8. Maya
8
MAYA
I t’s unusual, having a day in which nothing too major happens. Maybe the universe decided to throw me a bone for once since it’s my birthday. Amazing how little I ask from life now.
Things seem almost quiet. Wren caught my eye as I hurried through the cafeteria, grabbing lunch before taking it to the library, which is quickly becoming my new favorite hiding spot. I was able to eat in peace while telling myself to forget how hurt she looked in the heartbeat when our eyes met.
If only I could make her understand it’s for the best. She doesn’t need me. She’s better off with Briggs and his shitty friends, including Tucker. He was mysteriously absent from the group. Another little gift.
By the time my last class is over, one thing is clear: the large bottle of water I drank in the library is coming back to haunt me in the form of an almost painfully full bladder. I’m the first person out of my chair once the instructor dismisses us, heading straight for the door and down the hall to the closest ladies room. We were let out a few minutes early, thank god, which also means the room is empty as I hurl myself through the swinging door in a row of stalls.
Though it’s not empty for long. Before I’ve had the chance to do my business, the door to the hall opens with an almost silent whoosh and footsteps ring out against the tile floor. More than one person, from the sound of it. Great. Not that I have a shy bladder or anything, but I don’t love peeing with an audience.
After a moment or two, it’s not the presence of an audience that bothers me. It’s the silence. Deafening. It lasts long enough to stir dread in my heart. Peering through the crack next to the door, I can barely make out the sight of girls leaning against the counter in front of the sinks, standing perfectly still. Waiting. Waiting for me? They’re facing the row of stalls, none of them moving. It’s beyond eerie. All of a sudden, I wish I had waited until I got home to use the bathroom. When will I learn? Now that Tucker sicced people on me by making me a laughingstock, the sooner I get off campus after class, the better.
Finally, a voice breaks the silence, ringing out sharp and loud. “What’s taking you so long, bitch? Do you think you can hide from us all day?”
I know that voice. I know who it belongs to. There’s barely time for my heart to drop before she pounds against the metal door hard enough to make it rattle. She stands in front of it, her face pressed to the crack. “See you,” Tiana whispers. “Hiding like the little bitch you are. What, afraid to come out and say hi?”
While her friends snicker, I search wildly for something to say. “What, are you this interested in hearing me use the toilet?” I counter, earning me a few soft laughs while Tiana pounds on the door again, harder this time.
“Fucking coward. What, you don’t think we could get in there and pull you out if we had to? Why don’t you face me like a woman?” she asks. “Come on. There are a few things I want to say to you face to face.”
“What could you have to say to me?” God, this is humiliating. I would die of shame if I was capable of feeling much of anything. “Just leave me alone, please. I didn’t do anything to you.”
“Right. Because it’s that fucking easy. Just admit what you did,” she snarls.
“What did I do?” I am seriously lost. “Are you sure I’m the person you want to be stalking? Maybe there’s somebody somewhere else on campus who’s peeing right now. Maybe you should bother them instead.”
I might as well be talking to myself. “Come out, come out, little Maya,” she croons. “And I’ll tell you everything. But I’m not leaving until you get out of there. I have all day.” I watch her from under the door as she turns in place, leaning against the metal between us. Dammit. What do I do?
What kind of question is that? I know what I have to do, and it doesn’t involve cowering in a fucking bathroom stall all day while Tiana waits for me. Maybe I could wait until somebody else comes in, ask them for help, but that would mean having any actual friends around here. I don’t even have Wren anymore—not that I would want to bring her into this, since Tiana has already made her life miserable. Maybe she would be a little nicer now that Briggs is part of the picture, but I doubt it. Unless he’s around to see exactly what Tiana is doing, she is going to wreak as much havoc as she can. Some people get off on being that way.
“Fine.” And then I train all of my focus on peeing, because I’ll be damned if they don’t have to listen after forcing me to do this while they’re here. I’m trembling by the time I finish up, but I won’t let them see it, taking a couple of deep breaths to steady myself before flipping the lock and opening the door. The four of them stand there, looking at me in disgust.
“Took you long enough,” Tiana growls, rolling her eyes. Eyes that are so full of hatred, I’m actually surprised. We’ve never really had that much to do with each other—she’s always trying to get into somebody’s pants, usually Tucker’s.
Tucker. Does she know we kissed? Is that what this is all about? Because I would tell her I’ve regretted it every minute since then. I have already been punished.
“And yet you’re still here,” I mutter, nudging my way between two of the girls to wash my hands. Glancing up at them in the mirror, I find them falling into a row behind me.
“You know, you’ve got a shitty attitude,” Tiana informs me. She would know, wouldn’t she?
“I really don’t know what this is about, and I need to get home, so could we just get it over with?” My hands are steady as I reach for the paper towels, but my mind is racing. What do I do? I’m way outnumbered.
“You want to get it over with?” The short, sharp laugh Tiana barks out has the power to chill my blood. “Are you sure about that?”
