Chapter 21 Kat
kat
Logan
Merry Christmas, Kat.
Kat
Merry Christmas. Already open all the presents?
The little man was up and ready to go at six. We held him off until seven. But it was worth every second.
That’s good.
I wanted to let you know that the plane is ready for whenever you want to go. They have the all clear.
Okay. Thanks. I’ll make my way over there soon.
Is everything okay?
I hate that my best friend knows me so well that even over text message, he can tell that I’m not myself. And because I haven’t immediately responded, a phone call is coming in three…two…
“What’s the matter?”
I laugh through a threatening tear. I really don’t want to cry in public more than I already have. Sure, I’m tucked away in a back corner of the Timberline where I don’t think anyone has realized that I’m hanging out, but still, we don’t need a breakdown. Not on Christmas.
“Nothing,” I lie, closing my eyes to keep in the tears. “Just been a hard morning.”
“What happened? Did something happen with Grayson? Did he hurt you? Kat, I swear to God—”
“No, nothing like that,” I quickly say. “The only thing that hurt me was life.”
I go on to tell Logan about the last few days.
How Grayson and I have come together. How we really saw a future with each other when we got back to Nashville.
Then, I fast forwarded to today. Me and the Timberline.
Grayson and his promotion. The fact that it’s in New York. Me telling him that he needed to go.
Me having the first heartbreak I’ve had in years.
What I left out were things that happened when I was wearing black lace, all things having to do with showers, and that I’m pretty sure I’m in love.
“Really? That’s it? Just another city?”
“Yes, that’s it.” How is this his reaction? “Why are you not more sympathetic? Telling me that I’m going to be okay, and that I made the right decision? You know, encouraging words that a best friend should give.”
“Because that’s not what you need to hear.”
I throw my head back and pinch my nose. “Making the choice to have a man as a best friend really sucks sometimes.”
He laughs. “Katherine, I love you. I’ve trusted every part of my life in your hands. You’ve never steered me wrong. Which is why, right now, I’m not going to tell you what you want to hear, but what you need to hear.”
“And what’s that?”
“That you’re being a proper idiot.”
Wow. Apparently for Christmas Logan got me a trip to St. Lucia and a slap across the face. “Thanks. Put that on my Christmas card.”
He laughs. “Well, you are.”
“How? Because I told him that he shouldn’t give up his dream for a woman he’s known for a week? That it would be his biggest regret if he stayed in Nashville because of me and didn’t go after his dream? That was the smart thing to do.”
“And I’m not saying that it wasn’t.”
Now I’m even more confused. “If that wasn’t the dumb thing, then will you tell me what it is? And none of this you guiding me so I can figure it out for myself. I have a headache and haven’t had a cookie all day. I’m not in the mood for a guessing game.”
“Fine,” he says, though he’s still chuckling. “Go with him.”
“I think the signal must be bad. What did you say?”
“I said, go with him. Move to New York.”
“Ha!” I yell out. “Logan, I love that you’re a hopeless romantic, and that you got to marry the love of your life after knowing her for two weeks, but I’ve known the man for less time than that.
I’m not picking up my life and moving to a new city because of a few days of good sex and the dopamine hit I’m still riding. ”
Yes it’s more than that, but he has to know how ridiculous he sounds.
Because it is ridiculous, right?
“I can see where the hesitation comes in, but all I’m saying is that you don’t have to make Nashville your home.”
“I do. I have this thing called a job that you pay me to do. And last I checked, it’s in Nashville, where you are firmly planted. Therefore, that’s where I’ll be. Plus, I like it there. I’ve settled in.”
“But you don’t have to,” he says. “You’re my head of public relations. Yes, you have an office. But, tell me truthfully. How much do you have to do from that office setting?”
“I—” Shit. I see where he’s going. “Okay, a lot of the work I do for you could be done remotely. But! I have other clients in Nashville. What am I supposed to do, just hop on a plane once a week?”
“Yes,” he says plainly. “I don’t know if you know this, but I make a lot of money. I bought a plane—a plane that you told me to buy—that can get me, or the people I care about, back and forth pretty quickly. Let’s say from Nashville to LaGuardia.”
“But—” I try to bring up a counterpoint, but it falls flat.
“Exactly.” I can’t see him, but I know he’s grinning from ear to ear, knowing he’s won this round.
“All I’m saying is that you have options.
It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Which I know in your Type-A Katherine brain is what you think it has to be.
