Chapter Twenty-Nine Alexandra
The ability to speak had abandoned me. Instead, my body shook and trembled as I tried to come to terms with what was before me.
His eyes never leaving mine, Deacon stepped into the bathroom.
Taking slow steps, he closed the gap between us.
When his hand came up to cup my cheek, my knees buckled.
I would have sunk onto the tile if Deacon hadn’t reached out and grabbed me by the shoulders.
Easing me back, he gripped my waist and hoisted me onto the counter.
Turning on the faucet, he poured me a glass of water. When he brought it to my lips, I reluctantly took a few sips. I didn’t know how simple water could possibly help at this moment. I need a stiff drink.
“Y-You’re a-alive?” I stammered.
He nodded.
“But how? The bomb…the fire.”
As Deacon explained what had happened, I tried processing his words. He’d never been in the house. Walter had saved his life. For the past twenty-four hours, he’d been alive, holed up somewhere, as those he loved mourned his loss.
Launching myself at him, I began to slap his face and chest while my legs kicked him as hard as I could. “Dammit, Alexandra, what the hell is wrong with you?” he demanded, as he deflected some of my hits.
“What’s wrong with me? Do you have any idea what the last twenty-four hours has been like for me?” When he didn’t respond, I grabbed the sides of his face and screamed, “A living hell! A hell where the man I’d loved was ripped from me, and I was left to pick up the pieces!”
“I’m so sorry.”
A hysterical laugh bubbled from my lips as I teetered precariously close to losing the fragile thread of sanity I had left. “That’s all you can say is you’re sorry? Well, fuck you, and fuck your bullshit apologies.”
Shoving him aside, I hopped down from the counter and stalked into the bedroom.
I got halfway to the door that led out onto the balcony when Deacon grabbed my arm and jerked me back against him.
My eyelids snapped shut as I momentarily allowed myself to enjoy being in his arms again, savoring the smell of his musky scent.
When I recovered, I thrashed against him, trying to get away. “Would you just listen to me for a second? For Christ’s sake, Alexandra, I didn’t fake my own death to be an asshole. I had my reasons for not coming forward.”
“They must’ve been pretty damn good reasons to hurt your family like you did.”
Once again, the explanation that Deacon gave me made sense to my head, but my heart wouldn’t allow me to accept it.
“Let me go,” I growled through clenched teeth.
“I’m sorry for hurting you, Alex. You know how I feel about you, and that I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you.”
I had to get away from him. If I kept listening to him, my resolve would fade, and I would accept his apology.
I would understand his reasoning. And I couldn’t do that.
If there was anything the last three days had taught me, it was that being involved with Deacon and his world was a hazard to my safety and sanity.
To escape him, I went with a literal knee-jerk reaction to his balls.
As he groaned in pain, I pried myself out of his arms. Knowing I needed help, I threw open the balcony door.
An ominous boom of thunder met me as I stepped outside.
How fitting that a real storm was brewing as I found myself in my own emotional one.
Leaning against the railing, I gazed down on the yard.
The trees and bushes were so thick around the balcony, along with it being so dark, it made it hard to see.
“What the hell are you doing?”
Glancing at Deacon over my shoulder, I replied, “Archer’s somewhere outside. I’m going to scream until he comes, so he can throw you out!”
“I told Archer to hang back and give us some privacy for the night.”
I shook my head. “After what I’ve been through, I’m not going anywhere with you. Not now, not ever again.”
Deacon’s dark eyes narrowed at me. “I’m willing to overlook that little stunt you just pulled because of how hurt you are. But hear me when I say this. Quit fucking playing, Alex.”
“I can assure you that I’m not playing. I’ve not been playing as I wept over you and what we had lost. I won’t put myself through that ever again.”
AjJagged bolt of lightning sliced across the night sky, illuminating Deacon’s face in the dark. Anguish etched across his expression. “Please, Alex, don’t do this.”
“If you care about me, you wouldn’t ask this of me. You wouldn’t want me to live with the daily fear of losing you.”
“I do care about you. And my feelings for you are why I can’t let you go.” He shook his head. “I won’t let you go.”
“You will let me walk away, Deacon.”
He jerked me against him. “I fucking love you too much to let you go, Alexandra.”
I blinked at him. “W-What?”
“You heard me.”
“Say it again,” I demanded.
“I love you.”
