36. Wynter
Wynter
I convinced Juliette to go on ahead of me. I promised I’d be right behind her. And I was, except as I approached the Nikolaev villa in the capital of Portugal, I took a detour. Just a few more minutes alone.
“Recalculating,” Siri kept complaining. Taking the long way took a whole new meaning with me.
I kept finding excuses to delay seeing them all again.
I had avoided my uncle and all the Nikolaev family, with the exception of Sasha.
Sasha showed up whenever he wanted to and checked on me.
If I lived on the East Coast, I was certain I’d see him even more.
It was the only benefit of being in California at my mother’s home. It was a different world.
Sasha even came along to Ireland three months ago when I went to visit Grandpa. The man made it his personal business to check up on me.
I roamed the old streets of Lisbon. It was a beautiful city. Ageless with a welcoming vibe. The weather was mild, though still cool. The breath of old colonial times was evident everywhere you looked. And so much history.
Not that I was into history. Especially when mine seemed so damn fucked up.
I watched the skyline of this old city. The spectacular hilltop vista from St. George’s Castle stretched for miles. Davina’s sister, Aurora, lived in a villa by the sea. Uncle Liam and Davina visited a few times. I’d been too busy training and avoiding everyone.
Even Juliette stopped spending so much time in California, busy with our new school plans.
Lowering myself on the thousand year old steps, I stared out into the horizon, my fingers tracing the bracelet on my wrist, my thumb finding the hidden kingpin pendant every so often and brushing against it. Even after all this time, I still couldn’t find the courage to take it off.
“Are you hiding here?” A familiar deep voice came from behind me and I turned around to find Sasha Nikolaev standing there, leaning against the castle wall.
He wore his signature three-piece-suit that I hated ever since I met Basilio.
Though truthfully, he didn’t remind me of Basilio at all.
Sasha was more MMA built. Bas was more… well, gorgeous.
“I’m not hiding.”
Somehow, I wasn’t surprised to find Sasha here. The man had some scary and seriously disturbing stalking skills. Much like his brother, Alexei, from what little I heard.
Sasha’s eyes roamed over me, as they always did. He was like an annoying, overbearing brother, ensuring I wasn’t hurt.
“Then why are you here, staring into space with that empty expression?” he challenged.
I shook my head tiredly. “What do you want, Sasha?”
Tense silence stretched, broken up only by the sound of the wind and distant noises of the city below us. I just wanted to sit down and keep those noises for my company. Just the thought of a social gathering and fake smiles was agonizing.
“Say the word, Wyn,” he drawled. “And he’s dead.”
I blew an exasperated breath. “Don’t you have enough people on your list to kill?”
He gave me his shark grin. “Some are business. Some are pleasure. I’m looking for some pleasure kills.”
Narrowing my eyes on him, I regarded him with caution. “You’re nuts. You know that, right?”
He shrugged.
“Yeah, but you like me.”
I rolled my eyes. I wore my warm Lou & Grey black leggings and a large gray sweater. The temperature here was mild enough not to need a jacket.
“Yeah, but more from afar,” I muttered. “Kind of like lions. Magnificent creatures but you don’t want to be next to them.”
He sat himself down next to me, uncaring of his expensive suit. “Don’t tell me you’re scared of me now.”
I glanced at him sideways. “No, I’m not. But there is something deranged about you. And I have plenty of that with Jules.” He gave me another one of his signature shark grins. “Honestly, I don’t know why you and Juliette don’t get along. You’re both nuts.”
“Is she into BDSM?” he asked curiously and I just about fell over. Good thing I was sitting down.
“You’re joking, right?” I swallowed. I wouldn’t tell him Juliette was a virgin. She was an all talk, no action type of girl when it came to sexual interaction.
“Yeah, I just wanted a reaction out of you.” He shoved his shoulder into me playfully. “She’s too young for me. You two are basically kids.”
I scoffed. “Fuck you. I’m twenty-one.”
“Ah, there is her spirit,” he mused. “I wondered if Nationals had crushed you.”
And just like that, self-pity made an appearance. My eyes stung and I blinked to ensure no tears would dare make an appearance.
“Sasha, you’re exhausting.” My voice came out shaky and I twisted my fingers together.
“Want to talk about Nationals?”
I stared out into the horizon, trying to find calm.
Or my voice. Something. Anything. I was so sick and tired of this constricting pain in my chest. I kept thinking it would ease up - next day, I’d tell myself.