There’s no chance for me to answer before two of the girls grab me, one on each arm, holding on tight as I fight in almost blind panic. “What are you doing? Get the fuck off me!” I grunt, twisting and shoving and only making them hold on tighter.
“I’m sick and tired of you.” Taking my jaw in her hand, Tiana holds my head still, her fingers squeezing hard. She’s going to leave a bruise. “You ruined my fucking night last night, you stupid cunt.”
“How?” I manage to ask, gritting my teeth against the pain. “I wasn’t out last night.” If I had any idea they would do this, I would’ve run from the room the moment I came out of the stall.
“You got in my fucking way, because you got in his fucking head,” she snarls. “I had to hear your fucking name come out of his mouth while his cum was in mine. Do you know what that’s like? He hates you so much, he couldn’t even focus on me. You dumb bitch.”
I can’t focus on anything she’s saying because it feels like she’s pulling words out of thin air, completely at random. “I don’t get it,” I have to admit, jerking my head away. She lets go, but her friends do not.
Smirking, she glances at them. “Get her on the floor,” she orders, setting off a whole new nightmare as I struggle pointlessly while all three girls wrestle me to the floor. The sticky, filthy bathroom floor.
Disconnect. You’re not here. Nothing is happening . It’s my own voice in my head, barking orders at me, breaking through the laughter and taunting coming from the girls.
But it helps, allowing me to relax a little. I no longer smell the bathroom, the air freshener meant to cover up the odor but only adding to the nastiness. I don’t feel the tile floor underneath me, and it doesn’t matter how many people have walked over it today while my hair fans out over it. I can take a shower. I can wash my clothes.
“You know, you don’t have a bad body. You’d look good if you knew how to dress.” It’s the closest thing to a compliment Tiana has ever given me, though I know better than to think it’s sincere. “I think I would like to see more of it, in fact.”
Disconnect. You’re not here. You feel nothing. The harder I fight, the worse this is going to be. All I can do is focus on my breathing, keeping it slow and steady while the girls laugh and taunt and lift my T-shirt up to my chest, over my boobs.
“What? Are you gonna cry?” Tiana asks before bending at the waist, grabbing my bra and yanking it upward so I’m exposed. “Look at you. Look what a pathetic slut you are,” she sneers.
I don’t know why she’s doing this. I don’t know who she’s talking about. What brought all of this on—it’s still a mystery. That doesn’t keep my skin from flushing or my nipples from going hard in the cool air.
“I think she likes this,” one of the girl’s jeers.
“Of course she does,” Tiana replies with a hate-filled snarl as she stands over me. “Let’s let everybody know how much fun she’s having.”
No. Not this. She is not pulling out her phone, intending to take a picture of me like this. Pinned to the floor with my boobs hanging out.
But that’s exactly what she does. “Smile,” she croons before she bursts out laughing. “My contact list is going to love this. You’re gonna be a star,” she predicts, her thumbs flying over her screen. If I was capable of feeling things, I would die of humiliation.
Let her laugh. Let them all laugh. They’ll only laugh harder if I threaten or beg or fight. Go away. This isn’t happening. You’re safe. The thought helps me keep from losing control in the face of their cruelty. It’s the only thing that can at a time like this, outnumbered and hated so deeply.
After everything that’s happened in the past few minutes, panic only really threatens to take hold of me once Tiana slowly lowers herself into a crouch by my side. Her gaze moves over me from head to toe and back again before her lips curve in a nasty smile. “Nice rack. A shame it belongs to a disgusting cunt like you.”
Then she takes hold of my jaw again, squeezing until pained tears spring to my eyes. “Leave Tucker the fuck alone,” she warns, snarling through her bared teeth. “Trust me. It will get a hell of a lot worse than this. This will seem like a fun little girls day compared to what I can do to you. Got it?”
She shoves my face away from her, turning my head to the side before her spit hits my chest. My skin crawls with revulsion as the girls stand, snickering, laughing softly on their way to the door.
Only once it closes do I slowly sit up, shaking, straightening out my clothes. I feel soiled, used, but still, there’s a numbness around me that won’t allow any actual feeling to soak through.
Thank god. Because if I could feel this, it might kill me. I might start crying and never be able to stop. The tears would drown me, the emotion would pull me under and drag me deeper and deeper into the abyss.
No, instead, there’s nothing but the unwelcome pressure in my head which quickly spreads through the rest of my body as I wash Tiana’s spit off my chest. Maybe the abyss would be better than this. Looking into my reflected gaze and feeling nothing but a growing desperation to escape. To get rid of everything boiling in me, surging, threatening to explode. I can’t take it. I can’t.
That desperation makes me notice my earrings gleaming slightly when I turn my head. Rather than flee the bathroom, I go back into the stall I just used and lean against the closed door without taking the time to lock it. There is no time when I’m too busy taking out one of my earrings and pulling down my jeans.
It takes more pressure to break the skin using the earring post, but the effect is worth it. Once the familiar sting registers on my numb consciousness, I sigh, slumping a little as tension flows out of me. My chest feels a little looser now and gets better as I drag the post across my thigh. I can breathe.
For now.