5. Chapter Five
Chapter Five
Matteo
Ican tell my new wife is scared. She’s trembling as we enter the hotel room for our wedding night. Her hand is shaking in mine. Yet, I can tell that she’s trying to be brave. Not wanting to break.
When she passed out, I wasn’t thinking of how embarrassing it was. My first thought was if she was all right. As my wife now, Luciana is my concern. I’m the kind of man who does things without emotion. It makes life easier that way. But I still have the desire to protect her now that she’s mine.
Luciana doesn’t want to show any emotion herself. Her spine is so straight and rigid that I think she’ll snap in half any moment.
I married her for peace. For convenience. It was better to marry Luciana rather than going back to war with Gabriel.
But now that Luciana is mine, I can’t help but want to truly make her mine. I want to push her until she breaks. I want her to show me what’s really on her mind.
Tonight, I’ll begin.
She goes even more still when her eyes land on the large, king sized bed.
“What are you thinking?” I ask in her ear, making her jump. She’s steps away from me but other than that, doesn’t show any emotion on her face. “You’re scared. I told you that you don’t need to fear me. I’m not going to beat you.”
“But you do expect us to have our wedding night. Which means I need to do my duty.”
“How innocent are you? I’m sure your father didn’t let you date. Most mafia father’s don’t let their daughters date.”
“I am perfectly innocent, I assure you,” she says, raising her nose to the sky.
“I wasn’t calling your virtue into question. I just need to know for us to continue.”
With a shaky sigh, she gives me an answer. “I’m a virgin.”
“I assumed.”
Her eyes flick to mine and away again while she composes herself. “I haven’t done anything. Today was my first kiss.”
“Your father really did keep you sheltered then. You never felt the need to sneak out? To run away?”
“I told you,” she says, crossing her arms, “I’m a good girl. I wouldn’t do that to my father.”
“Clearly not. But did you ever want to? Did you ever want to push the boundaries of the gilded cage you were in?” I approach her until she has no choice but to step back. Her spine bumps into the wall. I have her trapped.
“Why would I? I had a good life. And I always wanted to make my father proud. I never wanted to defile his image.”
“Defile. That’s an interesting word.”
A blush crosses her cheeks. It’s cute. “You know what I meant.”
“What about now, Luciana? Do you still want to play by the rules? Or do you want to live a little?”
I can visibly see her swallow. She’s nervous. I make her nervous. That gives me power but it’s not what I want. I don’t want to live my life making my wife scared of me.
“What do you mean?” she whispers.
“You can let loose a little. I told you to not run and you listened. That makes me happy. But now that you’re mine, you can let go.
You don’t have to be so high strung. It’s the reason you passed out tonight.
Maybe if you learned to relax a little, you wouldn’t be so nervous. Put so much pressure on yourself.”
Her eyes widen like I just slapped her. “How can you speak like you know me? You don’t know me, Mr. Marani.”
“We’re married now, Luciana. You can call me by my name. Say it. My name.”
“Mr. Marani.”
I narrow my eyes. “So you’re going to be defiant like this? I don’t mind it. It shows your strength of character. But it also shows me that you’re not willing to bend and you need to learn to bend, Luciana, or you’re going to snap in half and I’m not sure you can come back from that.”
“So what do you propose then? I’m just doing what I was taught. I was taught to be a good girl. I was taught to make my father proud. I have done these things. There is nothing wrong with me.”
“I know the mafia world can be filled with fakeness. But you don’t have to be fake with me. I want to know what’s on your mind.”
“So you can use it against me?”
I tilt my head. “Is that what others have done to you? Used your words and feelings against you?”
“I know some mafia women who would jump at the chance.”
“Then it’s a good thing I’m not a mafia woman.
I’m a man.” I settle my hands on her hips.
A small gasp escapes her but other than that, she shows no emotion.
“I want to claim you tonight. Make you mine. But I want you to enjoy it. I don’t want you to do it just because it’s your duty.
Learn to let go, Luciana. Let go with me.
I think you’ll enjoy life a lot more that way. ”
“I don’t appreciate being told things about myself, Mr. Marani. There is nothing wrong with me.”
“If there isn’t, then why do you feel like I could snap you in half right in this moment? Relax.”
“Easier said than done. I am nervous, I’ll admit. You still scare me. But I will do my duty. So take my body. I will accept it.”
I scoff and back away from her. The sight of her visibly relaxing makes me annoyed. “You make it sound like you’re going into the line of duty.”