Oh God. Was this really happening? As the rain began to beat down on us, I stared up at Deacon in disbelief. “You love me?”
“I fucking do.” Deacon cupped my cheeks. “I’ve never said those words to any other woman but you, Alex. I can’t even begin to imagine a life without you in it.”
Anguish pricked at my heart both at his words and my feelings. “But I have. I’ve had to live without you, and it’s agony.”
“Then you love me,” Deacon countered.
Thunder cracked over our heads, causing me to shudder. “Yes, I love you!”
Deacon’s face lit up. “Fuck Alex, you don’t know how happy it makes me to hear you say that.”
As the shreds of my sanity began to snap, I threw my head back and screamed, “But I hate you too!” Shaking my head manically, I cried, “And I hate myself for still loving you.”
With his arms tightening around me, Deacon murmured into my ear. “I know, babe. I hate myself for hurting you.” His lips kissed a warm trail over my jawline. “If you’ll give me a chance, I swear I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you.”
“No,” I murmured futily.
With his lips hovering over mine, he whispered, “Just give me a chance.” When I stared up at him, he said in an agonized groan, “Please.”
My traitorous body came alive under his the white-hot intensity of his stare. As an ache burned a wildfire between my legs, all rational thought went out of my mind. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than Deacon’s hands and mouth on my body.
Gripping the back of his head, I jerked his head down to slam my lips against his. Deacon moaned into my mouth, causing a shudder of desire to run through me.
He momentarily lessened his hold on me. His hands came to the lapels of my robe, jerking it open. He tore the silk fabric down my arms to let the material pool at my feet. As he stared at me naked before him, desire blazed in his eyes as white hot as the lightning above us.
“I would die a thousand deaths just to get to see you like this. Just to have another chance to bury my cock deep inside you.”
“Please, Deacon,” I moaned.
With one hand, he jerked his belt loose. “You are mine, Alex. Death or hell won’t ever change how I feel about you.” His breath scorched my forehead. “Nothing will ever change how much I love you. You own me—mind, heart, body and soul.”
Tears spilled over my cheeks at his words.
“Deacon,” I moaned before I crashed my lips against his.
Dropping my arms, I reached between us to the fly of his jeans.
Frantically, I undid the buttons and zipper before pushing the fabric over his hips.
Once his cock was free, Deacon grabbed me by the thighs.
Hoisting me up, he then impaled me on him.
I cried out at the intense sensation of him filling me.
He slowly withdrew before plunging even deeper into me.
My nails scoured his back until I felt the blood well beneath them.
The clouds opened up, sending a deluge of rain pouring over us. The storm raged with thunder cracking across the sky, rattling the windows. Wind howled through the trees, drowning out our moans of pleasure and the slapping of our soaked skin.
“Lean back,” Deacon commanded. Obeying him, I released my hands from Deacon’s shoulders.
They momentarily flailed until they made contact with the slippery, iron railing.
My new position gave him the leverage he needed to pump harder and harder inside of me.
As he bent over, his mouth sought out my breasts, alternating between the two to suckle the nipple into a hardened point.
“Yes, Deacon, yes!” I cried, as I gazed up at him.
He was Lazarus rising—rising over me as our bodies hastily joined in a raw communion.
He was the darkness, and I was the light—we were the perfect storm of opposites, raging against each other in perfect harmony.
We let the tempest overwhelm us as life and death had new meaning, and we had a resurrection and rebirth.
Crying out, I came hard, clenching around Deacon’s pumping cock. He followed shortly after me with a harsh groan. When the aftershocks finally started to fade, he pulled me up and wrapped his arms around me. “I love you,” he whispered.
Cradling his head in my hands, I said, “I love you, too.”
As he slid out of me, I hissed slightly at the burning inside me. His brows shot up in concern. “Was I too hard?”
“No. You were good. So good.”
Deacon gave me a cocky grin as he set me on my feet. When he glanced down between us, he suddenly winced. “Shit, I forgot a condom.”
“It’s okay. I’m on the pill.”
“You trust that I’m clean?” he asked almost incredulously.
While I probably should have been concerned, I nodded. “More than anything, I trust you.”
His expression grew serious. “You can’t imagine how much that means to me.”
“That I let you go bareback?” I teased.
“No, that a woman like you trusts a man like me.”
“Well, I do,” I replied, raking my fingers through his hair.