Chapter 29 Jade #2
Kratos’s words ring out around the otherwise silent room, startling me badly enough that I almost drop the frame.
I clutch it to my chest for a moment as I calm my racing heart before carefully setting it back down where I found it.
I turn to glare at him, but it doesn’t even faze him.
It’s difficult to sneak up on me, but being here, I find I’m not as on edge as I used to be.
His smile shows me how proud he is of himself, but he doesn’t gloat. Instead, his gaze falls to my cheeks.
Hastily, I wipe away the few treacherous tears that spilled over. I hate crying, even though I know he’d never judge me. Tears don’t help anyone. Actions do.
“I miss her too,” I tell him, walking back out into the hall. He follows without a word, closing her door behind him.
“What are you looking for?” he asks without a hint of judgment.
Kratos knows me better than I’ve ever let anyone know me, better than I know myself most days. He’s used to my weird quirks, knows how to handle me when I’m shutting down, and knows what I need often before I do. I’m not surprised he would think I’m looking for something. I usually am.
I shake my head, turning to continue down the hall, knowing he’ll follow.
“Nothing, I was just trying to see where everyone was staying—” I cut myself off, trying to figure out how to explain.
With a sigh, I realize it will sound silly no matter what. “The photo just caught me off guard, is all.”
He barks a laugh behind me, and I stop, turning to look at him in confusion.
“Yes, how strange for Hazel to have a picture of her and her best friend,” he says, and I know he’s only teasing, but something about how he said it rubs me wrong.
“Well, excuse me, I’ve never been someone’s best friend before. It’s weird to think about, okay?” I snap, feeling defensive. I turn around and continue down the hall toward… I’m not really sure since my room is still a mess, but away from him for now will do.
His hand wraps around my bicep, swinging me back around to face him.
I could break his hold. I think about it for a second before I look up and see the way he’s looking at me. His face is fierce, no trace of his earlier humor.
“Bullshit. You’ve been my best friend since the day you killed my father when I couldn’t. You just didn’t understand that you could mean something to someone other than the girls. You didn’t want to, because it was dangerous.”
He’s not yelling, but his words still hit me like a slap in the face. The truth of them stings in a way I don’t want to look too deeply at. I know he’s right. I was always very careful to keep my distance from anyone who wasn’t the girls.
How would I go back to keep them safe if I let myself enjoy my freedom? It would have made things harder for everyone, not just me, but anyone who cared about me, who might have to let me go if I never came back.
I kept my distance because it was the only way I knew how to keep doing what I needed to. I still stand by that decision. All it takes is one look around to see how right I was. Getting attached would have destroyed my plans to take the rings down.
I know because I couldn’t ever picture leaving the guys now.
Kratos didn’t give a shit about any of that, though.
Even though I tried my hardest not to get attached, he did anyway.
The signs were there, but I turned a blind eye to them, unwilling to look too closely or put a name to the feelings I had for him.
But those people almost feel like strangers now.
Someone we were in a past life, not me or the man who stands before me, ready to move mountains if I should ask it of him.
The one man who has been on my side since the moment he met me.
Who put his own life on the line to help me, gave his time and money to make my dream a reality.
He was ready when my demons came knocking, ready to drown with me in regret and nightmares, if only it meant we were together.
Kratos has only ever looked at me like I was worthy.
He was my strength when I was drained and ready to give up.
He kept me going even when he didn’t know he was the reason I pushed on, and he never asked for more from me until I acted on my feelings for him.
“Would you have ever told me how you feel if I didn’t pursue you?” The question slips out before I can really think it through, but now that I’ve asked, I need to know.
His lips pull down in a frown as he looks at me, no doubt trying to figure out what made me ask something like that.
“All these years, looking back now. I see it, now that I know. You didn’t just follow me blindly, wanting revenge like I always told myself you did.
It might have started like that, but you’ve always been there for me, ready to be who I needed whenever I needed you.
” I take a deep breath, trying to get my thoughts in order as my words fall out like vomit, but I can’t stop them.
I don’t want to.
I need to know.
“I don’t know, maybe. It never felt fair before.
You had goals, and the girls needed you.
Who was I to step between you and them because I had feelings for you?
It wouldn’t have been fair. Besides, I knew what loving you meant from the start.
I knew who you were when I fell for you.
I never would have asked you to give up on that. ”
I know he’s telling the truth. I’ve seen it over the years, but for some reason, hearing him say that makes my heart pound.
Kratos has always been my knight in bloody armor, and I wouldn’t change it for anything.
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out, my words clogged in my throat that’s thick with emotions.
“It’s fine, Jade. I just needed you to know that you’ve always been my best friend. Just because our relationship was different doesn’t mean it wasn’t real. We all care about you, and you deserve that and much more.”
He pulls on my arm, but I plant my feet.
I need to say this, and he needs to hear me.
“You’ve been my everything for years!”
My voice cracks, betraying my emotions, but I quickly clear my throat before trying again.
“You were my best friend, too, even when I didn’t want you to be.
You're right. I didn’t want to matter to anyone because then I might hurt them, hurt you if I never came back.
But more than that, I couldn’t let myself care about you.
How would I ever be able to go back to that hell if I let myself love you?
The girls needed me, needed me to save them the same way I did you. ..”
I choke back a sob. My eyes sting as tears well in them once again, blurring my vision. But now that I’ve started, I’m not sure I could keep this to myself even if I tried.
“The same way you saved me.”
A tear runs down my face, and this time, I leave it as I stare back at him, letting him see every broken piece of me.
“Loving you was something I let myself dream about. You saved me in so many ways that you don’t even understand, K.
You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, the reason we have done so much good and are able to stand here together today.
I’ll do everything I can to keep you and the rest of them safe so that I can keep loving you. ”
We stand in the hall, neither of us speaking as we stare at each other. Tears stain my cheeks as he watches me, without a word, and I worry I’ve just messed everything up.
“Say it again,” he says, finally breaking the silence. His voice is low and gentle but still full of command as he steps toward me, hooking his finger under my chin to crane my head back so our eyes meet.
Panic fills me as my mind goes blank, worried I’ve said something wrong. It only takes me a second to run back through my words and realize what it must have been.
“I… I love you, Kratos.” I force the words out over the panic that's threatening to swallow me whole because he deserves to hear them. I’ve loved Kratos for a long time, far before I even realized I was capable of it.
But the heart has a funny way of knowing what it wants, what it needs.
It’s always been him, and I know it always will be.