Chapter 72 #2
“I thought you were dead, because you let me believe you were.”
I took another step toward her.
“So let me be very clear. You do not come into my room or my life now and tell me who I should or shouldn’t have married. You know nothing about Nash or what he has lived through.”
My hands balled into fists.
“You have no right to judge him, let alone be his jury and executioner. And you most definitely do not get to look me in the eyes and tell me…me, that I’m making a mistake without looking in the mirror first.”
“Ren, it’s okay,” Nash said, touching my shoulder.
“No, it’s not,” I said.
I never took my eyes off my mother, even as emotion threatened to clog my throat. I’d never yelled at her that I could recall, and it physically hurt to do this.
“Ren…he’s a Collier, don’t you see? He was probably working with his father the entire time. This was Lawrence’s plan all along. He wanted to bind you to him and his family,” she said, still shaking.
“Stop! Lawrence didn’t want Nash to marry me. He wanted to marry me, and Nash protected me from him. And now, Lawrence is dead. Do you hear me? He. Is. Dead. Whatever he did to you, he can’t do anymore. He can’t hurt any of us, and that includes Nash.”
She stopped, and I could see the anguish in her eyes.
She bent over and clutched at her stomach.
Nash’s suspicion was on point. Lawrence had hurt her.
She didn’t need to tell me. I knew how vile he was.
Lawrence and Owen were sick, and I hoped they were both burning in Hell.
The things I’d learned between Nash and Myles were enough for anyone to have nightmares.
“I thought Dad would’ve told you about, Lawrence, and me and, Nash,” I said softer.
“Look at me, Mum,” I said. Her eyes slowly lifted to mine.
I walked over and took her hands. “I need you to hear me. You saying Nash is like Lawrence is the same as saying all children are their parents. You’re nothing like Vadin. ”
I took a deep breath, and when she didn’t try to dispute me, I continued.
“You’re talking like you’ve been here and seen what I’ve been through.
What Nash has been through. Whatever line of gossip you were getting couldn’t even begin to describe what we’ve endured.
I may not have known about the marriage contract to start, but I chose to stay when Nash offered to let me out of it. ”
“Wait, what? How…how did he get a marriage contract past you? The only way—” She stopped as the truth hit her. “No…Eddie wouldn’t do that,” she said, and stumbled back, but I held her hands tighter, keeping her upright.
“Mum, you keep focusing on the wrong things. If you want the whole story, I’ll tell you. But my point is that I’m an adult, and I chose to remain married to Nash because I love him. Do you hear me? I love him.”
“No, no, no. I can’t believe this,” she said.
I let her hands drop.
“And I can’t believe you let me think you were dead, but here we are.”
Her face fell like I’d punched her, and she looked away. I wasn’t sure if letting my anger out was helping or making it worse, because I didn’t feel better. But I refused to let her walk in and think the worst of the people I loved.
Just then, Liam and Myles stepped up to the open door, their smiles dropping as they spotted us inside.
“Is everythin’ okay,” Myles asked, the question tentative.
“Yes, perfect timing.” I pointed at the two of them.
“You know what? Let’s get it all out into the open right now, since we are talking about decisions you don’t like.
Yes, I’m married to Nash, but I’m also in a relationship with Myles, Liam, Blake, and even Theo.
” I crossed my arms. “Got anything to say to that?”
Her mouth dropped a little as her eyes darted between the four of us as if expecting some sort of explosion.
“All five?”
“Yes, all five. And yes, they all know. And yes, we are all happy.”
Mum blinked like her brain was trying to make sense of what I’d said.
“Dad knows, and he is happy for me.”
I stood there and waited for the next wave of disapproval.
Instead, a little laugh bubbled up as her eyes darted between us. Mum covered her mouth, trying to hold it in, but it was no use.
“I’m…sorry,” she managed to get out before bursting into tears. Sobs wracked her body as she went over to the table and sat down.
I turned around and looked at Nash.
“Can you give us the room?”
He breathed a sigh of relief like I’d just handed him a get-out-of-jail-free card. He kissed my forehead as he passed me.
“Ya sure, yer gonna be alright,” Myles asked, his voice soft as he glanced at my mum, who was covering her face with her hands.
