Chapter 44
Ren
“Ren, can I get your help over here?”
When I looked up from my laptop, Rory had his finger raised in the air.
He had come in at the beginning of my office hour for Sharpe, but I wasn’t a hundred percent sure if he was here of his own volition or if this was Nash’s way of keeping me guarded at all times.
He’d asked some very good questions, so for now, I was giving him the benefit of the doubt that he actually needed me.
“Sure, what is the issue,” I asked, shutting my computer off and walking over to his table. I looked down to see what he was working on.
“I’m really stuck on operant conditioning,” Rory said.
“Okay, what part is giving you trouble,” I asked, pulling up a seat.
“I keep mixing up positive and negative reinforcement, and then punishment adds another layer of confusion. It all sounds like the same thing to me,” Rory said, tossing his pen down on the desk.
He leaned back in his chair, looking genuinely frustrated.
“That’s actually super common, so don’t let it get to you. Operant conditioning is about how consequences shape behavior. The key is to ask two questions…is something added or taken away? And does the behavior increase or decrease?”
Rory took a deep breath and hit me with the look that said he’d rather be anywhere else.
“That’s where I get lost. Like, negative reinforcement sounds bad, so I assume it means punishment, but apparently it doesn’t? How is that possible?”
“Negative is a word we automatically attribute to being something bad, but negative reinforcement isn’t bad.
Just think of it like something is being removed.
If a behavior increases because something unpleasant goes away, that’s negative reinforcement.
Like, buckling your seatbelt to stop the annoying beeping. ”
“How about cleaning my gun and locking it up so my father stops nagging me the moment I walk in the house?”
Okay, I was not expecting that scenario.
“Um…sure, that works too.”
He smiled. “I’m joking, but I love the look on your face.”
“Thanks.” I shook my head but smiled back.
“Okay, so back to the seatbelt. Technically, it increases my behavior because I want the noise to stop…that’s the reinforcement part, not punishment?”
“Exactly. Punishment is different because it decreases a behavior. If you get a speeding ticket and it makes you speed less, that’s a punishment. The ticket is added, so it’s a positive punishment.”
Rory snorted. “Not very positive to me. He can keep the damn ticket.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Seriously, though, I think I get it. So positive or negative just means something was added or removed from the situation, and reinforcement or punishment is about whether the behavior goes up or down in frequency?”
“Yes, that is it exactly. If you can look at every question the exam gives you with that framework, then the questions get a lot easier. You’re not as lost as you think.”
He smirked. “Thanks, teach,” he teased.
“No problem.”
He looked around at the empty classroom.
“Does no one else need help?”
“I don’t know. Mr. Sharpe said there were a few people who needed help, but didn’t tell me which ones. Maybe they were just busy today.”
My phone dinged from the front of the room. After getting another creepy text, I was almost terrified to look. Picking it up, I smiled when it was from Lizzy.
L: O-My-Freaking-God!!!! That hot guy from Wayward is following me. What do I do?
Rory was back to work when I looked up. I was sure he could think of a few things for them to do.
R: Which hot guy?
I smirked. Hmm, maybe I should become a matchmaker. This was kind of fun.
L: The guy from the library?
R: I’m in the library a lot. You are going to have to be more specific.
I bit my lip and held in a laugh while picturing Lizzy frustrated. The little bubbles came and went, and then suddenly a photo appeared from Rory’s socials. He was smiling and looked oh so very sexy, with no shirt on, as he leaned against his car.
R: Oh…that hottie.
L: Yes! That hottie. What do I do?
R: Follow him back?
L: I can’t do that.
R: Why?
L: Cause…cause, I’m…
R: You’re??? And don’t say pregnant. It’s pretty clear from your posts, so it’s not like that deterred him from following you.
L: …did you have something to do with this?
R: Are you suggesting that I forced him to follow you?
L: Okay, that does sound ridiculous.
L: But did you?
R: No, I did not, but I may have shown him where to follow you.
L: Boo!!! Why? Why would you do that to me?
I looked up at Rory, who was busy writing away.
R: What do you mean?
L: You know what I mean. Please tell me you didn’t pay him.
What?
R: No, I didn’t pay him. Why are you freaking out? I thought you might be excited, but you seem legit freaked out.
L: Because I want someone to like me, not pity me or feel they have to follow me or see me like this.
R: Lizzy…for the last time, you are incredible, and anyone not able to see that is an idiot and doesn’t deserve you. Besides, if Rory likes you when you feel you’re at your worst, wouldn’t that be better than him only liking you when you think you’re at your best?
L: You wouldn’t understand.
R: Of course, I understand.
L: No! You don’t!
