Chapter 20 Grayson
grayson
I didn’t mean to check my email. I just happened to have my phone out when I got a message I truly didn’t expect to get any day, let alone on Christmas Day.
Grayson,
Merry Christmas and I hope your trip to Connecticut has been going well.
I wanted to message you that, since you’ll be up there for a few days, maybe swing into New York and do some apartment hunting.
There’s been a retirement in the New York office, meaning there’s a position open for a senior account executive. The job is yours. You earned it.
We’ll talk more when we’re back after the first of the year. Congratulations again.
Merry Christmas,
Melinda
Holy shit…this…I have to read it three times because never on any bingo card or prediction betting block did I have getting this email today.
Melinda wants to give me the job of my dreams. Sure, I want it. This is all I’ve ever wanted since my first day as a junior executive with a box full of things for a cubicle desk and a dream.
But it’s in New York.
Closer to my family.
Further away from the life I've built.
Further away from Kat.
My gut reaction is to not take it. Maybe not respond to Melinda today, but soon.
I’ll just tell her that I’m happy where I am in Nashville, and I’d rather wait for a spot to come open there than move to New York.
But I can’t let that thought process before I feel Kat’s eyes on me.
I don’t know how, but I feel her presence before I see her.
When I look up and we make eye contact, she looks just as worried as I know I probably do.
I don't even have a second to try to figure out what she's thinking before she takes off toward the elevator.
“Kat!” I yell, standing up so quick that I knock down the chair. "Kat! Wait!"
I’m in a full-on sprint through the Timberline lobby, and the only reason I catch up to her is because she’s waiting on the elevator.
“Hey.” I grab her wrist so she’ll turn around and look at me, which is the first time that I see the tears pooling in her eyes. “Kat…”
I can’t say or do anything else as the elevator arrives. I don’t know what she’s sad about or if she’s just going off of my reaction to the email. I want to explain everything, tell her that I’m not taking the job. But not here, in an elevator, with a family stepping in with us.
“Everything’s going to be okay,” I whisper as I hold her hand.
She doesn’t say anything. Neither of us do until we’re back into our room. And even then, Kat’s silent as she pulls from my hold, instead heading straight to her luggage.
“Are you leaving earlier than expected?”
She shakes her head. “Just getting ready.”
“For what?”
She stops at that question, slowly turning around. “The inevitable.”
Okay, I definitely feel like we’re reading two different books now. “Can we back up? What's going on in that head of yours?"
She doesn’t say anything, instead still continuing to throw her clothes haphazardly into her suitcase. "Kat, talk to me."
My hand on her shoulder is the only thing that stops her whirlwind of motions. But when she turns around, it's the single tear falling down her cheek that breaks me.
"The Timberline. I got it."
Four days ago, those five words would’ve sent me into a blind rage. I’d be cursing out a woman named Katherine Smith and pouting about another notch in my loss column. Yet all I feel is pure excitement for her.
“That’s amazing," I say, bringing her into my arms. "I'm so proud of you."
She shakes her head and pushes out of my hold. "You're proud of me?"
"Of course I am. It was a good presentation, and Declan and Howard seemed to like it. Of course I'm proud of you."
Her eyes are squinting as if she's trying to see something on me that she can't quite make out. "You're not mad?"
"I'm not."
“But they sent you the email.”
I check my phone quickly, but I don’t see anything. “Not yet, but I’m sure it’s coming.”
“Then what were you reading on your phone that had you cosplaying as Casper?”
I didn’t know how to bring this up, but I guess now’s as good of a time as any. “I got an email from my boss.”
She wasn't expecting that. "Your boss? On Christmas?"
I nod and sit on the bed, patting the seat next to me, asking her to come sit by me. I hold in a breath until she makes her way toward me.
“Apparently I'm getting an unexpected Christmas gift...in the form of a new title.”
“Oh. Wait! Did you—”
I nod. “You’re looking at Sterling Strategies’ newest senior account executive."
