Chapter 15
Jude
Twenty-three years old
All it took was one night.
One night of weakness… and I was done for.
How could I ever stay away from Mina again when I knew how sweet she tasted?
How pliant and responsive her body was to my touch?
How her little moans and cries of ecstasy sounded in my ear?
There was no going back after that night.
I had been struggling to keep my distance as it was before Pavlin decided to steal her away from me. How could I ever go back to not being in her bed?
You’ll have to, one day.
I shut my eyes, wanting to expunge the thought out of my head.
“Hey?” she coos, lifting her head off my chest to perch her chin on it to look at me. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, love,” I lie, brushing her damp hair from hours of lovemaking out of her face.
Every night since I knocked on her bedroom door that one fatal night, I’ve returned.
Every single night for the past six months, I’ve held her in my arms as she’s fallen asleep after I’ve worshipped every inch of her body.
“You’re lying. Something is troubling you. What is it?” she asks, searching my gaze for an answer.
“I was just thinking of home,” I finally reply.
Technically, it’s not a lie. But the omission of what is really worrying me feels like a boulder pressing on my chest.
Her gaze softens as if the explanation is more than enough for her.
“Let me guess? Marcello again?”
I let out a long, weary exhale at how quickly she remembers every insecurity, doubt, and tribulation related to my family.
“It’s his birthday next month. He turns thirteen a week before Thanksgiving,” I say, running my fingers through her hair. “He’s changed so much over the years—and not in a good way. Every time I talk to him on the phone, it feels like another piece of the boy I once knew has been chipped away. He used to have this smile that lit up his eyes, but lately, whenever I see him, that light seems to fade more and more.”
“Have you talked about this with your father?”
“He’s no help.” I scowl. “In fact, anytime I bring up Marcello’s name, he shuts me down. It’s starting to piss me off. I feel like they are both hiding something from me.”
Mina takes in my words and chews on them for a bit before giving her suggestion. “You can always go home for his birthday? Maybe even spend Thanksgiving there. I’m sure your family would be thrilled to see you again.”
“They see me just fine,” I retort, not wanting her to use her powers of persuasion in this regard.
Though I yearn for home, the thought of leaving Mina behind weighs heavy on my heart.
Again, you’ll have to sooner or later.
“Facetiming your family isn’t the same thing, and you know it.” She giggles, giving my chest a little slap and pulling my attention back to her. “They can’t hug you over the phone. They can’t see what a wonderful man you’ve become.”
“You can. That’s all that matters to me. How you see me. Nothing else.”
Her eyelids droop a little before she nestles her head on my chest.
“Tell me more about them again. About your family,” she sussurates, drawing circles over my heart with her finger, knowing damn well it’s hers to play with.
I wrap my arms under my head and smile.
“Haven’t you heard enough about them?”
“No.” She smiles. “I want to know it all so that when we finally meet, they won’t feel like strangers to me. They’ll feel like family. Like you are to me.”
I’m thankful she can’t see the frown that just curled at the corner of my lips.
She’s breaking my heart and doesn’t even know it.
“Jude,” she whispers after I’ve grown silent for too long. “Tell me.”
“Okay,” I relent, knowing she won’t let this go.
“You already know that I’m the eldest and that Marcello was born ten years later.”
“Because your mother ran away from Chicago because of that psycho Ciro, right? And married James instead? Your stepfather?”
I nod, a smile returning to my face at the mention of the man who has raised me as his own since birth.
“That’s right. But once my mom married my father, they didn’t waste much time in making a bunch of bambinis. ”
“I love it when you speak in Italian. It’s so sexy,” she cajoles before placing a kiss on my chest.
“Oh yeah? You never told me that.” I smirk.
“You never asked.” She laughs, the melodic sound a danger to my heart.
“Ti amo così tanto, amore. Non c’è niente che non darei per trattenerti. E come mi tormenta la certezza che ti perderò. Il mio cuore sanguina per te. Il mio cuore sanguinerà sempre per te.”
“Hmm. That’s beautiful,” she hums, lifting her head just to look at me. “What does it mean?”
“It means that English isn’t the only language spoken in the world, and the heir to the Firm should brush up on her foreign language skills if she wants to rule one day,” I tease, masking the true meaning behind my words.
“You’re no fun.” She rolls her eyes at me before settling her head back to its previous position:always close to my heart. “Okay, so Marcello is second in line and the brother you feel more protective of.”
“That’s not true,” I correct, while my fingers continue to play with the strands of her raven hair. “I’m protective of all of them. I am their big brother, after all. Though not all of them need or even want my protection.”
“You’re talking about Stella now, aren’t you?” She giggles again like she always does when I talk about my sister. “I like her.”
