Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
Evander
I was on the phone in Violet’s front yard. I’d been at her house for two hours. The front door repair was taking longer than expected. I had to replace part of the frame to get a decent latch for the bolt. After two trips to the lumber yard and hardware store, I was finally ready to finish when Mom had called.
“You know I have it taken care of.” I adjusted the cap on my head. The sun was beating down on me, but I didn’t want to disturb Violet’s day more than I had.
She was subdued when she’d answered the door and overall had been quiet. Not like before when she’d been staying with me. Was she feeling okay? Had my dream kiss upset her?
It’d been a good fucking dream, but I’d go back and kick myself awake if I had messed up things between us.
“I know,” Mom said. “But I hate to put it all on you.”
Whatever Dad had done on the ranch, he’d taught me to do. “I don’t have kids.”
“Yet,” she said softly.
Yet. My lungs constricted. “So let me do it. Liam’s got enough on his plate. I know he doesn’t mind, but I’d be home picking my ass otherwise.”
Her soft chuckle gusted over the line. “Don’t let your dad overhear you swearing. It’ll give him another coronary.”
That was enough to get me to smile. Dad had always treated Mom with velvet gloves. They were very traditional, and growing up, that had chafed. I wanted to just be me with my mom, but my brother and I had to treat her like a matriarch. “I won’t tell if you won’t tell.”
“The list is going to get long.”
I grinned. She used to say that to me and Derek all the time when she busted us doing some crazy shit like racing—bareback, the four-wheelers, snowmobiles, pretty much anything that could be ridden. Or the time when she busted us thinking up new and unique ways to swear.
The pressure around my lungs grew, but I didn’t shut the memories out this time. “Dad’s doing okay?”
“Yes,” she said, the tiredness returning to her voice. “His doctor said he might be here until the end of the week.”
“He’s going to bust out long before that.” Dad had never sat still. The fact that he was scared the hell out of me. We had shit to settle between us, and I didn’t want to do it with a gravestone.
“Not if I can help it,” she said firmly.
“Tell him not to worry. I got everything covered. Unless that’ll drive him battier. Then tell him Liam is doing everything. ”
“You know, I think he’ll be more relaxed knowing it’s you.”
Nothing about me put Dad at ease. “Really?”
“He won’t owe you. He likes having the boys help. Stetson and Holden are always happy to lend a hand. But it also makes him feel, oh, like he’s failing. Aftereffects of growing up under Cameron. With you, it’s just natural. You’re his son.”
I hadn’t been around to help very much since I’d turned eighteen. When I had come home, I’d jump right back into chores. Some years, I had taken leave in July to help hay. Then, after Derek died, things changed. Home was quieter. Harder. Dad and I fought more. I had less tolerance for my aunt and uncle.
“I got it,” I said. “If I need anything, I’ll buy Liam a beer.”
“Thank you, Evander.” A long pause went by. “It’s nice having you home.”
Maybe I’ll stay ran through my head. I didn’t shove the idea away. My lease might be up in five months, but I’d take this junky rental so Violet could have the house.
Only she’d have to get married to move in.
Goddammit.
I didn’t want my baby behind a flimsy lock. I didn’t want anyone to have access to Violet. I didn’t have access to Violet.
Mom disconnected the call, but I barely noticed.
Violet wasn’t mine, but that dream yesterday had felt really fucking real. Her soft lips. Her hand in mine, pressing against?—
I blew out a breath. I’d stroked off twice in the shower since then.
“Hey,” Violet said through the screen door. “I’m going to make some tacos for supper. Want a couple?”
Since I hadn’t eaten more than some toast since her pasta dish yesterday, fuck yes, I wanted tacos. “I don’t want to put you out.”
“You should’ve thought of that before you got me pregnant.”
A smile tickled my lips. “I’ll consider that next time.” Shit .
If she read more into my comment, she didn’t show it. “Super sperm,” she muttered. “I’m having a craving for a shit ton of black olives, but I have to run to the store. Want anything else?”
You? “No, I’m good.”
She pushed out the door. Today, she was back in her loose linen shorts. The basketball shorts were cute on her, but the ones she wore showed off more of her legs. Always appreciated. And her shirt was tighter.
