CHAPTER 15 #3
He nods, thoughtful. "He thinks Vivi uses it on him for kisses, but he doesn't complain because he loves kissing her." Valmir glances over at me again. "We have not kissed. The others kiss their mates constantly around camp. Is it something that only happens after resonance?"
Oh. I'm embarrassed that he has to ask. "No, it doesn't come after resonance.
It can come at any time in courting. I haven't really thought about it, to be honest. We kind of started off backwards.
You jerked off on my door and then I jerked you off and we sorta just went straight to the jerking and skipped all the earlier stuff. "
"Kissing is different, then?"
My gaze goes to his mouth. I feel strangely breathless. "In a sense. It's more...intimate."
"More intimate than touching my cock?"
I snort, because now I sound like the idiot. "Good point. No, I guess it's less intimate but more...tender?"
His expression softens. "Different, then."
"Yeah, different."
"I would like to try kissing at some point."
I try to roll towards him so we can kiss, but the movement makes Makana squeak in protest. It reminds me that we're lying on a huge patch of icy ground and I have a two-fang strapped to my chest. "We can definitely try kissing, but maybe we free this little guy first."
"Sounds like a plan." He sits up carefully and then offers me his hand. "Not because I don't think you can manage on your own. Just because I like your hand in mine."
That's a pretty good answer. I clasp his hand and let him haul me upright, and I study his strange, catlike face.
What's it going to be like to kiss him? All sharp fangs like the teeth of the feline he resembles?
He's got whiskers. His mouth parts under his nose like a cat's.
Does he have a raspy tongue? Is that going to be weird?
Does it even matter at this point? I suspect resonance is going to make me love it regardless.
Even if it isn't a great kiss, I'm going to pretend like it is.
Valmir has been very vulnerable with me today, and he's told me things he's not told anyone else, and I know it was hard for him to open up.
His pride would be hurt if he thought I was grossed out or he did it wrong.
It's going to be the most fucking magical kiss even if I have to moan like a porn star, I decide.
But enough about kisses for now. I give the hand in mine one last gloved squeeze. "For the record, I'm sorry it never occurred to me that you didn't know how to be social. I thought you were just being short with people on purpose."
His mouth curls in sly self-satisfaction. "I was."
I laugh all over again, shaking my head. "Just give it a shot. That's all I'm saying. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised."
"As long as they don't bring up mind control, I probably will be," he says, and then I'm laughing all over again.
He grins back at me, and it feels good to laugh with him.
I've needed this for the last few days. Ever since he got hurt, things have been weird.
It feels like we're back on the right track when we laugh together.
It takes a while for Valmir to get to his feet, and when he's braced, he helps me to mine.
Holding onto each other for dear life, we shuffle our way to the far side of the icy slick, and I cling to a spindly bush in relief, using it to drag myself towards the snow piled into the shadows of the nearest cliff.
There, it won't have melted and re-frozen.
Sure enough, it's snow here. A little crunchy, but still snow.
I'll take it. It feels good to stand without fear of collapsing.
Valmir moves to my side, his hands on my back. Some of it is probably for stability, but I suspect he just likes touching me, too. "Do you still want to let him go here?"
I look at our surroundings. Other than the sheet of ice, it's a nice spot.
I don't think Makana will want for anything.
"Here is good." I adjust the leather carrier that crisscrosses my front and pull Makana out of the pouch.
He immediately struggles, trying to burrow back inside the warmth.
"It's okay," I soothe my little friend. "You're going to be fine. You're safe."
Makana doesn't understand me of course. He shivers when I hug him close, making unhappy little grunts and pushing against my neck. I stroke his goofy little head, so much like a rabbit's but without the long ears.
"Thank you for your company," I tell him.
To my horror, I start to cry.
I'm going to miss my little companion. He's everything good and sweet in this world.
From the day Valmir brought him to me, he's been a cuddler and a friend, a reminder that animals are smart and loving.
When I've been at my loneliest, he's been there to cuddle.
He sleeps with me at night, his stinky breath fanning over my skin, and he makes silly little squeaks of delight when I give him one of his favorite roots.
He's such a good pet...but he's not really a pet.
He's a wild animal, and he deserves to be free.
Hot tears roll down my face as I crouch in the cool shadows of the cliff.
I set him down gently in the snow, next to a bush.
"This is your new home, Makana. Isn't it nice here?
There's plenty to eat, and it's safe from the wind.
I only wanted to keep you until your leg healed, because it was my fault you were hurt.
I'm sorry for it, and I hope you forgive me. You're free now."
I take a step back, running into Valmir. He puts his arms around me as I cry harder.
Makana sits where I've released him, hunched into a fluffy ball. His nose works, quivering, and he blinks great big eyes at me.
"Go on," I encourage softly, tears clogging my voice. "You're free."
The two-fang remains right where he is. He doesn't move an inch. Just sits in the snow and trembles.
Some of my tears dry and I wipe my face. "Maybe we're confusing him," I say to Valmir. "Let's back away and give him space."
We retreat a few steps and I cling to Valmir's hand as we watch the two-fang a short distance away. I'm mentally encouraging Makana to explore his surroundings, to see what a good spot we've picked for him. To go find himself a nice burrow and enjoy his newfound freedom.
Instead, he sits there.
And sits there.
And sits.