30. Wynter
Wynter
I watched Sasha remove his holster, then pull his shirt over his head, revealing his muscled and tattooed torso. My heart didn’t even skip a beat.
“Wyn, you really have no qualms staring at a man's body,” Sasha remarked sarcastically.
“Don’t tell me you’re shy,” I teased softly.
I’ve been with Sasha at his place for the past two weeks and grew accustomed to his unique brand of humor.
I was almost completely healed. Physically, at least. Nightmares plagued me and emotional scars refused to heal.
I wasn’t helping myself by not dealing with it.
Except, each time I even thought about what happened, panic would tear through my chest, cold and dark, and my breathing would shallow.
So when Sasha had offered to teach me how to fight, I eagerly accepted the offer. I saw it as a way to heal. I’d get stronger and I’d never be caught vulnerable again. Not like that.
Uncle Brennan had gone ballistic. The only thing that kept him from attacking Sasha was Davina.
Thank God for her. It had been the longest I’d gone without seeing my best friends.
I missed them terribly, but I kept delaying the reunion with them.
It would have been hard to explain the marks on my face.
“I’m far from shy,” Sasha responded dryly. “Though most women avert their eyes in respect.”
I rolled my eyes. “Sure they do,” I muttered. “They are probably gawking with their mouths wide open.” Sasha shook his head, disbelief crossing his expression. “Anyhow, I’ve seen plenty of athletes changing in my lifetime. You’re nothing special.”
Okay, a tiny lie. I had never seen an athlete built like him. Maybe if I dealt with MMA fighters, but certainly not figure skaters.
Sasha grinned that shark smile that I grew used to and hinted that the next thing out of the fearless mobster’s mouth would be something inappropriate or just reckless.
“Trust me, Wyn. Everything about me is special.”
I huffed but couldn’t stop from smiling. He really was the most reckless man I’d ever met, but he had a heart of gold underneath that big chest. Any woman would be lucky to have him.
I turned my back to him as he continued changing. There was a limit to how much I should gawk.
“Do your tattoos mean anything, Sasha?” I asked, staring at the sparring mats he had all over his gym. He had punching bags in the far corner, even fencing equipment, and then one whole wall full of knives. Kind of disturbing but there was no way I’d complain.
I wanted to learn how to fight and how to defend myself successfully. I’d never be vulnerable again.
“Some of them I got when I was in the military,” Sasha answered.
“I didn’t know mobsters joined the military.”
His chuckle filled the space behind me. “You’d be surprised to know how far our reach is.”
Something had been on my mind ever since Sasha brought me to his place. It was stupid, but I almost expected Bas to find me. After all, he was able to wipe out surveillance and all related evidence of us burning down Garrett’s house. So theoretically, he should be able to find me.
“Okay, I’m decent,” Sasha announced, his voice directly behind me.
I slowly turned around and met those remarkable eyes. I truly hoped he knew how grateful I was for his help. For everything.
“Sasha,” I started hesitantly and he waited, as if he knew something big would come out of my mouth. “Has anyone… has anyone been looking for me?”
He stilled, his eyes sharp on me. “Like who?”
I still hadn’t given him a name. I’d never give him a name, though deep down I knew he guessed.
“Anyone,” I whispered.
“No.”
The longing in my heart ached. It actually hurt worse than all my bruises.
And while my cuts and bruises healed, the ache in my heart didn’t.
It became part of my heartbeat. And my mind whispered things I didn’t want to admit.
Bas had used me. He didn’t give a shit about me, otherwise he’d have searched for me.
Even more worrisome was that I shot his father. So far, no retaliation had happened. Uncle had placed extra security on everyone. Whether it was a result of Davina’s kidnapping, I was unsure.
“Uncle and my friends are safe?” I asked. I debated for weeks whether I should warn them, because there was a chance what I had done could cause my family to be dragged into a war. Except, I didn’t know how to say it without risking Basilio’s life.
Disgusted at myself for even caring whether he lived or died, I felt like I betrayed my own family each day I kept this secret.
“They are safe, Wyn,” Sasha said, his eyes watching me and seeing too much. The man was too insightful. It was probably what kept him safe, but in my case, it was scary.
I forced a smile and gave a terse nod. “Let’s get started.”
I ran my miles in this gym. I worked my ballet and Pilates here. Even my choreography. The only thing I couldn’t do here was ice skate, but I didn’t dare go back to the ice rink. It was too risky.
Sasha handed me the knife he’d made especially for me.
I took a breath and tried to forget everything, gripping it tightly. I focused on Sasha’s instructions.
“Keep eye contact. Don’t look in the direction you’re aiming for. Put all your muscle into it. Aim for the kill.”
“You give too many instructions,” I muttered my complaint and then advanced on him. Just as he made a grab for me, I aimed for a kick between his legs.
He chuckled. “That’s right. Don’t play fair,” he praised, though unfortunately he caught my foot before I could make contact.
I landed on my back with a heavy thud while my breath swished out of me. I thanked all the saints that Sasha’s mats were cushioned so well, otherwise it would have hurt.
I stared at the skylight ceiling, the clear blue sky of his penthouse gym room giving me a glimpse of a gorgeous day outside. So in contrast with how I felt on the inside.
Two weeks. It felt like a lifetime of changes were crammed into two weeks.