Her boobs were bigger too.
“Be back in a few,” she said and hopped into her car.
I was almost finished when she returned. She parked in front of the garage again.
A tiny niggle at the back of my brain fired up. I jogged to grab the groceries. “Why aren’t you parking in the garage?”
“The opener doesn’t work, and the door slams down. I think the whole contraption’s busted.”
It should stay up. I studied the old, heavy panels. The door wasn’t safe. I put that on my list.
I brought the groceries inside and went back to my project. By the time my stomach was going to gnaw itself out of my body from the delicious smell, I had wrapped up my repairs .
Violet came out of the kitchen and inspected my handiwork. “That looks a lot sturdier.”
My damn chest puffed out.
“You can grow pumpkins and fix doorframes.” She smiled. “Dinner’s ready.”
I followed her like a puppy to the kitchen.
After we were seated at the table, our plates piled with food, I dug in. I had inhaled two soft-shelled tacos before she finished her first. Old army habits died hard.
“How are Flo and Poly?” she asked.
“Getting big. They like their morning scratches.”
Her eyes danced. “You give them attention?”
“You set a precedent.”
She laughed, and I soaked this moment in. I’d like more. We continued eating.
“How’s the job?” I asked when I forced myself to quit at four tacos before I ate her out of house and home.
She finished chewing, her gaze thoughtful. “Nice. I work with Daisy. Remember I told you about her? Alder’s ex-wife. She’s fun. My boss is down to earth, and my coworkers…” Her lips curved. “They’re quirky. It’s awesome.”
“How so?”
She built herself another taco. “One was talking about playing her didgeridoo. It’s that long horn that goes to the ground.”
“Like the cough drop commercial?”
“That’s the one. She will also talk the entire lunch period about her roses. Then there’s the one who makes his own wine. I’ve heard a lot about winemaking over the last two days when I was finally in the lab. It’s not stuffy. I like it. ”
“Good.”
“How’s your dad?”
She’d asked when I first arrived, but she must’ve figured I’d been on the phone with my mom. “He’ll be in the hospital for a few more days. Maybe until the end of the week. I told Mom not to worry. I’m here, so it doesn’t matter how long he needs.”
She considered me, then went back to her taco.
We hadn’t discussed the baby yet. Nor had I mentioned how long I planned to stay in Coal Haven. The last she heard, I was leaving as soon as the pumpkins found a home. I needed to find out what she thought about it all. “About the baby…I want to be involved.”
She nodded and continued to chew. Her expression remained impassive, but her shoulders were stiff. “Okay.”
“I want…” A family. My heart seized. I had not thought those words since I’d been a young soldier who trusted the wrong person. “I want to be a good dad.”
Her smile was encouraging. “You will be.” She put her half-eaten taco down. “Where will you live?”
“Here.” I wasn’t leaving. The decision was easy. My family was in Coal Haven. All of them. “But I’ll move out of the house.”
“No.” She shook her head. “Don’t. Like I said, I’m not dancing to anyone else’s tune. I’m not finding a guy to marry me for some stupid trust. I like the place, but this house is just fine.”
I slid my gaze to the cupboard door hanging by a hinge.
A flush crept up her neck. “It’s well-used, but it’s safe.”
The garage door said otherwise. Winter would be here soon enough, and I hadn’t been away that long to forget how bitterly cold it got for a lot of months. Or how much snow we could get.
“Anyway,” she rushed on, “it’s good enough. I can look for a decent place, and after a few paychecks, I can talk with the bank about buying a new house.”
The taco meat spoiled in my belly.
I wanted her in a better home. My stomach twisted even more at the thought of her buying her own place.
She pushed her plate away. “I should also mention that I have an ultrasound appointment in a month. Do you…want to come with?”
“Yes.” I’d be there. She had asked, and that thought burrowed in right next to my heart. Her pleased expression cuddled in right next to it. “Don’t you want the rest of that taco?”
She waved her hand. “My full switch turns on in an instant. I’m ravenous, and then there’s no room.”
I stored away the detail, hungry for any information she gave me about her and the baby. I snatched up the rest of her taco and shoved it in my mouth. There were no other leftovers. I owed her a meal. Two meals.
Would she let me repay her?
