9. Tucker
9
TUCKER
T he last thing I need this afternoon is Carter up my ass, but that’s exactly where he decides to wedge himself, jogging to catch up to me on my way out of my Lit class. “Where the fuck were you at lunchtime?” he asks, falling in step beside me and combing his hair back with his fingers.
“You know, you could just come out and admit you miss me when I’m not around.” It’s not easy to joke around today. I don’t believe my own light, sarcastic tone. It’s empty—flat.
He doesn’t notice. Sometimes, I really wish I could be more like him, then again, I pretend all the time. Maybe he does, too.
I’m not going to come out and tell him I couldn’t stand the idea of seeing anybody today after the shit that went down last night. I still cringe when I think about letting Maya’s name slip out of my mouth. My skin crawls, and a cold sweat prickles the back of my neck. It was fucking embarrassing. Weak.
I was kind of hoping to avoid seeing any of my friends today, hence not being around for lunch. I only showed up on campus because I knew Dad would give me shit if I didn’t. Once again, I can’t make it look like I get any kind of special treatment because he is who he is. Class attendance still matters. Maybe even more so in my case, thanks to the scrutiny he always has me under.
“I slept through my alarm,” I lie. Yes, I was in bed longer than I should’ve been, but I wasn’t asleep. How could I sleep with so many memories rolling through my head like a movie replaying all the most awkward, regrettable moments of my life? And unlike a movie, I couldn’t pick up a control and push the stop button or even mute the sound. In fact, the harder I tried, the more impossible it was to ignore.
“And there I was, thinking you wouldn’t have any fun last night. It sounds like you had too much fun—if there is such a thing.” He’s feeling pretty full of himself today, obviously. All smiles as we leave the building and step out into a sun-drenched afternoon.
“Yeah, it was a good time,” I grunt. It would be great if he’d drop this, but I know better than to think he will.
And I’m right. “Sorry I was MIA by the time you finished up with Tiana,” he says, grinning my way. “I was sort of busy by then, myself.”
“Oh, really?” Do I sound interested? I need to sound interested. It’s not like Carter and I often share deep, personal thoughts—that’s not what we do, with each other or with anybody. Even so, he’s not a complete dick. He’s going to figure out there’s something going on with me, and then what? How do I explain it away? I can’t, that’s the problem. Not even to myself.
“I ended up getting a lap dance from Jenny Miller. You know that nice, thick ass she has,” he says, his voice taking on an almost dreamy quality, like a man reliving a profoundly happy memory instead of just one more thing he’ll forget by the time the weekend comes around. “She knows how to move it. I was halfway ready to blow my load by the time we went out to my car to finish things up. It was fucking hot.”
“Nice.” We cross the quad, and I thank the weather gods for giving us a more comfortable day today. I don’t feel like every breath is going to sear the inside of my chest simply as I go from one building to another. A handful of girls are lying out on the grass, catching some sun, and Carter whistles his approval. They laugh and roll their eyes, but it’s obvious they like the attention.
Even they’re not enough to distract him. He’s got a one-track mind today. Who am I kidding? It’s most days. “So, what did you end up doing last night with Tiana?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. “Did you decorate her chest, her ass, or her tongue?”
I have to swallow back a tiny bit of revulsion. Not because of his choice of words—that’s just how we talk to each other—but because the memory still makes me ill. Fuck, what if she tells somebody? Like one of her friends? Those bitches can’t keep their mouths shut. That’s all I need, for people to know not only did I have trouble getting it up, but I was thinking of Maya after I came. Jesus Christ, how much worse could it get than that?
As it turns out, it can get much worse. I should know better than to ask that question, even in the silence of my mind.
My phone buzzes at the same time a soft chime sounds from Carter’s pocket. He grabs his phone before I can and barks out a disbelieving laugh before coming to a stop. A couple of guys almost run into him from behind, but he ignores the way they mutter in irritation, too busy elbowing me and laughing again. “Shit, did you see this?” he asks. “Check your texts. You’ll be glad you did.”
