Chapter 72 #3
“I didn’t recognize it at the time, but I was broken inside.
” Mum cupped my cheek. “All I knew was that I never wanted you to suffer the way I had. The thought made me sick. The fact that Lawrence, Christov, and Vadin were all out there laughing, living their lives unaffected by what they did to me—it made me feel small, and I snapped.”
She took a shuddering breath.
“This may not make sense to you, but I needed to take my life back. I needed to be the one to handle this. My mind had become a toxic wasteland, and the person I was…was dying inside of me. I couldn’t run to Eddie and ask him to take care of it for me.
The pain, fear, abuse, and even the cancer, had all finally pushed me to a point where I had to do this as much for myself as for you.
I’m sorry. I was selfish. I see that now. ”
“I just wish there had been a way for me to help.”
She gave me a sad smile.
“My beautiful daughter, always carrying everything on your shoulders. So young and already a better queen than I could ever be. I couldn’t put that on you.
If you didn’t look truly shaken and grieving, Lawrence would’ve seen right through it.
Once he found us, he was always around. He showed up at your school.
Not to show himself to you, but he made sure the teachers told me he was there.
He found me out grocery shopping one night, to rattle me.
I drove around aimlessly for three hours, while Neil took you out for pizza just to make sure he wasn’t heading to the house.
I needed you at Wayward, where the Curators could protect you, and Lawrence would be powerless to force you to do anything.
Lawrence had no care for anyone, but he was not stupid, and he, like everyone, was scared of them. ”
“That’s why he took Neil, he wanted insurance that I wouldn’t just run,” I said, and she nodded.
“I need you to know that Neil didn’t want to work for Lawrence.
He got a new job, his dream job, and everything was great at first. It was a company called Colzan Marketing.
I hadn’t heard of it, but they did large projects for television, movies, and books.
I’d never seen Neil so excited. He worked really hard, and yes, we argued about things like the house and stuff.
But you have to understand that Neil gave up his life to come with us and pretend to be my husband.
He had no life outside of helping keep us safe, but we were working through it. ”
Mum sat back in her chair and crossed her arms.
“We didn’t know it at the time, but Colzan was under the Collier Enterprises umbrella. Things took a turn when we were invited to the company picnic. You were there, and so was Lizzy because we let you invite her to keep you company.”
I remembered that summer day. There had been hundreds of people, barbecue, fun games, and face painting.
They even had a band playing, and I had flown a kite for the first time.
Lizzy and I had a blast, and that was also the first time I’d gotten up the courage to talk to Rylan outside of school.
His mother worked for the same company. It was one of those memories that stuck with me.
“I didn’t see Lawrence, but apparently, he saw us.
He took it upon himself to stalk us after that day.
He knew where we lived, our schedules, where you went to school, and who our friends were.
He was biding his time as he watched from the shadows.
He even went so far as to personally give Neil a big fat bonus for a job well done.
And it just so happened to give us the extra funds to pay for the in-home medical care during my cancer treatments.
I hate thinking that he only did it so that he could…
rape me. How deranged could someone be?”
Mum closed her eyes and shook her head.
“God, I knew he was evil, but this is unbelievable,” I said.
“That’s why I lost it on Nash. Since the day I met Lawrence, he had done everything in his power to impregnate me, marry me, use me for his gain, and hell, he even tried to kill me. Seeing you with Nash…I lost it, but I’m sorry.”
She reached across the table and held out her hands. I took them in mine, and a few of the old wounds mended themselves.
“What happened with Neil,” I asked. “I thought he didn’t love me anymore.”
Mum shook her head.
“No, sweetie, he did, very much. When Lawrence finally revealed himself on the night that changed everything, it was Neil who helped me form my plan. He chose to stay behind so we could make sure you arrived at Wayward safely. He felt responsible for leading Lawrence to us. I know he kept his distance once you were here, but he stayed in the area in case you needed anything. I think he knew that Lawrence was going to use him against you. He wanted to give you a reason not to care about him. Neil sent me a message, letting me know that Lawrence was unstable, that he had no more funds left, and he was going to run. I don’t know how Lawrence found out, but he captured Neil, and that was the last I heard from him. But never doubt that he loved you.”
I closed my eyes remembering, the shopping trip where I maxed our his credit card, and how unusually angry he had been. Then when he showed up and told me to go to Canada and gave me the envelope of cash, how scared he’d been. Oh my god, what had I done?
“Mum…I think I got Neil killed. I think he ran out of money because of me.”
She shook her head. “No. None of this is your fault.”
“But…”
Mum squeezed my hands and forced me to look at her. “This is not on you. I need you to hear that and understand that. None of it. Okay?”
I nodded but my heart still hurt.
“I can’t believe this all started so long ago,” I said with a sigh. “So many people hurt, and so many lives lost.”
“So, you really love Nash? He’s good to you? And the others, too?”
I nodded, smiling.
“I know it’s completely unconventional, but I don’t care. I love them, and they love me. And…to show you the kind of guy Nash is, he asked Dad if he could change his name to Genovese, because he doesn’t want me to be a Collier. The paperwork is already filed.”
She smiled, and it was warm and genuine and completely my mother. The woman I’d lost and loved and thought I’d never see again.
“I know this is going to sound silly after everything else that has happened, but…would you let me throw you a reception or a celebration?”
She cringed like I was going to tell her to go to hell, but I’d always wanted to plan my wedding with my mother. It wouldn’t be traditional, but I did have an idea.
“How would you feel about organizing a handfasting for all of us. I don’t want any kind of ceremony that excludes the others.”
Mum’s face lit up.
“I could do that. Your father planned ours, so this will give me a chance to do something good for a change. Something less chaotic.”
“Don’t put that out there, whatever you do. Our gatherings tend to go sideways when we say stuff like that,” I said.
I smiled, and we ended up laughing.
We weren’t fixed. One conversation couldn’t repair what was broken, but it was a step forward. It was like wiping a chalkboard clean—the words vanished, but the dust never did. We were the dust. The residue of something that once existed and could never be written the same way again.
Listening to the truth I’d been denied for so long and reliving wounds that would never heal, I realized something heavy.
My mother was human…I was human. We were both flawed, and she had made impossible choices and lived with the consequences. Now, it was my turn to live with hers, and mine, and my grandmother’s before us, and so on. It never ended, not for any of us.
We weren’t mother and child anymore, not in the way we once were. We were two women standing in the wreckage of the same war, finally seeing each other clearly. Even through the pain, I knew this much to be true. I was still standing. And so was she.
And…I finally understood that it wasn’t about choosing the right move. It was about surviving long enough to make one.
My mother had been born a queen.
And I became one when the board tried to break us both.