Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
Violet
Daisy walked me to the parking lot. I’d been through small towns that weren’t as large as the refinery. Administration resided in a building closer to the entrance gate. Behind them was the square brick building with the lab I worked in. Behind those two plain office structures, the heart of the refinery sprawled along the countryside. Cylindrical structures of all widths and sizes dotted the view.
Another wider entrance in the chain-link fence surrounding the property was to the east. Tanker trucks entered and exited through there. A rail line bordered one side next to the large round crude tanks that stored the oil pumped off the wagon cars. Next to the tank were the taller, often cylindrical structures of the crude oil distillation unit. Some had smokestacks that pumped out white steam clouds. Thankfully, the wind was often from the north and kept the unique hot plastic smell away from the bulk of Coal Haven’s population. Other stacks were surrounded by metal piping and platforms.
The products coming out of this particular refinery were gas, diesel, and kerosene. More giant, round, squat tanks lined the edge of the processing unit for the finished products. The bulk of the tanker traffic came and went from there.
The wind ruffled my hair. Not many cars were left in the lot, but I reached mine and stopped. Daisy’s small, yellow pickup was a couple spots away. Ever since I’d known her, she’d driven a yellow vehicle. In high school, it’d been her parents’ Bug.
“I’m looking forward to finally getting my hands dirty again,” I said. It was Friday, and Monday I would be in the actual lab.
“The first week is always the roughest. Boring office stuff.”
“It’s a lot of sitting.” I rubbed my hands down my jeans. No amount of adjusting would make them comfortable. The dress code was nothing nice that still looked presentable. Clothing that could get ruined. I found a loose top that hid my unbuttoned jeans. I had an order of maternity clothing on the way. Hopefully, it would arrive soon. My zipper dug into my belly.
Daisy smiled. “Once you’re done with all the computer learning, then you can come do more computer training.”
I laughed, hating how true that was. I had onboarding for the refinery itself, learning about the layout and process of refining crude oil, safety measures and drills that would take place each year, and security. Once I got into the lab, the learning would drill down to my job, the safety measures, and security .
Daisy clutched her sunflower lunch bag to her chest. “Um, can I ask you something?”
“Hmm?”
“In our meeting on Monday, Raj mentioned that we should keep the extra duties we had. I understand that you’ll have train-up time, but he talked about it for if you’re gone. It didn’t sound hypothetical, if that makes sense.”
It did. I didn’t want to get hired and then walk on eggshells because I had to tell my boss I’d need maternity leave shortly after I started. I made it clear in the interview. Not recommended, but I also didn’t want to work for a place that wouldn’t hire a woman because she was having a baby. “I’ll need to go on maternity leave in five months.”
Her eyes flared. “Violet! That’s awesome.”
I grinned. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. I mean, it is, right?”
Now that I was going to a job every day and learning the quirks of my new place, excitement started spiking at the most random times. After I had ordered maternity clothes, ads for baby products started showing up when I was looking for new bras.
I had a nursery to decorate. Baby equipment to buy. I needed to get in with a doctor in Coal Haven. I’d had an appointment in Billings shortly after I realized I was pregnant, but I wasn’t driving all the way back for another.
My new life finally hit the ground running. “Unexpected but awesome.” And tonight, I would get to see Evander. I was nervous, but one of my pregnancy cravings was seeing him. The run-in at Rattler’s had only made my need worse. I should be upset with him. Wary. And I was. But I’d also get to hear his voice tonight .
“I’m happy for you. I can’t wait to run across Lily and see her kids.”
“Why don’t you come over sometime? I can see what works for Lily.”
“That’d be fun.” Her brow furrowed, but she squared her shoulders. “Anytime.”
She’d braved a personal question. I’d do the same. “Are you afraid of running into Alder?”
She turned sheepish. “Maybe a little.”
“He did help me move, but normally he doesn’t just pop in. He’s very structured, and work is his life.”
A smile ghosted over her lips. “That’s new.”
“Not new, but it definitely happened after you.”
Regret passed through her eyes. “Seems like a lifetime ago. But yes, let’s get together. Have a good weekend.”
We said our goodbyes, and I drove home. The closer I got to town, the more active the butterflies in my stomach got. How would it go with Evander? Our last couple of conversations didn’t make tonight promising.
All I wanted was an amicable relationship. But this kid couldn’t pay for all the betrayal Evander hadn’t dealt with.
No one was parked outside of my house when I pulled in. I hit the button for the detached garage. Nothing. I punched it again. Nothing.
