Chapter 6
CHARLIE
“ W hat have you done?” I said out loud to my empty cabin.
A cabin that felt entirely too quiet without Kiernan.
How was I going to fix this?
Hearing Kier admit what he was going through and how he felt about me made my heart ache like nothing else. And when finally I admitted, out loud, that the attraction wasn’t all one-sided, fuck, that weird fluttery feeling took hold of me again.
But nothing could come of it. Nothing.
He said it himself, he was struggling. I was not going to mess around with a man who was coming to terms with his sexuality. And someone who was looking for a real relationship.
When all I wanted was a fuck.
Liar.
Instead of running after him, I got back in my bunk. We both needed space to process at this point. Not that sleep was going to come easy.
One hour passed, then two, and then, finally I drifted off to sleep. To fitful dreams.
My alarm blared at nine, but I was already awake. And I didn’t want to get out of bed.
I wondered where Kiernan had slept. If he’d slept as badly as me. Was he okay? Fuck, I needed to talk to him.
If he ever wanted to talk to me again.
He came out to you. And then you fucked it all up.
I couldn’t ruminate anymore. My phone buzzed with a reminder from George that the Carters and their friends were due to arrive in a half hour. I had to get up and get the ship ready to leave port. I slid off my bunk and slipped into the washroom.
Ten minutes later, I left my cabin in my shorts and t-shirt and headed for the crew kitchen.
It was empty. No sign of Kiernan.
I made a cup of iced coffee, downed half of it and grabbed an apple, making my way to the bridge deck.
And that’s where I spotted him.
Kiernan was leaning on the railing, looking out to sea. The only thing he was wearing were those low-slung grey sweatpants.
But it wasn’t his body I was focused on, it was his face. He looked so lost that I couldn’t stand it. I wasn’t going to let what happened last night drive a wedge between us. I was going to make this right.
I marched onto the deck and Kiernan turned when he spotted me.
“I’m sorry.”
We both blurted out at the same time and then laughed.
“I don’t want to lose your friendship,” I said, moving closer.
“I don’t want to lose yours,” he replied, his voice hoarse.
“We’re leaving the dock shortly and I’ve got stuff to get sorted. Can we talk later?”
“Yeah.”
“Good.”
“Can I hug you?” Kiernan asked softly. “Is that weird?”
God, this man was killing me. But I couldn’t deny him.
“Not at all.”
I leaned forward and slid my arms around his waist. I was surrounded by the scent of man sweat and cinnamon.
A lethal combination.
What was even more dangerous?
The sound of Kiernan’s heart, beating rapidly under my cheek.
I knew, I fucking knew in that moment, that someday, somehow, Kiernan was going to wreck me. He was breaking through the safety wall I’d carefully constructed around my heart. And I was going to let him.
Did no one else see how freaking sweet this man was? Not only beautiful outside, but inside.
I pulled back and stared up at him.
Yes, physically he was hot, sexy, rugged. A wet dream come true.
But it was those damn eyes, and that quiet smile, that drew me in. They had from the first moment we met.
“We good?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
He smiled down at me, the crinkles at the corners of his eyes deepening. “You can let go now.”
“Oh, shit. Sorry,” I muttered as I finally stepped back.
I full-on shivered and it was eighty degrees out.
“Guests are arriving soon. I, uh, I better get the crew organized,” I replied quickly and pointed over my shoulder.
At what, I have no idea. There was no one on deck right now but me and Kier.
I was flustered like I never was.
Kiernan nodded. “Cool. I’m gonna go get changed.”
I started to walk past him when I remembered something. “By the way, George texted me this morning. Noah’s feeling better but he’s going to be in isolation for a few days. Are you still okay sharing the cabin?”
“I’m good if you are.”
“Yup. Good. Great. Totally good. Wonderful.”
And I was babbling like an idiot. What the hell was wrong with me? Smooth talking Charlie was MIA. “Oh, and the dogs will be coming on board too. Be prepared.”
“George mentioned yesterday but I already knew,” Kiernan’s voice lowered to a hoarse whisper as he leaned into me.
