Vindicate

Chapter 12 OLIVIA

OLIVIA

Every ounce of my resolve has been rattled.

Shaken pretty much to my core. I feel helpless to the assault I just experienced but even worse, I feel ashamed for liking it.

I have to chalk it up to the fact that maybe it’s because he was my first love; my first everything, really.

And maybe my body and soul will always have some kind of permanent tie to him.

But I won’t lie, it feels scary not knowing what he’s capable of now and why he’s acting this way.

And more importantly, I have to figure out why the hell he left me behind all those years just to come back and act like I never meant anything to him.

My reaction at the bar when Alli told me that she suspected he was back was one of pure heartbreak.

Curious as to what would happen if I saw him again because I worked so hard to forget about his deception.

And even when I saw him watching me from my window, I felt flooded by what his presence did to me.

But not once did I take any of those feelings as fear.

Anger? Yeah, sure. Disappointment? A little of that too.

But nothing that resembled fright. But now .

. . now, I think I might actually be afraid of him.

Mainly because he seems to know exactly what he wants with me and I could tell, he knows what will push me over the edge and he intends to use that against me.

That scares me. Having someone knowing where every hidden button is and knowing just how hard to push to detonate me. But he can’t know everything. Not after all this time…

Right?

Does he know that my memories are gone . . . missing from that night? Does he know that even if I did do something to deceive him, to make him so angry with me, that I might not remember it?

“Hey, there you are.” I look up to see Alli walking my way, stepping over a few logs in the process. “Why are you sitting all by yourself?”

I shrug my shoulders, still seated against the base of the tree I chose to sit at. “You looked busy with Banks and I didn’t want to bother you.”

That’s only partially the truth. The main truth is that I needed to think, to catch my breath, and to figure out what the hell I’m going to do about Trace and his supposed threats.

“You wouldn’t have bothered me,” she sighs as she reaches her hand out for me. “C'mon. You can join us.”

I take it and let her help me up, knowing that I’m likely going to reject that offer.

“What’s going on with you and him anyway?

I didn’t even know you liked him,” I say to her.

I know that she’s been hanging around him a lot more recently but Banks is one of those guys who kind of sticks to himself.

Other than what he said to me earlier tonight, I haven’t really had much of a conversation with him and I’m learning to be on edge with everyone this weekend, so I want to know if Alli knows more about him.

Maybe anything that can help me figure out who I can and can’t trust.

“I don’t know. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he’s hot as fuck.

But he's kind of hard to read. He’s all brooding and quiet most of the time.

But then he looks at me like he’s trying to tear through my soul and it catches me off guard.

” She shakes her head at herself, a smirk on her face that tells me that she might just be trying to come up with an excuse as to why she can’t pursue him.

But I know Alli has commitment issues and honestly, I don’t blame her.

The way she describes Banks reminds me a lot of Trace when I first met him and look at us now. And while I want my friend to have fun and just not worry about all the semantics in men, I’m also weary of everyone right now.

I just smile at her, not eager to press her on the topic any further. I’m not able to focus on holding an actual conversation right now anyway.

“Where have you been and…” She tilts her head at me, the white glow of the moon slashes across her face. “Olivia, what the hell happened to your neck?”

I wince. The sensation of Trace’s fingers digging into my skin is still very much buzzing in vibrant waves throughout my whole body; one of the reasons I needed space. I hadn’t realized he left actual physical marks on my skin and I swear I could kill him for it.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” I say as I loosen the hair tie from my hair to let my hair fall over my shoulder, hoping that she’ll let it slide. But she doesn’t

She reaches out, attempting to touch my neck but I take a step back and land against the tree to avoid her contact.

“Olivia Grace Winters. That is not nothing,” she announces with concern in her tone.

“Do not full-government name drop me out loud,” I warn her. She throws her hands on her hips and gives me a stern look.

“Then tell me what the hell happened?”

The truth is, I don’t even know how to explain what the hell happened between Trace and I back there. I’m not even sure what the hell I’d be trying to explain; my flesh still feels like it’s on fire from his touch and his words still unnerve the fuck out of me.

