4. Mikhail Hale
FOUR
Mikhail Hale
“Get that smile off of your face!” I snap at Alexi, seeing him with that shit-eating grin that makes my stomach churn, “I didn’t agree to this because of you. She’s just… Different.”
He still looks smug, giving me a look, “I wouldn’t be worrying about it too much, Mikhail. Just tell me that I’m right and not worry about a damn thing. You know I hate it when you’re being an ass about things.”
“Well, I’m not going to tell you that you’re right.” I clarify to him, wondering where he is going to want this to go, “if I’m being honest, I think that you should just let it go and back off.”
Of course, he isn’t going to do anything like that because he doesn’t want to. No matter what would come from it, he just does things his own way and it doesn’t matter either. I wish that I could figure it out but it’s another feeling.
It’s like he is just doing whatever he wants and expecting it to be okay.
He doesn’t know the truth about where this is going to go.
How it might affect me.
How it could end up blowing up in my face and I wouldn’t be able to do a damn thing about it.
That terrifying notion is like nothing else that I could have dreamed about, and I do know that I’m hating every part of it. With everything building inside of me, I just keep trying to decide if I want her.
How can I open up to someone that I don’t know?
I don’t trust the feelings burning inside of me that is dragging me closer to her.
I can’t always be certain that it is going to go the right way or if it is going to get ugly.
I’m almost certain that it would end up being too much for me to handle.
If anything, it might just be so much more and then it would really be a mess.
It just makes me wonder what more can come from it before it is too late.
“I know you’re thinking about her.” He teases me, a smirk on his face that grinds at my nerves, “you can admit it. I’m not going to be upset if you do. I know that I’m right about this.”
I don’t know if he is right but I’m certain that there’s absolutely no way that I want to do this.
“I don’t know why you’re talking like this.” I correct him, finishing cooking before she gets here, “because you have been ‘right’ before and it ended up being a shitshow. Must I remind you.”
He flinches, knowing precisely what I was talking about, “yeah, I guess that I should have known you would say that. I’m right about her though. I know it.”
I can tell that he isn’t going to back down about this.
I don’t care what he thinks, I’m just doing this for myself and not trying to worry about a thing.
I’m more than a little surprised with him because he thinks that no matter what, we’re going to meet our one true love, but I don’t believe in fate. I think that when it is going to happen, then it’ll happen.
I’m almost completely certain that there’s not going to be much that I can do about it.
I wish that there was a lot more for me to decide but I’m the more logical thinker. If I end up doing this a completely different way, then I’m more than certain that this’ll get ugly. If it ends up happening, I keep trying to decide what I’ll do.
Can I really open up my heart to this woman?
Can I give her everything?
Is this the way that I want things to go or am I just a hopeless romantic as well?
It’s very clear to me that either way, this is what I’m going to have to do, and it might as well happen one way or the other. I have been trying to decide what I’m longing for and if it is worth it.
I know that I shouldn’t be like that but after many heartbreaks, I’m almost certain that it’ll be a mess if I give myself over to her.
If not, I’m sure that it would get ugly and then I’d really end up hating everything.
I’d like to figure it out but I’m not certain yet what’ll happen. I’m terrified of the notion that this is going to go one way or the other and I’m not going to be able to handle it.
Another thing, I’m more terrified of what will end up coming from it as well.
Something tells me that it isn’t easy either.
I guess that this is one way or another, I’ll have to figure it out.
“Stop thinking stupid thoughts!” Alexi smacks me on the back of my head, making me jerk up and glare at him, “I know that you’re hesitant about what is going to happen, but I can assure you that I won’t allow anything bad to happen.”
I believe him.
I’d like to think that no matter what, Alexi has always been the one who thought optimistically no matter what he was going through, and I have to be grateful for it. I wish that I could do a lot more about it and be like him but it’s not easy.
Not when the world feels like it is against you.
I guess I keep trying to decide what more that I’m going to be able to do with it.
I wish that I could figure it out though but I’m certain that it’ll blow up in my face.
That is a promise.
It’s not going to be easy, but I am almost certain that there is only one way that this is going to be able to happen. I hate it because I hate that I’m so questionable about what is happening between us.
No matter what I decide, I’m doing this for the good of our relationship and I’m not going to let anything stand between us.
Not now, not ever.
I’d like to think that this is just what I want to do and hope for the best.
At least that is what I’m hoping for.
Pleasant for me, right?
Either way, I don’t care but I’m just taking it one step at a time.
Before I can think about any more thoughts, the doorbell goes off and I know she is here. I’m making my way towards the door, and I open it, feeling like the breath is getting sucked out of me.
She is wearing a beautiful sundress that fits her perfectly, making me tempted to do a lot more and I have no clue what I’m going to do about it. It’s clear to me that she is a little excited about this.
“Glad to see you.” Alexi pops up behind me, making me want to roll my eyes because of course he is going to be acting like, “come on in, we have been waiting for you.”
I’m not certain what is going through his head right now and I’m almost certain that this is the only thing that I’m going to be able to do. A part of me wishes that I could be upbeat as well but I’m almost certain that there’s nothing more that I can do about it.
She peeks up at us nervously but smiles, “thanks, I’m glad to be here. I hope you’re making something delicious because I’m hungry.”
The smile on her face is enough to do something to me, making me long for a lot more but I haven’t ever felt like this before. The need brews deep inside of me, tempting me to do a lot more and not letting anything else come from it.
Something tells me that it isn’t going to be easy either way and I’m going to be tempted to do a lot more. It’s like nothing else matters, a longing building within me that needs her.
Needs more.
I don’t know why I’m feeling like this but I’m almost certain that this is the way that it has to go. A part of me wishes that it would be easier, but I have this hard feeling on the inside that it won’t be.
Either way, this is the way that it has to go before it is too late.
It makes me wonder what more I’m going to be able to do about it.
“Mikhail is the best cook.” Alexi tells her, of course wanting to boast about me, “he is perfect husband material if you ask me. He’s quite loyal as well.”
Jabbing him in the ribs, I do notice how she giggles a little bit at his words but doesn’t say anything else. I don’t know how she is just listening to him, but I have to thank her for it.
Without her, I’m almost certain that Alexi would be a person that would be sad and depressed if she didn’t walk into our lives.
I can’t let her go.
I can see why Alexi liked her in the first place.