I parked and got out. I let myself into the garage. There wasn’t room for much more than a car. I jumped to grab the release rope so I could open the door manually. Then I hefted the big, old door up. God, I needed to do some strength training.
With an oomph, I lifted the panels above my head. I let go and stepped outside. A slow creak started. By the time I spun around, the door was sinking down and slammed against the ground. I jumped at the crash it made.
Okay then.
It was summer. I’d prefer to have the car under a shelter in case it hailed, but I’d park outside for now and let the landlord know.
It’d been a week, and I hadn’t heard back from him about the sputtering water pipes.
I dialed his number anyway. He didn’t answer—again. I left another message and threw in the mention of the pipes. And the crooked cabinet doors. Damn, I should’ve added the living room light. I had gone back to Hattie’s store and bought a standing lamp. My little one didn’t have enough juice for me to crochet to.
I checked the time. It was a quarter until six. Should I wait for Evander before I made dinner?
My stomach growled. My hunger had returned in full force since my life got back on track. I went inside and started dinner. I tossed in more pasta than normal. Evander might arrive while I was eating. I also added more sausage and paid extra attention to my homemade parmesan cream sauce with sun-dried tomatoes.
I dug out two plates and looked at the time. Six thirty. I paused, tapping my fingers on the dishes.
Wasn’t he coming? Should I call him?
Was everything okay?
I rolled my eyes. He was an adult, and he’d probably resent my worry. I shoved the second plate back in the cabinet and swatted the door shut. Wood creaked, and the edge of the door fell even farther down. The hinge that wasn’t working properly was no longer attached.
I’m happy to have a place to live. One that’s all my own. I’m happy to have a place to live .
My mantra staved off the panic. By the time I finished eating and packed the leftovers away for lunch tomorrow, it was after seven. My phone buzzed. I dove for the table where I had left it.
Evander: Sorry I can’t make it tonight. I’ll call you later.
Oh.
I stood in the middle of the kitchen. My disappointment was strong enough to make my stomach roil.
He wasn’t coming.
At least he’d let me know. After an hour of waiting. I scratched my forehead. What had happened? Did he change his mind? What if he decided?—
I let out a growl. I didn’t know, and I wouldn’t if he didn’t want to share it with me. I sent a message back. Ok .
I was doing my own thing tonight. Evander was doing his. My life was going in a different direction, one I liked. Evander was on his journey. If they didn’t intersect, so be it.
Evander
I knocked on Violet’s front door a full fifteen hours after I said I’d be there. A large shipping box rested on her front step beside the door.
How bad did I fuck up? I hadn’t forgotten her last night. In the rush and the wait, I wasn’t sure what to tell her. At least I had sent her some sort of notice. Over an hour late.
“Who is it?” she yelled from inside.
“Evander.”
The door jiggled and jerked on the hinges. The dead bolt squeaked as soon as it was loose. The door popped open. Her hair was in a clip on top of her head, and she was makeup-free. She wore red basketball shorts and a baggy Denver T-shirt. Fucking beautiful.
“What the hell is wrong with this door?” I ran my finger inside the notch for the dead bolt. Little more than a few millimeters of wood kept the metal in place, and that wood was weathered. A solid shoulder to the door and the whole thing would be worthless.
Violet blinked at the assault of sunlight streaming past me. “Good morning. I’m well. How about you?”
In the text, it’d been cute when she did that. She was still sexy, but today, I let out a heavy exhale. “I’m shit. Sorry about last night.”
She tilted her head, her gaze narrowing. She took in my more rumpled than normal appearance. I wore the same clothing as yesterday. She wouldn’t know. Nor would she know that I was on my way into town from Bismarck.
“What happened?” she finally asked.
“Dad.” My throat grew thick, and speaking got hard. I coughed, but my chest only tightened. “He had a heart attack last night.”
Her eyes flew wide, and she opened the door all the way. “I’m so sorry. Come in. Is he okay? Have you eaten?”
Hunger was nowhere to be seen. “No, but I haven’t eaten since lunch yesterday.” I grabbed the package and carried it in. The main area was small and old, except for the carpet. I could see into part of the kitchen and view the worn linoleum floor from decades ago. Violet was heading in there.
“Let me heat up some food and tell me what happened.” She stalled right before the kitchen. “If you want to.”
I did want to. I’d never talked to a woman about my family, but the first person I wanted to call last night was Violet. During the long wait outside of surgery, it was her voice I had wanted to hear, but I wasn’t sure if she wanted to hear mine. Our meeting was to be about the baby, not us.
