Chapter 19 #3
My other hand is braced on the bed in the space just above her shoulder. I keep my weight there so as not to crush her throat before ever so slowly lowering myself down over her.
I’m careful not to let our bodies touch anywhere but where my hand rests on her throat.
I feel her swallow hard while she watches me watch her.
Lowering my mouth to her ear before nipping at her lobe just because I can’t help it.
Her reaction is instantaneous, and has a smirk pulling to my lips, knowing she can’t see it.
Her back arches off the bed at the contact, pushing those fucking delicious tits up into my chest and her core exactly where I want her. I have to bite down hard to keep from groaning aloud. I can feel her heat against me, and Jesus-fucking-Christ, this girl is going to kill me.
If I die with her like this, it might be worth it.
“Tell me what you want, Doll. If you tell me to walk away, and I will.” My voice is wrecked. The moment I opened my mouth, I knew she would be able to hear the effect she’s having on me, but I want her to. I want her to have all the say and power in this.
I pull back just enough so our eyes can meet again, hoping she can see just how serious I am.
Her hand comes off the bed and is on the back of my head, wrapped up in my hair in an instant before she pulls me down to her.
“Don’t you fucking dare,” she says in a husky whisper that goes right to my cock. She lifts her head, pushing against my hand that’s still around her throat so that our lips meet roughly.
She lets out a moan that I’m happy to swallow as our lips come together in a fight for dominance. I’m unsure if it’s from finally having contact or the pressure of my hand on her throat; hopefully, it’s a bit of both.
I flex my fingers around her throat, and she makes that same beautiful sound again as her body arches even higher, leaving us entirely pressed against one another.
I pull back, and we both pant for air. I’m not sure if we kissed for a moment or a lifetime, but it somehow isn’t enough.
Her lips are red and swollen from the bruising force she used when we came together.
I want to see what they would look like after hours of kissing her like that, of biting her and making her mine.
But she still hasn’t answered my question.
“Tell me what you want, Doll. I won’t be guessing or assuming, so you better use your words before I decide to get on with our other plans for the night.
” My voice is steadier than before, even though I’m moments from breaking.
She doesn’t need to know that. She doesn’t need me influencing her decision.
She remains quiet, watching me with a calculating gaze. Clearly, she needs some help getting her words out.
I push myself higher so there is a definite space between us and loosen my grip on her throat, ready to push myself back up completely.
She whines at the loss of contact, and I grind my teeth hard but continue moving away.
I remove my hand from her throat, bracing it above her other shoulder, giving her just a moment more to stop me.
Still, she does nothing.
Her eyes almost make me say, ‘To hell with it.’ I can see that she wants this, and I can see that moving away is as hard on her as it is for me, but I can’t.
I have to stick to this, no matter if it kills us both. I refuse to be just another guy who takes from her without permission, some asshole who is happy to use her for my selfish wants without considering hers.
“Please, Zander.” She finally breathes the words on an exhale, hardly more than a whisper. I would've missed them if I had been farther away from her.
I wait for her to continue, but she doesn’t. Her eyes beg me to accept that as she continues to look up at me. It’s not enough, though, and I know she sees that. Her brows pull together, causing a wrinkle to appear on her forehead, and I want to soothe it.
“Please, what?” I ask her, and her lips pull down in a frown.
Her reaction makes no sense, and I worry I’m pushing her too far before it clicks. I watch her chew at her lip again, and it’s like my nervous habit of fidgeting with my knives.
She doesn’t know how to ask for what she wants because she’s not used to controlling this part of her life.
In the same way, she doesn’t have basic life skills; she doesn’t understand that she’s allowed to want this or how to ask for it instead of just having it taken without so much as a tender moment or word of communication.
The idea that this is so foreign to her that it’s making her this nervous almost makes me lose my shit.
The only thing that stops me is the fact that she’s right here.
If I lose my shit right now, she might think I’m upset at her.
It would be so easy for her to misunderstand that my anger is for her, not at her.
So, instead, I push it back and save it for later.
For when I find the fucks who made her life hell, who made her believe sex was something to give to others because they demand it.