She raises her chin high. “All mafia wives have to go through this. I will too. I know what happens tonight. I will do my duty.”
“You keep talking of your duty and I like that you’re a woman who keeps her word. But what I don’t like is the lack of passion. You’re cold.”
“I’m cold? You’re like ice. Everything you say sounds so clinical. You married me for peace. Not because you love me. Not because you feel passion for me. Don’t be a hypocrite, Matteo.”
I snap my fingers and point at her. “There it is. You just said my name.”
“I meant Mr. Marani,” she mumbles with another blush.
“Yes. I did marry you for peace. I didn’t marry you because I have feelings for you. But now that you’re my wife, I would prefer to have a wife who isn’t terrified of me.”
“How can I not be? You’ve done horrible things and now I have to give you my body and I still don’t know if you’ll truly hurt me or not. But despite that, I will do my duty and I will take it with a smile.”
“Because that’s what you were taught.”
“Yes.”
“But it’s all fake,” I say with a scoff.
“And what about you? Are you not fake? You claim you’re a man of honor but you still kidnapped Emma when you didn’t get what you wanted. How is that not fake?”
“Enough,” I say in a cold tone. “I am tired of talking about the past. Drop it.”
In that very moment, I see how Luciana stands up straighter and composes her face. Any fire that was in her is gone like a light switch. “All right then. I’ll drop it.”
I didn’t expect her to just agree. I expected her to fight me on it. And yet here she is, acting like the perfect little doll.
“Shall we get to it then?’ she asks, nodding at the bed. “Our duty. We married for peace after all and like you said, we can’t risk an annulment. We have to do this.”
The thought of taking Luciana when she clearly doesn’t want it makes my cock soft. But I did say we had to do this and I wasn’t lying. For our marriage to be a real one, we need to consummate it.
“You need to take off your dress.”
She nods and turns her back to me and tries unzipping the back but she’s struggling.
“Let me,” I murmur. I unzip her dress and watch it pool around her feet. No bra. Only white panties. The sight of her like this does make my cock stir.
When she turns around to face me, she covers her breasts.
“You don’t want to do this,” I murmur. “If you did, you wouldn’t hide yourself away.”
“I am willing to do this. I have to do this. It’s what a good wife does.”
“And you’re always good.” I grab her arms and lower them down by her sides. “You don’t have to hide yourself from me.”
I can see how hard she’s working to maintain her composure. Her chest is rising and falling. Panic is setting in again. The last thing I want is Luciana passing out once more.
“Lie on the bed,” I say.
She moves to the bed like a sloth. So slow and methodical. Finally, she lies down. At least I won’t have to worry about her hitting her head on the floor again.
I look into her eyes as I take off my jacket and waistcoat.
Luciana is trembling. I remove my shoes and socks one by one.
Then comes my shirt. Her eyes widen when she takes in my bare chest. I know I look good since I go to the gym every day.
It’s important to stay fit as a mafia man.
You never know when you might need to fight for your life.
“When I claim you, are you just going to lie there, silent?” I ask.
“I’ll do whatever you want from me.” I can tell it’s a lie. Her hands are clenched into fists around the blanket under her.
I can’t stand this. How perfect Luciana is being. I thought a perfect wife would be good enough but it’s proving to be very frustrating.
With a sound low in my throat, I grab her waist and roll her onto her stomach right before I spank her.
Luciana yelps. “What are you doing? You said you weren’t going to beat me.”
“And I’m not.” I spank her ass again. “I’m just trying to get you to show me your real self. I don’t want to be married to a fake wife.” I continue to spank her and yet, Luciana doesn’t let go. She grits her teeth together and doesn’t show me anything.
I spank her especially hard but still nothing. “What will it take for you to let go?” I step away from her. Luciana rolls onto her side, still not giving me anything. “Show me your real self, Luciana. If you don’t want to do this, then tell me you don’t want to do this.”
“I have to do my duty. You said so.”
“I know what I said. Fuck what I said,” I snarl.
Her eyes widen as she finally looks at me. “But you said –,”
“I know. And we should do this. We need this marriage to work for peace between our people. We should consummate the marriage. But I can’t stand the thought of fucking you when you’re acting like a cold doll.”
“What do you want from me?”
“I want you to be you. I want you to tell me what’s on your mind. Do you want to do this?”
“I have to do my duty.”
“That’s not what I asked. Do you want to do this?”
“It’s not about what I want. It’s about what I have to do.”
I shake my head. “You still haven’t answered my question. Do you. Want. To do. This?”