Here I was six months later, and it hurt just as much as it did the first day. If not worse.
“I choked up,” I whispered, unable to meet his eyes. “Derek swapped the music. It was-” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “The song meant something. It brought back memories and I just fucking choked. For a moment, I forgot I had a skating partner.”
I peered at him from the side. He met my eyes and nodded, as if he understood. Somehow I thought he did.
“Your uncle’s worried about you,” he said.
“He worries too much,” I mumbled.
“He hired Morrelli to dig up all the info on the friend that you were with when Davina was kidnapped.”
I closed my eyes for a moment remembering that day. Ironic. That day I decided I’d stay with him. That very same day I left him.
“Will he tell him?” I rasped.
“I wiped the surveillance of the ice skating rink. All the other city surveillance was already wiped out.”
I put my hand on top of Sasha’s big, tattooed hand. “Thank you,” I whispered. I knew he didn’t approve. I knew this was not how those men had each other’s back. Yet Sasha still did it for me.
“Wyn, I think we both know you’re not alright.” He took my hand between his two big palms. My hand looked too small in his, but it wasn’t that which fascinated me. It was that his touch felt safe. “I have yet to see you smile.”
“I smile all the time,” I protested weakly.
“Fake smiles are your specialty,” he agreed. “I saw your old skating tapes and the new ones. You don’t smile anymore.”
“Maybe there’s just nothing to smile about.”
“Maybe,” he answered pensively. “Or maybe it’s time you tell your mother what it is you want. Or tell me it’s okay to kill that bastard. Tell us all what will make you happy, help you heal and move on.”
My nose and my throat were clogged from the tears that threatened to spill.
I fought them desperately, trying to keep my composure.
But it was for naught. I fell apart and buried my face into Sasha’s jacket.
After six months of trying to be strong, I lost my battle and broke down in public. I ugly cried, sobs shaking my body.
“I don’t know how,” I gasped out, my words full of despair. I knew what I wanted. Bas. Always Bas. “I feel so goddamn broken. One moment I had it all and the next moment-”
I couldn’t finish the words and I buried my face deeper into Sasha’s chest. It hurt so bad.
“I thought Mom loved my dad. She didn’t,” I cried, none of my words making sense. “Gio said she was his brother’s, but he wanted her. I don’t know anything anymore.”
Sasha cupped my head and his pale blue eyes bore into mine. “Forget your mother, Wyn. She needs to handle her own ghosts, not put that on you. Forget everyone. Do what you want. Be happy for you.”
I swallowed. Bas made me happy. With him, I felt content just being the average me. Not the skater. Not Uncle’s daughter. Not anyone, just me.
I sniffed. “You said Gio shot my mother. He ruined her career. And then there is this Russian mafia shit. But Bas, he never told me any of it. I-” My words faltered for a moment and then they rushed out.
“I don’t know if he used me. Or what mother’s deal was with Gio’s brother.
I want to ask her, but how do you bring up something like that?
Whenever I ask about the past, pain crosses her expression and it guts me to cause it. ”
He held my gaze. “Are you sure you want to know?”
I nodded. Not knowing was what got me here. It made me blind and vulnerable to the DiLustros. Albeit something deep down told me that no amount of knowledge of DiLustro and my family’s history, I’d have still fallen for Bas.
“Your mom had an affair with Gio’s brother.
He was married and leaving his wife wasn’t an option.
For a while, almost a year, she lived in Chicago.
A seventeen-year-old girl living with a married man in an apartment.
They were happy from what I heard. Liam wasn’t.
Your mom eventually left DiLustro and got married.
She had dreams of figure skating, and so did the man she married.
Unfortunately, Gio had your mother in his sights too.
He went after her, unwilling to accept rejection.
I don’t know all that happened there, but I know she was pregnant with you when she got hurt.
Your father died, and officially, your mom and her newborn died too.
Your uncle set her and you up with new identities. ”
“Gio DiLustro shot her,” I whispered, dread filling my veins. “He told me himself. He gloated about it”
Silence lingered with my admission.
“I tell you this, Wyn. If they lay a finger on you, they're dead.”
The conviction in his voice was firm and cold. These kinds of statements by Sasha made me realize he was a feared man in the underworld. Despite his casual attitude, he’d be the one to kill a person with a happy smile on his face. It was terrifying.
“You know, it makes no damn sense that Uncle and Mom let me skate and compete if we were supposed to be in hiding.”