“When I confirmed with Alex about this job, I went straight out and bought Christmas gifts for the dogs. Plushie toys and treats. And a heated blanket for Ginger. She snuck into my room last time, but she was cold with the air conditioning. Poor thing was huddled up next to me all night.”
OMG.
A gorgeous, gruff man with a soft spot for animals? Fuck, that was my personal kryptonite.
Thinking about Kiernan cuddled up with a cute dog had my brain short-circuiting.
“Charlie.”
George called out my name and I startled. I turned around and looked up.
“A moment please.” George motioned for me to head upstairs to the wheelhouse.
“We’ll talk later, Kier.”
He nodded and headed inside.
I ambled up the stairs and met the captain on the upper deck.
“I was going to radio the crew to get ready for departure. Everything okay?” I asked.
George nodded. “We’re on schedule. Rafe texted and they’re ten minutes out.
But the third stew, the temp we hired to start today, didn’t report for duty.
Jana says she and Olivia can manage but I’d appreciate if Pat could split his time between the interior and exterior. There will be a lot of guests.”
“Of course.”
“And you’ll have to help Flynn as needed until Noah feels well enough to get back to work. Probably a few days.”
“Derrick has been with us for five months now. I have complete faith that he can manage the deck crew as needed in my absence.”
“Good. And I have another task for you. One which I hope you will accept.”
George paused and glanced at me.
“Okay?” I asked hesitantly, concerned at his mysterious tone.
“I’d like you to steer us out of port this morning.”
I was stunned. Totally speechless.
Happily so, but still. This was a huge step for me and one that I didn’t take lightly.
I nodded. “It would be my honor.”
“I’ll stand by, but I have full confidence in you.”
George held out his hand and I shook it.
“That means a lot, George. Thank you.”
“Thank you for your service. There’s no one I would rather have as my second in command. You’re going to make an excellent captain one of these days. Then you can man the ship and I’ll have time to sit on the deck with my husband.”
I glanced at George and bit back a smile.
“Something tells me that you’re not going to give up your job.”
George barked out a laugh. “Quite right. This isn’t a job, it’s part of who I am. Still, there will come a time when I’ll need to step aside and let someone else lead. And that’s exactly what you are. A leader.”
I was choked up and barely managed to nod.
I couldn’t wait to tell Kiernan. And my mom and brother. All my friends. This was a huge day for me and one that I had been working towards for a long time.
“If there’s nothing else, boss, I’ll have a chat with the crew.”
“I’ll meet you on deck shortly.”
George gave a clipped nod and headed back inside.
I radioed my crew and headed down to the bridge deck for a quick convo about our roles and responsibilities in the coming days. Then we made our way down to the lower deck to greet the guests.
All the crew lined up as usual, but Kiernan was missing.
I was about to head inside to search for him but suddenly the patio doors opened.
In navy shorts, and a simple white t-shirt, Kiernan stepped out and all my focus centered on him.
With his hair pulled back in his usual bun and his mirrored aviators on, he looked like the badass bodyguard he was.
But he was so much more than that.
Kiernan had hidden depths, a sensitive soul under that tough exterior. And I was fortunate enough to see it.
But now that I knew how he felt about me, and how I felt about him, how was I going to stick to my promise that we would only be friends?
Because that’s what he needs.
Someone to talk to. Not someone to fool around with.
Support and friendship.
Especially given that he was coming to terms with his sexuality.
I knew from an early age that I was gay, but it still took me a long time to feel comfortable telling other people.
Working for an inclusive crew on Now, Voyager was a turning point.
My confidence grew enormously these past two years as I met and worked with other queer people in the yachting industry.
And I knew that if Kiernan decided to open up, not only to me, but to others on board, he would have all the support he needed.
And my naughty thoughts about him? Well, the last thing Kiernan needed was me trying to get in his pants.
He hadn’t said it directly, but it didn’t take a genius to figure out that he was looking for a relationship.
And I…wasn’t.
But as Kiernan moved to stand beside me, I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe I had it wrong.
I’d had my heart broken once.
Would I be brave enough to risk it again?