Chapter 33
Training is my least favorite part of the day, but it’s become a part of every single one, regardless.
As much as I hate it—hate being around Leo and Dom—I can’t deny we need it.
Just in the last two weeks we’ve been doing it, I already see the difference.
Not only in myself and the others, but in Jade, too.
Her confidence in us is higher, where she used to worry when we sparred. She doesn’t even bat an eye now.
Like it or not, she’s also handling Leo and Dom better.
I’m not thrilled about that. They don’t deserve her forgiveness, but I can see how it’s better for us to work together.
Besides, I’m not positive she has forgiven them.
Even if she did, that doesn’t mean we need to let them in.
I know better than to think the guys will forgive and forget quickly.
I’ve seen them hold a grudge, and I’ve seen them handle people who wrong them.
No, they’ll be on guard with them, if not trying to kill them where they sleep once this is over, should they feel the need. They already fucked up once. They won’t get a second chance, not to mention they're only making it easier now with all this training.
On top of everything else, these training exercises are whooping my ass, and I’m already exhausted.
I’ve been running the street distribution for Vengeance for a long time.
I have a pattern, a rhythm. But lately, even that feels like too much when you add in everything else.
Classes are ending soon, which means exams, dealing with my sister, handling my father’s will, and the fucking press hounding me about what happened.
I’d never worried too much about my future.
With my father, I had almost no control, but I knew I could escape if needed.
Vengeance was my ticket out, and I was fine with that, even if it meant starting at the bottom.
I didn’t need his money or the ties that came with his name.
I made sure of it. Now, adding so much extra to think about, it’s fucking exhausting.
How do people live their whole lives like this?
A light knock on the door has my eyes flying open. Shit, I fell asleep.
I’d sat down to plug my phone in and check my emails after showering. Not only had I not plugged it in, but somehow, I’d all but passed out.
“Yeah?” I call out, scrambling to plug in my phone and pull myself together enough to give the illusion that I wasn’t sleeping.
Rick is big on dinner time lately, and with how often I miss it, I don’t doubt he might beat my head in if I’m the reason everyone’s waiting around to eat.
The door creaks open, just the tiniest bit.
“Jake?”
Not Rick!
Jade.
Oh shit, maybe Rick being the one to find me would have been better. Now, instead of getting my ass beat for delaying dinner, I get what?
God, I don’t even know. A case of the ‘I’m a bitch who can’t form words around the badass gang leader I share a living space with?’
Pathetic.
“Jake?” Jade calls out again, and I trip over my own fucking feet, rushing to the door as I realize I’ve yet to answer her.
“Hey,” I answer in a rush, yanking the door open and coming face to face with her where she stands waiting in the hall. Her lips pull up in a smile as she looks at me, and I can feel the dopey-ass grin that splits my face.
Real fucking smooth.
When the hell did this become who I am? I went from the asshole most girls didn’t like to be around, but were happy to use to…
I don’t know. Whatever this is.
“Am I interrupting something?” Jade asks, peeking over my shoulder into my room before she looks back at me.
I look down at her, confused for a second before I realize I’m breathing heavily and probably look, well, like I just rolled out of bed. Understanding dawns on me a moment later, and I consider smacking my head off the door.
“No!” I all but shout, cringing when she takes a step back, away from me. Damn, I’m really fucking this up.
I run my fingers through my hair, pushing it out of my face, hoping to appear halfway decent before I try again. “Sorry. No, I’m not doing anything. What’s up?”
Changing the subject seems like the best bet right now. It sounds forced, though, even to my own ears, and of course, she doesn’t miss it.
“Are you sure? Because I can always come back later,” she offers with a raised brow as she throws her thumb over her shoulder, pointing down the hall as she takes yet another step back.
“No, seriously,” I say, holding a hand up to stop her from leaving, but she still doesn’t look convinced. “I just fell asleep, and I thought you were Rick, and you were here to kill me for messing up dinner or something,” I admit in a rush, looking down at my feet, embarrassed.