“Of course you do. She’s just as stubbornly independent as you are,” I continue to tease. “She’s going to love you too.”
“You really think so?” she asks, sounding unsure.
“I know she will. You’re everything she aspires to be one day. Fierce and fearless. A true born leader.”
Mina melts into me as if my words of praise mean everything to her.
What I don’t tell her is that Mina has the possibility to lead one of the most powerful syndicates in the world, while my baby sister won’t even be able to put her foot in the door of the Outfit. Yes, my father has made many changes to the organization when he took control, but a woman enforcer like Stella wants to be one day? That’s a dream that will never materialize.
“Okay, who do we have next…ah yes, the twins,” I continue on. “Luciano and Enzo.”
“The troublemakers,” she adds with a giggle.
“And then some,” I chuckle. “If they get in as much trouble when they’re teenagers as they do at ten, I fear my parents have their hands full.”
“I like the fact that twins run in your family.”
“You do?”
“Hmm,” she hums, not wanting to give me more detail on why that is.
But I can take a guess.
Mina loves her own set of twins. Remus and Rolo are not only her cousins but her best friends.
She couldn’t imagine her life without them—even if one is a full-blown psychopath and the other a ticking time bomb of a sociopath. I’ve worked alongside them long enough to know that neither is playing with a full deck. Rolo wears his madness like a badge of honor, reckless and unpredictable, while Remus buries his bloodlust beneath a cool, calculated exterior.
I wouldn’t trust them as far as I could throw them. But trusting them with Mina’s safety? That’s an entirely different story. Because, like me, they wouldn’t just kill for her—they’d burn this world to the ground with their bare hands if even a single hair on her head was out of place. And that’s a feeling I know all too well.
“And that leaves Annamaria, right? The baby of the family?” Mina says, pulling me out of my reverie yet again.
“That’s right.” I nod pensively.
“How old is she now?”
“Eight.”
“Wow. That means the last time you saw her she was—”
“Four. Annamaria was only four years old when I moved here.”
Sensing she hit a nerve, she shifts from her position to straddle me instead, her long hair covering her naked breasts.
“That makes you sad, doesn’t it? That you missed out on watching her grow up?”
“It does,” I admit. “Unlike the rest of my siblings, I’m a complete stranger to her. I’m just a face on a screen to her. Nothing else.”
“I’m sure that’s not true,” Mina tries to console. “You’d be amazed at how much a child can still remember from her formative years.”
I shake my head sullenly.
“It’s different with her. I never got to take her to her first day in kindergarten. I never got to read to her at night or build a fort in the middle of the living room for a movie night as I did with the others. I’m just a person who people tell her she should love. But how can you love someone you lived without for so long?”
“The heart remembers, Jude, even if the mind cannot.”
“I hope you’re right,” I mutter.
“I know I am. I promise you that the minute you walk back into her life, she will welcome you with open arms.”
“Il tuo cuore è ancora più bello del modo in cui mi stai guardando in questo momento.”
“Hey, enough of that. If you continue to refuse to tell me what you’re saying, then I refuse to hear it.” She smiles.
A smile that could make even the most faithless man believe in a higher power. Turn him into a true believer that our fate was written in the stars long ago.
Because there is no doubt in my mind that Mina was created by God himself and sent to torment me.
To show me what love could feel like, only to remind me that it’s not mine to keep.
“You’re turning serious on me again, and I don’t like it.”
“No?” I hike up a brow, grabbing her hips to rub her pussy over the length of my cock. “And how do you propose to stop me?”
“Oh, I can think of a few ways that can turn that frown upside down.”
I don’t doubt it.
If anyone can, it’s her.
“I’m not convinced,” I lie. “I’ll need to verify this new-found power of yours for myself.”
“Is that a dare, Jude Romano?” Her gray eyes shimmer with playful defiance.
“I believe it is, Lady Crane.”
And when she bites at the corner of her bottom lip, I almost take her right here and now. It takes everything in me not to, just so that I can empower her next move.
I pull my arms behind my head again, over the pillow, and watch her shimmy down my body until her mouth is exactly where I want it to be.
“Oh, ye of little faith.” She winks before her tongue licks me from root to tip.
I inhale sharply through my nose, my jaw clenched tight as I watch her grab my cock at its base while cupping my balls in her delicate hands. Mina begins to lick at my crown, humming in delight when proof of my arousal hits her tastebuds. She doesn’t prolong my suffering for long, wrapping her luscious lips around my girth, sinking them down to the hilt. I groan when her tongue begins to lavish the length of my dick while maintaining her smooth, languid strokes, toying with me by deliberately keeping to her slow tempo. Her featherlight touch on my balls feels fucking fantastic in tandem with the way her mouth swallows me whole. And when my cock hits the back of her throat, the maddening woman purrs when my cock doubles in size.