When I get to cut them up for laying hands on her, that's when I’ll deal with this. Right now, I need to focus on her.
“Just tell me exactly what you want,” I tell her in a soft voice so as not to make her more nervous.
My mind whirls as I try to think of a way to help her with this.
My body understands before my mind. I lift one of my hands from where it rests on the bed near her shoulder. I gently run the back of my fingers over its soft skin, down the length of her arm, and back up.
I watch the path my fingers take up her skin as goosebumps break out in the wake of them. She shudders beneath me as I once again reach her shoulder.
“How about this? Do you want this?” I ask as I let my hand continue higher, up her neck, before caressing her cheek. I rest my palm on her cheek, my thumb rubbing soothingly along the soft skin there, barely catching the corner of her lip.
She nods.
I start to pull my hand away. I don't make it far before she grabs my wrist and pulls it back down to rest against her cheek.
“Yes,” she says, her voice still quiet but not nearly as shaky as it had been, and that’s progress. She seems to be a quick learner; maybe she just needed a more hands-on approach.
I pull my hand from hers, and she releases me so that I can trail my hand down her face again. She seems happy to let me wander so long as I don’t move away.
I can’t help the stupid grin that splits my face, knowing I have any kind of effect on this woman that I have no business even thinking of pursuing.
I duck my head to hide it as I watch my hand slip down her body.
I run my fingers ever so gently over her collarbone, continuing down to her chest before dropping down the valley of her breasts, where I pause.
Once again in control of myself, I look back up and meet her eyes again.
Her pupils are still blown wide, her eyes so dark you would never believe they are usually a beautiful bright green.
I let my hand drift just a bit lower before pulling to the right to run across the skin just below her breast, making sure to keep my face completely neutral as I tease the both of us.
She lets out a small whimper as I circle around and back up without so much as grazing her, and it goes right to my already painfully hard cock.
She’s damn near begging me without words at this point.
Seeing someone as strong and deadly as I know Jade is, like this has me damn near on another plane of existence.
I’m not sure what she sees in me, but I’ll fucking take it.
I’ll take anything she’s willing to give me.
“Use your words,” I tell her as I continue my slow tracing of her skin, back down her chest and around the other side, all the while watching my hand move.
She takes a deep breath before releasing it with a rush of words that are too low and said too quickly for me to comprehend, even with how close we are. I pause just above her stomach, leaving just one finger on her skin before I look up at her.
“I’m sorry, Doll, but I didn’t quite catch that,” I tell her with a teasing smile because while it’s true, I didn’t hear her. I could probably guess what she said. But where's the fun in that?
This time, her brows pull in frustration, and I see the shift in her before my eyes. She goes from shy, timid, and full of nerves to frustrated and determined. It shouldn’t be possible for her to be more attractive. Not when I already have her naked body laid out beneath me.
But somehow, she manages.
She pushes onto her elbows, eating up the space between us until we’re damn near nose-to-nose. I have to fight against going cross-eyed with the sudden closeness.
“I said I want you to touch me,” she tells me, her voice strong and sure, coming out much more like a demand than a request.
I flatten my hand against her stomach and cock my head to the side. “I’m pretty sure I’m already doing that, Doll.” Understanding flashes in her eyes when she hears the amusement in my voice.
“I want you to make me feel good, Zander. I want you to fuck me.”
My pulse jumps, and so does my cock. This might be exactly what I wanted, but I wasn’t prepared for the effect it would have on me to hear her say it out loud.
Before I can respond, she continues, “I want your cock so deep inside of me that it’s all I can think about, all that I can feel.” My mouth goes dry as she leans farther into me, pressing our bodies together in a way that lights me on fire. I can feel every place our bodies touch.
It’s both too much and not enough all at once.
Her lips ghost over the shell of my ear. “I want you to take whatever you want from me and make me forget every person before you.”
I feel her teeth sink into the soft skin of my earlobe. She doesn’t bite very hard, but the slight pain sends my already heightened need through the roof, and I can’t hold back the shudder that rocks my whole body.