“You know, your girl squad is blowing up my phone,” Sasha said as he sat down next to me. “Driving me nuts, in fact.”
I closed my eyes. “I miss them,” I whispered. “I just don’t want to upset them. And Juliette would go on a rampage if she knew-”
Sasha chuckled. “I’ll help her and ensure she comes out of it alive.”
I turned my head to the side to find an unapologetic look on his face. This man would gladly go on a killing spree.
“If we knew you when we were growing up,” I told him, “-maybe we’d all know how to handle ourselves and take care of our own problems.”
But then I probably wouldn’t have asked Bas for help.
I missed him so much. On one hand, I hoped he’d find me.
On the other hand, I had to keep reminding myself that it was all a lie.
He didn’t love me. Except, I couldn’t help but ache for him.
I promised him I’d stay, but all along he lied to me.
Played me for a fool. There was no future for us.
Did he know what his father had done to mine? Did he know his father destroyed my mother?
“Do you have a sister?” I asked him curiously. I didn’t know much about the Nikolaev family other than there were three brothers.
“I do. Tatiana is the youngest of the siblings. She and her friend, who is now married to my oldest brother, were fucking nuts during their college years.” His sister and sister-in-law were lucky to have him.
The way he talked about them, I knew he cared about them a lot.
“Though those two can’t quite compete with you and your friends' crime spree.”
I scoffed. “We’re the worst criminals on this planet.”
It didn’t escape me that he didn’t contradict me. We robbed my uncle and failed. We barely escaped Chicago unscathed. We got caught stealing from Priest, though thankfully not by him. He’d probably recite us our last rites and then kill us all. Obviously, Bas lied when he said he’d protect me.
Goddamn it! I couldn’t forget about Bas. I kept going over every single minute of our encounter from the moment I met him, trying to spot the signs I might have missed. I couldn’t find any. Maybe he was just exceptionally good at deceit.
“You’ll have to talk to someone eventually,” Sasha interrupted my thinking. “àine, Cassio’s wife, has seen some shit. Maybe it would help to talk to her?”
I returned my gaze to stare at the skylight and clear blue skies. What could I possibly say to make sense of it all? It was quite simple. I fell in love with the enemy. I could have overlooked that. His father shooting my mother and Bas using me to gain more power for himself, I could not.
Gio DiLustro’s words still rang in my ears. How could my mother ever accept Bas when he resembled his father so much? And then there was the matter of Bas using me to strengthen their position with the Russians.
“You promise not to go after them?” I asked quietly.
Ba-boom. Ba-boom. Ba-boom.
“I promise.”
I closed my eyes for a moment, then exhaled and opened my eyelids.
“I ran into Basilio as I was sneaking out of my uncle's house several months ago,” I started softly, keeping my gaze on the clear blue skies. “I jumped off the balcony and he caught me.” I snickered softly, “Romantic, I thought.”
“More like Romeo and Juliet,” he snorted. “Tragic.”
“Anyhow, I didn’t know who he was until I overheard Uncle and Quinn, his go-to-guy, talking.
Yes, I knew the DiLustros and Brennans weren’t on good terms. I still liked him.
” I sighed heavily. “And when we burned down Garrett’s house, we were out of sorts.
A lucky coincidence, I ran into Bas again.
” Now, I wondered if it was by design. I questioned everything. “I asked for his help.”
Sasha listened intently. I kept waiting for him to interrupt but he didn’t.
“He asked for a dinner date with me as his payment for helping us out,” I rasped, thick emotions choking me.
“You can laugh all you want, Sasha, but it was the most amazing date ever.” My stupid lip quivered and tears welled in my eyes, while all the feelings I kept hidden squeezed my throat, making it hard to breathe.
“I’m not laughing, Wyn.”
My lungs burned and I bit into my lip to get myself together. Emotions make us weak , my mother would say. And love shatters us. It turned out she was right. Partially anyhow. Losing Bas shattered me. Loving him made me whole.
“I told him I’d stay with him,” I continued, my voice barely above a whisper.
“I was going to tell Mom I’d practice for the Olympics here or not at all.
” Maybe what happened was karma, because I was being so damn selfish.
“Bas said he forgot something in his club, two blocks away. He left. And his father-” My fingers curled into a fist, my fingernails dug into my palms. It was good though.
The pain helped me stay focused. “His father showed up and tried to-”
God, I couldn’t even say the words. He tried to rape me , my mind screamed. Even knowing what Bas’ father said, I couldn’t tell Sasha that it was all a set up. I just couldn’t. Maybe saying them out loud would make them too real.
So I said nothing. Too scared to face the truth. Too scared it would cost Bas his life.
Sasha stood up, while I still laid immobile. “Want to train some more?”
I nodded.
Holding out his hand, I put my fingers into his palm and he pulled me to my feet.
“Wyn?”
Standing chest-to-chest, I tilted my head so I’d meet his gaze. “I’ll never betray your trust.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “But if either one of them hurt you again, I’ll kill them. Promise or no promise.”
It was all a girl could ask for.
“Again?” he asked and I nodded.
I’d go as many times as necessary.
Until I could beat men like Gio DiLustro. Because I swore to myself that I’d make that man pay one day.
I’d break him, just the way he broke my mother.
Just the way he attempted to break me.