Chapter 16 Jade
By the time we’re done with our meeting and I make a break for the library, it’s much later than I thought. I hadn’t realized we’d spent the better part of the day arguing, and the worst part was that in the end, we had the same outcome.
I would go to Randall’s.
The thought alone makes me feel gross, and I can’t fight off the full-body shiver that works its way down my spine.
I shake my arms out before pushing the doors to the library open, hoping to distract myself.
This is our first genuine lead on anything to do with the inner workings of Sin and its ring.
I know deep down that this could be what we need.
I don’t have to like the idea of being around Randall to know this needs to be done.
For now, I need to study. Dwelling on the thought of him won’t help anything. No, I could use a distraction right now, and schoolwork just so happens to be the perfect thing.
I’m unsure how long I’ve been studying when movement catches my eye.
I’m laid out on the floor in what the guys have deemed as ‘my section’ of the library.
According to Zander, they used to use the library quite a bit, but not for the books.
Go figure. I have so much catching up to do that I’ve just laid everything out.
I tried to start with math, but quickly decided to wait for help before I moved on to English.
While I’m still clearly behind in this class as well, at least I can understand it, well, mostly.
Zander walks up to me before he sinks down to the ground, sitting cross-legged next to me.
He doesn’t say a word, and after a moment of thinking, I realize I’m not sure what to say either.
We watch each other for a minute before he turns away, picking up a syllabus for one of my classes and looking it over.
I continue to watch him for a little longer before returning my attention to my research.
This part is simple. I have no problem getting the information.
I love to read. It was one of the few skills I’ve had for as long as I can remember.
When Ashlynn discovered my love for it, she was determined to help me keep reading.
She would sneak me every scrap of paper from menus to old receipts when she could, and while it wasn’t a lot, it was enough to keep that love alive.
As I grew older, it became easier to get my hands on my own reading material, even if it meant borrowing from clients.
I tried to make sure the younger girls also read.
Charlotte refused, but she loved it when I read to her or simply told her made-up stories.
But as much as I love to read, I know the writing process won’t be so cut and dry. I might understand reading, but that’s about it. Every symbol beyond a period is unknown to me, and I make a mental note to ask Hazel if she might write me up an index.
The longer we sit, the more I relax, and after a while, it’s as if nothing happened. I don’t want my decision to go to Randall’s stressing out the guys, but I can’t decide not to go just because they don't like it. And they’ve made it very clear they don’t like it.
“Let’s go grab something to eat,” Zander says, breaking the silence. His voice is low, but after so long in silence, it still startles me from my reading. I look up from my book to find him already standing beside me, his hand outstretched in an offer to help me up.
I didn’t even hear him move.
That’s three times tonight he’s caught me off guard.
I’m getting too comfortable with him, and that’s dangerous for everyone.
I push the thought aside, tucking a paper in my book to hold my page, and grasp his outstretched hand, allowing him to haul me up off the floor. He doesn’t let go of my hand as we leave the library and head back down to the kitchen, and I find I don’t mind.
As we walk down the hallway, I notice it’s dark outside.
Shit. Between the meeting and studying, I’ve wasted the entire day on a whole lot of nothing.
We get to the kitchen without a word, and to my surprise, both Roderick and Spencer are there. I don’t know why I expected them to be anywhere else. We typically eat dinner together, especially when everyone's home.
They’re both already seated at the island counter with what looks like some kind of fish and a veggie on their plates.
There are two extra plates that I assume are for us.
Roderick’s been making different dishes ever since he took me shopping and discovered I’ve only ever eaten the most basic foods, with no idea what I like or dislike.
I’ve had fancier food in the past with clients, but I never knew what any of it was. I was just happy to have an actual meal. Even if I hated the taste, I always ate every bite because I needed the energy.
Disliking food wasn’t an option. I’ve never eaten just for pleasure.
So far, the only things I haven’t been a huge fan of are green olives, tofu, and pomegranates.
Don’t get me wrong. I love the smell of pomegranates; it’s what my soap smells like, after all.
