Chapter 20 Neo
NEO
For a moment, I’m sure I heard Wylder wrong. “What?”
“I killed him.” His face is impassive as he repeats himself. But his eyes…his eyes give him away. It’s costing him a lot to reveal this.
My throat bobs. “How?”
“Poison,” he says bluntly. “Just enough slipped into his food so that, over time, his heart gave out.”
I exhale, trying to wrap my head around what he’s telling me. For weeks, I’ve been fighting to peer over the walls of the fortress he surrounds himself with. Now, he’s voluntarily opening the gates and welcoming me inside. “Why?”
His brow furrows. “Because he was a terrible human being who was getting more awful with every passing year. The abuse we all suffered…what he put me through. And worse than that, he was starting to honor requests to The Firm based on how he could benefit, not on whether or not they should be granted.”
“That’s not what I meant,” I say dismissively.
“You should’ve killed him. He was a cunt who abused his children.
” The little glimpses of his childhood that Wylder has given me made me aware of what he’d been subjected to.
His dad might’ve called it “training,” but I’ve always been one to call a spade a spade.
It was abuse. Simple as that.
“Then what did you mean?”
“Why are you telling me this?” I stare at him, confused as to why he’s suddenly opening up. “Why now?”
“Because you asked,” he says simply. “That’s the real reason why I can’t change things. Why I feel like he’s haunting me. He knew I was the one responsible.”
He swallows and then meets my stare.
“I told him.” Vengeance flashes across his face. Vengeance and satisfaction. “That final night, as he lay on the floor choking on his own saliva and clutching his chest, I made sure he knew exactly who killed him and why.”
“Good.” I debate taking his hands back in mine before deciding that’s not enough. Getting to my feet, I straddle his thighs and plant myself in his lap. I wrap my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. “Good. I’m glad he knew. Fucker.”
“I thought killing him would give me peace, but it hasn’t,” Wylder confesses, his face buried against my neck. “It hasn’t. I feel like he’s always over my shoulder, judging what I’m doing, whispering how he’d do it differently. How I’m failing The Firm. My brothers.”
I snort. “Babe, he was the one failing them, not you. You’re the one who holds them together. Without you, everything would fall apart.”
“Doesn’t feel that way.”
“That’s because you take on too much. They’d help, if you let them in.”
“Maybe.”
Just then, a horrifying thought occurs to me. “Wait, do they know?”
Wylder lifts his head wearily. “My brothers?”
“Yes. Do they know that…”
He gives me a tiny smile as my voice trails off. “That I committed patricide? No. Until right now, there were only two people who knew the truth of how my father died. Him and me.”
Until right now.
Until me.
Holy fuck.
Wylder’s trusting me with his deepest, darkest secret. Something he’s never told anyone else, not even those he loves and trusts implicitly.
I search his face. “Why haven’t you told them?”
He sighs, his shoulders drooping. “Because they’d react one of two ways. They’d either feel guilty that I took this on myself, or they’d be furious that they didn’t get a crack at him themselves.”
That makes sense. There’s no love lost for the former patriarch, from any of the brothers. “Why didn’t you let them help you?”
His eyes meet mine wearily. “It’s a heavy burden to carry. Murder always is, even if it’s justified. But the murder of your parent? One responsible for giving you life? That’s a weight too enormous for anyone to bear.”
My eyes narrow. “Unless that person is you?”
“Yes.” Wylder nods decisively. “It’s better for me to be the one to struggle with it. I’d rather that.”
“Better for them?”
He frowns, not understanding the direction I’m going in. “Yes. Precisely.”
I sigh, leaning my forehead against his. “Sometimes I want to throttle you.”
He palms the nape of my neck and chuckles. “Ditto.”
“Yes, but you want to throttle me for being a brat,” I say. “Whereas I want to throttle you for not taking care of yourself.”
He pulls his head back to peer at me. “I don’t understand.”
“I know.” I kiss his lips gently. “I know. But trust me when I tell you that you don’t need to carry everything yourself. It’s okay to let people in.”
“That’s what I’m doing. I’m letting you in.”
“And that’s a good first step.” My heartbeat ramps up as I consider his reasons behind it.
Hope is so futile. It’s disappointed me time and again.
How do I even accept it this time? “But you should let the others in too. Maybe not today, or even this year, but someday. I think their reactions will surprise you.”
I expect him to dismiss it outright, so I’m shocked when he nods stiffly. “I’ll take the matter into consideration.”
“Thank you,” I breathe. “I’m still a little confused as to why you told me though. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you have, but do you really trust me that much?”
“Yes.”
The abruptness of his answer should surprise me, but it doesn’t, because it’s so like him. “What about when this…ends?”
