Chapter 16 #2
My heart stops. Did I say that out loud?
We haven’t defined our relationship. As far as she’s concerned, there is no relationship between us.
But in my head, we’ve been dating for a while.
I’ve just been waiting for her to realize it.
That was what I wanted to talk to her about tonight before everything got all mixed up.
My throat is dry. I try to clear it. “You know what I mean.”
“No, I don’t.” She shakes her head, and her blonde curls dance around her shoulders with the movement. They’re so perfect, and I’ve wanted to reach out and touch them all night. “Explain it to me like I’m the lowly salutatorian.”
I take a steadying breath and put my hands in my pockets. They’re shaking again. With a low voice, I say, “I would like to be your boyfriend.”
She laughs.
I like that much better than the teary-eyed expression she had when I first found her, but it’s not exactly the reaction I hoped for either. “Ouch. Try not to wound my pride too much. I’m putting myself out there.”
She covers her face in her hands. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s just, this is so weird. Never in a hundred years would I expect my biggest rival to pay a DJ for slow songs or follow me to a romantic balcony at the Noel dance or ask me to be his girlfriend. This isn’t real.”
“Okay, but in this alternate reality where your rival is feeling more nervous than usual, can you maybe have mercy on him and not laugh? Even if it’s not real?”
She presses her lips together in an effort to stop giggling, but her body shakes from holding back.
I’m glad she thinks this is so funny. Meanwhile, I feel more exposed than ever.
Even though no one is close enough to witness my embarrassment, I want to wipe that stupid grin from her face.
I want her to realize how serious I am. Before I even have time to think about how reckless it is, I lean forward and kiss her.
It’s not really a kiss. Just a gentle press of my lips against hers. No skill. No finesse. I jerk back almost immediately when I realize I actually did it.
Ella’s smile disappears. I can see the white all around her irises as she stares unblinking at me. “You kissed me.”
My chest tightens as I realize that might have been my only chance, and I blew it. In my head, it went differently. I’m such an idiot. I run a hand through my hair. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have.”
“You shouldn’t have?” She sounds hurt.
“What I mean is…I wanted to, but…” I can’t find the words.
Her lips part as she looks up at me. “Do it for real.”
“What?”
She lifts her chin. “That kiss was pathetic. Try again.”
“Are you being serious?”
When she nods, I nearly fall over in relief. That was a terrible first kiss, but she’s giving me a second chance—one I don’t intend to waste. I reach out and brush away her hair from her face. Her skin is just as soft as I remember, and my fingers linger on her cheek. “You are so beautiful.”
She looks away.
“No, don’t do that. Your eyes are my favorite. I love that I can read every emotion in them.”
She looks at me again. “Oh, yeah. And what are they saying right now?”
“That you want me to kiss you.”
She rolls her eyes. “Nice try, but that was my mouth.”
I lean forward. “Yes, well, your mouth really wants me to kiss you, too.”
She bites her bottom lip. “Oh, yeah?”
I nod sagely. “Yeah.”
“So, are you going to do it? Or just talk about it?”
“Are you really that eager?”
“No, just bored.”
She’s goading me, but I refuse to take the bait. I want this to be special, and I want to do it in order. I put my hand on her waist. “Will you be my girlfriend?”
“I’m assuming my answer will affect what happens next?” She’s pretending she doesn’t care, but I can hear the slight tremor in her voice. I’m glad to know she’s affected by all of this as much as I am.
I pull her close and lean in. “I want to kiss you, Ella. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. But I need to know it means something to you.”
She nods. “Okay.”
My heart pounds in my chest. “Okay, you’ll be my girlfriend?”
“Yes,” she says, smiling.
“Good.” I lean in closer so that our lips are almost touching.
She closes her eyes, and I hold my breath.
We’ve been here before, but I intend to follow through this time.
Slowly, I press my mouth against hers. She’s still at first, almost like she can’t believe this is actually happening.
I can’t either. But soon, her arms wrap around my neck as she kisses me back.
The music from inside fades away as my lips caress hers.
Ella pulls me down to deepen the kiss, and I let her.
Of course I do. I’m just thankful she’s as excited as I am.
I hope that she knows how I feel about her in the way I kiss her.
I pull her as tightly against my chest as I can without hurting her.
I never want to hurt her. The thought of something painful coming between us is scary, but I meant it when I said we shouldn’t worry about that yet.
We still have a semester until graduation. That’s so much time.
Eventually, we break apart. I don't want to, but we can only kiss out on the balcony for so long until someone catches us, and I’d rather not have a chaperone be the one who finds us.
I smile down at her. “I think I’m going to like you being my girlfriend."
Her eyes are glazed over as she grins back up at me. “I still can’t believe I agreed to that.”
“Well, you did, and I hate to break it to you, but that kiss is binding.”
She laughs. “That’s fine. I think I’m going to like being your girlfriend, too.”
A huge weight is lifted off my shoulders.
I don’t think I realized how heavy it was until she said those words and it disappeared.
Everything seems much more hopeful now. I know it’s not going to be an easy road for us—we’ll have to face Citrus Scholar and college decisions sooner or later—but knowing we’ll face them together has me feeling optimistic about the future for the first time I can remember.