Chapter 14 #2
My lips turn down, and I feel something well up inside of me. Something I can’t quite comprehend. Something that feels a lot like panic.
Something I’m not allowed to feel.
I stalk toward my desk, lower myself into my chair, and then reach out and grab his chair, pulling it toward my own.
Neo frowns at me for a moment, but says nothing. Just leans over for his computer and continues working.
I turn on my computer, staring at the blinking screen. Or maybe it’s my eyes that are fluttering.
My fists clench before stretching out in a tense flex.
Neo is leaning away from me, his body turned slightly so I’m not in his line of sight.
As if not seeing me makes me disappear.
I stiffen, feeling that odd sensation move through me once more. I don’t recognize it. I’ve never felt this with anyone else.
Make him notice you. Make him.
I try to fight it, but when he crosses his legs and turns his back to me entirely, I snap.
My arms encircle him, and I wrench him up and out of his seat. He gasps in response, his legs kicking out slightly, but when I place him on my lap, he freezes.
“What the fuck is this?” he hisses after a long, pregnant silence.
“This is your chair now,” I say and then adjust him slightly, making sure his ass is situated where I’m most comfortable. Then I twine an arm around his waist and lean around him, grabbing the mouse and clicking open a file folder.
“Your lap is not a chair,” he says, wiggling slightly, as if to try and get away.
I hold on tighter.
“It is. This is where you’ll work now.”
He huffs and elbows me in the ribs. Unlucky for him, I’ve known far too much pain to even flinch, let alone let him go. I just get on with reviewing some zoning proposals from the city council.
Or at least, I attempt to.
Neo is wiggling incessantly on my lap, trying to vibrate his way off of me. The problem is, it’s not going as planned. Not only is this making me hard, but it’s also aggravating me.
Why doesn’t he want to sit on my lap?
Am I not a good chair? That can’t be possible. I strive to be perfect at everything.
I can be perfect at this too.
I tighten my hold around his waist, and my other hand reaches up, gripping the front of his neck. I squeeze slightly, and he bites his bottom lip.
“Neo. Stop moving,” I say, my voice low.
When he continues in protest, I drag my hand up and grab onto his chin, forcing his gaze toward mine. “I mean it, brat.”
He sticks his tongue out, and I squeeze his face a little harder, making his pupils dilate. Oh, he likes this.
He might not want to sit on me, but he does like it when I touch him like this.
“I need you to stop moving, or I may do something I’ll regret.”
“Sure you will.” The sarcasm in his voice gives me hope. Hope that things can return to how they were.
My gaze is intense as it burns into him. “You forget who I am. I am The Firm. I was trained to take people apart. I can do the same to you.”
Neo reaches out and tweaks my nipple. Hard. Pain zips through me, and it’s startling enough for my hold on him to loosen.
He elbows me and scrambles back to his chair, his chest heaving, his cheeks flushed. I’m left as nothing more than an unused chair.
“Don’t do that to me while we’re working,” he says, holding out a finger toward me. I consider grabbing it, but fist my hands instead. “I’m not sitting on your lap while I work.” He inhales deeply, like he too needs to calm himself. “I can’t concentrate if we do that, okay?”
My jaw twitches, but I turn my gaze back to my computer screen, not wanting him to see whatever I feel on my face.
“Fine,” I say, and click on another file, pulling it open and scanning the contents.
But in reality, I’m planning my next move. He didn’t want me to be a chair. Fine.
I can be something else.
I’ll make sure he notices me.
I’m The Firm. We never fail.
When work is over, Neo doesn’t ask me for a deep, dark secret. I’m in debt to him. Several days’ worth, in fact. But he doesn’t seem to care. He just bolts out of the office, leaving me to stare at the dust floating in his wake. I rub a hand over my jaw and loosen my tie.
I switched out my contacts for glasses halfway through work. When I returned to the office, Neo’s fingers faltered on the keyboard. I felt him watching me all the way to my desk. At least I know he still finds me attractive.
That’s something, I guess.
I eventually follow Neo, trying to figure out where he’s gone. As I move through the hallways, I hear the commotion of people chatting, laughing, and a few loud screeches. It makes my head ache, and I veer back the way I came, not in the mood to socialize.
I know they’re my brothers, but after the day I’ve had, after the way I stewed and stressed, I need a minute. I need some time alone.
Or with Neo. Seeing as searching him out means interacting with everyone else, this will have to do.
Taking the stairs two at a time, I find myself striding down several hallways before finding the door I want.
