5. Rory Hemmingway
FIVE
Rory Hemmingway
I’m feeling nervous.
I know that Jacob is not happy with me going to dinner with two men that I just met but I can’t bring myself to care. I keep thinking that there’s only some way to do it.
I told him that it wasn’t like that because there’s no reason that I should even have to worry about it. I keep trying to tell him that nothing is going to happen, but I’d like to think that there’s more to it.
Something tells me that it isn’t going to be easy.
One way or the other, I’m just doing what I want and I’m not going to let anything else stand in my way. I’m scared because it is certain to me that I have no idea why they want me.
I’d like to think that one way or the other, I’m going to get to decide, and I keep thinking that this is what I’m going to do. Another part of me is wondering what’ll happen but another part of me is terrified.
I guess either way, I’m doing this one way or another and I’m just doing whatever I can. I think that with everything going on right now, I’m not going to be able to let go.
I just wish that I could figure it out before it is too late.
“So, what do you guys do for a living?” I ask them sweetly, nervously gnawing on my bottom lip, “you seem like you do a lot of tough work.”
It mainly has to do with the look of their skin, how they are covered in scars, and it looks like they have been fighting something. It’s kind of nerve-wracking because I know that I could be judging them without knowing.
I’d like to figure it out, but it is certain to me that this is what I’m longing for.
I guess this is what I’m tempted for and it’s clear to me that this is where I’m going to go with.
I just hope that I’m not going to be the one to let go.
If I let it go any other way, I’m not sure what’ll come from it, but it is clear to me that this is what I’m going to enjoy. It’s a scary feeling, that much I already know and I’m wishing that I could do something else.
Do they feel the same way?
“We were both in the army for about five years.” Mikhail tells me, surprising me a little bit because it wasn’t something that I expected, “and it was a little rough. We did leave eventually because we didn’t want to do it forever.”
“Well, it’s good that you did that.” I corrected him, “you two were very brave for doing so because this is a scary world and I’m not sure what might come from it but it’s clear to me that you’re doing this either way.”
Another part of me is feeling weird, my stomach churning a little bit as I’m trying to ask myself what I’m going to do about it. With everything that has happened between us, it’s more certain to me that they might not have heard that.
Do they think that I don’t feel that way?
I’m sure a lot of people do because they are idiots if they don’t, they are stupid.
Licking my bottom lip, I turn my attention to my plate of food and continue to eat it. I can see how they are looking at me, like they are trying to figure out who I am. Who I’m going to be.
It’s a little scary because I have no clue what I want to do but I do know that I don’t want to be rude either. I just drawn away in my thoughts, a fluttering feeling welling inside of me as I’m tempted to do something else.
I guess either way, this is what I’m longing for but I’m certain that this is going to go one way or the other.
I just keep doing this one way or the other and I have no idea what is going to come from it. I’m scared of it a lot because I’m wondering what I’m going to end up doing about it.
“What do you do?” Alexi asks me, looking a little curious.
“I was in college.” I explain to them, “Now, I’m on the hunt for a job and just trying to make a life for myself. I want to do what I can to make a successful living.”
“Why are you not married?” Mikhail now asks, raising his eyebrow a little bit, “or why don’t you have a boyfriend? You are quite beautiful. I feel like you’d be swept up almost immediately.”
“I have a very protective brother who sometimes doesn’t know how to chill.” I explain to them, seeing how they raise an eyebrow at me, “and I’d like to say that it gave me reason to date to be defiant, but he ran off anyone who got close to me.”
“So, I’m assuming he doesn’t know that you are here with us?” Alexi wonders, a slight smirk appearing on his face as he realizes this, “I mean, I can see why you wouldn’t want to tell him. You don’t want him attempting to run us off.”
“He would fail.” Mikhail agrees, making me shudder a little bit because I couldn’t believe that is what he said, “because I can promise you that the minute you say okay, you are going to be ours and I’m not going to let you go. I promise.”
I can’t believe this.
Is he being serious?
“I can’t believe that you’re flirting with me.” I murmur, my voice coming out a little huskier than I intended it to, “why?”
His eyebrow raises slightly, and it is like he is wanting to do a lot more to me, “why not? Is there a reason why I shouldn’t be wanting to give you that attention? If you tell me that you don’t want us, we will let go.”
I know that they would but by the look on their faces, I know that it is not what they wish for. It makes me feel a little nervous, gnawing on my bottom lip as I’m worrying about the future.
I’m worrying about what’ll come from it if I end up opening up my heart to them.
I don’t know why they are trying to worm their way in when it is pretty obvious that none of us know what is going to end up happening. I am a little worried in the sense that I have no clue what I’m going to do.
I don’t know if I’m going to be fine, but this is what I need.
It’s what I’m tempted for.
“Why should I choose you two?” I ask them, deciding that I’m going to tease them and make them go crazy, “I’m sure that you have realized that this kind of relationship is never going to be easy, and you might end up wasting your time on me. I don’t think that I’m good enough.”
Mikhail looks pissed and I kind of worried that he might try to prove me wrong. I’d like to be able to do a lot more, thinking that either way, there’s no way that I’m going to be away. I can’t do this, not right here and now.
A moment that could change everything and I’d end up needing to do so much more with it.
I guess I have already figured it out.
“Would you like us to prove you wrong?” Alexi finally speaks up, making me look up at him with surprise because I didn’t expect that to be said, “if I’m being completely honest, I’ve been wanting to claim you already from the moment that I saw you…”
I should say no, a little worried that it could end up blowing up in my face.
If I open up my heart to them, am I going to be the one who gets hurt? Are they going to turn this around on me and then not want anything to do with me after it?
I’m not certain but it is more obvious to me that this is the way that things have to go and I’m not going to be able to do anything else. I guess that’s the terrifying realization and I’m going to have to figure out what I’ll do about it.
“I guess you can try.” I finally agree, slightly worried about what might end up happening.
It’s clear to me that this is what I’ll just do completely, and I’ll never let go.
I don’t want to let anything stand in my way, that is pretty obvious already.
I just hope that one way or the other, I’m going to get what I deserve.