Chapter 19
“She’s a lot to take, isn’t she?” Millie looks across the room to where Iris is talking to Anita.
“I think the two of them have hit it off.” I’m grateful that Anita being here has distracted Greaser's mom's attention from me. I have enough to deal with today without dealing with her erraticness.
“You know, we should probably start thinking about getting you into your dress,” Eden tells me excitedly. She designed it herself and has altered it three times since my baby girl decided that my waistline needed to stretch some more.
“I haven’t finished her hair yet,” Freya tells her, still working on creating a masterpiece on top of my head, all while I focus on keeping myself from being sick.
I didn’t sleep last night; all I could think about was how wrong all this feels.
So many thoughts are swirling around my head right now, and with all the chaos in the room, it’s starting to feel like it’s spinning.
The door opens, and when Peyton steps inside, she looks like she’s had even less sleep than I have.
“Where the hell have you been?” Eden scolds her. “You were supposed to be here hours ago. We have to be at city hall in just over an hour.”
“Raze never came home last night,” she tells Eden, her eyes wide and scared.
“Well, did he say where he was going?” Eden places down my dress and goes to her, gathering her shaking hands in hers and attempting to steady them.
“No, he said he had something he had to deal with, and then he left. We had a fight; I said some things I shouldn’t have, and I could tell he was upset.” She suddenly bursts into tears.
“Why didn’t you call me?” Eden wraps her up in a hug.
“Because I thought he’d come home. I didn’t want to worry you,” she explains through her sobs.
“Peyton, I’m sure Raze is fine.” I get up from the chair and join them, stroking my hand across her back.
“Oh, look at me, ruining your special day…you look beautiful.” She lifts her head from Eden’s shoulder to tell me.
“You're not ruining anything. You’re worried, and that's understandable, but wherever Raze is, I’m sure he’s fine.”
“Maybe he just needed some time to himself after what happened yesterday.” Eden smiles sadly.
“What happened yesterday?” Freya asks, making her way over and looking confused.
“We were told we couldn’t keep Leo,” Peyton explains, wiping her eyes and looking deflated. “Obviously, I didn’t take the news well, and Raze kept blaming himself. I lost it with him....How did you know?” she questions Eden.
“Raze told Sinner; Sinner told Wrath.” She leads Peyton over to the kitchen table and pulls out a chair for her. “You should have called us; we would have all been there for you.”
“I love you girls, but I wanted him.” She drops her head into her hands and cries.
“I know this sounds obvious, but have you tried calling him?” I check.
“It just goes straight to voicemail.” She shakes her head. “I really don’t know what to do,” she answers.
“Peyton, my brother is a proud man; he thought a lot of that kid, and he probably just needs a little time. He probably wants to comfort you but has no idea how. He’ll be somewhere safe, getting his head around everything,” Eden assures her.
“I’ll bet he’ll be home later today. Let’s use getting you ready as a distraction.
You can get a little drunk and then, together, we can figure out how we’ll kick his ass for making you stress when he gets back. ”
“That sounds like the perfect plan,” Freya agrees.
“I really am sorry, Alicia, today's meant to be all about you.” Peyton wipes away the rest of her tears and tries to look excited for me.
“Honestly, don’t be sorry,” I tell her, feeling all the nerves knot in my stomach when the attention’s on me again.
“And you must not overdo it.” Iris moves toward me, placing her hand on my stomach. Again. We don't want little baby Iris making an early appearance; she’s not fully cooked yet.”
“Iris?” Millie mouths the name at me from across the room, and I quickly shake my head back at her, letting her know I’ll explain later.
“Guess you better give me that dress to put on.” I smile at Eden, needing a little time alone, and everyone standing around me, expecting me to be an excited bride, suddenly feels very suffocating.
I take the dress and head down the hall toward my room, closing the door behind me and staring at my bed. Next time I get into it, Greaser will be with me; he’s expecting us to make love tonight as he’s been waiting for so long, but I really don’t think I can do it.
I appreciate his kindness and commitment. He’s stepped up in a way that I wouldn’t have expected from anyone, and I’ve tried so hard to make myself fall in love with him, but he’s not V—.
No, I refuse to think about that man today. I’ve spent months trying to accept that he was only here out of obligation, and although it’s a harsh reality, it’s the truth I have to face. I’m having doubts because of him, and he’s not even here.
“Fuck it,” I whisper to myself, sliding out of my robe, and stepping into the floaty white dress that stops just before my knees, and somehow manage to zip it up without having to ask for any assistance.
“You ready in there? We’re all desperate to see you.” Iris knocks on my door.
“Just a second,” I call back at her, not quite ready to go out there and accept my fate.
I need just a little more convincing that I want to be married to Greaser, and that I’m prepared to spend my future trying to love him.
Perhaps once we have sex, I’ll feel different.
I hope I do because I can’t stop this now.
I’ve let it go on for far too long. I fan my face with my hand to try and stop my tears from spilling.
Freya’s worked hard on my make-up, and if I ruin it, everyone out there is gonna doubt that this is what I want.
The door knocks again, this time much louder. I feel it in my chest, pounding to the throb of my heartbeat and making me want to scream.
“Just a minute.” I snap back at the persistent old woman who is about to become my mother-in-law, and move over to my dresser.
Resting my palms on its surface, I drop my head between my arms and try to take some calming breaths.
