6. Chapter Six
Chapter Six
Luciana
The air is tense between me and Matteo in the morning. Neither one of us wants to talk about last night. The fear I experienced. The disappointment in his eyes.
But one thing became clear to me: Matteo didn’t force me to have sex with him.
Which means there must be some good in him.
Despite that, I still can’t seem to relax around him.
Maybe it’s because I feel like a failure.
I was supposed to do my duty last night and I couldn’t and now our marriage could be on the line. Peace could be on the line.
My father’s life could be on the line.
I change into a simple, summer dress in the bathroom. Even though Matteo saw my body last night, I’m still not comfortable being naked around him.
“Where are we going?” I ask as we leave the hotel room.
“Back to my home. Well, your home now.”
“Of course.”
I can feel him looking at me but I don’t turn my head. Just keep walking forward, I remind myself. One step at a time.
“How does that make you feel?” he asks. “Knowing you’ll be living with me from now on?”
“It’s what I expected to happen.”
“That’s not an answer. Tell me how you’re feeling.”
I keep my face neutral. No emotion or I’ll crack like I did last night. The memory of Matteo spanking me and forcing me to speak my mind still runs through my head like a pounding brick.
“I’m feeling fine,” I lie. “I knew I would move in with my husband. This is one thing I expected.”
“All right. But if you’re not happy, you can tell me.”
I stop and finally turn to face him. “What would that accomplish? We’re married now. I agreed to this. Why would my unhappiness change anything? I’ll try to be happy because this is my life now.” Maybe if I pretend to be happy long enough, I’ll actually start to feel it.
“Do I make you that unhappy?” His question catches me off guard.
I can’t say anything and after a beat, he nods.
“I know you didn’t want to marry me. You also know that you were not my first choice.
But we don’t have to be miserable together.
I promised to not hurt you. I want this marriage for peace.
I won’t jeopardize it. As long as you don’t run away, we won’t have any problems. So why don’t we try to find happiness together? ”
“I don’t know how to do that,” I admit.
“You could start by telling me how you feel. Truthfully.”
I want to tell Matteo everything. How I’m still afraid of my uncertain future. How I didn’t have my dream wedding. How I embarrassed myself by passing out. How I couldn’t do my duty. How I should be perfect and I don’t understand why it’s suddenly so hard for me to not be perfect.
And yet, I can’t get the words out. I can’t get anything out.
“We should go home,” I say instead. “I want to see where I’ll be living the rest of my life.”
Matteo’s eyes narrow but he doesn’t otherwise comment.
We drive through the city and end up in the country side and come upon a large chalet. It’s beautifully decorated in soft tan brick with black shudders. The house looks like the picture of elegance.
My heart is beating as we step inside. The inside is even more beautiful than the outside. Soft, warm wood tones everywhere mixed with cream colored furniture. A blend of old architecture mixed with new. The house itself is comforting to look at.
So why is my heart going to jump right out of my chest?
“I hope you like it,” Matteo says in his cold voice. I shouldn’t judge. I’m not showing him my real emotion so why should he do the same to me?
“It’s beautiful,” I answer honestly.
“I hope you mean it.” He has a small smirk on his face, telling me he’s joking. For once, I feel myself crack a real smile before him.
“I do mean it. It’s a very beautiful house.”
“I’ll show you to the bedroom.”
My heart skips another beat.
The bedroom is just as stunning as the rest of the house. A king sized bed covered with cream sheets inside a soft brown toned room. It’s like stepping into a relaxing sauna. Too bad I can’t relax myself.
“How do you like it?” he asks.
“It’s nice.”
He huffs. “Just nice? Tell me what you’re really thinking.”
“I’m thinking that… I like that it’s not covered in pink.”
“I wasn’t expecting that answer,” he admits.
I shake my head with a rueful smile. “My bedroom back home is covered in pink. You know that. You saw it.”
“I did.”
“It was a little girl’s room. I wanted to change it and my father wouldn’t let me. Even though I’m an adult now. I had to keep it that way all my life. So… I am happy I’ll have a new bedroom that is more fitting for an adult. That is the honest truth.”
He nods. “Thank you for that.”
“But I also feel… scared,” I blurt out. “Because I have to live my life with you now. What are you going to do to me in this room?”
Matteo sighs and walks over to the bed and sits down. “Luciana, come here.” He pats the spot beside him. “Sit down.”
I can’t get my legs to move.
“I’m not going to bite.” A dark smile crosses his face. “Unless you want me to. Sit.”
