Chapter 16
AIDEN
I sat on the couch in Alex’s suite, watching him sleep.
Jared sat in the chair beside me.
I had no idea what to say. If I should say anything.
It was all my fault. I should have told Alex about the investigator.
But I can’t say I regretted finally knowing the man that he was. My heart ached for him in a way I’d never expected.
For all that Alex had lost.
His best mate. The man he loved.
And for the pain Alex was still experiencing.
Both he and Jared had gone through so much. I wanted to stand between them and the world, to protect them with everything I had. I should be scared as fuck about these feelings, but in this moment, I had no desire to run.
I stretched out on the couch and watched Jared with his head propped on his hand. His long hair covered half his face, but I wanted to see his eyes.
“Come here.”
I held out my hand to him, and surprisingly, he got up off the chair and walked over to lie down beside me. We all needed comfort after what had just transpired.
With Jared as the little spoon, I tucked him in tightly and rested my chin on his shoulder. He smelled like warm summer days and moonlit nights. I took a deep breath and sighed, looking over at Alex’s sleeping form.
“I’m sorry.”
My voice was hoarse, a strange lump lodged in my throat.
“I’m not the one you need to apologize to,” Jared whispered.
“I know. And I’ll admit, it wasn’t just about the investigation. I wanted to know who he is. There’s this inexplicable pull towards him that I can’t deny.”
Jared squeezed my hand tight. “Trust me, you’re not alone.”
“And he’s not the only one I feel that way about,” I confessed. “Which makes everything complicated.”
Jared’s sharp inhale had me holding on tighter and he turned his head.
“I can see how you feel about him. You have very expressive eyes,” I whispered.
“I’m scared.”
“Alex and I won’t let anyone hurt you. Seuter is never?—”
“Not that. I mean this. You. Me. Alex. Us.”
“I don’t even know where to begin.”
Jared sighed. “For now, let’s make sure he’s going to be okay. Everything else will have to wait.”
I nodded and Jared turned back to face Alex again.
We were silent then, the slight rocking motion of the ship lulling us into sleep. I drifted in and out of vivid dreams.
When I woke up, I was disoriented for a moment.
How long had we been asleep?
It could have been ten minutes or several hours. The darkness in the room suggested it was late at night. Jared shifted in my arms, and I couldn’t help the smile that graced my lips. I’d imagined touching Jared many times, but never like this.
Fully clothed and half asleep, our simple embrace was more intimate to me than any fucking.
It wasn’t two strangers sharing sultry kisses and a quick shag.
It was two hearts seeking comfort in each other, watching over our third.
“Are you awake?” Jared asked.
“I am.”
“Do you think he’ll be okay when he wakes up?”
“He’s been through worse. He’ll be fine. He’s a strong man.”
“He was in love,” Jared whispered.
“Yes.”
“Do you think he’ll tell us what happened?”
I shook my head. “I?—”
“I will.”
Alex’s hoarse voice startled both of us.
ALEX
I saw Jared’s form in the shadows as he slipped off the sofa and stood up, wandering over to the bed.
“Are you okay?”
“I will be,” I answered.
I reached over to turn on the bedside lamp.
A soft golden glow illuminated the room. I sat up and ran a hand over my face. My eyes felt swollen, and I’m sure they were red-rimmed and bloodshot.
I didn’t care. It was Jared and Aiden. I wanted them to see me.
“Did I leave a glass of water out here?” I asked, looking around.
“I’ll get a fresh one for you,” Aiden replied.
He leapt off the sofa with the energetic grace of a sleek cat. I couldn’t help but track him with my eyes.
When he returned from the bathroom with my glass of water, he set it down on the nightstand and nodded.
“Thanks. It’s highly unlikely I’m going to fall back asleep anytime soon. Do you want to stay and talk?” I could feel the heat in my cheeks. “Or you could go back to your rooms. I’m fine. You probably need your sleep.”
Jared slid onto the bed and scooted in the middle. Aiden lay down on the other side. Thank fuck for these California king beds.
“You gave us a scare earlier. Are you really all right?” Jared asked.
“I’m fine. I guess that release was a long time coming. I rarely talk about my service or about…Ben. It’s a lot for me to unload. But at the same time, I never, ever , want to forget him. He deserves remembrance.”
“How did you meet?” Aiden asked softly.
Tentatively. It was so unlike him, I nearly asked if he was okay.
“In training, when I signed up at eighteen, right after secondary school. From the moment I met him, I knew we were going to be mates. He was bright, funny, and had a laugh that was so loud it would make everyone smile. Even me. He was so beautiful,” I sighed.
“And he loved football, and Sunday roasts, and his huge family. He was one of seven kids, so he had no problem sharing a room when we were at training. I’d tease him about his snoring—he was like a bloody foghorn. No one wanted to room with him but me.”
I paused and took another sip of water.
“It was hard for him, being away from home, even though he liked to travel. We went all over the world—Africa, Bosnia, the Middle East, Afghanistan. He missed his family, and his girlfriend Holly, something fierce. But he liked the camaraderie and the structure the service gave him. Like me, he didn’t want a corporate job.
And he loved adventure and risk. Too much risk.
Sometimes being away from home made him careless. ”
I shifted and rolled to my side.
“He was brave and maybe a little mad, rushing into firefights that had even hardened soldiers pissing themselves. That’s how he died.
We were surrounding an insurgent compound.
When…when we got the go ahead to attack, he went in first. And came out last. He’d been shot five times and bled out before we could get him on the helo back to the base.
And no, I never told him how I felt. Sometimes I think he knew.
But I couldn’t risk our friendship. He was my best friend.
Anyway, when he died, I just lost it. I destroyed my room and nearly punched my superior officer in the face.
I had a complete breakdown. I was sent back home on medical leave for a year.
It was at that time when I was formally diagnosed with PTSD and depression.
I decided I needed out. I couldn’t go back to that life. ”
“Your medication, it’s helping?” Jared asked.
“It has, but it’s not a cure. No matter how much medication or therapy I’ve had, the nightmares always slither back.
When I first came back from Afghanistan, I was a wreck.
I had so much anger inside me, and it had nowhere to go.
Thankfully with medication, therapy, and exercise, I got better.
Enough that I was ready to start over and find another job. ”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the investigator,” Aiden blurted out.
“It’s fine.”
“No, it’s not.”
“I forgive you. But please, don’t ever hide something like that from me again,” I bit out as I glanced at him.
“I promise.”
I knew that Aiden was a man of his word, so that was good enough for me.
“I’m exhausted,” I whispered.
My eyes were heavy, and my body finally relaxed into the mattress.
That was odd. Normally when I woke up, even after a fitful sleep, I was wired. I guess all this talk about my past had drained me.
I rolled over and clutched my pillow tightly. Then I felt the heat of Jared’s body as he snuggled in close behind me. My bruised heart took solace in the gesture, and I couldn’t help the smile that graced my lips.
Jared slid one slender arm around my waist and squeezed gently.
“Is this okay?” he asked.
“Yes,” I whispered, placing my hand over his, interlocking our fingers. I was so overwhelmed by my emotions.
I swallowed past the lump in my throat, tears threatening again.
Then I felt Aiden’s arm reach over us, and his hand fell over mine, binding all three of us together.
None of us spoke. The only sound in the room was the slow, even rhythm of our tandem breathing.
For the first time in over a decade, I fell asleep within minutes.