Chapter 4 OLIVIA #2
"Where do you think you're going, babe?" He kisses the top of my head, guilt settling in my core as I let him take me in his arms, my cheek pressing against his chest right where I had slapped him.
"You were really going to take off and not even tell me?
" he asks, and I can sense that he's slightly disappointed in me, but he doesn't let it show in the tone of his voice. I can see it in his eyes, though.
I don’t answer him. I don’t want to have to admit to him that I might have been trying to flee. But really, I don’t owe him any answers anymore. Not that I ever did in the first place either, but my obligation to him has ended.
"Olivia." He reaches out to hold my face in his palms as he leans in, pressing his nose against mine but I take a step back.
“You can’t call me babe or kiss me anymore, Jen,” I state, pulling from his embrace entirely.
I’ll admit, I’ll miss having him as the distraction I needed all this time. But it’s not fair to either of us. And more and more he’s been a reminder of what I lost that night, even though he was there for me when I needed someone most.
"You’re right. I’m sorry.” He takes a step back. “But I can’t lie, Liv. I fucking miss you. It’s been weeks and I thought by now-”
“Jensen…” I warn him. I know where he’s going with this. I know he wants me back. But I can’t do that.
He sighs and changes his demeanor, shifting on his feet and looking between the yellow car and me.
“I know what you're going through. I do. But running away and not telling me is definitely not cool. You should be able to talk to me about anything. Whether we’re together or not.
" I hear the disappointment bleed through his tone, and I hate that I start to feel as if I'm letting everyone down right now.
"I know, you're right." I decide not to argue and instead grab his hands in a gesture of sincerity. "I guess I just didn't even think about it, really. I’m not sure what to do but I feel like I might just need to get away for a little bit. I hope you understand."
"I do, Sunshine." He smiles at me as he brushes loose strands of my hair out of my face, something I flinch at but not enough to make it awkward.
But I do cringe at his nickname for me. It was cute at first, but after a while I just got tired of it.
And now, I don't even know why he's still so keen to call me it.
Most people think of me as fucking storm cloud.
Part of me feels relieved that he's going to let me go. It’s one of the reasons why Jensen has always seemed like a safe space for me.
He mostly understands and usually doesn’t ask me to explain more than I’m willing.
The other part of me hates that I actually didn't care to let him know that I was leaving in the first place.
My connection to him was fairly forged because he was there when I needed someone.
I care about Jen, I truly do. But he needs to move on from this . . . from us. I know he has hopes that we’ll get back together. That’s partially my fault because I basically led him on for three years. But I won’t feel bad for taking what I needed. Not when everything else has been taken from me.
Jensen pulls out his phone and sends a quick text. I get anxious feeling the air turn colder knowing that if I’m going to make a move, I should probably do it soon.
He stuffs his phone back in his pocket and walks toward the door of the Beetle. I follow, assuming he's going to open the door for me. Instead, I watch as he leans into the back of the car and he grabs my backpack out then closes the door.
"Wha- what are you doing?" I ask and simultaneously, an SUV pulls up at the end of my dad's driveway, blocking us in.
Suddenly, a strange feeling of chaotic avidity stretches in my chest. I’m unsure whether or not it’s due to the realization that he is actually going to refuse me to leave town or if it’s because I’m exhilarated by the idea that I don’t have to make the decision to go to the Pines, because it’s being made for me.
"No, Jensen. You said you were going to let me go," I state sternly, grabbing at his arm as he tries to walk away. Despite the conflicting feelings buzzing in my brain, I still want to stand my ground because not even Jensen gets the privilege of telling me what I can or can’t do.
"No. I said I understand that you wanted to get away. And you can get away . . . with me. With us." I look over to see Alli is sitting in the passenger seat, eagerly staring at me, and one of Jensen's friends, Banks, is in the driver seat next to her.
Twenty dollars says she’s the one who told Jensen I wasn’t going.
I shoot her a heated glare and she smiles innocently at me.
"No thank you," I say to him as politely as possible, but he just keeps walking down the driveway, me in tow because I want my bag back.
"Olivia. Be real." He stops and turns his attention to me, forcing me to run into his body.
He waves his hand in the direction of the car behind me.
"That beat up little car isn't going to make it off this mountain before the snow hits. And even if it does, you won’t make it back.
You know you're not going anywhere." He doesn't say it in a demanding or controlling way.
His tone is sincere and he's only speaking matter-of-factly.
And he's right. I'm just too stubborn to care.
"Then I'll stay home." I throw up my hands in defeat only causing Jensen to smirk at me. Sure, I’m putting on a bit of a show, but I’m dangerously close to admitting that I’ve wanted to go to the Pines all along. And him forcing me might just be the very reason I give in.
“You have a few options,” he tells me as he reaches for my face once more, and I almost dodge it, but instead I let him cradle my cheek as I wait for him to speak.
“And what would those options be?” I ask, tilting my head.
“Either get in that car and risk getting stuck one way or the other,” he starts as he drops his hand.
“Or you can stay in town and be forced to face all the old town drunks for the whole weekend while the rest of your friends are up in the Pines enjoying Halloween.” He pauses for a second to smile at me before continuing.
“Or you can come with us. And don’t think that I’m above picking your ass up and dragging you over my shoulder all the way up that mountain, Liv, because I fucking will.
” He quips and I have to hide my indifference at his playful words.
I inhale a deep, cold breath of air, allowing it to fill my lungs rather uncomfortably before letting it go.
I know that if I really want to rid myself of this suffocating feeling of pain and grief and guilt and heartache, I’m going to have to face it.
When I leave this town, I don't want to feel the burden of the past to haunt me along with the accompanying overpowering emptiness looming over my head.
I want to try and remember. I want to move on. I want closure.
Besides, not only have I been trying to fool everyone that I don’t want to go, I’ve been trying—and failing—to even convince myself. But the truth is, I know I should go. I want to. And I can’t explain why, but I know this is my chance to let the inevitable take its course.
"Okay," I say. Plain and simple.
"Okay?" Jensen's comforting timbre reaches an excited tone.
"Okay,” I repeat and without another moment, another thought, or another chance for me to back out, he pulls me along to the SUV. He opens the back door for me to slide in and hands me my bag.
I was disrupting my family and this whole town simply because I refused to attend some silly town tradition. This year, I’m going to disrupt it by going.
Thriller Nights Weekend.
Here I come.