January #2
Isla: You come to me for honesty, Jes. Not for me to coddle you.
Both you and Brian are cheating on your partners.
Not physically, of course. But emotionally?
Absolutely. There are things you tell him that you don’t even tell me.
Parts of your life that he gets to see but I don’t.
And that makes it explicitly clear that you are, at the very least, having an emotional affair.
Isla: And given everything you have told me, I don’t see any scenario where the two of you meet and clothes don’t start flying.
Isla: If that is what you want, fucking go for it, Jes. You deserve to be happy. But don’t take your happiness at the detriment of someone else’s.
Jesy: What do you mean?
Isla: Don’t meet him until all your loose ends are tied up.
Jesy: Loose ends meaning Jerry and Rachel?
Isla: Well. Rachel. I don’t give a fuck about Jerry.
Jesy: You can’t do that. You can’t pick and choose who you have morals for. And what happens between Rachel and Brian is none of my business.
Isla: Fine, you’re right. My advice still stands.
Jesy: And it’s well-intentioned advice.
Jesy: But tell me. What if we blow up our entire lives only to realise that when we’re face to face there’s nothing there. Then we’d… well, he’d have left Rachel for no good reason.
Isla: No.
Isla: He’s already proven to himself that Rachel isn’t what he wants. Otherwise, you’d never have been a temptation.
Jesy: I can’t make him break up with her.
Isla: Nope. Just like I can’t make you take my advice. And that’s all it is, hen. Advice. Take it or leave it.
Isla: And, FYI, I think you should meet. That’s not what I take issue with. I agree, you need to know one way or another. I just think there’s a right way and a wrong way to do it.
Jesy: I get it.
Jesy: Thank you.
Isla: You’re always welcome.
Jesy: Where’s Penny, anyway? I haven’t seen her for a while.
Isla: She’s started a new weight loss adventure. You can watch it all unfold on Rambles with Penny.
Jesy: Cute. A new channel?
Isla: Aye. Our friend, the social media star.
Jesy: Hey, yeah! Look at that following. Go Penny. She better not forget us when she’s famous.
Isla: Please. Who else is going to make dick shaped Vodka jelly with her? We’re stuck with her I’m afraid.
Jesy: Just as well. I’m too old to make new friends.
Isla: Aren’t we all, babe?
11 Jan | From: Jesy Pattinson | To: Brian Trainer
Subject: Proposition
I’ve had the most splendid idea.
11 Jan | From: Brian Trainer | To: Jesy Pattinson
Subject: RE: Proposition
Oh, well do tell, Poppet.
11 Jan | From: Jesy Pattinson | To: Brian Trainer
Subject: RE: Proposition
Are you sitting down? I feel like you should be sitting down. Because this idea is that mind blowing, I fear that if you’re not sitting down, you will collapse with the brilliance of said idea and do yourself an injury.
I simply will not have that on my conscience, Brian.
11 Jan | From: Brian Trainer | To: Jesy Pattinson
Subject: RE: Proposition
You must be nervous about this brilliant idea of yours because you’re babbling.
Spill.
I’m a very busy man, you know.
11 Jan | From: Jesy Pattinson | To: Brian Trainer
Subject: RE: Proposition
Busy doing what?
11 Jan | From: Brian Trainer | To: Jesy Pattinson
Subject: RE: Proposition
Trying to woo some tech genius in Detroit into licensing his patent.
And because I know you’re going to ask, he has a particular modular controller input system.
And, yes, I know you don’t know what that means.
So, let’s just say, if I can license it, the interface on our new game would run much smoother.
11 Jan | From: Jesy Pattinson | To: Brian Trainer
Subject: RE: Proposition
Do you want a character reference?
I’ll give you a good one. Look.
Brian Trainer of SideQuest Studios is a man you can trust with your patent. I know this because I am very clever and smart and if you don’t believe me, just ask my mum.
What do you think?
11 Jan | From: Brian Trainer | To: Jesy Pattinson
Subject: RE: Proposition
… I’ll tell him my niece wrote it.
11 Jan | From: Jesy Pattinson | To: Brian Trainer
Subject: RE: Proposition
Well, that’s just rude.
Okay, smartie pants. Do you want me to woo him instead? I’ve been told I can be quite charming when I want to be.
11 Jan | From: Brian Trainer | To: Jesy Pattinson
Subject: RE: Proposition
Don’t I know it.
No, Jesy. What I want is for you to tell me your idea!!
11 Jan | From: Jesy Pattinson | To: Brian Trainer
Subject: RE: Proposition
Oh, yeah. That.
Well, I was thinking about finally taking that spa day you bought for me many moons ago now. And I was wondering if maybe you’d like to come with me.
You have received an instant message from:
brIAN
Brian: As in the two of us.
Jesy: Yes.
Brian: Together?
Jesy: Yup.
Brian: In the same room.