His hand tightens on the nape of my neck as his nostrils flare. “Who says this has to end?”
My mouth goes dry. “It does, right? You’ll get tired of me sooner or later. Everyone does.”
“Are you saying I’m like everyone else?”
“No.” Impatience bites in my tone. Why isn’t he getting this? “But it’s a pattern. I’m annoying.”
“You’re entertaining.”
“I’m hard work.”
“You’re challenging.”
“I’m difficult.”
“You’re complex.”
I glare at him. “Do you have to have an answer for everything?”
“I do when it comes to defending you, even if the person I’m defending you from is yourself.”
I want to argue with that, if for no other reason than he’s giving me hope. Hope that maybe this time might be different, that what we share is different. But it’s too scary. If I let Wylder in only for him to leave, I’ll never recover. “You’re so annoying. You shouldn’t trust me.”
“But I do.” He shrugs. “You’re not going to tell my secret.”
“Course I’m not. But you shouldn’t go around just trusting anyone, Wylder.”
“I’m not trusting anyone. I’m trusting you.”
My head rests against his shoulder. “No one’s ever trusted me before. Not like this.”
“Then I’m happy to be the first. I’ll be the first not to leave, too. Just you wait and see.”
Yes. I’ll wait. I’ll wait until I do something so annoying that he finally walks away. It’s moments like this when I despise my intelligence. If I weren’t so smart, maybe I’d be foolish enough to think this won’t follow the same pattern.
But it will. It always does.
I swallow back tears, glad Wylder can’t see my face. “Enough. Let’s do something else.”
Wylder’s big hand strokes down my spine. “What did you have in mind?”
“Can it be a surprise?” I ask, and his eyebrow cocks.
“Will I like the surprise?”
“As much as you loved the blow job earlier.”
His lips twitch, and he nods. “Fine. I’ll allow it.”
I roll my eyes and slip off his lap, making sure to flip him off as I go. He chuckles, and his eyes twinkle behind those glasses.
Fucking hot. Absolutely ridiculous. God should have left some of that sexiness for the rest of us.
“All right, give me ten minutes.”
“So you don’t bitch about it, I made sure guards are following us. And Brennan knows to make sure we’re not being followed, et cetera, et cetera,” I say as I lead Wylder outside.
His hand is in mine, and it feels slightly dangerous to my heart.
The fact that he opened himself up to me…well, it makes me want to do the same for him. Just a little. I don’t mind a slow revelation of my life, my trauma, and what shaped me into the man I am today.
If he gives us time to learn everything about one another. If he really doesn’t leave like everyone else has.
“I don’t bitch.”
“You totally do, but I’ve got this under control. I promise.”
He slips into the cab of the car with me, Brennan in the driver’s seat. I like the guy, but he seems uptight. He almost fainted when I texted my ass to Wylder on his phone.
I had to feel his pulse to make sure he was still alive after he snatched the phone back from me.
I meet Brennan’s gaze in the mirror and wink. He clears his throat and puts the car in drive.
“You know where to go, but no blowing our final destination, Brennan-boo. Or I’ll have to hack into your phone and find some dark, dirty secrets to use against you.”
Wylder runs a hand over his mouth, trying not to laugh as Brennan grumbles something incoherent under his breath.
“Please don’t threaten my guards,” Wylder finally says, and I reach over and squeeze his thigh.
“I have to, or they don’t take me seriously.”
“I’m sure Brennan takes you very seriously,” he replies as we pull away from the house, an SUV guiding us and one trailing behind.
“I don’t know. He did call me a pipsqueak with a tiny ass while we were on the grounds fixing the broken camera.” Brennan chokes, and I giggle. “Just kidding. He didn’t say that, even though I kind of am a pipsqueak. Small and very…squeaky. And I do have a very nice ass.”
“You do,” Wylder says, his voice low.
His hand falls onto mine—the one I’ve left on his leg. He curls his fingers around mine, and I feel something warm move through me. My heart beats quicker, and I inhale deeply to catch my breath.
As we drive toward town, I wiggle in my seat in nervous excitement.
“Do I get even a hint about where we’re going? Or what’s in that bag?” Wylder asks after a long moment.
He motions to the satchel I grabbed from my room earlier, and I shake my head. “Nope. You have to wait.”
He pushes his glasses up his nose and says, “Hm. Fine.”
I bring his hand up to my lips, and something unfurls inside of my abdomen.
“Since you’re being impatient, I could distract you until we arrive.”
Wylder’s eyes grow hooded as I drag the back of my hand across the bulge in his pants.
Wylder’s lips part, and I hear a soft pant move from his throat.