All I’m saying is that before either of you make a decision that you think is final, maybe talk about it.
See where you both stand after you’ve had time to breathe. ”
He’s right. Today’s news, and the reaction to the news, was fueled by so many emotions.
I jumped on Grayson for saying that he wasn’t thinking about this promotion, when in turn, I wasn’t thinking clearly either.
I’m still firmly in the camp that he has to take this job, but…
maybe it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.
Maybe we can have it all?
“Kat?”
“Yeah?”
“If he’s it, even if you think for a second, that he could be the one. That you found your person. The one you want to live this crazy life with? Then you figure it out. Don’t let this be your regret.”
Those last words smack me across the face.
Regret.
I didn’t want to regret not telling him how I felt. But now…now I know I’d regret not trying. Not fighting. Always wondering if I lose my one chance at love because of logistics.
“Thank you, Logan.”
“I’ll put the jet on hold. You just tell it where you want it to take you when you’re ready.”
“You’re the best, you know that, right?”
“I do, but it’s always nice hearing it again.”
This makes me laugh. “Love you. Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas, Katherine. Now go find him.”
When we hang up, I have a new feeling of optimism, but as soon as I stand up, the dread sinks back in.
Did he leave already? Once we were done crying, I got up and packed my bags.
Staying in that room all day was going to be too much, so I grabbed my stuff and headed to the lobby.
I figured I could wait here for my meeting with Declan and Howard before heading to the airport.
I purposefully found a spot that hid me from the doors, so I couldn’t see when he left. I’m now regretting that decision.
I grab my phone and bring up his number, hoping that he’ll pick up when he sees my name. My heart sinks when it goes to voicemail.
“Fuck!” I yell, hoping there are no kids around. “Oh! Check in!”
I race over to the desk. “Hi, has anyone checked out of room 403?”
“And who might you be?”
In the five days I’ve been here, I’ve never seen this worker before.
Just my luck. Also, I’m not being ageist, but if he has to look up something in the computer, he might need to ask me what a computer is.
“I’m also staying in that room. I was wondering if the person staying with me checked out yet. ”
He takes his sweet time typing something into the computer. One slow finger at a time. “The only person on this room is Katherine Smith.”
“Well, yes, that’s me. But I was staying with a Grayson Ross as well. Has he checked out?”
“There’s no Grayson Ross on the room, ma’am.”
Ugh. How did he not get added? “I promise he was. Did he check out? Turn in a key? Did anyone do anything for room 403? Grayson? Santa? Scrooge? Krampus? Anyone?”
Mr. Check-In Man clearly doesn’t find my panicked humor amusing. “I don’t have anything for that room.”
“Can you call the room for me? He’s not answering his cell phone.”
He seems annoyed that I’m asking him for help. Except that there’s no one in line, so clearly all I’m keeping him from is his next crossword puzzle.
“Please. It would mean the world to me.”
Yes. Kindness. It’s Christmas. I need to not be panicked and use kindness for this man to help me.
“Fine,” he says. I watch as he picks up the phone and holds it to his ear for ten seconds. “Sorry. No answer.”
“Ugh!” I scream and start walking in circles. “Where are you?”
I start pacing in circles in the lobby, not sure what my next move is. Should I go to the airport? Where he’s flying out of is an hour away, which isn’t bad, but if he’s not there, then I’ve lost a lot of time with no answers. And sure, I could call him later. This doesn’t have to all happen today.
Except it does. Because I need him to know how I feel. The longer I don’t tell him, the more this is going to eat me up inside.
“Where are you, Grayson?” I say out loud, my head thrown back in frustration when I run into someone. I wasn’t looking where I was going—too lost in my scattered thoughts—which is probably how I missed the smell of his cologne.
“Hey you.”
The soft tone of his voice melts me, and I instantly wrap my arms around his waist. “Hey you.”
He hugs me back just as hard, each of us burying ourselves in the other.
“I tried to call you.”
“I lost service for a few minutes. It’s been going in and out all day.”
We step away from each other, and for the first time all afternoon, I feel like I can breathe again. Which is saying a lot, because he’s chosen to wear his glasses today, and with a henley, vest, and joggers.
“It’s okay…can we talk? Or do you have to leave?”
He shakes his head. “We can talk.”
I really should take him back up to the room, but I don’t want to wait that long. “This is where I’ve been sitting all day.”
“On a couch in the corner?”
“It felt safe,” I say. “Except that it wasn’t. At least from my thoughts.”