I was taught to be obedient and obedient I shall be. My legs manage to move until I’m seated beside him.
“See?” he says. “You’re on the bed with me and I’m controlling myself. I won’t rape you. I think I proved that last night. You don’t have to fear me so much. We could enjoy each other’s company. We could have fun. There’s so much I could teach you. So much pleasure I could show you.”
A tingle settles in my stomach. Pleasure would be wonderful but that would be giving myself to Matteo and I still can’t stop feeling afraid of him.
“You don’t have to fear me,” he murmurs, leaning in close to my ear. I gasp. “I can touch you. Show you what it’s like to be claimed by a man. All you have to do is say yes.”
“I’ll do my duty,” I say uncertainly.
He pulls back with a frown. “That’s not what I meant. I don’t want you to just do your duty. You did that when you married me. But now I want you to let go of all the tension you’re holding on to. I want you to enjoy my touch. I don’t want you to fear me so much. It’s exhausting.”
I flinch. “I’m sorry I’m not living up to your standards.”
“That’s not what I –,” he cuts himself off.
“Luciana, I can tell you’re used to certain things.
You’re used to a life where you were treated like a princess.
I saw your old bedroom. I’ve seen the way your father treats you.
You expect perfection but life is not perfect.
I know that better than anyone. Things can change in the blink of an eye.
But I don’t want a wife who fears my every move.
I want a wife to desire me. What do you want? ”
“I don’t know,” I admit.
“Don’t you want a husband to desire you? I can show you desire, Luciana. I can show you so much pleasure if you would just let me.”
“How can I let you when I’m scared you’ll kill my father if things don’t go your way?”
He blinks, looking stunned. “I know I did threaten his life. I was just reminding you that you had to go through with the marriage or there wouldn’t be peace. But we’re married now. I don’t need to kill your father. Just don’t run from me. That’s all I ask.”
“But you’ll expect things from me, eventually. At some point, you’ll want me to have sex with you. And I’ll do it. But I…”
“You want the choice,” he murmurs. “I understand that. So I’ll give you that choice. I’ll let you come to me when you’re ready. But you have to try to not fear me so much. You have to work at this marriage.”
“What if you can’t wait forever?”
“I don’t think it will take forever. I think you’ll eventually desire me. I believe it. Am I ugly to you?”
“No,” I say without thinking.
He smirks which only makes me blush. “You think I’m handsome?”
“Yes,” I admit.
“Then that’s a good start. I told you last night that I think you’re beautiful. There doesn’t need to be this coldness between us.”
“I don’t know how.”
“You’ll learn. In time. Just stop faking everything. I want to see you smile for real.”
That’s not something I can give him right now.
He leans close to my ear. “Remember: I can make you feel better than you could ever imagine. Just give in to it.” He lingers by my neck and I hold still, not wanting to pull away for once.
But then Matteo stands up, ending the moment.
“I’ll give you time to adjust to your new life here. I have work to attend to.”
“Isn’t this our honeymoon?” Can I not even do a honeymoon right?
“Yes but I have work. I couldn’t take it off. Mafia business doesn’t just go away when I want it to.” He hesitates for a moment before leaving the room.
The urge to cry hits me again. Why can’t I do anything as I should?
Spending hours in Matteo’s house is frankly boring. I lived my life going out to shop and dine with Sienna and getting my hair and nails done but I’m worried Matteo won’t like me leaving. He told me not to run but living my life isn’t running, is it?
Besides, I do have a nail appointment scheduled for today. I had it booked weeks in advanced before I was told I’d have to marry Matteo and I forgot to change it. Some normalcy in my life would be good.
I leave the house and am immediately confronted by a man. “Where are you going?” he barks at me.
I stumble back with a gasp. “Who are you?”
“Matteo’s guard. Your guard now, Mrs. Marani. I am Enzo.”
“Oh. Well…” Once my heart calms down, I can speak. “I have a nail appointment to get to today. Would you mind driving me?”
“I wasn’t told to drive anyone. I was told to watch the house and you and make sure you don’t leave.”
So Matteo doesn’t fully trust me yet. Hypocrite.
“It’s just a nail appointment. I already had it booked. And Matteo is at work. Please. Can’t you drive me? I had a driver take me everywhere before I married Matteo.”
“No. I was told to not let you leave. You’re not running away, Mrs. Marani.”
“I’m not trying to run away,” I snap. “I just want to get my nails done.”