“I’ll find you guys after we’re done,” I said, nodding.
Nash walked out, gave a nod of encouragement, and closed the door.
Walking over to the desk, I picked up the tissues and then sat down at the table. I slid the box toward my mum.
She pulled a couple, and I hated that I’d made her cry.
Yes, she’d left me in the most horrific way possible, but up until that moment, she’d been the best mother and friend anyone could ask for.
Seeing her break down like this, when she wouldn’t even let me see her pain during chemo, was like a fist squeezing my heart.
“Mum, please don’t cry. I’m sorry I screamed at you.”
She shook her head. “No…don’t be sorry. You’re right. About all of it. I forfeited the right to tell you what to do when I let you believe I was dead.”
She blew her nose and locked eyes with me. I’d always envied the way they shifted from gray to bright blue, depending on the light. Right now, they were like a spring sky on an overcast day and filled with a confusing mix of emotions.
Reaching out, she placed her hand on mine. It was warm and soft, and everything I remembered.
“I’m the one who’s sorry. I shouldn’t have lost it like that, I…I’m dealing with some things that I haven’t faced yet, and they overlapped onto you. I don’t know Nash. I don’t know any of them. My baggage shouldn’t be involved in your life, let alone in the middle of your relationship.”
“Mum…please tell me. What is it? What happened?”
Her lower lip quivered. “I didn’t want you to end up like me.
No parent, at least ones who love their child, wants them to suffer as they have.
I never wanted you to become me.” She closed her eyes as a fresh wave of tears trailed down her cheeks.
“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry, I thought I had come to terms with all of this, but apparently not. ”
I remained quiet and waited.
“Part of the reason I did what I did was so that you wouldn’t have to grow up so fast. I wanted you to finish school and do whatever you wanted to do with your life.
I wanted marriage to be your choice. I wanted you to pursue your dreams, to live where you wanted, all of it.
I wanted you to have the world without strings, threats, or having to look over your shoulder.
Your life would be yours and what you made of it. ”
She started to cry again, and I grabbed her hands, tears pricking my eyes, but I swallowed it down.
“Mum. Our situations are very different. Nash is not Christov, either.”
She nodded. “I get that, but…your father swore to me that he would never let what happened to me happen to you. And then he signed a marriage contract behind your back.” She covered her mouth as tears fell harder.
“I did all of this to protect you, and history repeated itself anyway. I failed you. I left, and it was all for nothing. I still failed.”
Standing, I wrapped my arms around her, and she held me tight as she cried.
“No, you didn’t. I hate what you did, but Mum…I’m happy. I really am. I love the life I’ve built here. The friends I’ve met. My guys…all five of them, are…like pieces of my soul. I would choose them every time.”
She looked up at me, and I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore as they slid down my cheeks.
“Tell me everything, I need to know. I need to hear it from you,” she said.
I nodded and sat down, wiping my eyes.
“I will, but first I need you to give me the same courtesy. I don’t want you to protect me or spare me from ugly truths, just be honest. I need that. I deserve that.”
She nodded. “You’re right…you do.”
Gripping my hands again, Mum rubbed her thumbs over mine.
She was quiet for a moment as she gathered herself.
I braced for the worst as she locked eyes with me and took me all the way back to when she was only nine.
I didn’t think I could laugh and cry so much during one story, but I did.
We only took a break to make some coffee and to grab the bag of chocolate chip cookies Nash had stashed in the desk drawer.
When she got to the part about Lawrence finding her, I held her hand tighter.
She avoided the horrifying details but showed me her back and told me how he forced her to watch as his men beat Neil until he was unconscious.
Lawrence had threatened to return for more and to steal me away, taking me somewhere she would never find me.
That he would do worse to me. He’d said he would kill everyone she ever loved, that he would lock her up and never let her leave.
There was no doubt in my mind that he would have done it all.
Whether he succeeded without being killed…
who knew, but she’d believed it and so did I.
The strange thing was that I remembered when it happened.
Lizzy and I had spent most of that weekend watching sitcoms, laughing, and eating pizza.
Then, suddenly, Mum had called and asked Mrs. Abbot if I could stay the week.
I had thought that Mum sounded upset, but she had reassured me that she was fine, just tired.