The woman clearly ignores me, ripping it open so roughly it sounds as if it’s gonna come off its hinges, and when I spin on my feet, ready to tell Iris I need more time, I gasp in shock when I see who’s standing in front of me.
“Vike?” I stare him over, wondering if I passed out and hit my head too hard.
“Alicia, what are you doing?” He closes the door and quickly comes toward me, taking my arms in his hands like he wants to shake me. His eyes widen with shock of his own when he looks down between us and sees how much I’ve grown since he last saw me.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, the tears flowing down my face now are from relief; just having him in front of me makes me feel like everything is going to be okay.
“Do you love him?” he asks, looking as if my answer could hurt him, but that makes no sense. If he cared about me being in love with Greaser, he would never have left.
“You left. You promised you wouldn’t, and you left.” My heart is beating too fast. There's so much I want to say to him. How is it possible for me to want to punch him and kiss him, all at the same time?
“Answer my question, Alicia,” I watch him swallow, his jaw tensing while he waits for my answer, and his grip on me getting tighter. Slowly, I shake my head, and his shoulders sag with relief as he closes his eyes.
“Then why the fuck are you marrying him?” he comes back at me fiercely, sliding his hand up to my face and stroking my tears away with his thumb. It feels so different from how it does when Greaser does the same; the warmth it spreads inside me is familiar and comforting, there’s no dread or regret
“Because he loves me,” I answer. Wishing that this man in front of me could do the same. “If you came here to talk me out of th–”
“We need to have that talk.” He smiles at me. “The one we never got round to; the one I tried avoiding because I was too fuckin’ scared.” He leans forward, still caressing my cheek as his forehead presses into mine and he inhales me through his nostrils.
“Vike,” I whisper against his lips; they’re so close to mine, I can feel his breath.
“I’m in love with you, Alicia,” he tells me softly.
“I have been for a while. I’ve held back, done what I thought was right, and been too fuckin’ scared to tell you.
” He laughs at himself, letting out a long, relieved sigh, as if holding in the words has been a heavy burden.
“Don’t marry him,” he begs in a gentle whisper.
“Wait.” I force him away before I kiss him and get distracted from what he’s telling me.
“If you love me, why did you leave?” None of what he’s saying makes sense.
“Because you chose him; it was more than I could bear to think of you together in that motel room. Ever since Saul died and I moved in here, it’s kinda felt like you belonged to me. I convinced myself that I couldn’t get over it, but I can. I wouldn’t be here if I couldn’t.”
“Vike, nothing happened in that hotel room.” I shake my head.
“But you agreed to marry him.” Vike looks every bit as confused as I am.
“I agreed to marry Greaser when I figured you weren’t coming back. I’ve been trying so hard to make myself feel something for him, but–” I stop myself and take a breath.
“But…?” Vike smiles, placing his hand on my hip and drawing me back as close to him as my body will allow.
“It's always been you, Vike,” I admit, staring up at the man in front of me and wondering how the hell we wasted so much time. He grabs my face in both his hands and kisses me with so much hunger and passion that my legs start to wobble.
“Fuck, that feels good.” He breathes out against my mouth.
“Vike…” I push him back for a second time, “...I’m supposed to be getting married today,” I remind him, knowing that on the other side of the door will be a group of very confused women.
“Well, I think we’ve just established that that ain’t gonna happen.” He smiles, looking down between us and stroking my belly. “She’s grown…a lot.”
“Vike!” I snap him out of the dreamy state he’s in. “What are we gonna do?” I need him to focus; everything’s such a mess. As elated as I am that he shares the same feelings for me as I do him, this is going to crush Greaser, and after all he’s done for me, the last thing I want to do is hurt him.
“You ain’t gonna do anything.” He uses his finger to slide away the strand of hair that’s dropped from Freya’s up-do onto my forehead. “I’ll go talk to Greaser, explain how things are gonna be from now on.”
“No! Vike, that’s a bad idea; he should hear it from me.”
“Not a chance.” He shakes his head firmly.
“I know you trust him, but I don’t. That angry, rotten part of him never left.
He’s been lying to you, manipulating you, and when he finds out he’s lost you…
he’s gonna retaliate. I’m not putting you in danger.
You’re gonna stay here with the girls, and I’m gonna talk to him man-to-man.
We’ll air out our grievances, and then I’m coming home.
” He smiles, and remembering how angry Greaser got a few nights ago and how scared I felt, has me nodding my head in agreement.
“Now, I’m gonna kiss you one last time, that okay?
” he checks and smiles with pure joy as he leans in and takes my lips again.
“I’ll leave you to explain everything to the audience out there.
” He presses his lips to my forehead before tearing himself away and heading out the bedroom door.
I follow after him, still in shock and doubting if I did hit my head.
“Vike?” Lettie looks as confused as the rest of the girls in the room when he passes her and Rory, coming through the front door. “What are you doing here?” Rory reaches out his arms, pleased to see him, too.
“I’m heading off to tell Greaseball that he ain’t gettin’ married today.” He grins as he ruffles Rory’s hair and quickly moves on past them. All eyes turn to me, waiting for an explanation, and Iris scrunches her forehead while her brain attempts to catch up with what she just heard.
“Oh... this is awkward.” Eden cringes as the penny drops and the old woman's mouth drops open in shock.