What if I didn’t give her an option?
I’d figure it out. I pushed away from the table. “Let me go clean up. Then I’ll fix that damn cupboard.”
Viole t
I waved bye to Daisy and pulled out of the parking lot at work.
On Monday, I had texted Evander to check on his dad. The updates were good, but his dad would still be in the hospital for at least a few more days. On Tuesday, Evander was the one who messaged me to ask if I was feeling okay. I told him I was. Even better since my maternity clothing had arrived. I didn’t tell him that part.
Today, he didn’t message. During each break and on every lunch break, I had tapped out a few different messages and deleted them all. I didn’t want him to think I was after him and make things uncomfortable. I also didn’t want to feel like I was chatting up a future love interest. I’d been there and had the impromptu shitty rental to show for it.
No. I’d been the one to chase Willis, thinking he was the ideal partner and that it was me who didn’t measure up. If only I could be better. If only I was more worldly. If only my interests weren’t so pedantic. Then I’d clung to Evander, convinced we had something. I was having his baby. It was predestined.
No more foolishness. I was an independent woman.
I had the door I didn’t fix and the cabinet door I didn’t repair to show for it. “Real independent, Violet.”
My impatience to get home didn’t rise the closer I got. Once the baby came, life would be lively. Right now, I was a little bored, not gonna lie. I was used to living with someone.
I might not be as lonely if there wasn’t one specific man I wanted to be with. A man who seemed worried about the quality of the place I lived in and didn’t wait around for the landlord. A guy who was handy with tools .
“Stay strong.” My pep talks couldn’t become a nightly thing. I couldn’t talk myself off the ledge of wanting a man, needing him, after a couple of interactions where he showed no interest. Not when he was conscious, anyway.
I sighed and turned down the street that’d pass the elementary school before my house.
A large silver pickup sat in the front of my place. The garage door was open, and metal parts were scattered inside. Next to them was a ladder. All I could see were cowboy boots and cargo pants.
Evander was fixing my garage door opener?
He only needed to be strong enough to lift the door to get inside. The thing was probably light as a feather for him.
My conviction to stay strong, single, and abstinent wavered.
When had the abstinent trait snuck in?
My hormones were alive and well, and they were thrilled to see Evander.
I parked in the driveway. “What are you doing?”
He looked away from the motor of the opener long enough to sweep his hot gaze up and down my body. I was wearing my new maternity jeans and an empire waist top. Everyone at work probably guessed I was pregnant after Monday if word hadn’t gotten to them otherwise.
I’d earned curious looks. Nothing like the heat in Evander’s gaze. A primal possessiveness had flashed for a second and then was quashed. Did I imagine it?
He continued screwing something in. “It’s a patch. The whole door needs to be replaced, but you can at least park inside now.”
“Thank you. ”
His ball cap was on backward while he worked. The warmth from his perusal sank lower, stopping between my thighs.
Damn hormones. I was never this horny. At this rate, I’d take morning sickness all over again. I kept wanting to feel comforted, treasured, because he was here for me, but I was carrying his baby. Now that there were no doubts about paternity, he wanted to do the right thing. That was all.
“No problem.” He grunted and shut the light cover. “I just have to program the remote, and then it’ll be good to go.”
He climbed down the ladder, and my ovaries quivered. I was already pregnant!
“I have something for you.” He beckoned me after him.
I followed him to his pickup, curious at his neutral tone.
“I also owe you a couple of meals, so I’ve got one of Mom’s casseroles to throw in the oven.”
“You don’t owe me?—”
He pulled a cat carrier out of the bed of his pickup.
“Are those the cats?” I yelled as I practically elbowed him out of the way.
“They missed you.”
I glanced up. His words while he was sleeping drifted through my head. I miss waking up to you . I ignored my sudden yearning. “I missed them.”
I carried them to the stairs in front of the house and took them out. They’d grown since I’d last seen them. He’d been feeding them well. Both were purring before they were on my lap. I laughed, nuzzling into their warm bodies. When I glanced up at Evander, he wore a strained expression. His gaze jumped from me to the cats.
“Thank you,” I said, struck by sudden shyness. He did this for me? The kittens had nothing to do with the house.
