Chapter 1.8
“You look very ill. And very cold,” he whispered, and she only nodded. She either did not want to or could not answer.
“You must take off these clothes; would you allow me to help you?”
“Help me? But I cannot… you cannot…”
“I hope you are not frightened of me. I could never do anything to hurt you, or to upset you…”
“I am not frightened…”
He knew she was not; she was brave and determined and she would surely reject his help if she could do it herself.
He unbuttoned her spencer and, although the fabric was dirty, wet and cold, his fingers felt like they were burning as they brushed over her full breasts, held captive by the frozen gown.
Her eyes were averted, so he could not read her feelings.
Slowly, he turned her around so she had her back to him, and then unbuttoned her dress.
He tried to be gentle and careful; no doubt no other man had ever touched her — or seen her in such a state.
And he was certainly the first man she had ever seen naked, that was why she seemed so distressed.
He could easily slide the dress down from her shoulders, revealing her wet and transparent undergarments to him, leaving her body with not much to cover it, but he did not want that.
He did not want to steal a glimpse of her beauty; he did not want to take advantage of her, to taste what she was not willing to give him.
What he had no right to take, not even a mere glance.
So he grabbed the sheet from the bed and placed it around her.
“Hold this,” he whispered in her ear. He felt her shivering, as his lips touched her skin.
She clasped the sheet in front of her while behind her, blindly, he slid his hands under the sheet and pulled down her dress, then her chemise.
He heard her gasp as her body was freed from the cold trap.
Instinctively, she pulled her sheet closer around her; her clothes were on the floor, pooled around her bare feet.
Her hair, falling loose on her shoulders, was still dripping and had already made the sheet damp, so he grabbed a blanket and put that over her too.
She was now completely wrapped up, barely moving.
She turned her head a little and whispered, “Thank you…”
“There is no need to thank me, Miss Bennet. It was my pleasure.” He had never been more honest in his life, nor had he ever felt such a deep, overwhelming delight from a woman’s nearness and scent. Never had his self-control been so tested.
“May I help you to sit by the fire? You need to warm yourself,” he continued.
“Yes, thank you,” she repeated.
She tried to walk but she could barely move with the blanket wrapped so tightly around her, so he lifted her into his arms. She gasped and quickly placed her own arms around his neck.
He carried her — his sweet burden — his body sensing hers with every fibre.
She was quivering and he did not know whether she was cold or if she was as hot as he felt inside.
He carefully placed her on the chair, close to the fire.
He then sat on the dirty rug and slowly, watching her face for any sign of rejection, took her feet in his palms. They were cold and he rubbed them gently, warming them from her toes to her delicate ankles.
Her moan signalled her pleasure, he knew that, but whether it was simply from the warmth or from deeper sensations, he was uncertain.
His fingers continued their exploration and daringly travelled upwards from her ankles.
Only a little, enough to feel small bumps of excitement on her skin.
He held her left hand and with careful moves placed his lips inside her palm, then on her wrist. She did not oppose it, only sighed.
“Is that better?”
“Yes…much better,” she whispered. He looked at her, happy to see a different sort of sparkle in her eyes. Was it excitement, surprise, delight? Should he dare a little more? Only a little?
“Darcy, wake up! What is wrong with you? Are you ill?”
He was so startled that he almost fell out of the chair.
He looked around, watched by a worried Bingley, realising he was in the Netherfield library, sitting at the desk with a letter in front of him.
It was only a dream. Another one. He had barely slept the previous night, after the unexpected adventure with Elizabeth in the cottage and the strange time spent at Longbourn with her father.
He had barely slept at all in the last month, but he dreamed too much, too often — the result of his exhausted and excited mind.
“I am well, do not worry. I fell asleep. I am rather tired.”
“You should go and rest. I will visit Mr. Bennet and see how Miss Elizabeth is feeling today. Unless you want to join me?”
“I am not certain yet. I will decide after breakfast. I would like to express my thanks to Mr. Bennet, though, and present myself to him with a more proper appearance.”