Should have just said I was jerking off. It probably would have been less embarrassing, considering I’m almost positive that’s what she assumed. I peek up at her, and I swear to God I can feel the blood rush to my face at just the thought.
Her adorable face is scrunched up, and I can see she’s trying not to laugh. She loses her struggle a moment later, though, and a laugh bursts free before she slaps a hand over her mouth to try and smother it.
Great, now she’s laughing at me. I should have just stayed asleep. Dealing with Rick would have been much better. At least if he beat my ass, she might have been sympathetic.
“No, no, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to laugh,” she says, still giggling as she follows me into my room as I retreat. “It’s just funny that you're afraid of Rick and his dinner-time policing. He seems to have everyone on pins and needles with it.”
I collapse on the edge of my bed, looking back to find her smiling at me where she stands just inside my room.
Okay, when she says it like that, I can see how it might be funny.
Shaking my head, I huff a laugh of my own.
We’re training to take on the Bratva, and possibly dying is just a normal part of our day.
Yet, somehow, Rick is enough to throw me off balance.
Yeah, we might have a skewed view of things.
I watch as Jade’s eyes dart around my room, and just like that, my smile melts away.
I’ve never had Jade in my room before, not here or at my father’s house.
I’ve never let a girl into any room of importance to me.
None of them cared where we fucked. So why would I bother sharing a place I kept to myself, whether it's my room, office, or even just the garden? The closest I’ve come to sharing a room of importance was with Jade in the music room, which feels like another lifetime ago.
I follow her gaze around the room, landing on my guns on my desk, dirty clothes on the floor, and just overall clutter and chaos. I would have cleaned up a bit had I known she would come in here. In all the time she’d been home, she hadn’t ever come to my room, so the thought never crossed my mind.
Stupid.
When her eyes find mine again, I don’t see any judgment in them, and some of my anxiety melts away.
She isn’t judging me. It’s strange. I’ve spent my whole life striving for perfection.
My father demanded it, and for a while, I thought that if I accomplished it, he would be proud of me.
That I would be enough, but I was wrong.
It took me forever to see that, though, and by the time I realized I would never be enough for him, I was already stuck.
Perfection had become a habit, a lie I was trapped by because it was all I knew.
“So what brings you here if you're not coming to yell at me about dinner?”
My father is never a pleasant thought, and as much as I might hate him, I’m pretty sure Jade hated him more. What he did to me was bad, horrible, and fucked up, but what he did to her… Just thinking about it makes me wish he were still alive so I could kill him myself.
“Oh, um, well, I came to talk to you, and I kind of wanted to know what room you were in.” She tucks her hair behind her ear, twirling the end around her finger.
I’ve seen a million girls do that same thing, trying to appear shy when they want attention.
The difference is, I know it's not an act with Jade. She’s a fantastic actor.
We’ve all seen it from the first day, but now that I know her better, I see through most of it.
Her eyes give her away if you know what to look for. Jade’s acting comes with a mask that hides her true intentions, but in doing so, she hides everything. She’s like a shell of herself, unfeeling and blank, but right now, there’s no mask. She stands in front of me, open, honest, and nervous.
Why in the hell would Jade be nervous of me? My mind races with all the possibilities. Is she nervous like I am? Worried about making a good impression or putting her foot in her mouth the way I keep doing?
No, that doesn't seem right.
Maybe it’s because of who I am. Is she nervous about being alone with me because of my father? Worried I’m no better than he was? That I’ll hurt her?
Shit. That’s probably what it is. I can’t say I blame her. I’ve been told all my life that I’m so much like him. Constantly reminded, I look just like a younger version of him.
How did I ever think she would look at me and see anything but a monster?
Standing from the bed, I move around it to my desk on the far wall. Leaning against it to give her some space. Maybe the bed between us will make her feel better.
“Well, we have some time before dinner, so what’s up?” I ask, trying to help her get through whatever she needs to talk about so that she can leave. As much as I worried about the state of my room, I can’t deny I like her being here. But I don’t want to make her uncomfortable.