I walked through the sparse, small living room. Was this the best rental Coal Haven had to offer? The sofa and recliner looked new, and that was about all that did in the house. The dark wood grain of the trim and floral wallpaper made the whole space dim, but the beige carpet fought against the shadows. The walls were still bare, and that was for the best. I wasn’t into fashion, but even my mom couldn’t find something that’d match the pattern on the walls.
The kitchen was worse.
She put a plate into a big microwave that still had a turn dial and hit the massive start button. The hum of the machine started and stopped. She repeated her process before giving up and digging out a kettle.
“Is the microwave broken?” I asked.
“Must be.” She dumped a pasta dish into a pot on the stove.
“You don’t have to make anything.”
“Sit.”
I did as she asked, too tired to look into the warmth filling my gut. The metal bars of the chair cut into my hips, and the seat was hard as hell. “Mom called at about four yesterday from the hospital in town. They were getting ready to transfer Dad to Bismarck.”
“How’s he doing?”
“Recovering. They did a bypass right away. Mom’s…she’s worried.”
“I imagine,” Violet murmured. She left the stove to pull out one of the two chairs she had. “Have either of you gotten any rest?”
I shook my head. “Mom didn’t want to leave the hospital. She was fretting about chores. Liam swung by earlier, and I’ll do the water runs this afternoon and take care of everything now until Dad recovers.”
“I was going to see if everything was all right when you didn’t show, but…” She dropped her gaze. “I figured it wasn’t my business.”
I struggled to form a reply, but I didn’t know what to say. My dad was the grandfather to the baby, but we’d barely messaged each other. I had accused her of trying to deceive me.
“Don’t ever worry about it. Ask away.”
The corner of her mouth tipped up. “Okay.” She popped up and returned to the pot to stir the contents inside.
This moment struck me as so natural my heart started aching. Chatting in the kitchen. Cooking. I could’ve had this, and I’d fucked it up. So much so that when I was absent, she didn’t bother to check on me. In such a small amount of time, I’d scared her away.
In the army, if I wasn’t where I was supposed to be, someone came hunting for my ass. I’d taken that feeling for granted. Was it gone for good?
“Kennedy’s going to Bismarck today to check on Mom,” I said to keep talking, the question of how badly I fucked up kept at bay.
“Do you need to go to Bismarck too?”
“No. I’ll take care of the ranch. I’m just relieved I don’t have to go to another funeral.” My brother’s had been the worst. My dad’s wouldn’t be far behind.
She tipped her head while she stirred the food. “You’ve been to a lot.”
My big mouth. I wiped a hand down my face and leaned forward, propping my elbows on my knees. “Honestly, no. I quit going.” She was quietly watching me. Waiting. She wasn’t demanding access to what I was thinking. She’d already proven she’d walk away. I stared at the faded linoleum floor. Some of the brown squares were nearly transparent. “Too many. I just couldn’t keep doing it.”
She padded over to me and stopped when her bare feet were level with the tips of my boots. She squatted down, and I was pinned with those big blue eyes. “I’m sorry. It’s okay if you quit going to funerals. My mom always said they were for the people left behind, so if it’s harder for you to go, you need to take care of yourself.”
Her words eased a rusted knot in my chest. Each time I skipped out, the sense of failure grew stronger. “I wouldn’t miss my dad’s.”
Her gaze softened. “I know you wouldn’t. But it’s not the thought of a funeral that’s bothering you, is it?”
No. It was how our relationship would’ve ended on a toxic argument. Every family member I’d run into told me Dad had changed. I hadn’t believed it, and I didn’t care.
But maybe I did believe it. Maybe I did care. Maybe I was tired of avoiding home .
My throat was having troubles again. No words were getting past. I inhaled, and the smell of burning food teased my nostrils. “The stove.”
She gasped and popped up. My gaze followed her chest as I went from an emotional wreck to a creep in an instant.
“Shit.” She yanked the pot off the stove. “I think if I take off the top, you won’t get a burned flavor.” With as much surgical precision as the doctors used with Dad last night, she removed a portion of the pasta dish and slid the plate in front of me.
“I made extra last night. Just in case.”
Guilt twined around my esophagus, but I took a bite. Not bad, and there was no charred tang to it. I gobbled the rest down. She set a banana in front of me. I ate that too. Next was a glass of cold milk. I gratefully took everything she offered. Nothing about this was for her. She was taking care of me because she was a decent person.
She had one for herself. “Milk seems to be my craving. And orange juice.”