I enter the code, pull it open, and step inside, feeling my chest loosen, my lungs expanding. This is a false staircase, one that leads to nowhere, but it’s a place I’ve retreated to often, a place where I can sit in silence and just be.
My brothers know about this place, but they don’t know what it means to me. How I sometimes hide in here when it gets too loud, when it all seems too overwhelming.
Father found out about this space once. He whipped me and then boarded it up.
“You cannot hide from your duties.”
When he died, I made sure I had access to it. Made sure I could sneak back into this safe space anytime I needed to.
I lower myself onto the bottom step and pull my glasses off. My fingers find my eyes, and I rub at them, feeling the ache behind them before pressing harder.
Neo’s face makes an appearance, his wild eyes, his blue hair, and I knock my head against the wall lightly, trying to remove him from my memory.
He only grows louder, bigger. All-consuming.
I let out a low groan, my arms dropping between my legs and my chin hitting my chest. I peel my eyelids open and stare at the floor, the swirls of marble beneath my feet.
There are so many ghosts in this place, in the walls; echoes of a past I regret.
I can’t change what I went through growing up, can’t change the man it’s made me, but I can change what happens with Neo.
I stand up and shake out my hands, facing the door with squared shoulders. And then I step outside, moving back toward the loud noises, toward my brothers and their partners.
As I turn a corner into the living room, I see Ansel and Cade first, and then Samson’s outstretched legs. What I don’t expect to see is Neo leaning over his lap, Samson’s hand on his lower back.
My feet stop, and I gape at the two of them.
The rational part of me is saying that Neo is only reaching for the remote control, as is evidenced by the thing in his hand and how quickly he extricates himself from Samson once he has it.
The illogical part of me tells me it’s more. That Samson is getting something I’m not.
Neo’s attention.
“Joining us?” Ansel asks, and I turn my gaze toward his sweet voice.
I push down the fury rolling through me. “What are you doing?”
“Arguing over which movie to watch. Cade wants some nineties horror flick, but Samson wants to watch an eighties dance romance.
“It’s not a dance romance. It’s a movie about forbidden rhythm.”
I arch an eyebrow at him, but he doesn’t notice, just scoots over to make room for Neo, who is taking a seat far too close to him.
“You know what? Wylder, why don’t you choose?” Ansel says, and I freeze, staring at the back of Neo’s head. He hasn’t looked my way, hasn’t even acknowledged that I’m in the room.
I step around the couch and take the seat right next to him. Our legs brush, and I press my knee into his. Then I scoot over slightly, my ass horrendously wedged between two couch cushions as I nod toward the TV.
“And I’m the deciding vote?” I ask, reaching over and prying the remote control from Neo’s fingers.
He huffs, but says nothing. He also doesn’t move away, which brings me far too much pleasure. I half expected him to rush out of the room the moment I appeared.
I flick through the movies before landing on one. “How about this one? It’s about vengeance and murder.”
I give Samson a pointed look, and he raises his eyebrows in response. He’s pretending not to know what I mean by this. Hell, I don’t even know what I mean by this. But I want him to stay away from Neo.
Or else.
I click on it and it starts playing. My eyes move to the screen, but I’m too focused on Neo, on his body next to mine, on the way he smells, the small movements he makes as he tries to sit still.
I could pull him onto my lap again, but he didn’t like that. Though, he did say that I wasn’t to do that during work. And this isn’t work.
I look at him from the corner of my eye, and my skin heats.
I don’t like him sitting so close to Samson, whispering in his ear, talking to him, giving him attention.
While, at the same time, ignoring me.
My body is now a furnace. My hands reach for him before I can stop myself.
I pull him into my side, and he stiffens.
“Seriously?” His cheeks turn that pretty pink that I like.
“Yes. You’re not on my lap, as requested.”
He finally meets my gaze. Across the room, I see Ansel biting back a smile. But I ignore him. I’m only focused on Neo, trying to gauge his reaction to this, to my arm wrapped around his waist, forcing his body against mine.
“Fine,” he mutters, and my chest flares in triumph. He doesn’t mind this.
“Fine,” I repeat, and Neo rolls his eyes, turning his gaze back to the TV.
It’s not enough, but it’s something.
After a while, he relaxes against me. The monster growls in satisfaction, happier than he’s been in days.
I think I’m happier than I’ve been in days, which isn’t a good thing. It means this isn’t enough. That I’ll want more. More of Neo’s attention.
I just have to figure out how to make it happen.