I can’t imagine what would be that important or funny, but I check my phone anyway, noticing from the corner of my eye that I’m not the only one now looking down at a screen. Slowly, I realize there is soft laughter starting to ring out around me, and I know the reason why.
Instantly, a flash of heat rips through me, boiling my blood, setting my brain on fire. All it takes is the sight of Maya on her back, held down by hands whose owners are out of frame. The photo centers entirely on her. On the look of disgust she wears, on the full, perky tits exposed thanks to the way somebody pulled her shirt and bra up over her chest.
“Man, Tiana is ruthless,” Carter points out with a laugh. “I mean, I like her style and all that, but damn. What do you think Maya did to deserve this?”
I know exactly what she did, or at least what Tiana thinks she did. I could kill the bitch.
“Who did she send it to?” I ask, gripping my phone tighter, balling my other fist in my pocket because otherwise I might have to smack Carter’s phone out of his hand. He doesn’t need to be looking at that. Nobody does.
“Uh, like, probably everybody she knows.” He scrolls through the names, snickering. “I’m sure everybody in school will have seen it by the time the day is over.”
The stupid bitch. She just can’t leave well enough alone, can she? She has to keep pushing, digging, finding new ways to be unlikable. I wish I had never wasted my time with her last night. It was bad enough when all I had to think about was her acting like there’s something going on between us now that I let her suck my dick in the bathroom. I was worried she would tell people about my difficulties, but somehow this is worse.
“Hey! Tiana!”
My head snaps up from my phone when Carter calls out to her, lifting a hand overhead to wave at the girl now walking toward us wearing a shit-eating grin. “Way to go! You should be a professional photographer!”
“What can I say?” she asks with a shrug. “When you’re passionate about what you do, it’s easy.”
“You’re passionate about this?” Jerking my head to the side, I signal for her to join me behind a thick tree, where we might have a little bit of privacy.
Of course, Carter takes it the wrong way. “Maybe you two should get a room to celebrate,” he suggests with a laugh, lifting a hand as he walks away. I notice him approaching a group of guys who are all laughing and whistling at the photo.
They have no right to see her that way. The way I’ve seen her. The way she looked when she gazed up at me, so full of trust, maybe a little worried but willing to take a chance.
Look where that chance got me.
Tiana leans against the tree, folding her arms, giving me a coy smile that turns my stomach. “You’re welcome,” she purrs.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
Her smile slips, her brows drawing together like she’s confused. Of course she’s confused. She never thinks in the first place. “I don’t get it. You said you hate her. I did it for you!” she tells me in a fierce whisper.
“You did it for me? I don’t remember ever asking you to do a damn thing for me, especially not this.”
How can she stare at me like she’s not sure whether she can believe what I most definitely mean? “Are you serious?” she asks in a voice that trembles. If anything, it pisses me off more.
“Do I look like I’m fucking joking? You dumb bitch,” I hiss, relishing the pain that touches her eyes. Now I can’t believe I ever let her anywhere near my dick, much less the rest of me. I must’ve been pretty goddamn desperate last night.
“You don’t mean that.”
“Tell me again what I do and don’t mean.” Leaning in, I place a hand on either side of her head, the bark rough under my palms. I focus on the sensation. It centers me. “Go ahead. I dare you.”
And she is still searching my face for understanding, waiting for the punchline. “Why are you being like this? You said you hate her. I hate her, too.”
“Because of me? I didn’t ask for that.”
Pouting, she murmurs, “You didn’t have to.”
“Let’s get this straight.” Leaning in, my eyes crawl over her face, registering the fear that is starting to leak through her disbelief. “Maya is my problem. That means she is mine to torment. You don’t get the satisfaction. Understood?”
“You can’t mean that.”