She took a big chug and licked off the white mustache left behind.
Milk shouldn’t be this sexy.
I picked up my dishes. I could wash them. It was the least I could do. When I turned the faucet on, water splattered out of the nozzle. “Jesus.”
“Yeah, the house is old.”
The front door. The microwave. The plumbing. What else was busted? “It’s almost a dump. This was the best option?”
“The other house was worse, and I couldn’t bring myself to live in an apartment. All the buildings were square brick ones that aren’t much more than a hotel room, only I’m doing all the housekeeping.”
She’d had a nice place. My house. Which was her house. Should be her house.
The tendril of guilt grew bigger, its hold tighter. “I can bring my tools tomorrow and fix the front door.”
She frowned. “What’s wrong with the front door?” When I cocked a brow, she shrugged. “I know it’s sticky.”
“It’s not sticky. It’s shitty installation. And it’s not safe.”
“You don’t have to. I doubt the landlord will repay you.”
From her tone, the landlord wouldn’t do much of anything. She’d only been in the place for what? A week? I wasn’t waiting to see if the landlord would act on anything. I was the one who’d run her off a perfectly good house. “I know. It’ll keep my mind off Dad.”
Low blow using my family emergency to get her to let me help her. Violet’s independent streak was wider than I anticipated. I finished washing my dishes with only half the flow of water that should be coming out of the old pipes.
When I turned, she was standing behind me, twisting her hands together. “You said you wanted to talk about the baby and what our arrangement would be.”
No, she’d put words into my mouth, and I let her so I had a reason to stop by. But I nodded. I wasn’t ready to leave, and without the paternity talk or my tools, there was no reason for me to be here. “Sure.”
Tension tightened her mouth. “Okay. Let me go to the bathroom and then we’ll talk. You can, uh, have a seat in the living room. Might be more comfortable. ”
Anything was more comfortable than those kitchen chairs.
I went to the couch and sank into the corner. The damn thing was softer than it looked, instantly cocooning half my body. The hinges of the bathroom door squeaked, and the door shut with a thump. It must not be straight on its hinges either. Like half the cupboard doors.
The house might have good bones, but the skin was peeling everywhere.
If I had my tools with me, I could fix a few things. I yanked the throw pillow out from the corner and nestled in farther. Stuffing it behind my shoulder, I rested my head on the cushion. The fatigue from the last twenty-four hours surrounded me, and I closed my eyes. Just for a second.
Violet
I stared at myself in the dingy bathroom mirror. Did I really spend the last hour with Evander looking like a frumpy poodle?
Basketball shorts? These were an old pair of Alder’s that he’d left when he’d helped me move, and I wasn’t giving them back until my belly could no longer fit into them. But my white legs sticking out from the bottom weren’t going on any lingerie posters in the near or far future.
I patted my hair down, but the curls bounced right back up. Full frizz had taken effect since I hadn’t put product in my hair. I had thought I’d be catching up on reading and fixing a few things around the house today. I stuffed it back into the clip. Now I looked half wild.
Sniffing an armpit, I frowned. Ugh. I swiped on more deodorant just in case.
For good measure, I brushed my teeth again. Quietly. I’d be mortified if Evander heard me prepping in the bathroom. He’d made it clear we weren’t a thing, but I didn’t need to look like a not-so-hot mess around him.
The bathroom sink coughed out water. Droplets splattered my shirt.
This fucking house.
Panic started to seep in. I was fine. I had a roof over my head. A good job. It’d take a little longer to get a place that wasn’t an ever-growing to-do list.
I was fine.
So was the man in my house. Hot but worried. His weariness hung over him, softening his usually hard edges, but he’d had quite a shock that wasn’t helped by the unresolved conflict between him and his dad.
Today wasn’t about me. We would talk about the baby, but I wouldn’t push him to make any decisions. He wasn’t in the right frame of mind.
Time to face the ruggedly hot man in my living room.
“Sorry about that.” I was rubbing lotion into my hands when I rounded the wall separating the hallway from the living room.
Evander was slumped to the side, his head resting on a throw pillow. His breathing was deep and even. Those long, dark lashes of his brushed over his cheek.
I’d never seen him sleep. I’d seen him naked. I’d seen him in the shower. But we hadn’t slept together in the same room.
His strong arms rested limply on his lap, and his lips puffed open with each breath.
He was out cold.
I scratched the side of my neck. Should I wake him? He mentioned having to do some things at his parents’ ranch this afternoon.