There was nothing he wanted more than to see her and ask how she was feeling. But he could not trust himself to be near her — and his embarrassing daydream was clear evidence of that. Three more days left until he could distance himself from her enough that his dreams would not be harmful.
“Please do not mind Louisa and Caroline if they ask you about what happened yesterday. They already started to enquire of me earlier.”
“I do not mind, although I already explained everything to them last night at dinner. I am not sure what else there is to be said.”
“Well, to be honest, I think Caroline is worried that the compromising situation might affect you… She believes that…somehow, Miss Bennet caused the circumstances, to force you…you know…”
“No, I do not know, Bingley. What could you — and your sister with too much imagination — possibly mean?”
“Ah, you see, you are already upset.”
“I am tired, and annoyed. If Miss Bingley imagines that Miss Bennet planned some scheme to force me to marry her, you may put her at ease. As you remember, Mr. Bennet rejected even a discussion on the subject. As for Miss Bennet, her opinion of me is so poor that she could barely carry on a civil conversation with me when we were alone.”
“Yes, I know that, but for some strange reason Caroline insists on imagining some connection between you and Miss Bennet. She does not like the Bennets very much, you know.”
“Yes, I do know, Bingley. What should worry you more is the fact that you seem to like the Bennet family quite a lot. Especially one of them. And I have to say, you show little restraint in displaying your admiration. That might raise some expectations and I wonder if you are ready to fulfil them. It would not do for you to trifle with a gentleman’s daughter. ”
“I am not doing that!” Bingley replied, appalled by such a notion. “And yes, the more I know Miss Bennet, the more I admire her. Miss Jane Bennet…”
“How much do you admire her? And are you certain her feelings are similar?”
“Well, I hope so… I do admire her very much, who would not? She is an angel! Why do you ask? Do you think she might not welcome my attentions?”
“I have seen you in love before, Bingley, and I shall not deny that I am a little worried about your infatuation. As for Miss Bennet, she is beautiful, to be sure, and she seems to possess a sweet nature that might suit you. But I have not seen any particular excitement from her when she is with you. It is also true that I have not been much in company with her, so my observation might not be valid.”
“I do not understand. What do you suggest I should do?”
“I suggest you think carefully about whether you wish to bond yourself to Miss Bennet and her family or if this is only a passing fancy that will be over soon. If your actions raise hopes and expectations that you do not fulfil, that might affect Miss Bennet’s heart and reputation more than me spending several hours with her sister in a cottage. ”
“Yes, well…I do not think this is a mere infatuation. It is different from before. If not for her family and low connections… I know she has no dowry, but that does not trouble me. But apparently, she has an uncle in trade and another who is an attorney.”
“I recognise your sisters’ words in your statement.
Bennet’s situation in life is rather unfortunate, and I admit that her mother and youngest sisters’ manners are far from appropriate.
I could not bear their company for more than a few minutes without it being torture for me.
But Mr. Bennet is a gentleman, and I confess I enjoyed his company.
Miss Bennet is a gentleman’s daughter, something which your sisters seem to purposely ignore.
They keep bringing up her uncles who are tradesmen or lawyers, although… ”
“Although our father’s fortune was made in trade, too.
I am aware of that. And Louisa married Hurst, who has nothing but his good name and his family’s connections.
Do not believe me oblivious to my sisters’ poor manners.
I am often surprised that you are my friend and that you allowed us into your circle. ”
“I value your friendship, Bingley, and your company always pleases me. You must not doubt that.”
“Thank you! I feel fortunate to call you my friend. And you are right, I will think of Miss Bennet and decide. Will you not join me at Longbourn? That way you may observe her closely and judge her feelings for me. You may not have much time, as the ball is in only two days and we will leave afterwards.”
“Very well, I will join you.”
“Excellent! By the way, will you return to Netherfield with me, once our business in town is completed?”
“I doubt that very much. I will spend Christmas in London with Georgiana. I do not plan to visit Hertfordshire again anytime soon.”
∞∞∞