that.”
“If that’s what you think, we’ve got work to do. This is on me. I pulled you from your training when it wasn’t finished.”
“You’re training me. And it’s better than—”
“Quiet, kitten. You’re not telling me. I’m telling you. There’s a thing called sub drop. Have you heard of it?”
“I think so. When a sub is cold and dizzy after an intense scene?”
“Yeah, among other things. Physically, it happens right after the scene. Emotionally, it can happen even days later. I’m starting to think that all this,” he said, swirling his finger, “what I’ve been doing with you here has felt like one long never-ending scene.
So that when I left and broke the connection, you had a bad reaction. ”
“Please don’t think that it’s your fault! I’m the one who did something stupid. It’s my fault. Please don’t—I couldn’t stand it if you—”
“Kate, stop. It’s not about blame.”
She bit her lip, her eyes filling.
He sighed. “Come,” he said, holding out a hand.
She jumped up and flew across the room.
He held her tight. “I felt it too, when I was gone. When I wasn’t working, I was restless.
The time in the hotel sucked. I wanted you there.
I know it was harder for you. It always is for subs.
” He shook his head. “I saw the way you cried when I told you about the trip. I knew it would be tough. I thought I could handle it by staying in close contact by phone. Long distance works for some Masters and pets, so I figured… But you’re inexperienced.
You didn’t put yourself in my hands when you needed to.
And I was overconfident. It wasn’t a conscious thing.
I just didn’t think it through. We’ve been winging things here in the house, and when we’re about to go down in flames, I’ve been able to pull us back up before we really crash. This time we almost didn’t make it.”
“Please don’t change anything,” she said, still crying. “This works. Us here alone together is better than anything else in the world.”
“You want us to be hermits?”
“Yes.”
He laughed, then turned serious again. “You could’ve died. For a few seconds when I forced that door and the room was so quiet and still… Fuck.”
“I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”
“I forgive you. But things are gonna be different for awhile.”
“But, Rory—”
He smacked her ass hard. She swallowed and stared up at him.
“I’m not asking what you think. I’m telling you how things are. You can have any kind of meltdown you want when I’m around to take control. But that won’t fly when I’m on another continent unless there are people around that I trust to keep an eye on you. It’s time to get back to the club.”