Now it's Kat's turn to be thrilled. “Oh my God, that's amazing!”
She starts to hug me, but quickly realizes I’m not sharing in the enthusiasm.
“Why aren’t you excited? This is what you wanted!”
I nod. "It's in New York."
It takes a few seconds for her to process what I just said. But I can tell the second it does.
"Oh."
"Yeah," I say, holding her hand and lacing our fingers together. "Everything I thought I wanted. Merry Christmas to me."
The silence is deafening. I know it's only seconds, but it feels like hours that neither of us even breathe.
The tension hasn't been this thick in the room since our first day here.
It's amazing how much things can change in such a short amount of time.
Because I just got the job offer of my dreams after meeting the girl of my dreams.
And I don’t think I can have both. At least not right now.
“I’m turning it down.”
“What!” Kat yells, turning toward me. “Did I just hear you right?”
I nod. “Yeah, it’s fine. There will be other promotions.”
“Like hell it’s fine!”
That wasn’t the reaction I was expecting. “Kat, it’s my decision. I don’t want to move to New York.”
“Really?” she asks. “You don’t want to be a big wig? You don’t want that office? You don’t want the job and the promotion you’ve been working toward for years? Think about it, Grayson. Really, truly, sit back and think about this.”
“But—”
“No buts,” she says. “And don’t think about me. Don’t think about your family. Just think about you. What is it that you want?”
I want it all, but I know that I can’t have it.
Which fucking sucks.
Yes, I want her. I want to know what would come when we get back to Nashville and start really exploring this draw between us.
We’d learn to navigate the ropes of our relationship, doing our best to support each other in our careers while also giving each other the space we need to do what we do best. Will we work?
I hope we do. But at the end of the day, I’ve known this woman for a week.
Everything I’m wishing for is based on hope and the false sense of reality of living in a bubble with her for the past five days.
Then there’s New York. A place I know and have friends. My family would be a train ride away, if I ever decide to visit them again. It’s a city I’m familiar with and doing the job that I’ve wanted since I signed my first tax form at Sterling Strategies.
How can I turn it down? Sure, my gut said to, but that’s just it, a gut reaction. When I turn to look at Kat, her eyes are sympathetic, clearly having got to where I’m just arriving a long time ago.
"It was always going to be tough," she says, her voice shaking.
“It shouldn’t have to be like this.”
She nods, bringing our joined hands to her free one.
"We were just getting started. We have no idea where this was going or where it would’ve ended up, but this is your dream.
And if there's anyone who knows what it takes to get there, and how hard you have to work for this, it's me. You have to take it, Grayson."
The silence is back, only this time instead of being tense, I swear I can see both of our brains playing the last week of our lives on repeat.
I remember seeing her at the bar at speed dating. Her smile lit up the room. She was pretending to laugh at whatever joke the guy in front of me told, and I could tell she was being polite. It’s why I felt such a sense of pride later when I got a genuine laugh from her.
I’m going to miss that laugh. That smile. How she curls up to me in bed. The snores. Fuck, I’m going to miss those.
I’m going to miss her. But she’s right. If I turn this down, I can’t assume another one of these chances will come up. And even if it does, how long will that be? There’s no guarantees on anything.
I have to take it.
But fuck, I don’t want to.
“We had a lot of fun." I say, unable to force back the tears forming in my eyes.
"Maybe the best Christmas I've had in years," she says, her tears matching mine.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to play trivia again.”
That makes her laugh. “Even if you do, you won’t win.”
“Then what’s the point?”
We share a smile as I bring her into my arms. “I’d be a selfish bastard if I asked you to come to New York, right?”
“Not selfish, but I can’t,” she says. “My life is in Nashville. But you…you’re about to have one in New York, and it’s going to be amazing.”
"I don't want to lose you.” I kiss her temple, knowing in my gut that this is probably the last time I’m going to get to hold her in my arms. “There has to be a way.”
Kat shakes her head. “We could lie to ourselves and say that we’ll try long distance, and it would probably work for a little bit.