Jesy: That’s what the two of us and together would mean, aye.
Brian: Yes.
Jesy: Yes?
Brian: Abso-fucking-lutely, yes.
Jesy: Well, hang on. I haven’t even told you everything yet.
Brian: You don’t need to. Yes.
Jesy: But—
Brian: No buts.
Brian: Details later. For now…
Brian: Yes.
Jesy. Okay. Yes, it is.
Brian
A grin spreads across my face, watching as Jesy spams a bunch of excited emojis into the chat. I can’t say I blame her, because it’s all I can do not to punch the air with happiness.
We’re finally going to meet.
The thought should make me feel sick with nerves. But I can’t feel anything other than pure joy racing through my veins.
Well.
Aside from the tiny niggle in the back of my head that tells me Rachel is not going to like this.
There’s no getting around it either. I’m going to tell her and we’re going to argue. Despite my attempts to reassure her, Jesy has become a sore point in our relationship.
And I know that it’s my own fault. I know I should do better by her. She has been nothing but kind and patient, loving and giving. She is the kind of woman you bring home to meet your parents, settle down and create a life with.
But if I don’t take this chance with Jesy, I’ll never know if Rachel can be that woman for me. In the back of my head, I’ll always wonder, always be waiting for Jesy to realise I’m right fucking here.
And that’s the sad truth of it all. The thing I haven’t wanted to admit out loud.
I am waiting for her.
Over the past year, I realise I’ve fallen for her email by email. I don’t know when exactly it happened. I can’t pinpoint the moment. Perhaps there wasn’t one. This doesn’t feel like a quick, fleeting thing. If it was, I could meet her, fuck her and get her out of my system.
But no.
This feels slow. Days, weeks, months. Hundreds of messages. Thousands of words. All of it accumulating until Jesy became the person I love most in the world, despite the fact that she fell into my life so accidentally.
And there’s every possibility that this will all blow up in my face and I’ll be left looking like the fool I am.
But, God, just the chance to be in her presence, to bask in her aura.
It’s a chance I can’t miss.
An alert pings from the laptop, bringing me back down to earth. I quickly type a reply to Jesy before bringing up the new message from Darrell.
Where are you???
Where am I?
I frown at the screen, racking my brain for a clue as to where I’m supposed to be, but before I can reply, Darrell is at my door, laughing into his laptop camera.
“Ah, as I expected. So hard at work he forgot our meeting!”
I look up at the unimpressed face of Justin as Darrell turns the screen to face me. I offer him a smile he doesn’t return, but I don’t sweat it.
Justin, I’ve learned, is an odd fella. But he’s a fucking whizz at this tech stuff.
Darrell takes a seat and we launch into a surprisingly successful meeting that leaves me feeling pretty fucking good about myself.
“Okay, well I’ll see you two in Detroit soon,” Justin says, adjusting his glasses. “And I’ll show you the goats as promised.”
“Looking forward to it,” I say, ignoring the flip of nerves in my stomach. Future Brian’s problem.
We end the meeting and Darrell releases a slow breath beside me. “Holy shit, I think we might have done it.”
“It certainly looks promising,” I reply with a nod. “Not quite what I had in mind initially…”
“I know. How do you think Rachel is going to handle the news?”
It’s not Rachel I’m worried about.
“Not a fucking clue, mate,” I say honestly. Future Brian’s problem. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
“Yeah? Everything good between you two then? Only you seem distracted.”
“I am a bit,” I admit. “But nothing for you to worry about.”
“Yeah? That’s why you didn’t sign on for the meeting?”
I pull a face. “No. Yes.” Darrell raises his eyebrow waiting for me to get my shit together. “I was talking to Jesy.”
“Ah. Well. How do you think she will handle the news?” Future Brian’s problem.
“Funny. She’ll be fine.” I stay quiet for a moment before adding casually. “I’ll be able to tell her in person, though.”
Darrell’s gaze snaps to mine. “Wear protection.”
“Daz! It’s not like that.”
This time, it’s Darrell who is silent. I can almost see the cogs turning, hear the ticking of his brain as he tries to find the words to approach this delicately.
“Look, mate. At least be honest with yourself. You’re going to fuck the girl.”
“I’m not—”
“Okay, then at least admit there’s a chance and prepare for that inevitability.”
I look down at the ground and nod. What would be the point of lying further? I can’t say I haven’t thought about it.
Extensively.
“For what it’s worth, I like Jesy,” Darrell says. I lift my gaze to his as he shrugs. “From what I’ve seen of her anyway. She seems fun. Goofy like you. And she’s obviously incredibly beautiful.”
“I sense a but,” I say.
“Not really. I think you’re well suited. But I also don’t think you’re free to explore that. I mean, are you going to tell Rachel?”
“What? Of course, I am.”
“And if she says no?” Darrell’s eyes bore into mine. He raises an eyebrow because he knows he’s got me.