Chapter 33 #2
Her lips pull down slightly as she watches me.
Maybe the distance wasn’t enough? I’m about to suggest we head down to the kitchen to give her somewhere open when she reaches her foot back behind her, nudging the door closed.
It doesn’t close all the way, still sitting slightly ajar, but it’s enough for some privacy.
She moves further into my room before climbing onto my bed, and my words die in my throat.
I watch as she crawls across my bed on her hands and knees, unable to look away.
I’ve had girls chase after me for money, status, and the ability to say they were with me all my life.
At first, it came with my father’s name, but then I joined Vengeance, and the girls came even easier.
I had a lot of boxes they wanted to check off.
They didn’t care about me, and I didn’t care about them.
I expected it, and for a while, it was fun.
Pissing my dad off in the process was always a bonus.
Girls have always been easy, so why does my heart feel like it's going to beat a hole through my chest as I watch Jade crawl toward me?
Jade is unlike anyone I’ve ever met before.
She’s not easy.
Fuck, she’s the opposite of easy. She’s strong, independent, and doesn’t need any of us. She could kill any of us at any time, yet she hasn’t. Jade sees us as people, not as stepping stones or as a way to make herself better. She knows exactly what she wants and is willing to die to achieve it.
No, she’s not easy, but something about her makes life easier.
Makes standing against the fucking Bratva seem like the best choice, even though it could end poorly, deadly even.
Her smile is contagious, and I bet she could get just about anyone to do her bidding with just a bat of her lashes and a smile.
But she doesn’t. She doesn’t make people follow her with her looks or promises of power, violence, or fear.
She could, but she doesn’t have to. Knowing her and seeing her determination, even after life has hit her with every curveball possible. She’s a leader, naturally.
Jade’s a monster, made from trauma and heartbreak and somehow still full of hope and love. She took the things that make people bad and used them to be better, to save others. It sounds like an impossible feat, one that I failed myself, but she did it and keeps doing it every day.
And I’ll be damned if I wouldn’t follow her to hell itself at this point.
“Do I make you uncomfortable?” she asks, sitting back on her knees on the side of the bed closest to me. Her concern is written on her face, and it breaks something inside of me. Without thinking, I push off the desk, standing before her, wanting to chase away the unease in her eyes.
“No, it’s not you. It's me,” I answer lamely, watching as her brows scrunch up in confusion.
“I thought…” I trail off, trying to figure out how to explain, but there's no easy way.
I reach out, slowly so that she might back away if she wants, and can’t help sigh in relief when she doesn’t. I cup her cheek while she looks up at me, waiting. She doesn’t pull away, and somehow, that gives me the push I need.
“I’m so much like my father,” I choke the words out, hating them but knowing they’re true.
“He raised me, wanted me to be just like him, and in a lot of ways, I am. I was so desperate for his approval, his love, that I’ve done things I’m not proud of.
He was a monster, yes, but I think I am, too. How can I not be?”
Touching her and talking about him feels wrong. I pull away, but she quickly covers my hand with her own, pressing it back to her face. Her earlier confusion is gone as she stares at me.
“You're not!” she snaps, catching me off guard as she presses up on her knees so that we’re eye to eye. “You’re nothing like him, Jake.”
The disbelief must be clear on my face because she presses on.
“I’m serious. Who cares if you look like him or what you did before? We’ve all done things we’re not proud of, me included. I’ve killed people, Jake, so many people, without a second thought. I’ve failed to save girls whose only crime in life was their innocence. Do you think less of me for that?”
I’m shaking my head even before she’s finished speaking. Of course, I don’t. What kind of question is that? She did what she had to, and the girls she couldn’t save aren’t from a lack of trying.
She carries the weight of them with her every day.
“I’m a monster, but I’m not like him, and neither are you.” Her words are harsh but almost pleading, and I can’t find it in myself to argue with her. Even though I don’t agree.
“You’re sweet, Jake, in a way that I know has nothing to do with him. You might think that you're like him, but I see the truth. Even when you were trying to be an ass, you were terrible at it.”
