Chapter 26 - Ruslana
Rigor is giving me hell because I brought Avraam up again.
It’s been over a week since they brought me home—and every day I plead with Rodion not to retaliate against Avraam for taking me. I want him to let it go and leave him alone.
Renat pulled me aside on that first day, seeing how distraught I was when I realized that Avraam got shot and saved my life in the process—he told me what happened—and that he got him to a hospital, and everything will be fine—but that’s not enough.
Avraam literally took a bullet for me and I was in such a state of shock I didn’t even have a chance to thank him. The least I can do is convince my brothers to leave him alone.
The fact that they helped him to the hospital is not enough to make me happy or help me not to worry—because my brothers are still angry with him. And I know what happens when my brothers are mad at people.
Rigor is especially upset and every time I mention Avraam he wants to release hell on him.
“Please, stop ,” I sigh, annoyed with him. “All I am asking is that you leave him alone. Whatever he did—kidnapping me—he made up for it by taking a bullet for me. Right?” I look towards Rodion.
He sighs heavily, folding his arms across his chest he looks at Rigor.
“Yeah. He did take a bullet for her, Rigor. And he was there to help save her life from that fucking psycho,” Rodion shrugs.
“You’ve got to be kidding me. She got taken by that psycho because he kidnapped her. It’s all his fault,” Rigor snaps angrily.
I ignore his comment and speak directly to Rodion.
“So, you promise to leave him alone then?” I ask, filled with hope.
“Sure. We’ll leave him alone. But if he comes near you again, that deal is off,” Rodion warns me. “I mean it, Ruslana. Stay away from him.”
I rush forward and hug him. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
“Why the fuck do you care about him so much?” Rigor snarls agitated and hateful. “We shouldn’t even have helped him to the hospital. We should have left him there to die.”
“That’s not who we are,” Ryder hisses back at him.
They can carry on arguing amongst themselves. Rodion has promised me that they will leave him alone and that is all I needed to hear.
I walk out of the living room and their heated conversation fades away behind me.
I’ve been staying with Rodion for the moment because no one wants to let me out of their sight.
I kind of don’t care about how much they are trying to control me. I feel hollow and numb. I don’t care about anything.
I miss him so much that it hurts. But it doesn’t matter.
Nothing matters because I don’t think any of it was real.
I’m so confused. My head is a wreck, and I can’t get my thoughts straight.
Ryder tried to comfort me this morning and told me that shock after trauma can make people feel like shit. He told me to just give it some time.
But it’s not the trauma that is on my mind.
It’s Avraam.
Every day, and every night, all I can think about is him and it’s driving me crazy. Another week goes by and nothing changes in my heart.
I’m angry with myself because I keep thinking that I’m being ungrateful. Through everything—no one that I love got killed. We all walked away. Avraam is alive. He’s healing, he’s fine.
But I’m over here sulking over what I don’t have.
Impossible things.
I flop down on my bed, sighing and burying my face against the pillow.
“Shut up,” I mumble against the soft fabric, talking to my own mind.
But it doesn’t shut up. It keeps drifting back to Avraam.
He risked his life to save me.
Does that mean he loves me?
But—he was just using me for a bit of fun because I was the only girl around and I was convenient, right?
But—then there were times when we weren’t making love and he was so gentle and caring.
We spent a lot of time just bonding, being together, talking and laughing—how can that be fake?
Am I really that blind and naive that I can’t tell? Because to me it felt like so much more than just a physical connection.
I roll onto my back and stare up at the ceiling.
A soft knock on my door makes me look towards it.
“Hey, Raisa,” I say, not getting up.
“How are you feeling?” she asks, walking into my room and flopping down into the bed next to me.
I shrug. “Honestly, I have no idea.” Admitting that makes me want to cry from frustration.
“Is it bad memories? Are you getting any sleep?”
“I’m not sleeping, but it’s not the bad memories that are keeping me awake.” I keep my eyes on the ceiling, not brave enough to look at her. “I can’t stop thinking about him.” I push my lips together, waiting for her to be angry with me.
“Avraam?”
I nod.
“Do you have feelings for him?” she asks, not sounding surprised at all. I turn to look at her because I thought she was going to lecture me about the enemy like Rigor did. I didn’t expect her to keep the conversation going. “I think I do—um—yes. I know I have feelings for him.”
I bite my lip, waiting. She shakes her head, but she’s smiling.
“Oh dear. I kind of know all about the exact predicament you are in.”
“You do?” I ask in surprise.
“Well, yes, it’s what happened to me.”
“Rigor keeps telling me it’s Stockholm syndrome,” I roll my eyes.
“Ruslana, I know it’s probably really confusing—but in your heart, you know how you feel. And you are the only one who can truly know how you feel. Obviously, the guys are angry about the whole thing—they won’t understand what you’re going through—but if you truly have feelings for him then you might need to do something about it.”
“Like what though? Rigor wants to kill him. Rodion just flat out says no to everything and—“
“It’s your life,” she says, interrupting me.
I narrow my eyes towards her.
She says it again. Slower. Emphasizing her point. “It’s your life , Ruslana. What do you want?”
I don’t even have to think when I answer her—the words are out of my mouth before I consider the consequences of saying it. “I want to be with him.”
A heavy weight lifts off my shoulders and I can’t believe it. All along—the truth was right there on the tip of my tongue.
