December
Subject: I don’t got this
Ohhh my God!!
I know the doctors said this would be hard. I know they told me to expect push back. But holy shit they under-exaggerated.
I’m at my wits end and it’s been four days.
Four fucking days, Brian!
Four days of I hate you, of name calling, of chipping away at every sliver of happiness I dare to hold on to.
And that’s just Thomas.
Hahahaha. Just kidding. Sort of.
Actually, not at all. Thomas is a fucking cunt. Oh, yeah. I said it. I went there. Let me say it again because it felt fucking good.
Thomas is a cunt!
He still blames me for Jerry’s hospital stay. Even though he was told on countless occasions that without my intervention Jerry would have died, it’s all somehow my fault.
But that I could deal with. Honestly, years of Susan’s belittling and impossible standards have left me all but immune to the most vicious of barbs.
What I can’t stand is the way he looks at me.
He’s always had things to say about the way I look or choose to dress.
But it’s never been this graphic before.
Or maybe it has and I just haven’t noticed.
If I can go a day without my father-in-law saying ‘I can see your pussy lips through your trousers, go and change’, I think I might weep of happiness.
He can’t see anything, by the way. I always make sure I have absolutely nothing on show these days. I overdress, even for December.
I think he wants to make me squirm. Like it’s some sort of power trip. And I think it drives him crazy when I pretend I can’t hear him.
Oh, and he’s such a slob too.
Though, again, I’m sure this is some power trip to double my workload. But I cannot fathom why he feels the need to piss in a fucking bottle and leave it on my kitchen counter.
Whatever.
Moving on because I don’t want to think about it. If it’s not crusty socks, it’s pee in a bottle.
You can’t make this stuff up.
As for Jerry? Well, he thinks I should take it easy on his poor ol’ Da because he’s had such a fright. Almost losing his son so soon after losing his wife, can you imagine the tragedy?
Never mind me, eh? I’m just chopped liver.
But I know this is just a dark period I have to get through. The doctor said as much. I’m depriving an alcoholic of their alcohol. I am persona non grata.
Thankfully I am going back home in just a couple of days for Isla’s engagement party. I’ve arranged for Jerry’s sister to come and stay with them while I’m gone so I will be surprised if I have a house to come back to.
But ho hum.
Four more days.
2 Dec | From: Brian Trainer | To: Jesy Pattinson
Subject: RE: Four more days!
You know what, Jes?
For the sake of my sanity, our friendship and propriety, I’m not going to tell you what I think about your father-in-law, nor your husband.
Just know, it is taking some serious effort and restraint not to find out where you live and introduce them to my right fist.
Or my left. Honestly, I’m not fussy.
The doctor told you to expect conflict, not roll over and accept abuse.
I’m so fucking angry that this is your life and there’s nothing I can do about it and so… with a very deep breath… I am going to change the topic.
Tell me about this engagement party.
You have received an instant message from:
RACHEL
Rachel: Are you okay?
Rachel: You hung up pretty abruptly.
Brian: Sorry about that, Rach.
Brian: If I’m honest, no, I’m not okay.
Brian: My friend is going through something awful. She is isolated from all of her loved ones and boxed in by the enemy.
Rachel: I think enemy might be a touch too far.
Brian: I don’t.
Brian: Enemies weaken their target. Isolate them.
Play emotional warfare. They are pissing in bottles and expecting her to clean it.
Making lewd comments about her body in an effort to shame her.
Letting her know constantly that she is alone and they have each other and they will never have her fucking back.
Rachel: Jesus.
Brian: Exactly.
Brian: And I’m supposed to be okay with this?
Rachel: No. But you do have to calm down.
Rachel: Jesy is a grown woman, and she is capable of handling them. She has been handling them.
Brian: At a detriment to herself.
Rachel: That’s her cross to bear.
Brian: Her cross t… What the fuck are you even talking about right now?
Rachel: I just mean—
Brian: I’ve gotta go.
Brian: I’ll speak to you tomorrow.
Rachel: Brian, come on.
brIAN has left the conversation.
Rachel: Dammit.
4 Dec | From: Rachel Nelson | To: Jesy Pattinson
Subject: I hope you don’t mind…
Hi, Jesy!
I hope you don’t mind me emailing you. I snagged your address when you first took Jerry to hospital and I’ve just kept it.
I’m not sure why!
I hope you’re doing well, and things are going well with your husband’s return to the family home. You must be so relieved to have him back and on the road to recovery.
Brian tells me there have been a few hiccups, but that’s to be expected, I suppose.
I had an aunt who struggled with alcohol, and I know what a toll it can take on the person. I’m sure your husband doesn’t mean to cause so many bumps in the road, and you’ll be back to normal in no time!