“No!” she snaps, sitting up and wrapping the blanket over her bare chest. “No. I don’t want to have sex tonight. I’m terrified. I’m terrified of you. I imagined my wedding day so many times and none of this is what I expected.”
“What did you expect?”
“I expected love. I expected warmth. I didn’t expect to marry a stranger. I didn’t expect to be so scared to the man I have to now call my husband.”
“I told you that you don’t need to fear me.”
“You just spanked me. How am I supposed to feel about that?”
I run my hand down my face. “This was supposed to be easy. You would become my wife. I would get the peace deal I wanted with Gabriel. And then that was supposed to be that. But I guess we can’t all get what we want in life.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means you’re making this difficult. Why won’t you just stop being so high strung?”
She flinches. I realize the moment I say the words that I shouldn’t have. “Why won’t you stop being so cold? Or terrifying? I guess this is our marriage. Neither one of us is going to get what we wanted.”
“At least you’re finally showing me something real. A fire in your eyes. If you don’t want to have sex tonight, then tell me.”
“I don’t want to have sex tonight.”
“But if I said we had to, you would lay down and let me have my way with you. Is that it?”
She hesitates, telling me everything I need to know.
“You would,” I say. “Because that’s how you were raised. You wouldn’t try to fight me. You wouldn’t try to kill me. You would just take it. But I don’t want a wife who will just take it. I want my wife to desire me. I want my wife to not look at me with fear in her eyes.”
She lowers her gaze. “I don’t know how to look at you without fear.”
“At least you’re being honest with me about that.”
“I’m sorry I’m not the perfect wife you want me to be.” She sounds so sullen. So… sad. It’s like a brick right to my heart. “I’m failing at this. I should be perfect. Why isn’t this perfect?”
I sigh. “Luciana… We have the rest of our lives together. We don’t have to have sex tonight.”
She jerks her head up. “But what about our marriage? We have to do this or our marriage is at risk. Peace is at risk. I can’t risk you killing my father if I don’t do this.”
“And there it is. You would have sex with me out of fear. But I don’t want you to fear me. Yes, we have a duty to perform. But it doesn’t have to be tonight. My cock isn’t even hard.”
She flinches. “You find me repulsive?”
Her question startles me. It’s so open and honest. Real. “I find you beautiful. But I can’t get hard at the thought of taking you when you clearly don’t want it. I like a woman who’s willing in my bed.”
“And yet, you kidnapped Emma.”
Now it’s my turn to flinch. “I did. Because she was promised to me. But I wasn’t going to rape her. I never intended on that. I was just going to marry her.”
“And you thought she’d care for you?”
“I wasn’t thinking about that at the time,” I admit. “I was thinking about how I was wronged. But I’m thinking about you now, Luciana. Because you’re my wife. Not Emma. I’m not going to start our marriage off by raping you. It’s been a long day. We should go to bed.”
“But I have to do my duty.”
“You can do your duty another night. Let’s go to bed.” I take the blanket away from her and set back on the bed before I get under the covers. I can feel Luciana looking at me for a long time before she lays down beside me.
Luciana
What is wrong with me? Why can’t I do this?
I have to make Matteo want me because the more he’s happy, the more at peace we are. The more safe my father is.
I was supposed to give him my body. Why couldn’t I? Why is none of this going to plan?
I squeeze my eyes shut as I curl into a ball. Matteo is behind me. The tension is radiating off his body. I’m sure he can feel the tension in my body as well.
Tears slip out of my eyes. I am not the perfect wife I’m supposed to be. I have no idea what Matteo wants.
He wants me to be a good wife and yet he also wants me to fight back? I don’t understand. I was taught to follow the men in my life and Matteo is that man now. I have to do what he wants.
Yet, I don’t want it.
Matteo is an incredibly handsome man. The sight of his bare chest was unlike anything I’ve ever seen on a man in person before. It made my stomach flutter.
And yet, I still can’t stop being afraid. Matteo has made it clear he won’t hurt me but he also spanked me tonight. Why can’t I warm up to him?
Why can’t I be the perfect wife I’m supposed to be?
Why is it all so hard?
I feel him shift around behind me and I press myself into a ball tighter. He sighs. What is he thinking?
He doesn’t want me to be fake but that’s all I’ve ever known. Be polite above anything else. I can’t just change that overnight.
The thought that this is how I’m going to spend my wedding night fills my stomach with such a deep ache, I can’t stop the sob from escaping me. Matteo doesn’t comment or offer me comfort but I know he can hear me and that makes me cry harder.