“I thought since I was coming…” He cleared his throat. “They sleep all afternoon anyway, so I figured they could nap while I worked.”
Their little bodies were warm and fuzzy, and I couldn’t get enough of them. “They’re getting so big.” I couldn’t hold them curled in my palm anymore.
He held a hand out. “Wanna give me the house key, and I’ll throw the food in the oven?”
That’d mean he was staying for dinner. He wasn’t rushing off, knowing the baby was cared for. He could just be hungry.
He must’ve read something in my expression. He dropped his hand. “I can just leave the food too. You’ve probably had a long day.”
I clutched Flo to me. If he left, he’d take the kittens. Yet it wasn’t only the cats I’d miss once I was alone in the house again. “No.” I dug through my purse. “No, you need to eat, and I’m sure it’s a ton of food.” I handed my keys over. “It’s not an elk-based casserole, is it?”
Relief passed over his expression, and he smirked. “Plain old hamburger.”
“I have lettuce and tomatoes left over from taco night. I can mix up a salad.”
“If you insist on a well-rounded meal.”
“It makes up for the bag of chips I had last night for dinner.”
“Mom puts vegetables in her casseroles. Fair warning. ”
“Duly noted.”
His grin was a quick flash but also a major triumph. And dangerous. The chemistry I felt around Evander was a fluke. An oddity. I’d never been so blatantly attracted to someone. I could write it off as my imagination. My hormones. Joking around with him? Liking him inside and out?
I should be grateful we were getting along. We were having a kid together. Instead, a small pool of worry trickled into my stomach. Would I spend our kid’s life wishing I could have more than an amicable relationship with their dad?
Evander
Dad was supposed to be discharged yesterday, but his doctors had kept him another day. Almost a week and a half from when he’d had his heart attack, he was finally coming home.
I had arrived this morning and fed the dogs and cats, filled all the water tanks, and moved some hay bales in from the pastures where Dad preferred to store them until he needed them.
Liam had stopped in to see if I needed anything. My cousin was older, mellower, but I saw the wild kid he used to be when he grinned, and he seemed to do that a lot lately. He’d never been a messy guy, but his brown hair was neatly trimmed, and he was no longer a lanky teen. Just an inch or two shorter than me, his shoulders were just as wide. The contented gleam in his eyes was different too. Not only was he quick to grin, but he seemed to be all-around happy.
The pressure was back in my chest. Did I need a checkup? Was what happened to Dad hereditary?
Good thing Mom and Violet were feeding me more vegetables.
Liam put a hand on the bed of his pickup. “Let me know if you need anything. I have three twelves at the mine starting on Monday, but Stetson or Holden would be happy to swing by. Even Archer or Colt.”
I was surrounded by family, but I’d hardly seen them. “Will do.”
Liam took his ball cap off and pushed a hand through his hair. “I mean it. I know Bruce might need more time to heal. We’re around.”
I nodded. I didn’t anticipate needing them for much. Dad had slowed down over the years. The work he did all day I could get done in half a day. “I didn’t realize how much Stetson had taken over.”
Liam’s smile dimmed. “He could tell Bruce was moving slower and slower, but you know how your dad is. Wouldn’t ask for help.”
“I’m glad he had you. After Derek.” The confession surprised me. It had been one of those observations I had never said out loud.
Liam shrugged and hooked a thumb in his pants pocket. “It was years after Derek, and I was the last one to see it coming.” He grinned. “Except for maybe your dad and every other Barron in the county.”
“In the world.” I’d been in Iraq when Mom had casually mentioned Liam, Kennedy, and the kids had been over. It was like I’d been gone for generations.
He ran his lower lip through his teeth. “I always wondered how you took the news.”
I mirrored the motion he’d made with his ball cap, only I had no hair to run my hand through. “I’ll be honest, I’m still not sure how to take it.”
“I’ll be honest, me too.” He squinted at the house. “He was never Uncle Bruce to me, but now he’s like a father figure. Stetson’s kids and my kids play together. I talk to Isla regularly. All of a sudden, I have siblings. Fuck, man. It’s been a trip, but I guess we’ve all had our journey.” He lifted his chin. “I, uh, hear you might be on one.”
“What do you mean?” Small goddamn towns.