“You’re losing the dare, Mina, cause I’m not fucking smiling,” I curse when her hot wet mouth on me starts to drive me insane.
The brat has the audacity to wink at me after she pops my cock out of her mouth, only to tap the head on the flat of her tongue three times.
“You’re going to pay for that,” I grumble, pulling my arms out of their confinement so I can weave my fingers through her hair. “Come here.”
With a taunting grin, she opens up her mouth wide for me, anxiously anticipating me to do my worst.
I don’t hesitate.
I thrust my cock down her throat, suffocating the very air out of her.
Mina’s expression morphs from playful to downright wanton, her muffled moans spurring me on.
Her salacious lips grow firmer as I use her hair to bob her head up and down my length. When I feel like I’m two seconds away from coming into her mouth, I yank her by the hair, pulling her away, just to grab onto her hips and plant her ass on my crotch.
“Put my cock inside you, Mina. Now,” I demand, losing all my decorum.
“You really are an Outfit Prince. You do love to order me around, don’t you?” she pants breathlessly, her eyes half-mast.
“Only in the bedroom, love. Now be a good girl and put me inside you already?”
Mina’s gaze turns even heavier as she grabs the base of my cock and positions it at her entrance.
When she sinks down as far as she can, we both hiss out.
“Fuck,” I groan, feeling my own gaze darken with pure unadulterated lust.
Mina places her palms on my chest, using this position to help her move up and down my girth.
I drink her in, memorizing every detail of her riding me.
The way her lips part for breath… or how her temple shines with beads of sweat from exertion…down to the little sounds she makes relishing me inside her.
“Talk to me,” she begs once she feels herself coming close to the edge.
My Mina loves her dirty talk. It’s her favorite aphrodisiac, knowing that whatever I say will push her to higher grounds.
I have to admit I’ve become quite addicted to it, too.
Telling her how she makes me feel…while she rides me so beautifully…yeah, it’s as close to heaven as I will ever get.
“Jude,” she begs when I take too long to give her what she wants.
“Hmm, that’s it…just like that…ride my cock. Fuck. I love watching you fuck me, Mina. It’s my goddamn favorite pastime, love.”
Her eyes shut, her cheeks flushing at the endearment.
“Eyes on me,” I bark out, needing her to look at my face so I don’t miss a moment.
Her eyelids swing open, her light gray eyes turning dark with desire. She chews on her bottom lip as she lifts her ass up and down, her pussy strangling my cock in the most glorious way.
“You’re so fucking tight, Mina. I must have ravished this pussy a million times already, and it still feels like day one,” I confess before slapping her nipple, getting it nice and hard for me, before cupping it in my hand. I give it a good hard squeeze, my mouth watering to get a little taste.
Mina cries out, her pussy clenching around me when my other hand grabs her other breast and gives it the same rough treatment.
“You like that, love? You like it when I’m rough with you?”
“Uh-huh,” she says breathlessly, incapable of forming actual words.
I slap her ass cheek good and hard, her gaze turning alert for a second.
“Use your words, Mina. Tell me what you want.”
“You. All I want is you. In any way I can have you,” she says, her cheeks flushing with coy embarrassment.
Fuck.
Doesn’t she know that she has me?
Body, heart, and soul?
Can’t she tell that all of me belongs to her?
That I’m hers in every way that matters?
That I always will be?
No. Because you refuse to tell her how you feel.
How you really feel.
And there’s a reason for that.
If I tell Mina that she has my heart in her hands, that I love her with every fiber of my being…then I’m lost.
Forever.
Everything I’ve worked for…all the sacrifices I’ve made…they would have been for nothing.
I have put my parents through hell…I have lost time with my brothers and sisters that I can never gain back.
And I was okay with that if it meant one day I could return home and lead the life I always wanted.
But if I tell Mina that I love her…I will never have the courage to walk away.
No…not the courage…
I wouldn’t have the will to leave her.
Three little words would seal my fate forever.
And even though they are always on the tip of my tongue, ready to spill out and confess that I am hers for the taking, I swallow them back, preferring to suffocate on them than tell her the truth.
But just because I can’t tell her how I feel doesn’t mean I haven’t shown her in every kiss…in every touch…in every glance that we’ve shared.
Even now…
I’m not just sharing my body with her- I’m giving her a piece of my soul, uncaring that I will never get it back
So, instead of uttering the words she wants to hear, I grab her hips and aid in her efforts.
I fuck her like my own life is on the line.
I fuck her hard and rough just like she likes, until neither one of us can stand it anymore.
And after we’ve both come, I order her to sit on my face just so the truth does bleed out of me.
