Chapter 33
“You should go and lie down, Alicia. You’ve had a shock.” Iris continues to nag me while Freya rolls her eyes.
“I think she probably just wants to hold her baby girl,” she tells Iris politely as she hands me my coffee. It’s been hours since Vike and Greaser left, and Iris has been holding her this whole time.
“You do realize you still need to drink decaf if you’re breastfeeding,” Iris informs me, again.
“Yes, Iris, I am aware.” I smile, hoping the men won’t be much longer at the club. I don’t know how much more of this woman I can take. I’m tired, I’m upset, and I’m worried about my friends. I could really do with some time without her constantly picking at me.
“Have you heard from Peyton or Eden?” I ask Freya, wondering if we should be at the clubhouse with them.
“I spoke to Eden on the phone on our way here. It sounded like she’s holding it together better than Peyton is.”
“She has to.” I look down at my little baby girl, unable to believe that this time yesterday she was still wriggling around inside me. Eden shouldn’t be going through all this grief and pain.
“I don’t know what we’ll do now; how the hell do we get them over this?” Freya can’t hide how unnerved she is.
“We won't get them over it, we’ll get them through it; the same way you all did for me when I lost Saul.” I smile sadly, wishing he were here to meet his niece. He would have loved seeing her and Rory grow up together.
She starts to stir and cry in Iris’s arms, and when I look at the time, I realize it’s time I fed her.
“Iris, you should pass her to me so I can feed her.” I’m a little surprised at how willingly Iris gives her up, and it feels so much better having her back in my arms again.
“Did they show you how to feed her in the hospital? I noticed you had a bit of trouble at the club last night. The trick is to–”
“Iris!” I look down at her hand in shock when she starts to unbutton the shirt of Vike’s that I’m wearing. “I think I can manage.” Forcing her away, I notice the concern on Freya’s face when the woman shakes her head and backs off.
“We don’t want her losing any weight. Eight pounds four ounces is nowhere near as big as my boys were.”
“Eight pounds four is perfect, she’s just the right size,” Freya cuts in.
“How would you know? Have you had many babies yourself?” Iris looks up at her, waiting for a response.
“Sounds like the boys are back.” Freya sounds relieved when the sound of bike engines comes from outside, and when Ruckus and Vike step through the door, and Greaser isn’t with them, I dread the idea of having to deal with Iris for longer.
“Is Siddy not with you?” Iris stands up, looking concerned,
“He didn’t have his bike here, so he had to take the car, and he got caught at the lights.
How are my girls doin'?” Vike manages to smile through his sadness, stepping toward us, resting his ass on the armrest beside me, and kissing my temple.
“Look at that, she’s really goin’ for it.
I told ya she just needed a little time. ”
“Holy shit! Sorry, Alicia.” Ruck quickly turns his head when he realizes what I’m doing.
“Why are you acting as if you’ve never seen a woman's breast before?” Freya laughs at her boyfriend.
“Hey, I’ve seen plenty of breasts in my time; I just ain’t ever seen ’em get used like that.” Ruckus is still shielding his eyes.
“You know this is what their actual use is, right?” Vike shakes his head and laughs a little, too.
“It sure ain’t how I use ’em.” Ruck grabs hold of Freya and drags her so she’s standing with her back to his chest in front of him, “I’m sorry, but I don’t fuckin’ share,” he whispers before kissing her cheek.
“Well, you're gonna have to learn to when we have a baby of our own.” Freya looks up over her shoulder at him.
“Weren’t you telling me, just last night, how I wasn’t coming near you with my dick ever again?” he reminds her.
‘A girl can change her mind.” Freya smiles before dreamily looking back over toward my pretty little girl.
“She is cute.” Ruck smiles to himself. “I’d say ya got lucky, considering she’s hal–” He stops himself when he remembers that Iris is in the room.
“Did you see Peyton or Eden at the club?” Freya quickly jumps in and starts up a new conversation.
“They spent the whole time we were there at the beach hut,” Ruck explains, suddenly looking all lost again. “You know, it don’t feel real; for a second there, I forgot.” His frown tells me he’s feeling guilty for it.
“Hey, don’t be like that. Raze wouldn’t want you to be sad,” Freya tells him, turning in his arms and kissing him.
“No, but he would want us to find and slaughter whoever it was that took him away from his girl.” All the sadness in Ruckus’s eyes turns to hate and determination.
“And we will.” Vike stands up as Greaser steps through the door.
“How is she?” he asks, looking at me and then down toward his niece.
