73. Violette #2
Azrael’s expression morphs into something that resembles a look Levi has given me several times already—the one that reminds me of someone looking at something tiny and pathetic, but cute.
With a soft tsk sound, Azrael pulls me against his bare, still moist chest. The only other place I’ve ever felt as much safety and relief as I have in those fleeting moments when being held in Levi’s arms.
“Oh, darling. You don’t give yourself enough credit. Truly.”
Pressing a kiss to the top of my head, he murmurs against me.
“Or him, to be honest.”
Sniffling, I whisper into one meaty pectoral. “How so?”
“Did you honestly think he, of all people, would be so intimidated or easily deterred? That just because he has a little competition, he would just give up on you?”
I scoff, rolling my eyes, and pull back to gaze up at him. “You know it’s more than just a little competition.”
He arches a brow at me. “How so?”
My cheeks heat. “Well... you know... the final rite.”
Azrael gives me a look that tells me I’m being naive. “Do humans not take multiple partners? Do they not date around? Sample their sexual compatibility with different people before choosing one to settle down with?”
“This is?—”
“Different? Yes, of course it is, because both of us have already chosen you.”
I have no rational negation to that. I ponder. Azrael continues.
“And you feel guilty because you feel like both of us deserve your loyalty? Why? What have either of us done to earn your loyalty? Proven that we are even mentally, physically, emotionally, morally, and spiritually compatible? How long have you truly known us? Hm?”
Azrael’s rationale settles my mind like a tornado roping out before finally dissipating, leaving stillness and clarity in its wake.
Warm fingers tip my chin, lifting my gaze to his.
“Your desire to reciprocate our decisiveness in choosing you so swiftly is appreciated, but misplaced, Violette. It’s okay to take your time.
Wise, even, to give people the time and opportunity to show you who they are.
Not who they say they are. And if they aren’t willing to wait that out, then they weren’t meant for you anyway. ”
In that moment, Azrael’s words seem to rewrite a faulty wiring in my brain—previously conditioned to give all of myself to anyone who showed the slightest care towards me because—outside of my mother, Jamila, Thessaly, and Horus—I’d spent my life so deprived of it.
It’s a liberating sensation that lingers until my mind drifts towards Azrael’s soulbound, Persephone.
“Az…”
A soft smile graces his mouth at the nickname and the familiarity it suggests. “Yes, little seraphim?”
His hand settles on my face to cradle my jaw, thumb stroking the apple of my cheek, making my heart swell with affection and pleasure even as dread teases the edges of it.
“What if Persephone one day decided to come back?”
As I wait for his answer, my throat suddenly becomes thick and dry. His brow tenses, heightening that dread.
“You know, it’s actually a blessing when the object of your desire rejects you…”
My brows pinch in confusion, and he continues, suddenly looking sheepish.
“It leaves room for someone better.”
His words inspire nothing more in me than a mirthless smirk.
“I have a hard time putting any faith in such a declaration. Persephone is your soulbound. There couldn’t possibly be anyone better for you than her.”
Azrael’s brows cinch together. “Finding one’s soulbound does not guarantee unity or perfection, Violette.
It guarantees karma. Whatever that may be—good or bad.
I have witnessed many soulbound who are one another’s greatest adversaries.
The soulbond is there to guide us towards the highest, most evolved versions of ourselves.
And sometimes that means letting go of what we think we want. ”
“Explain.”
Azrael sighs. “I’ll give you a personal example.
Since I can remember, I have always been lonely.
Have felt cursed by it. I am the God of Death and Endings, after all.
Everyone I have ever grown to love inevitably leaves, whether by death, choice, or otherwise.
Naturally, it taught me to never love at all, just to avoid the heartbreak... "
Akash almighty. He sounds like Levi. I can’t help but be a little awed at just how much of a mirror we are of one another.
“But when I learned of Persephone—a goddess of life and beginnings—I was convinced I had finally been blessed with someone who could and would remain by my side. Someone I wouldn’t ever be forced to say goodbye to.
Without even knowing her, I became obsessed with the idea of her.
The idea of what we could be. What we could have.
And namely, that she was the solution to my problems. That if I could just have her, I would be happy. ”
He pauses, and I arch a brow at him, waiting for him to continue despite the flare of jealousy I feel.
