Chapter 35
The cool November air stings my cheeks as Raven and I weave our way through the bustling campus, heading toward our respective classes. The trees lining the path are a cluster of burnt reds and bright golds, a vivid picture of the New England autumn in all its glory.
“So, what are your plans for Thanksgiving break?” Raven asks, her breath forming small clouds in the air.
I shrug and adjust the strap on my messenger bag. “Honestly, I’m not sure. Originally, I was going home with Ben to see my foster family, but now that I’m with Xavier, I have no idea what to do.”
“I know what you mean. X isn’t exactly a ‘carve the turkey and say grace’ type of guy,” she says. “I can’t picture it in my head, anyways.”
“You’re not wrong. Regardless, I don’t want to leave him behind.”
And I can’t go home, unless I’m willing to put my foster family at risk.
“Then invite him to go too,” she says with a shrug.
I shake my head at the mere thought of introducing Xavier to Gloria and the littles. “What about you?”
Raven rolls her eyes. “My family’s hosting a big Thanksgiving dinner. I’m talking the whole nine yards—turkey, mashed potatoes, pies… if it can be stuffed, it’ll be on the table. My mom does this every year, going all out to prove she’s a capable hostess.”
“At least the food will be good, right?”
“Oh, the food’s the best part. If you ignore all the pomp and circumstance.” She chuckles. “It’s a culinary marathon. By the end of the night, you need to be rolled out the door.”
I smile at her. “Sounds like chaotic fun.”
“You’re always welcome to join us,” Raven says.
“I appreciate that, but I’ll be fine.”
She nods. “If you change your mind, let me know.”
“Thanks.” I bump her shoulder with mine. “Enjoy your class.”
“One can never go wrong with the workings of Poe. Have I taught you nothing?”
Raven winks at me before turning away and heading indoors. I make my way to the lecture hall for Professor Ames’s class, my good mood instantly plummeting. As much as I wish I had a normal life, I don’t. Not only is my foster brother an assassin, but so is my… boyfriend? Lover?
How am I supposed to navigate the holidays with two trained killers in my life?
Over the past few weeks, ever since I told Ben that I didn’t reciprocate his romantic feelings, he’s been standoffish. It’s understandable, but that doesn’t mean the distance between us doesn’t bother me. However, if I were in his position, I’d want the space and time to regroup. Out of respect for him, that’s what I’ve done since the second Trial. Sometimes, I think it’s only made things more awkward.
I push open the door to the building, and the warmth from the inside rushes out, chasing away the chill on my skin. As I head toward the room, my phone buzzes inside my pocket. I’m quick to retrieve it. The second I read Xavier’s name across the screen, my pulse kicks up a notch.
Xavier: I need to speak to you. Meet me in the library after your class.
Delilah: What’s wrong?
Xavier: Nothing out of the ordinary. Why? Are you worried about me?
Delilah: Of course.
Xavier: Is it because you love me?
Delilah: Bye.
Xavier: You can’t resist me forever.
Delilah: I’ll do my best.
Xavier: You do that. Before you become Mrs. Xavier Donovan, you will love me.
Delilah: Keep dreaming.
Xavier: I love that mouth of yours.
Delilah: What about my middle finger?
Xavier: That too.
Delilah: ?? I’ll see you soon.
Xavier: I fucking love you.
Delilah: Thank you.
Xavier: lol You’re welcome, little raptor.
Slipping the phone back into my pocket, I continue down the hallway, my mind a whirl of conflicting emotions. Ever since Xavier confessed to being in love with me that night in the library garden, he’s been relentless in getting me to say it back. Not only that, but he takes every opportunity to tell me that he loves me.
Like the man himself, it’s overwhelming at times.
Even so, I can’t deny I enjoy it. The affection. The commitment. The attention. It feeds a starved part of my soul that’s been malnourished all my life.
I compose my features and walk into the classroom. After finding my usual seat and settling in, I pull out my laptop, wrangling my thoughts so I can focus on the upcoming lecture. Despite my best efforts, my mind drifts back to Xavier. To the raw desperation in his voice as he declared his love under a starlit sky. The words he spoke were passionate but revealed a depth of vulnerability that I’ve never seen in him before.
How do I return that type of love?
I know I care for Xavier, more than anyone, but I’m still terrified of what it’ll mean to commit to someone completely. I’m not just scared of losing his love over time, but of losing Xavier; his responsibilities within the Order could get him killed.
The lecture drags on endlessly, each slide a blurred echo of the professor’s tedious delivery. When class finally wraps up, I’m quick to gather my things, my curiosity over Xavier’s cryptic text piquing my curiosity.
