Chapter 10
brEK
I slide down Voss’ body, pulling his underwear as I go.
He’s hard. I’m not surprised. It’s not like I couldn’t feel it against me, especially once I shoved him onto his back so I was lying on top of him.
As soon as I suggested sucking his cock, his cock heard me, and if it wasn’t contained, it likely would’ve started waving.
Pick me. Pick me. I’m right here. I volunteer.
Once I have his underwear discarded, I settle between his legs and… stare.
In the few days that Voss didn’t come to me at night, I bounced between demisexual and graysexual while I did some research.
The thing is, I don’t think I have an emotional attachment to Voss.
Well, not in the way that it appears demisexual means.
Yes, I like Voss. I care about him. There are times I get jealous, but I think that’s something different.
Actually, I think that’s likely going to challenge my aromantic inclination here soon. Yay.
Maybe I’m wrong, but to me, it doesn’t feel as if my emotional attachment to Voss has anything to do with my sexual response to him. I can’t explain it. I don’t even entirely understand what I’m trying to articulate.
I settled on graysexual because I truly don’t think my sudden sexual responses are driven by whatever is between Voss and me. While I realize that it’s completely different, I love the fuck out of my friends. If I were going to get hard over someone, it should be one of them.
Sure, sure. Not the same thing.
In reality, I think I’m WTFsexual. That’s how I feel—what the actual fuck is up with my body? I kind of feel like throwing a tantrum because I just figured my shit out and now I’m fucking confused all over again, and yeah, it makes me grumpy.
“Hey.”
My eyes snap to Voss’.
“You don’t have to.”
I shake my head, trying to push the thoughts away. “Sorry. My staring isn’t hesitation like that.”
“No?”
“No. Just my brain trying to make sense of… me.”
Voss studies me, and I turn my attention back to his cock.
I wish there were a manual. Not on sucking dick, though that would be useful too.
On being asexual. Like… I want details. I want columns that say, ‘this reaction applies to this, this, and this, but not this, this, or this.’ Why is that so difficult?
Voss sits up, and I have to get up on my haunches so my face doesn’t end up in his crotch. He grips my chin and pulls my face to his.
“I’m not uninterested,” I insist before he can talk.
He smiles and presses his lips to mine. “Tell me what’s going on in your head.”
“Just wondering if I should take my glasses off so you don’t cover them in cum.”
His amusement loudly says he knows that’s not what I’m thinking about. “You can stop at any time. You don’t have to do this at all.”
I sigh. “I know. Thanks.”
“What do you need?”
“Nothing that someone else can give me. I’m still wondering about my body, and I guess I got caught up in that. Seeing your dick did that.” I smirk.
Voss snorts. “I’m not going to be mad if you stop. Keep that in mind.” He kisses me again and lies back again.
I wonder why this man is single. He’s so fucking sweet and thoughtful. So damn smart.
However, I don’t give in to the temptation to let my mind wander about Voss’ relationship status. Instead, I dive onto his dick before he can ask me what’s wrong again. I’m perhaps a little too enthusiastic and immediately have a blunt rod jabbing the back of my throat, making me gag.
I pull off, cough, and take him back into my mouth before he can stop sputtering with laughter. I did warn him I’ve never had a dick in my mouth before.
Now that I have one, I freeze again. It’s the strangest fucking feeling. Not having it in my mouth, but the dick itself. I’ve touched my own more times than I can count, and yeah, I’ve always thought it was kind of weird. Not as weird as balls, but those aren’t in my mouth right now.
The thing is, since I’m nearly never hard, I’ve not spent much time around hard cocks, never mind had one in my mouth. Now that there’s one there, the first thought is, ew, why does it feel so weird? Why does his skin slide along a hard shaft under the skin?
It’s fucking… weird!
Oh, god. This dick has been inside Lorissa. Jesus fuck, where else has it been?
Voss laughs, and I look up at him, cock still in my mouth. “That’s a pleasant look.”
I pull off him and try my best not to scrunch my face. “Sorry. Was just thinking that this was inside Lorissa not long ago.”
“Months ago, Brek. You make it sound like I fucked her minutes ago. Also, I’m reevaluating my hypothesis about you being pan.”
I laugh, shaking my head. “No. I probably looked like I was scowling, but it wasn’t Lorissa. It was just that the thought made me think, I know where dicks go! and all the places that people put dicks.”
“You have a bit of ADHD too, don’t you?”
“Do I?” I shrug.