Mina is quick to comply, even if a bit sluggish after the earth-shattering orgasm I just gave her.
I suck at her clit, my fingers pushing my cum back inside her, needing a part of me to always live inside her. My tongue flicks at her clit until I feel her legs start to shake, her moans growing louder by the second. I fuck her good and hard with my fingers, my lips never leaving her sensitive clit until she shatters into a million pieces.
And once she falls from the heavens, I pull her down and wrap my arms around her, tightening my hold, too afraid that moments like these will soon be a thing of the past.
“Jude?” she asks after we’ve both grown silent for too long. “Do you know how she does it?”
“How who does what, love?” I ask, confused since my thoughts were somewhere else. On a future that I’m trying to pretend isn’t coming for me.
“Your mom? Selene?”
I place one finger under her chin to look at her beautiful face.
“You’re thinking about my mom? Now?” I ask, masking my sadness with playfulness.
“I was.” Her shoulders slump. “You told me once that though your mom is married to your dad, she has two other lovers, too. Giovanni and Dominic, right?”
“I told you that in the strictest of confidence,” I warn, feeling my shoulders tense up a bit since that information can ruin my father and his role in the Outfit.
“I know, and I promise that I will take that secret with me to the grave,” she promises, easing my sudden apprehension. “But that’s not why I brought the subject up. I’m still confused about their whole dynamic.”
“Mina, I know we talk a lot about loads of things, but I refuse to talk to you about my parents’ sex life. Even I don’t want to think about it.”
“No, that’s not it, silly.”
Her soft laugh is the only thing that could lighten my sour mood.
“Then what is it?”
Her expression turns serious as she locks her gaze with mine.
“How can someone love more than one person when you take so much space in my heart? I couldn’t fathom ever loving someone who wasn’t you.”
My heart breaks at the genuine confusion in her eyes.
“I don’t know, sweetheart. I just don’t know.”
She lets out a low sigh and snuggles into me, sleep soon to follow.
“I know that you said that it works for them. That they are happy and thriving, surrounded by all the children their love was able to produce, but I just can’t wrap my head around it.” She yawns. “Maybe one day after I meet them, I will.”
Mina falls asleep in an instant while I’m left replaying her last words in a loop inside my head.
Over the years, I had a front-row seat to my parents’ love story and never questioned how much my mother loved my father, Vincent, and my adoptive fathers, Gio and Dom, all in the same breath.
But now that my heart has found its rightful owner, I could never gift it to anyone else, much less share my Mina with another.
And once we come to an end, my heart will officially be closed for business, locked under heavy iron chains, never to be heard of or seen again.
I might be new to this thing called love, but I know that much.
The next morning, I do my usual routine of sliding out of bed and getting dressed. I then hover over Mina, watching her sleep for a few minutes, wishing that one day she would open her eyes and see me there, still laying by her side.
Knowing that time is working against me, I lean in closer and press a tender kiss to her lips.
“Ti amo, tesoro,” I breathe out the same words I’ve heard my father say to my mother a million times.
Only now do I realize what he meant by them.
Loving someone like I love Mina, is the greatest treasure a man could possibly wish for.
All the money and power in the world pale in comparison.
“Ti amo così tanto amore. Non c’è niente che non darei per trattenerti. E come mi tormenta la certezza che ti perderò. Il mio cuore sanguina per te.Il mio cuore sanguinerà sempre per te.”
And with those words, I take one last longing look at my love and head towards the door.
Usually, when I leave Mina’s bedroom in the early hours of the morning, there isn’t a soul awake to see me do it.
However, today, I’m not so lucky.
“Remus,” I greet, squaring my shoulders, bracing myself for his reaction.
If he thinks I’m going to make some lame-ass excuse as to why I just left his cousin’s bedroom at this hour, he’s mistaken.
He knows why, so why refute it when every cell in my being wants to own it?
Wants to tell the world that Mina is mine.
Remus’s stare bounces from my face back to the closed door behind me.
“So I guess this is the part where I tell you if you break her heart, I’ll break your face?”
“I guess it is.”
“Yeah, I’m not going to do that,” he says before stepping closer until his face is right up against mine. “Instead, I’ll say this,” he adds, his aloof tone turning lethal. “If you hurt her, if you harm my cousin in any way, shape, or form, I’ll make sure to bury you so deep that no one finds your body again.”
He then steps back, his blue eyes filled with the threat he just laid at my feet.
This time, it’s my turn to lean in and whisper in his ear just as menacingly.
“I’d expect nothing less of you, Remus.”
I then step away from him and head towards my room, guilt gnawing at me that hurting Mina isn’t just a distant probability but an immediate certainty.
Maybe I’ll get lucky, and Remus does good on his threat.
A man can only hope.