But we both know how this job goes. It starts with one missed trip here, one crisis there.
Next thing we know, we've been reduced to a few emails a week and four canceled trips that we promised we're going to make up to the other.”
She's right on every point. I fucking hate it.
“This fucking sucks," I say. “I don’t want it to end this way.”
“Neither do I. But it just wasn’t our time. Or maybe it was.”
That takes me back. “How?”
She sits up, but keeps hold of my hand. “I believe that every person comes in your life for a reason. And you…you made me realize that I could be both of me in one. I honestly don't know if I ever would have got there had it not been for you. Thank you for that.”
My heart aches with her words, but I know exactly what she means. “And you…you made me look inside myself and push myself to be better. I didn’t want to admit it, but I was stuck before you. I know I said it before, but you, Katherine Smith, have made me better.”
The tears are pooling again in those brown eyes that I've come to love so much. “You're going to do great things, Grayson Ross.”
I tap my forehead to your hers. “But never as good as you.”
I can’t be in this room anymore.
It’s been two hours since my talk with Kat and one since she packed up her things and left.
We both agreed that spending the day together, waiting for our flights, would lead to only more heartbreak and sadness.
She told me I could stay, that she had to meet with Howard and Declan before she could go to the airport to get her flight.
That left me here. Alone. Thinking of every memory that was created here in the past five days.
And I fucking hate it.
My bags are packed. That took me all of four seconds. I checked my email, and like I knew was coming, I saw one in there from Declan and Howard. I didn’t bother opening it. I know what it says. And while I’m happy for Kat, I don’t need salt in a wound today.
I should head to the airport. Wait for a standby flight to New York.
The one I don’t want to take. But I don’t.
Instead I’m going to wallow on this bed—the one I’d planned on laying in all day with Kat in my arms—as I stuff myself with the Christmas cookies she left and watching some Christmas movie where the guy does get the girl at Christmas.
Lies. All lies. People don’t end up together at Christmas. Maybe I should call one of my family members and sue this channel for spreading false hope and misinformation.
I’m startled when I hear my phone ringing, and even more surprised when I see that it’s Melinda calling.
“Hey, boss. Merry Christmas.” I move out of the bed, hoping that sitting in an actual chair will make me put on a better front. “Didn’t expect to hear from you twice in a day.”
“And I expected to hear from you at least once,” she says. “I know you’re with your family, but I figured that email would at least elicit a response.”
Shit. In the craziness of the morning, I never even thought to send back an email even saying thanks. “Sorry, it’s been a crazy morning.”
“Crazy? You told me last year about your family’s Christmas itinerary. How does that mean crazy?”
“Oh…yeah…I never made it to Connecticut.”
“What? Where are you?”
“I’m still at the Timberline. We didn’t make it out in time and got snowed in.”
“Are you serious?” she says. “You’ve been there the whole time? And wait…who’s we?”
Shit. I didn’t mean to say that or forget to tell her that I’ve been here since Saturday. “Remember Katherine Smith?”
“Is that the woman who made you get the villain look in your eye, thinking about how you were going to take her down?”
I laugh. “Yeah, that’s her. Turns out the Timberline was talking to her as well.”
“Well how about that,” Melinda says, amusement in her voice. “I’m not going to ask for details, because I’m still your boss. But is she the reason I didn’t get an immediate excited phone call this morning?”
“She is,” I say, taking in a deep breath before I put this all out there. “This…don’t get me wrong, I’m honored and flattered that you and the partners want to promote me. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. It’s just…”
“Now there’s something more than work to think about?”
“Exactly,” I say. “I’m not turning it down. But…can I have a few days to think about this? For me to sit back and think and for the two of us to talk maybe sometime next week?”
“Absolutely,” she says. “I worded that email because I knew the Grayson that left here a few days ago. That’s what I get for assuming you didn’t go to an inn in the mountains and fall in love over Christmas.”
I laugh. “It sounds fictional, doesn’t it?”
“It sounds like a love story for the ages.”