“I’ve pieced together some comments. Isla said Violet Duke was at your place last month, and now I see your truck outside of a house with one Violet Duke when I’m taking the kids to the park to play.”
“We’re…” Friends? After a couple more nights of fixing her cupboards and doors and eating dinner together, I’d say we were that. We weren’t dating. Word would get out. Those maternity clothes looked cute as fuck on her, and since I was the only guy hanging around her, people would piece together the clues.
“I dropped off some lawn ornaments with Hattie,” Liam continued, “and she told me the Dukes were back in town, and one really liked one of my end tables.”
He might be fishing for information, but that wasn’t a surprise. What got to me was that I wanted to tell him.
“We had a thing, and she’s pregnant.”
He whistled. “Whoa. Wasn’t expecting that.”
Mom hadn’t told him either. She’d respected my privacy. My appreciation for her grew. I’d taken her for granted my entire life, and I needed to stop.
“Congrats.” He peered at me when I only nodded. “It’s congrats, right?”
Liam had been like an annoying little brother when he hung out with Derek. No wonder the truth pushed to spill out. “Yeah, I think so. It’s one of those things. She just got out of a long relationship and isn’t interested in—that’s a lie.” I came from a family that put the blame on others. I wouldn’t do it with Violet. “I’m an asshole, and I didn’t trust that the baby was mine or that if it was, she wasn’t trying to use me.”
Liam’s brows rose higher and higher until I finished talking. Then he chuckled. “You can take the Barron out of Coal Haven, but he’s still a fucking Barron.”
His hard dose of clarity was hard to swallow. “I got used before.” I had faulted my family for how they behaved. There had always been justification. Then I’d done the same thing.
“I remember when Derek told me about that. It was fucked up. But I have to say, I’m glad I didn’t inherit that gene or whatever the fuck it is to carry long-ass grudges. I’d think you were Cameron’s son instead of Bruce’s.”
I coughed out my shock. “Shit, Liam. Tell me what you really think.”
He grinned. “I think I had fun watching Stetson trip over himself trying to win Lyric over after he acted a lot like you.”
“Stetson?” He’d been the grandkid who’d never done wrong.
Stetson was a big, jovial guy around others, but he’d been used to them doing everything he asked. Just because he was nicer about it than his dad didn’t matter .
Liam nodded, still grinning. Was this all fucking funny to him? “He stepped in it so bad. Lyric still gives him shit. She moved out, and he scrambled after her. Finally cut his parents off. That’s the main reason why Cameron’s not such an asshole. Besides getting leukemia and having to rely on family to test themselves for bone marrow matches.”
“He’s doing a bone marrow transplant?” I hadn’t kept up on Uncle Cameron. My parents had quit mentioning him the rare times we had talked.
He shook his head. “Not until he has to, but he can afford excellent treatment. My point is…a lot of your family has gotten over themselves. So if you really like this girl, it’s not too late.”
Violet was more than a girl. She was smart, caring, and funny. She acted like she didn’t want a thing from me, and even more shocking, I believed her. It made the way I treated her even worse. “I don’t know about that. Derek wouldn’t have fucked up like I did.”
I didn’t know what made me say that. My brother was gone. I hardly talked to my dad. I was having a kid, and I didn’t know the first thing about being present in a kid’s life.
Liam gave another casual shrug. “Maybe, maybe not. He was just a guy too.”
“He’s the guy who would’ve been a better dad. Better partner. Better son.”
“He was or would’ve been all that, no doubt. But part of the reason would’ve been because of you.”
“How?”
He puffed out his chest like he was mimicking me. “‘Get back inside and help Mom clean up dinner.’” He kept his voice at a low growl and adopted a mock glare. “‘ Quit fucking around on that four-wheeler and change the oil in Mom’s car.’”
Amusement danced around the grief that welled up when I thought of Derek. “That’s not what I looked like or sounded like.” It was spot-on.
Liam laughed. “You were his role model more than Bruce, but he was a whole lot more conflict-averse than you. In fact, this family didn’t start to repair itself until our generation got a lot more comfortable with conflict.”
“I got too comfortable with it.”
“Can’t be that bad if you’re always at her place.”