With that in mind, I was hoping I could talk to you woman to woman.
Brian is incredibly worried about you. You know what a sweetheart he is! And he cares about you so much as his friend.
The problem is, he’s taking your burden on his shoulders and while I understand you don’t mean for that to happen, the fact is, it is happening.
He’s gone from this silly, funny man, to irritable and sullen.
I don’t like that change, and I’m sure you don’t want that for your friend. I’m not asking you not to talk to him, of course not. But I am asking if you might consider venting to someone else.
At least for a little while.
I’m sorry again if this is inappropriate.
Best regards,
Rachel.
You have received an instant message from:
ISLA
Isla: You’re right. If Brian finds out about that, he’s going to go ballistic.
Jesy: Do I tell him?
Isla: I would.
Jesy: Really?
Jesy: My instinct says not to tell him.
Isla: Because you don’t want to cause trouble between them. I get that. But she shouldn’t have gone behind his back to message you.
Isla: The fact is, the two of you have managed to build something quite beautiful from a genuine accident. You’ve not given her reason to be jealous, have you?
Jesy: I don’t think so.
Jesy: But I’m not sure the tone of her email is jealousy. I truly think it comes from a good place. She’s putting her boyfriend’s wellbeing above… well, to her, a stranger.
Isla: I don’t think Brian will see it that way, hen.
Isla: And it’s not as innocent as you want to believe it is with the way she continuously emphasises that two of you are such good friends.
Jesy: I did notice that, aye.
Isla: Has he been acting ‘irritable and sullen’ with you?
Jesy: No. But that doesn’t mean much. You can be whatever you want to be through email.
Isla: You haven’t spoken on the phone?
Jesy: Once or twice, I guess.
Jesy: Look, I don’t think it matters. I should respect their relationship. And I have you and Penny to vent to.
Isla: Always.
Isla: But I’m also not stupid. You want Brian for a reason.
Jesy: Yeah…
Isla: I still think you should tell him.
Jesy: Maybe.
Isla: If you don’t I will.
Jesy: Haha. Very funny.
Isla: Not joking. If she can overstep boundaries, then so can I.
PENNY has entered the conversation.
Penny: Well.
Penny: Rachel feels threatened.
Isla: See.
Penny: I also don’t like the story about her aunt.
Jesy: What? Why?
Penny: It’s very… blasé and dismissive of you. She knows what a toll it takes on the alcoholic? What about the people who love them?
Penny: Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but it says to me that not only does she not want you to vent to Brian, she believes Jerry’s needs come above your own.
Penny: Please tell me you’ve told Brian.
Isla: She has not.
Jesy: I’m not going to.
Isla: Jesy!
Jesy: No, listen.
Jesy: Whatever her intention, whether I’m right and it’s just concern for her boyfriend, or you’re both right and she feels threatened, the fact is she reached out to me for a reason.
Jesy: Brian is finally happy with someone after a string of bad luck, and I do not want to ruin that.
Jesy: And to be honest with you, we could probably stand to have a bit of distance.
Penny: I was sort of on board until that last point.
Penny: What are you not telling us?
Jesy: Nothing.
Jesy: It’s nothing.
Jesy: I need to go give Jerry his meds. I’ll talk later.
JESY has left the conversation.
Isla: That’s not nothing.
Penny: That’s definitely something.
6 Dec | From: Brian Trainer | To: Jesy Pattinson
Subject: Safe travels!
Hey you!
Should I be worried you’ve been quiet the last couple of days? I’m not complaining, I know you’re busy. I hope you’re taking care of yourself!
Things are a bit weird between Rachel and I.
Not in the, oh-no-this-relationship-is-doomed kind of way. But she’s been… cagey? It’s probably nothing but it’s playing on my mind all the same.
She jumps every time my phone pings, and when I said we hadn’t really spoken much, a kind of… calm came over her. She’s always been so cool about our friendship, I hope she isn’t getting any crazy ideas now! I don’t want another Rebecca.
Anyway, you’re travelling back home today, right? Drop me a text to let me know you arrived safe, so I don’t worry.
And call me soon. I miss your voice.
Brian
You have received an instant message from:
JESY
Jesy: He’s just said he doesn’t want another Rebecca.
Isla: Who is he? Who is Rebecca? And are you on your way?
Jesy: He is Brian. Rebecca is the ex who flipped out about his friendship with me. And waiting on Jerry’s sister arriving.
Isla: She better hurry up. We have maid of honour things to discuss.
Isla: Like, will you be my maid of honour?
Jesy: !!!!
Jesy: Do you mean it?
Isla: There’s no one else I’d ask. Please say yes, Jes.
Jesy: Yes! Absolutely yes! Oh my god, I love you!
Isla: I love you too.