Raisa grins. “So, find a way to make it happen.”
She pushes herself off the bed. “I have to get going but I’ll be here for dinner tonight. I just need to sort out a few things before then. So, I’ll see you later.”
I sit up, lost in thought and she leans over to hug me.
“It’s all work out. I promise.”
All afternoon I sit on my bed thinking. I have to find a way to get my brothers to calm down and make peace with Avraam. If they make peace with him then I can spend time with him again and see if he feels the same way I do. But until my brothers are willing to do that—I’m just going to be throwing stones at a brick wall and getting nowhere.
Rodion is the key to everything.
At least he is someone I can have a conversation with—sometimes. If it was Rigor I had to convince I’d be screwed.
I think my best bet is to talk to Rodion before everyone arrives for dinner. If all of my brothers are here, this conversation will be a mess. I won’t even get a chance to say what I’m feeling.
I push off the bed and hurry from my room. I go through the house looking for Rodion. Finally, I find him in the kitchen, making a snack even though dinner is only an hour away. Typical. All my brothers do this. I bet they would eat all day if they could.
“Roda, can we talk?”
He turns to face me, peeling an orange and leaning his back against the kitchen counter.
“Sure, what’s up?” he asks, sliding a segment of orange into his mouth.
I take a deep breath. I have to explain this right—I might only have one chance. Rodion can be stubborn at the best of times so I need him to understand before he gets his back up and gets defensive in any way.
“Just listen—ok. Hear me out. You can talk at the end but give me a chance to get all my thoughts out first.”
He puts the orange down and folds his arms across his chest. “Sure. I’m listening,” he says cautiously.
“Roda, I fell in love with Avraam when I was with him. He’s not who you think he is. He’s a good man, with a good heart and he never hurt me. He never did anything to me. He took care of me and treated me with respect. I—I fell in love with him and I want to be with him. I need you to find a way to make peace with him. If our families can find common ground and maybe even work together—I don’t know—you know how these things work—I just want to be with him. Please, Roda, can you—“
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Rigor’s voice comes from behind me and I spin around to see him standing in the kitchen doorway.
Rodion holds up his hand. “Let her speak, Rigor. She has a right to speak.”
“Can’t you see she’s not herself? That fucking asshole has brainwashed her. She’s got Stockholm Syndrome. She thinks she’s in love with him. Are you fucking kidding me—I can’t believe you are even listening to this bullshit.”
I look desperately between Rigor and Roda. “Roda, I’m not brainwashed,“ I say, frustrated and angry.
“Ruslana, I know you might feel that way. You’ve been through a lot. I think you need to give it time and heal and maybe in a month or two we can talk again.”
“I don’t want to wait a month!” I yell at him, losing my patience. “I want you to help me see him now.”
Rigor shakes his head. “You need to open your eyes, Ruslana. That man kidnapped you. You can’t be that stupid.”
“Roda—,“ I whimper.
“I’m sorry, Ruslana. Just give it time, ok.”
I shake my head, tears flowing freely, then spin away from Roda and shove my way past Rigor. Rigor holds his hands in the air, acting defensive. Outside the kitchen I pause, listening to their conversation.
“She’s completely brainwashed man, please tell me you won’t let her see that guy.”
“I have no intention of letting her near him. You don’t have to worry about that,” Rodion says and my heart sinks into my stomach. He didn’t listen to anything I said. And now that I’ve tried to convince him, he is going to lock down security and keep me under even more of a watchful eye than before.
Rigor is making him believe I’ve lost my mind.
It’s not true though.
I know Avraam better than any of them know him and he is a good man.
And I love him.
I run upstairs, angry and hurt by how quickly my brothers rejected my request. Well, I promise you one thing. I am not waiting a few months before I can see Avraam. Just because they said no doesn’t mean I can’t find another way.
Raisa is right—it’s my life. I get to choose how I want to live it—and who I want to be with.
“Dinner’s ready.” I hear someone calling from downstairs, but I’m too angry to go down and eat with them.
After a while they shout again, and I ignore it again.
Raisa sticks her head around my door. “Hey, are you coming down to eat?” she asks, scrunching her nose.
“No, I can’t even look at them,” I huff.
“What happened?” she asks, coming into my room.
“I told them how I feel and asked them to make peace with Avraam. They didn’t even hear me out—Rigor just made me sound crazy and Roda agreed with him. They will never let me see him.”
“Hey, Ruslana, breathe. Calm down. I told you—it’s your life.”
"Yes, but the only way I can go and speak to Avraam is if I sneak out of here,” I sigh, feeling hopeless.
“Alright then—after dinner I will help you sneak out. It’s that easy.”
“Are you serious?” I ask in shock.
“Of course, I’m serious. No one should stop you from being with someone you love, honey. Just promise me that you’ll be safe, and you’ll be back before they know you’re gone.”
“Alright, after dinner, when they think I’ve gone to bed,” I nod, putting a plan together in my head.
Raisa goes out of her way to help me. She even books a taxi and has them waiting around the corner for me. She truly does understand, and I don’t know if I can ever thank her enough.
Everyone is in their own rooms when I get out and run down the road to the taxi. My heart beats wildly when I climb inside and he takes the address from me.
I’m going to see Avraam. It’s been weeks and I can’t believe this is happening.
I can’t wipe the stupid grin off my face.