Even the flavor is good, but the effort required to get those little seeds just isn’t for me.
The tofu had a terrible texture, and the green olives tasted so bad I had to spit them out. Zander thought it was hilarious.
I’m sure I'll find more things I don’t like as I try more, but I don’t think it will be tonight's meal. It smells too damn good for me not to like it.
I hesitate for a moment, not sure what seat I should take before Zander makes the choice for me, dropping into the chair next to Spencer. Leaving me the end seat, with Roderick on the opposite end.
Nobody talks, and while the silence isn’t uncomfortable, it's not normal either. Usually, the guys will at least talk among themselves, even if I have nothing to say, and I find myself feeling guilty. I finish eating, rinse off my plate, and head back to my room. Saying goodnight over my shoulder at the last second, but I’m gone before I can hear if they answer me or not.
I make my way up to my room and take a hot shower before curling up in my bed. I probably should’ve gone and picked up my books and assignments, but I’ll grab them in the morning.
Right now, I just want to sleep and forget about today.
I toss and turn, but regardless of how tired I feel and how heavy my eyelids are, sleep evades me. I’m seconds from heading down to the gym to run until I pass out when the handle to my door clicks, alerting me that someone’s there.
The room’s dark. I lay still, hardly breathing, as I wait to see who it is. The light of the hallway shines through the small gap in the door as Zander slips through before he pushes it closed again with a soft click.
I let my breathing even out as he makes his way to the bed without a sound while I track his movement across the room.
He pulls back the covers, and I watch as he pulls off his shirt, dropping it on the floor before crawling in next to me. Sinking into the plush mattress that feels more like a cloud than any bed I’ve ever been on before.
“I know you're awake,” he says just before his arm wraps around my stomach to pull me back against him.
I don't pull away. Years of unwanted contact have programmed my body to react poorly. I wait for the dread that comes from this touch, but it never does. Instead of stiffening up, I melt into him instead.
He’s warm, and while I have a thick blanket on my bed, it’s not the same as the warmth he’s giving off.
I can feel the steady beat of his heart on my back where our bodies meet, feel his warm breath on my neck as he breathes.
Over the last few weeks, I’ve made an unconscious habit of seeking Zander out at night, and it would appear he’s now doing the same.
Somewhere along the way, I’ve gotten used to him, so much so that I find comfort in his presence, even in my bed.
I decided to sleep in shorts and a large t-shirt, one of the hand-me-downs from before I went shopping. I’m pretty sure it’s one of the guys, but I don’t know whose. It doesn’t matter, really; I only wear them because they're comfortable.
Zander’s hand slips under the large shirt to rest on my bare skin, and my stomach flips. I’m sure he can feel the way my heart’s pounding. Every place he touches feels like it’s on fire in the best possible way. I don’t dare move away, even as my stomach continues to tie itself into knots.
“You don’t have to say anything. Just listen, okay?” he says, his breath tickling the fine hairs on my neck as he whispers against my skin.
I don’t say anything. I don’t know if I could, even if I wanted to. My mind’s been going and going all day, but the moment he slipped into bed with me, it’s as if it’s gone blank. For the first time since I laid down, I think I might actually get some sleep tonight.
“I know you have to do this,” he says, his thumb rubbing back and forth against the skin of my stomach. Such a simple movement shouldn’t be so distracting, but it is. I find myself having to really focus on what he’s saying, so I don’t get lost in the feeling instead.
“I know that, and the guys know that, but it doesn’t mean we have to like it, and I won’t pretend to. I don’t want you putting yourself in danger.”
That clears my head enough that I feel the need to respond, even if he’s got my mind in a haze. I can take care of myself. I don’t need protection, but the girls do.
His arm tightens around my waist, pulling me impossibly closer to him.
“Let me finish,” he says, and the slight pleading tone of his voice is enough for me to snap my mouth closed again. I’m not sure how he even knew I was going to say something, but whatever he has to say seems to be important, so I’ll listen.