“Minutes ago, you were thinking about how your identity of asexuality adjusts in this position with me. Suddenly, you’re thinking about where my dick has been. I’m sure you touched on half a dozen different things before you got to that thought, didn’t you?”
“Yes,” I admit.
“That’s how my brain works, too. That’s why I spend only a fifth of my day actually working and the rest of it sliding down rabbit holes. What I didn’t say is that the rabbit holes are labyrinths, and I take offshoot after offshoot.”
“Ah. Is that ADHD?”
“ADHD is a big umbrella with lots of symptoms. It has its hallmarks, but there are some symptoms that affect some people more than others. For me, my biggest symptom isn’t actually my inability to focus but my constant movement.
That’s why I always have something in my hand, even if it’s a stupid pen that I constantly click until someone wants to break my fingers. ”
I laugh. “Huh. I guess I never thought about it. Now shut up and let me suck your dick. Good to see conversation doesn’t dissuade you from being hard.”
Voss smirks. “Honey, you turn me on like you can’t imagine. Suck me or don’t, but I’m going to stay hard.”
That’s weirdly flattering. Trying to hide my smile behind the pole that is his cock, I turn my attention once more to the task at hand. Is there a trick to focusing on this? I bring him back into my mouth, but once more, I overestimate how big my mouth is and gag.
Chuckling, Voss takes my hand and wraps it around the base of his dick.
With his other hand, he pushes my head down until my mouth touches my hand.
“This is your stop. Adjust so you take just what you want to take. Then you don’t have to think about it, and you can just go to town however you’d like to. No teeth, though. Remember.”
I grin around his cock. I’m about to point out that he knows some good secrets about dick sucking for someone who hasn’t sucked a dick. But then I remember he’s likely had his cock sucked a hundred times. Maybe more. He’s a Van Doren. I bet girls were falling over themselves to get into his pants.
Nope! We’re not thinking about that. We’re sucking dick.
I try to remember what the few girls did to me and mimic that. One of them liked to flick the head of my dick with their tongue and then press it to my slit. Another was kind of obsessed with swirling their tongue around my crown. Hmm. Are any of these something Voss likes?
My eyes flicker up to his face. He’s watching me. All the previous laughter and amusement are gone. There’s no mistaking his arousal now. Okay, maybe those girls knew what they were doing. I wasn’t into it, but I now don’t think it’s a reflection of their dick sucking skills.
Okay, what else? Oh, that one bobbed. Little suction. Twisting their hand. Can I do all that at the same time?
It’s like patting your head and rubbing your stomach. It takes a certain amount of concentration to get all the actions simultaneously, but I think I manage. When he moans, I nearly grin. Look at me rocking a blow job!
I listen to Voss moan and groan as I think of all the things those girls did to me. Honestly, I think I must improve upon them. They didn’t get anything resembling that reaction out of me at all. Not even a little hint. In fact, I think I tried my best not to scowl and end it.
Hmm. I’m not sure I got off. Did I get off? I must have, right? How else do you end a blow job without being an asshole?
“Brek. Unless you want to end your first blowie with cum down your throat, you need to back off.”
And paint my glasses? Hm. I think that’s a level of sucking dick I’m not ready to try. I suppose I’ll try swallowing. It can’t be that hard. Can it really taste that bad?
Wait. These are the precursors to babies! Oh, god, I can’t swallow them. That’s cannibalism. That’s—
I choke when he comes. The hot, salty liquid of indeterminate weird and slimy viscosity coats my mouth, shoots at the back of my throat, and dribbles down like postnasal drip. I cough around him, which somehow pulls his cum into my sinuses, and I gag.
Unable to stand it, I pull off him and cough. Eyes watering. Face now covered in grossness.
Voss laughs as I struggle through a less-than-spectacular ending. When I get myself under control, Voss is watching me with one of his hands under his head and the other slowly stroking his dick.
“Ending needs some work,” I rasp.
He laughs again. “I tried to warn you.”
“I didn’t realize it was like a water pistol,” I defend.
“What did you think?”
“Well…” I think about the times I got off. “Like… a baking soda volcano when the lava slides down the mountainside.”
He hums.
I totally just gave away that I’m not a shooter. Is that a problem? Speaking of problem, I glance down my body and… slightly hard. Like maybe the tickle that a good, deep sneeze causes. But I don’t feel arousal exactly. I’m not sure what I feel.
Sitting back on my haunches, I sigh.
“Talk to me,” Voss says. “I don’t want you to ghost again, so tell me what you’re thinking.”