The walk to the library is short, but it doesn’t take long for my anticipation to grow. I’m not so obsessed with Xavier that I miss him every minute of every day, but I do enjoy being with him. He’s the one person who allows me to be myself, loving every part of me that’s good and bad.
Ben used to be that safe harbor for me.
I push open the heavy door of the library, and the familiar smell of books and oiled wood brushes my senses. Hushed whispers are a constant buzz in the background, but the volume increases at my arrival.
Or maybe it’s because of Xavier.
I find him waiting for me at one of the tables in the center of the large room, resting his hip on the edge, his arms folded. He stands out. Not just because of his attractiveness but due to the way he occupies the space around him. It demands your attention.
He’s dressed in his usual black—shirt, pants, boots—all tailored perfectly to his body, accentuating his muscular build. The sleeves of his shirt are rolled up to the elbows, revealing his arms covered in intricate tattoos that never fail to draw the eye. Despite the chill outside, he doesn’t wear a jacket, seemingly impervious to the cold.
His dark hair is tousled as if he’s run his fingers through it a few times, and his intense gray eyes are fixed on me. A playful smile spreads across his lips as I approach.
The overhead lights catch his signet ring, making the diamonds sparkle. It reminds me of the scar I carry on my shoulder, a permanent mark from the night that changed everything.
As I close the distance between us, his gaze softens, but the intensity never fully leaves his eyes. He’s gorgeous, devastatingly so, and not just in his looks but in how he carries his complexities and his darkness like armor.
“Hey,” he says, his voice a low murmur. He straightens, stepping forward to pull me into his arms.
I look up at him, ignoring the stares we’re getting. “Hey.”
Xavier tightens his hold on me before taking my hand in his. He tugs on it, gently pulling me toward a less populated section of the library. The seclusion here offers a semblance of privacy, the tall bookcases towering over us, creating a barrier from the other students.
“Did you send me that text just so you could fuck me here?” I ask.
He quirks a brow. “And if I did?”
“I’d run.”
“I’d catch you and then fuck you even harder for that.”
“Oh boy,” I breathe.
He exhales. “Stop distracting me, little raptor.”
“What’s wrong?” I ask, my playful demeanor disappearing at his serious tone.
A shadow passes over his features before he speaks. “The Order has summoned me. I’ll be gone within the hour.”
My heart sinks at his words, a familiar dread filling my bones. I nod, trying to mask the fear his announcement dregs up. “I understand.”
His eyes search mine. “While I’m gone, I need to know you’re safe. Go home for the break. I don’t want you at the fraternity or anywhere near the Order when I’m not with you.”
“I don’t want to go home. Not when me being there could endanger my family.”
“It won’t.”
“How do you know?”
He cups my cheek, stroking it with his thumb. “Because I’m doing everything I’m supposed to. There’s no reason for the Order to hurt you, or anyone else. Is McKenzie going home?”
“I’m not sure. It’s been weird between us ever since that night in the infirmary.”
Xavier nods. “It’s going to take him some time to get over you. In the meantime, just make sure he doesn’t try to fuck you. I’d hate to have to kill him when I get back.”
I frown at him. “Xavier…”
“He wants what’s mine. Until he finally comes to terms with the fact that it’s never going to happen, he’s going to be difficult to be around. Regardless, he’s the best person to protect you while I’m gone. Second to me, McKenzie loves you most in this world, little raptor.”
I stare up at him, unable to find the right words to say.
“I’ll talk to him before I leave, so the two of you can go together,” he says. “Now, come here.”
Xavier grips my waist and backs me up until my spine hits the bookshelf. He leans down and captures my mouth with his, the kiss brief but no less demanding than usual. I return the kiss with wild abandon, pouring my feelings into every caress.
When he pulls away, I blink, a bit dazed. He runs his knuckles over my cheek, his gaze bright with desire. And tender emotion.
“Don’t kiss me like it’s goodbye.”
“How should I kiss you then?”
Using the arm around my waist, he presses our bodies together even more, and then slides his free hand into my hair. He tugs at the strands, forcing my gaze to stay on his.
“Kiss me like it’s forever.”
He kisses me again, but this time it’s soft and gentle, seductive in a way that has me melting into him, molding my body to his. He deepens the kiss, his tongue sliding along mine, tasting. Memorizing. Savoring.
When he ends it, I let out a little sound of protest that has him smiling. He strokes my bottom lip, his expression turning thoughtful.
“If I don’t go now, I won’t leave at all.” Even as he says this, he makes no move to go.
“Be careful,” I whisper. “Please come back to me.”
He nods, his expression solemn. “Always.”
I swallow the lump of emotion in my throat. “Always.”
“Tibi semper sum, Delilah.”
“What does that mean?”
“I’m yours forever.”
With that, he’s gone.