“Don’t tell me what I do and don’t mean.” I can barely get the words out through my clenched teeth. “Got it?”
Even now, she still doesn’t want to believe me. “Got it?” I demand, sharp enough to make her eyes fly open wide.
“Okay,” she whispers. Her chin trembles, but she takes a deep breath and lifts it. “Whatever you say.” Something tells me it’s not going to be that simple, especially since she sounds so hateful. For now, I need to let it go. I wouldn’t want her to start throwing accusations and insults around. Loudly.
“Good. Let’s keep it that way.” Pushing away from the tree, I give her one last disgusted look before walking away. I’ve got to get out of here. I can’t stand hearing the snide, stupid laughter of so many people who don’t know the first thing about what’s really going on. It is so easy to lead them around, to tell them how to think and how to act. There’s no way any of them could understand how pathetic they look to me right now. I have a reason to hate her. Not them.
Because I know what it’s like to trust her. To feel vulnerable around her. To have that vulnerability thrown back in my face.
The worst part is, I liked her. I really did. I thought she was special. At that time, I was na?ve enough to believe there was such a thing as a special girl, somebody I could trust and relate to, somebody I could let my guard down in front of. I’ve been cursing myself for my stupidity ever since.
I had to park pretty far back in the lot when I got here, since I was late and so many people had already come in for class by then. I walk down a row of cars, then another, not seeing any of them. Instead, all I see is the past, and all the regrettable choices I’ve made.
Until a familiar cloud of strawberry blonde hair catches my eye over the roof of the car next to my truck. Even now, my stupid heart clenches in recognition. I figured she would’ve fled campus by now, with that picture going around. She has to know Tiana sent it to everybody.
Slowing my pace, I approach with caution, noticing the way she stands with her back to my driver’s side door, her arms folded, her chin tucked in. She scuffs the pavement with the toe of her shoe, teeth grazing her lip. She hasn’t seen me.
There goes my heart again, this time softening at how miserable she looks. How alone. Damn Tiana. I have all the reason in the world to hate Maya, but even I would not have gone that far. I wouldn’t have dreamed of it.
My foot crunches a piece of broken glass, and her head snaps up all at once. Color floods her cheeks. “I hope you’re satisfied.”
“What?”
“You heard me, and you know what I mean,” she snaps. “You would’ve gotten the picture by now. I’m sure you’re the first person she sent it to.”
“What do I have to do with it?” I counter, folding my arms the way she’s folded hers. Does anybody see us together back here? I don’t think so. Still, I don’t feel like standing here all day, inviting attention.
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the fact that she told me to stay the hell away from you before she finally left me alone? I think that’s a pretty good start.”
Could she be any more obvious? It would be funny if it wasn’t so damn sad. “I don’t know what you want me to say. I didn’t tell her to do that.”
“Well, it’s been done.” She lifts her lip in a snarl full of hatred. “That’s not even the worst of my problems, thanks to you.”
“I already told you?—”
“Yeah, I know what he told me, but you’re still the reason why it happened. She slashed my tires,” she concludes with a tremble in her voice. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. Get the car towed, I guess.”
“You came over here to tell me that? You waited for me?”
“Forgive me, but I just came out and found them that way. I figured I would hide out back here for a little bit while I try to get myself together.”
From the look of it she has not gotten herself together. She looks pitiful and something in me stirs. I look around at the now emptying parking lot. She is going to be stuck here for a while if she has to wait for a tow truck.
“Come on,” I announce, using the key fob to unlock the door. “I’ll drive you home.”
“I don’t want you to.”
“I don’t remember asking whether you want me to or not. I’m leaving right now, so make up your mind. Come with me or hang around so everybody can congratulate you on your photo shoot.”
A tremor runs through her, but she says nothing, refusing to look at me. She does, however, round the front of the truck and climb in beside me. I guess I’ll have to take it as a victory, though I don’t feel very victorious. I can’t remember the last time I did.