I checked my phone. It was only noon. He should nap a little longer, but it wasn’t my decision. I also didn’t need him to think I was sabotaging his life for whatever selfish reason he’d come up with.
I squatted in front of him. “Hey,” I said softly.
He didn’t move.
“Evander.”
His right arm twitched.
I put a hand on his knee, close to one of his hands, and gently wiggled him. “Evander,” I sang, not wanting to shout and give him a rough wake-up.
His bleary eyes creaked open, and his lips curved up. “Hey, my beautiful wildflower.”
My heart crawled right onto my sleeves. Fully awake Evander never called me that. Half asleep Evander didn’t have his guard up. What’d it mean?
That he wasn’t awake. It meant nothing. “You fell asleep.”
He inched his fingers toward mine. “I miss waking up to you.”
“Uh…” I needed to put a stop to this, but instead, I did nothing as he threaded his fingers with mine.
“I miss being inside you.”
A strangled sound left me. “I enjoyed it too. ”
“The way your ass pushed against me with each thrust.”
“Evander.”
He tugged me toward him.
I fell forward, and both my hands were on him now. This was not waking him up. This was not putting a stop to anything. “Ev?—”
“I wanted to stay that night.” His eyes were barely open, but I was pinned under his gaze, our faces inches apart. He shifted on the couch, lay on his side, bringing his boots up to the cushions, and cupped my cheek with his other hand. “That mouth consumes my thoughts.”
I was a responsible adult. I had handled dangerous chemicals and ran analyzers that cost a million dollars. But I was helpless against a sleepy Evander who let his walls down.
Our lips touched, and I groaned.
He brought our connected hands to his crotch and flattened my palm over his unmistakable erection. He ground his hips against my touch, his zipper hard underneath my skin.
“I need to be inside you again, Vi.”
I usually hated being called Vi, but both times Evander had done it, I let it go. Vi, in his deep growl, was different from how everyone else said it.
He deepened the kiss, and maybe I wasn’t such a dunce for brushing my teeth.
He pulsed his hips against my hand, but alarm bells went off in my head. This wasn’t right. He was distraught and tired. He wasn’t thinking straight.
He’d never forgive me if I let this go further.
“Evander.” I tried to pull away, but he slipped his hand behind my neck and held me right where he wanted me. His tongue plunged into my mouth, and oh, god. If I let this kiss go on, my brains would get scrambled. I wanted this. He did too. The timing sucked.
I yanked my hands off him and reared back. “We can’t do this.”
He blinked, his eyes losing focus.
A sinking pit opened in my stomach. He wasn’t sleepy. He had still been sleeping. It was a dream. My hopes plummeted.
He sucked in a breath and held his hands away from him, frowning at them. Then he blinked hard like he was afraid his eyelids would stick if he didn’t open them right away. He lifted his gaze to mine, his brow furrowed.
“You fell asleep,” I explained. My pulse continued to jackhammer, but my face grew hot. Hello, embarrassment.
“Shit.” He sat up, his feet hitting the carpet next to me. He rubbed his eyes, then skimmed his hands over his head. “Shit. I’m sorry.” He looked down at himself, then to me.
“I think you were dreaming.” I stood. My body hummed, missing his touch, greedy for him. If I were a guy, I’d have an erection to hide.
Evander discreetly pressed against his cargo pants. “I didn’t mean to, uh…did I…”
“You were dreaming,” I said again and spun away. “We can talk another day. There’s time. You should probably get a nap in before you do the water run.”
“Right. The cattle.” He stood and tugged at his pants again. His erection was obvious, but he didn’t seem to be hiding it. More like he was ordering it to behave. “Thanks for waking me.”
“Sure. ”
I stuffed a toe into the carpet. How red were my cheeks?
The man was fully awake, and his guards were back in place. I was good for a wet dream. That was it.
He gripped the back of his neck, making his biceps flex. God, that was hot.
He glared at the front door. “I’ll stop by tomorrow and fix that door.”
“It’s fine. It still closes and locks.” It wasn’t that I didn’t want him to come by and give me eye candy when he did repairs. It was that I would look forward to it for the rest of today and tomorrow until he arrived again.
“Not good enough.”
“You have a lot going on.”
“It’s not safe, Violet.” What happened to my beautiful wildflower ? And you’re carrying our kid. It’s the least I can do .
The cold splash of reality was unwelcome but needed. I already knew he only let me in when he was dreaming, but to be relegated to nothing but the mother of his child carried its own type of hurt. A pain I didn’t want to inspect. Otherwise, I might admit how deep my feelings for Evander really went.