I use the blanket I have draped over my shoulder to cover me a little more.
I don’t know what it was, but there was something chilling about the way he looked at me last night.
Something that makes me doubt all the times I’ve convinced myself he’d never hurt us.
“She’s fine, all she’s really done since you were gone is sleep.” I look up at Vike and smile.
“I say we leave these guys alone to get their rest.” Freya does me a solid and lifts Iris's bag from the table and hands it to her.
“Oh, I was going to stay and make din—”
“Don’t worry, I got it.” Vike stands up and makes his way to the door, passing a look of warning to Greaser.
“Come on, Mom, let’s get home,” he grunts, leading her out the door while I smile with relief.
“I can’t stop looking at her.” Vike smiles as I slide into bed beside him. He looks so happy with her resting in the crook of his arms, it makes me want to cry.
“Did you speak to Peyton?” he drags his head up from staring at her to ask.
“Just briefly, I didn’t know what to say.” I sigh as I take my little girl's foot in my hand and stroke it. I’m sure that I’ve studied every inch of her, and she has the most adorable little feet.
“You want her back?” he offers.
“She looks comfortable there.” I smile, resting my head on his shoulder. It feels so different having him hold her from when Iris had her; I know our little girl couldn’t be in safer hands.
“You thought of a name for her yet?” he asks.
“Nothing feels special enough, and I don’t want to rush into anything. She’s gonna be stuck with it for life.
“Well, I was thinking maybe you could name her after her father. Ya know, Segwenna or something?” I’m about to ask him if he’s lost his mind when he starts to chuckle. He instantly goes still and silent when it makes the baby fidget in her sleep.
“Sorry, baby girl, I was just playing. Mommy’s right, you do need a special name.” He looks up from her to me, “You take your time, you’ll find it.”
“You know what's crazy?” I laugh a little myself. “I don’t even know what your real name is. All these years, I’ve only ever known you as Vike.”
“That’s all you ever need to know me as. I left my name behind me, with the past,” he admits, stroking our little girl's cheek and smiling sadly.
“You don’t want me to know it?” I hate how Vike keeps things from me. I know nothing about his life before Long Beach.
“I don’t mind; I’m just saying it ain’t relevant. It’s been a long time since anyone’s called me Miles Rigby.”
“Miles… I like it.” Though I’m not sure if I could ever call him by it. To me, he’ll always be Vike…My Vike.
“You know, when we spoke about my family the other night, it got me thinking.” I try to get him to open up.
“You should tell your mom that she’s arrived,” Vike tells me. “I know you don’t think she cares about you, but they’d wanna know.”
“I don’t think they’ll care.” I tried calling Mom back after that night she spoke to Greaser, and she didn’t answer. I haven’t heard anything from her since. “I think she must have been drinking and looking for an outlet when she called.”
“You visited home with Lettie and Rory when he was born, don’t you wanna do the same with her?”
“That was different. I did that for Saul’s sake.”
“And how did it go?” Vike questions.
“It was fake.” I laugh sadly. “For Lettie's sake, Mom put on this big act; hugged me at the door, asked me how I was, but that look of hatred in her eyes showed any time Lettie wasn’t watching.”
“I’m sorry.” Vike shakes his head. “But they’re the ones missing out, darlin’.
” He kisses the top of her head before getting up and carefully placing her inside the Moses basket on my side of the bed.
“You and Mommy don’t need ’em. You got all the love you’ll need, right here in this room,” he tells her as he kisses her one more time, then slides back into bed to join me.
“How you feeling ’bout Raze?” I ask; he’s been so busy making sure we have everything we need since he’s been back, we haven’t had time to talk about the fact that he’s lost his friend and leader
“Devastated, mad, shocked,” he admits, wrapping me up tight. “The way you always feel when you lose someone who mattered.”
“Vike, I’d like to know what happened to your family. Whatever it is, it isn’t gonna—”
“Tonight ain’t the night for that shit. It’s our first night together as a family.
I don’t want to think about our pasts, or fuckin’ death.
Not when we got something so precious lying beside us.
It’s the future that matters, and she’s gonna have the best one I can give her.
” He looks over my shoulder into her basket.
“She’s kinda awesome, isn’t she?” I smile, overwhelmed with pride at what I created.
“She is awesome,” he agrees, “just like her mom.” He kisses me, and I feel so lucky and loved that I let the tears spill.
I find him, sitting in the living room, alone in the dark. And he almost jumps out of his skin when I creep up behind him.