Chapter 1.8 #2
Elizabeth woke up feeling tired and slightly feverish, with a cough that had bothered her the entire night.
More than the coughing, what troubled her were the images that spun in her mind and from which she could not escape — and was not even certain she wished to.
Since she had arrived home with Darcy, her feelings had been in a continuous state of thrill and anxiety, which she was not even certain whether she loathed or enjoyed.
Most disturbing was that the recollection of all her interactions with Darcy was vivid in her mind and her body: his words, his gestures, his touches, his arms around her, his scent, his bare skin — all in a maddening repetition.
She clearly remembered when they were riding and he had whispered something; his lips had touched her ear.
At the time, she had been too worried about her situation to think much or to even feel much.
But her senses had now seemed to revive, stronger than ever before, and she felt everything. More than she was comfortable with.
With great difficulty, she gathered herself together to join the family for breakfast. As expected, the main subject was her escapade and Mr. Collins had much to say about reckless young ladies who possessed questionable habits that could put them in danger.
But Elizabeth succeeded in ignoring him, her attention focused on the sound of the rain that was still falling and which kept her memories alive.
Before noon, they were astonished to receive a visit from Mr. Denny and Mr. Wickham. Both officers had come to enquire about Elizabeth, after hearing the reports of her dangerous adventure.
While her mother and youngest sisters were excited to see the guests, Elizabeth struggled with her knowledge about Wickham and the temptation to confront him directly. It was neither the time nor the place to do so in the midst of her family, but she became more impatient with every passing minute.
Wickham seemed carefree, his manners as open as always, his smile as wide and charming as before. He appeared to be comfortable in a house he was visiting for the first time and readily engaged Mrs. Bennet — whom he had only just met — in conversation.
The opportunity for a more private discussion arose soon enough. With little restraint, he came and sat next to Elizabeth on the sofa, a gesture that caused Mr. Collins to look vexed and Mr. Bennet to arch an eyebrow.
“Miss Bennet, I cannot tell you how worried I was when I heard of your accident,” he addressed her in a low voice.
“I thank you, sir, but it was truly no accident. I was caught in the storm and I found shelter in a cottage I own. It has happened many times before.”
“Yes, but I imagine it was the first time you had been trapped there in most unpleasant company, with no means to escape,” he said meaningfully.
“True.” She scrutinised him briefly, undecided as to whether she should continue.
His large grin and his unguarded intimacy as he leant towards her to whisper, disquieted her.
He was behaving as though he was entitled to privacy with her and assumed he was already accepted by her family.
Annoyed by his nerve, she forced her own smile.
“However, I took the opportunity to confront Mr. Darcy about his cruel behaviour towards you and his disloyalty to his father in dismissing his last wish.”
Her words caused Wickham to pale and he instantly withdrew a few inches. He glanced towards the others in the room, then looked at her again.
“I wish you had not done that, Miss Bennet. As I said, I would rather be discreet in this matter…”
“But I was discreet, I assure you, sir. I spoke with no one but Mr. Darcy, to whom the story was no secret, was it?”
“No…but…”
“You will imagine my surprise when he advised me to ask you about the change of career you intended to make a few years ago and about the compensation of three thousand pounds you received in exchange for the living.”
He became red-faced and flushed and mumbled a few words.
“The situation is more complicated than it appears and it might be difficult for a young lady to understand men’s business.”
Elizabeth was suffocating with repressed anger. “Really? So when you told me the story it was easy to comprehend, but when Mr. Darcy shared his side of it, it suddenly became complicated?”
The harshness of her question took him by surprise and he put a few more inches of distance between them.
“It might be because your opinion seems to have changed in the meantime, Miss Bennet. You confessed to me how much you disliked Darcy only a few days ago and yet now you seem to suddenly be on his side and doubt me.”
“My dislike of Mr. Darcy cannot keep me blind forever to anything he might say, Mr. Wickham; just as liking you as a friend would not induce me to take your words to heart, without seeking evidence to support them. I am simply looking for proof of where the truth lies. I hope you do not disapprove of that?”
“No…you may do as you like…but there is more to this story, that Darcy would never admit to you or to anyone, as it might hurt someone in his family. Is half the truth not a lie?”
“It might be; that is for me to judge when I discover the truth in its entirety. So it is true that you received that compensation is it not? May I ask — did you complete your study of the law? My uncle is an attorney.”
“Yes… No… As I said, the situation is complicated.”
“I finally understand that it is not all as simple as I was tempted to believe a few days ago, at Mrs. Phillips’s dinner,” she concluded, her smile widening while his faded.
Despite her apparent joviality, Elizabeth was angry and disappointed with herself.
After only several minutes of questioning Wickham’s claims she had the proof of his deliberate deception.
She could have done that when she had first heard his story, but she had been too blinded by prejudice against Darcy and too flattered by Wickham’s attention to use her wit and common sense.
She had been a fool, an easy victim of an apparently insolent man.
Fortunately, the guests left soon and, while her family discussed the visit she took her vexation and guilt to her chamber.
But the events of the day did not end there. Less than an hour passed until Lydia spotted Mr. Bingley’s carriage and announced that another two gentlemen had come to call on them, received with much pleasure but less excitement than the officers.
The news that Mr. Darcy was calling took Elizabeth by surprise and caused her excessive distress. She was so ashamed by her wanton thoughts and mortifying dreams, as well as by the recent revelation of her foolishness, that she did not dare face him.
When they were in the cottage, he had declared his admiration for her, apologised for his offenses, and she had believed that the truce would improve their acquaintance, but somehow it was quite the opposite.
She felt even more uncomfortable than before.
She knew she would have to meet him again eventually — perhaps at the ball if not sooner — but she needed a little more time to compose herself.
She claimed a headache and shut herself in her room, only a moment before the servant announced Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy, to see Mr. Bennet.