I snort a laugh at that, unsure if she meant it to be a compliment or not.
“You saw through my shit that night on the dance floor and still tried to put yourself between your father and me. You didn’t owe me anything, didn’t trust me, and yet you still tried to keep me from him, even if that meant you had to deal with his anger.
You didn’t even bat an eye when we pulled you in. ”
“That wasn’t selfless—”
“I know,” she says, cutting me off. “It started with you trying to help yourself, but that isn’t what it is now. Your father's dead and gone, yet you're still here.”
She stares up at me as if daring me to argue with her, but how can I? She’s right. I’m still here, and it has nothing to do with him and everything to do with her.
“You didn’t have to share your music with me, but you did. You saw I was nervous about leaving Spencer with him, and you found a way to take my mind off of it, even though it meant sharing something personal with me. You didn’t have to do that, but you did anyway.”
She’s not wrong. I don’t know what made me share that with her that night, but I couldn’t bring myself to regret it. I’d never shown anyone that part of me. It was something I’d only ever shared with my mother. But I’d needed to distract her, and something had told me that would be the best way.
“You didn’t have to shop with me, and you sure as hell didn’t have to buy me this.
” She holds up her arm between us, and I look down to find the silver bracelet that hangs from her wrist. The one I got her for the gala with the little crown charm.
I’d bought it for her because I’d nicknamed her princess.
It started as a way to mock her, but that didn’t last long.
Who would have thought it would be so fucking literal?
Jade, the lost princess of the Bratva.
“I started saving the girls because I wanted to be for them what nobody ever was for me. Vengeance began because I needed to save them, and Kratos wanted to prove he was capable of being better. It was a selfish reason in the beginning that quickly became all about them, about others. None of us went into this because we’re saints, Jake.
We're all monsters. We just chose to use that to help those who can’t help themselves. The same way you’re doing now.”
I swallow past the lump in my throat, trying to wrap my mind around what she’s saying.
It’s everything I wanted to hear: that I’m not my father, that I’m capable of more, but it feels too good to be true.
How can she possibly see so much good in me?
But I know she’s telling the truth. I can see it in the way she looks at me.
She’s not afraid, and when she looks at me, it’s nothing like the way she used to look at my father.
She looks at me like nobody else ever has, like I’m important, like I matter to her.
“I came up here to offer you a better spot in Vengeance,” she says, catching me off guard, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. My brain lags for a second as I try to process her words. There’s no way she just said what I think she did, right?
“You're important, Jake, and you’ve more than proved yourself not just to me, but to all of us. You’ve been loyal to Vengeance for years.
We left you in your position because you're damn good at it, but also because of your ties to Randall. I wouldn’t let Kratos move you up with how close you were to him, even before I knew who he was.
Corrupt politicians are dangerous, and we didn’t know if you were on his side or ours back then.
I know now, though, and I want to give you the spot you deserve. ”
Her eyes light up as she talks, and I feel it, too, though I doubt it’s for the same reason. It’s not that I’m not happy to hear her sing my praises. I definitely am, but more than that, I’m excited to hear that she trusts me.
“Running the clubs and other businesses with Rick, Zander, and Spencer. The new club on the east side is opening soon. Someone will have to show face there and help Rick keep the books in check. The guys are already pulled pretty thin as it is and could use the extra hand. So what do ya say?”
I have to resist the urge to pinch myself as she sits before me, offering me everything I’ve ever wanted.
I earned this spot myself. It has nothing to do with my father.
If anything, I did it in spite of him. For the smallest of moments, I wish he were still alive, just to see his face, knowing I made something of myself despite him.
A big fat fuck you just for him, but he’s not worth that, not worth my time or hatred.
No, he doesn’t get to have any part of me.
He’s better forgotten, dead and buried where he belongs.
Jade nibbles at her bottom lip after a moment of silence, as if worried, and I realize she’s waiting for my reply. As if I could turn that down, turn her down. I nod, unable to find the words, and Jade’s face lights up with the most beautiful smile.
Fuck, I wish I could wrap her up in my arms the way the others do.