“It’s a shithole, and I wish she was in something better.” She had been in something better. With me. “I’m repairing everything I can.”
He was quiet for a moment, his boot tapping in the gravel. “You like her, don’t you?”
“Obviously. We’re having a kid.”
“No, I mean, she’s the one.”
Fire burned up my throat. I swallowed, but my trachea burned. The one . Had I protected myself from all the wrong women only to ruin things with the right one?
Evander
I sat on the edge of the couch. Dad was in his recliner, a blanket over his lap. His face was full of white scruff that got lost in the pale pallor of his skin .
He hugged a pillow to him, and when he coughed, his embrace tightened, and he winced.
“Goddammit.” His voice was sandpaper rough. “I hate that.”
“Mom said it should get better.”
He smacked his lips. “As long as I’m sitting around, it won’t.”
“If you don’t sit around like you’re supposed to, you’re going to be lying in the ground.”
He chuckled and then grimaced. “I forget how blunt you are. I should be used to it after forty-some years.”
“I got it from somewhere.”
His eyelids drifted shut. The water upstairs was running. Mom was taking a long bath. I told her I’d stay with Dad while she got some rest.
“I didn’t mean it,” he said on a sigh.
“Mean what?”
“About Derek.”
I scrubbed my hand over my scalp. First, the raw conversation with Liam this morning, and now this? I hadn’t dwelled on feelings this much in years. If ever. “We don’t need to talk about it.” Dad didn’t need to be stressed right now.
“We do. I almost…” He took a long, shallow breath. “Didn’t have a chance to. I lived a long time fearing I’d hear the worst about you. I thought when I got the call…it’d be you. I didn’t want it. Don’t ever think that—and I know you do. It’s just the shock. I had years to come to terms with the fact that you picked a career that could cost you your life. Derek sold fertilizer.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. I wasn’t ready for this conversation, but I couldn’t bite Dad’s head off and storm out without taxing him. “Yeah. I get it.”
“You don’t. I was hurting. I was still trying to process the shock. It drove you away, and I turned everything on Liam. I’m not proud.” He let his eyelids fall shut. “I’m not proud of me. But I’m proud of you. Always will be. And I’m pretty damn excited to be a grandpa to your kid. Be a shame if our stubbornness got in the way.”
“I can’t just forget everything else.” I wanted to. I didn’t want the hurt son inside me to affect my kid. My family was blunt to the point of being hurtful, but I wouldn’t mend this fence with Dad by lying to him.
“I’m not asking you to.” He tucked the blanket tighter around him. “I’ll apologize until I’m blue in the face, but I know that won’t move you. Just maybe don’t expect the worst when I put my foot in my mouth.”
This was the most open I’d ever seen Dad. He’d have never brought up conversations he’d regretted before. I was the one who’d thrown them in his face, then he’d get upset, we’d argue, and I’d leave. He really had changed. I could too. “Deal.”
He cracked an eye open. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” I said gruffly. I crossed my arms and kicked my ankles out. Dad was tired, but I wasn’t leaving the house until Mom had her bath and a nap.
He closed his eyes again. “Care to tell me what’s really going on between you and Violet?”
Mom had probably caught him up, but since he’d extended an olive branch, I’d accept it. “We’re fine. Friendly.” I wanted to spit on that word.
“That it?”
“Yep.”
He peeled another eye open. “You want more.”
Didn’t matter. “I ruined it. ”
“You’re still here talking to me, and I wrecked a lot of the years.”
“Violet has choices. She doesn’t need me.”
I had fucked up my chance. I could’ve offered to marry her to get her the house, and then I’d have a whole year to work on convincing her to stay married.
Would that still be an option?
“Even better,” Dad said, gripping his pillow. “She might be more forgiving.”
“I don’t know about that, Dad. She’s intent on doing this her own way. I’m not the only one with a bad relationship that changed me.”
“Mm.” His breathing was growing deeper. “Maybe tell her what you want instead of everything you don’t. Just talk to her.” His volume got lower with each word. A long exhale eked out of him, and a small snore escaped. “Or you might need more actions and fewer words. Isn’t there a song about that? ‘A Little Less Talk and A Lot More Action’?”
Could it be that simple? More importantly, was I willing to find out?