“Over the numerous millennia in which we played our game of cat and mouse—me the cat, she the mouse—we were trapped in a perpetual cycle of running, hiding, capture, fleeting interludes, followed by escape.
It revealed many things about her nature.
Our characters. How very little we had in common.
But most importantly, just how vain an endeavor it is to seek happiness outside of anyone but yourself.
“To hinge your mental well-being on another person. How wrong it is to laden another person’s shoulders with that kind of burden.
It also awakened me to the fact that I am the creator and perpetrator of my own madness.
The creator of my own world and circumstances—which were miserable at the time because I remained willfully deaf and blind to the lesson I was being taught, and so the cycle continued. ”
Azrael gives a sad chuckle. “And I now believe that she was the only one capable of teaching me those lessons because I’m fairly confident no one else would have been able to resist my charm…”
He tilts his head towards me, batting his long, dark lashes.
I scoff a laugh as he continues. “And even if they could, they likely would have died beforehand…”
“And yet you still wish to... have a partner?”
He gives a helpless shrug. “I’m still a hopeless romantic. Still crave union. I just... have learned not to hinge my happiness upon it.”
“And are you happy?”
“Occasionally. The key is to find peace in any state, and not to become too attached to any one particular thing or state of being. The very nature of this world is change. If you place too much weight on anyone or anything, you’re bound to have the rug ripped out from beneath you.”
That fucking rug.
My mind reels at all his reflections, but I am all too familiar with just how swiftly someone can alter course given the right opportunity.
“And what if we paid her a visit on our way? You said you know where she is…”
Azrael’s eyes roll in the back of his head as he gives a dramatic groan, grinning as his tone remains light. Playful. Free of the venom that might suggest he harbors any resentment. “And risk death by boredom at the hands of her and her other mate?”
“Other mate?”
“Persephone has two soulbound. The other is yet another god of death. Mors.”
His jaw works as though he has more to say, but refrains. I remain silent with surprise for a few moments.
The question tumbles from my lips before I can stop it.
“Why did she reject you in the first place? Is it because she was already with Mors?”
Azrael turns away, pacing the length of the room and stopping to stare out of the window. “No. She didn’t meet him until much, much later.”
Frustration brews in my chest.
“Azrael... I need to know. Before I open myself up to you any further.”
Azrael’s voice takes on a cold, harsh tone I’ve never heard from him.
“You are bound by the aether to complete those rites with me.”
My spine goes rigid as my temper flares. “That may be so, but I am not bound by anything to give my heart to you.”
Azrael’s broad shoulders slump in defeat. His words are barely above a whisper.
“Because of our child.”
My blood turns cold. “Pardon?”
Azrael finally turns to face me, and I don’t miss the glistening in his bright, hazel eyes.
“The child that we would have, if we were to ever be together.”
My face is no doubt lined with tension, silently urging him to explain.
“I am the God of Death and Endings, Violette. The child destined to be the fruit of our union, if we were to be together, would be the destroyer of worlds.”
I shake my head in disbelief. “But how could you even know? Even if you could scry such a possibility, there are infinite variables. You couldn’t possibly?—”
“Be that as it may, there are inevitables. And if Persephone and I were to be together, our spawn would mean the death of the worlds as we know them.”
Heaving a sigh, I shake my head. “I just... don’t understand how you could possibly know such a thing.”
“You are familiar with the three aspects of Time?”
I narrow my eyes, looking entirely uncertain. “Yes?”
Azrael smirks knowingly, and I relent. “No.”
“Tempus is the god of chronological, forward-moving time. Kairos—the god of opportune moments, chance, and life-altering events. And Aion is the goddess of cyclical, cosmic timing; the goddess of aeons and eras.”
“And why don’t I know of them?”
“Because they don’t want to be known. Not to mention, they’re even older than I am. The only reason I know them is because their domain is adjacent to mine. Time and death, and whatnot.”
“And you trust these gods?”
“Not even with a pair of scissors.”
“Well, you’re just proving my point... Maybe they were lying. Maybe one of them has affection for you or Persephone, and?—”
“Violette.”
My mouth snaps shut.
“I witnessed it myself.”
“... But how?”