I sigh in defeat as Alli waits impatiently for my explanation.

“Trace happened,” I admit, feeling my heart thud at the mere mention of his name on my tongue.

“Wait, he did that to you?”

If only she fucking knew. Because to be honest, I let Trace do this to me

The air feels charged with danger and unbearable torment as Alli watches me with an unpleasant glare, like she’s not happy about my answer.

But what more is there to say? And honestly, she should have known I’d run into him anyway.

She was the one who brought his presence to my attention in the first place.

Which brings me to wonder…

“Can I ask you something?”

“What’s up?” Alli declares quietly, her arms crossed over her chest.

“Why did you assume that I cared about Trace’s arrival? At the bar, you broke the news to me as if you knew it would mean something to me.”

I wait with bated breath, watching her eyes move back and forth between mine as she forms her answer.

“Seren told me,” she says and my heart thuds at the mention of her name.

“Seren told you what?” I lower my eyes, asking for clarification because the idea of Seren being aware of my rendezvous with Trace is not something I want to conclude. But how the fuck would she know?

“Seren was the one who told me that you two had been seeing each other. Or at least she suspected it.”

I look from Alli to the floor, confusion expanding in my brain.

No. There’s no way. Seren didn’t know anything about Trace and I.

I made pretty fucking sure. For a year, I made Trace swear his silence until we were ready.

For a year, I denied Trace’s desire to go public.

For a fucking year, I thought about the effect that my relationship with Trace would have on Seren.

I refuse to believe that she knew anything.

That would mean it was all for nothing.

But more importantly, why does Alli seem to know more about our friend, my best friend, than me? And how come Alli was the vessel to Seren’s secrets, when Seren barely told me anything it seems like?

“I didn’t know that Seren knew,” I admit to Alli. It’s of no use now trying to deny it or trying to hide it any further. “Did she seem mad about it?” I ask.

Alli shrugs her shoulders. “I honestly couldn’t tell if she was. She just kind of said it. I think Olivia and Trace are fucking. She said it so calmly and it was completely out of nowhere too. I honestly didn’t know what she expected me to say so we just moved on.”

Well, now I know that Seren didn’t really know for sure what she assumed, because Trace and I didn’t have sex until…

Regardless, she had suspicions and I wonder why she never confronted me on them. Why the fuck was I doing everything I could to hide my happiness from my best friend when my best friend seemingly already knew?

“If I’m being completely honest, I understand why you wouldn’t want to tell anyone, especially Ser,” Alli says while looking at me, kicking her feet at the ground.

“You do?” My heart blooms with a little bit of hope for validation in my reason for not telling Seren. The longer Trace and I were meeting in secret, the more I started to feel guilty and started to think that maybe it was ridiculous to assume she’d be mad at me for it.

“Yeah, girl. I would have been worried about upsetting her too, even if it seemed silly. Seren could be scary at times. I…” Alli trails off and my curiosity grows.

I can tell there’s something more she wants to say but changes her mind.

And as much as I would love to hear what she has to say, I decide not to press her on it.

We’re all entitled to keeping secrets. And I’m not sure I can handle taking on anymore.

I start to feel my anxiety levels spike.

It’s too much for one night. Between the memories of Deck and I resurfacing, Trace’s vindictive encounter, and finding out that my best friend knew I was seeing her brother all along on top of trying to discern who I can and cannot trust . . . I need a time out.

“I think I’m going to call it a night,” I say, feigning a yawn. I need to get my head back on straight. My mind is racing a million miles per minute and I need to regain some clarity. A nice shower and night of sleep might do the trick.

“What? No, the movie is about to start.” Disappointment bleeds from her tone as she nods her head behind her to gesture over to where everyone else is.

I won’t lie, scary movies are my favorite. Even if I have to watch them alone. But right now doesn’t seem like the right time to let my guard down.

“I just have a bit of a headache. I think the smoke probably got to my head,” I lie, and I know she can sense it.

“Okay, well let me go say bye to Banks and I’ll just come with you,” she says as she takes a step closer to me, but I stop her with my hand out toward her chest.