I stared at the text with my heart in my throat.
L: Boo, I’ve tried so hard not to be envious of you, but it is so damn difficult.
You’re beautiful, smart, kind, confident, have five guys fawning all over you, and now you come from this super powerful family that basically makes you a queen.
Do you even know what it is like to be a mortal person around you?
I drunkenly slept with the guy you had a crush on for years, and what did I get?
Pregnant. I can’t even pretend to be you properly.
Rylan? Lizzy slept with Rylan. I didn’t even know what to say to that. I didn’t know what to say at all. I didn’t see myself the way she did, and I certainly didn’t care about her sleeping with Rylan. It was the why that bothered me.
R: I’m sorry. I never meant to upset you, Liz. You’re my best friend, and I didn’t even know you felt this way.
L: It’s really hard to look at the best person I know and say I love you and I hate you at the same time.
My heart sank, and tears stung my eyes as my throat clogged with emotion.
R: Do you not want to be my friend anymore?
L: No…ugh. No, it’s not like that. I just…I’m sorry.
R: I didn’t mean to upset you. I thought you’d be excited that he was following you. If you don’t want him to, then just block him, or I can tell him to unfollow you, if you want?
L: Shit…I’m sorry, Boo. No, it’s fine. I know you were just trying to cheer me up, and I’m probably blowing this all out of proportion.
It’s what I do right now. Look, I never should’ve kept it hidden who I had sex with and I’m sorry I said that I hate you.
I don’t hate you. I just feel so lost some days and it’s hard not to want to be someone else.
She was going through something I couldn’t understand, and I wanted to be supportive, but her words hurt.
L: Please say something.
R: I’m not sure what to say right now. I’m not angry, I just need to sit with this for a bit. It’s a lot to unpack.
L: Boo, please don’t be upset. I’m sorry. You’re my best friend and I wouldn’t know what to do without you.
R: I love you, but I need to go. I’m in the middle of assisting right now, and someone needs my help. We’ll talk later. Bye Liz.
L: Boo…I’m so, so sorry. I’m going to delete the message right now. I feel like such an asshole.
R: Don’t, we’re good. I just need to go. TTYL
L: Love you.
R: U2
Locking my phone, I tossed it in my bag and sat there trying not to cry.
“Hey, are you alright,” Rory asked, and I jumped when I realized he was standing in front of the desk.
I quickly blinked away any evidence of tears and nodded, plastering a smile on my face.
“Yeah, just thinking too hard.”
“You sure? It looked like it was more serious than that.”
His eyes were warm and kind, but I really didn’t feel like sharing. Plus, the entire situation would make him feel awkward, and I didn’t want that. I did sort of manipulate him into following Lizzy in the first place.
“I’m good. Did you finish what you wanted to work on, or…”
Rory looked like he didn’t really believe what I was saying, but didn’t argue. He nodded.
“Yeah, I finished my assignment, and I’ll keep coming back if you’re okay with that?”
“Yup, that sounds good,” I said, gathering my things.
“Do you need an escort wherever you are going next?” He looked around like he was expecting one of the guys to appear.
“You don’t need to pretend. I know the guys sent you to keep an eye on me,” I said, and he blushed.
Rory rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah…okay, you got me. So where would you like to go?”
I opened my mouth to accept, but Ivy stuck her head in the door.
“There you are, I’ve been looking for you,” she said.
“Looks like like you’re off the hook,” I said, but Rory didn’t move. “I’m serious, we’ll be fine. Just going to the cafeteria for food.”
“I’ll follow you there,” he said. “At a distance, but I don’t like leaving you alone.”
“Where are all the guys,” Ivy asked. “It’s so rare you’re not with them.”
“Myles and Blake are working out. Theo and Liam went to see Ethan, and Nash is with Sabastian,” I said, and Ivy’s face paled.
“Why is Nash with him? Is he going to kill him? Oh my god, this can’t be good.”
Ivy looked like she was about to faint.
I slowly shook my head.
“No, they are carpooling to the training center to meet Coach Richards and swim today. Don’t you have Sabastian’s schedule?”
“Oh…oh yeah, I forgot about that.”
Her forehead crinkled like things just didn’t add up.
“Okay, but why are they carpooling? It seems…weird.”
“I guess Nash is trying the whole friend thing,” I said, shrugging.
Ivy and I walked out together while Rory maintained his distance ten paces back. I looked back to tell him his presence wasn’t necessary, but the set of his jaw and the fierceness of his eyes let me know that there was really no point.
“Hey, so, now that I have you, we need to chat about what happened between you and Zigzag,” I said, and Ivy’s face flamed bright red. “Start at the beginning and don’t leave anything out.”