SAGE
21
My eyelids flutter as I claw and scratch my way toward consciousness. I take in the sunlight hitting my face, the crisp sheets beneath me, and the fluffiness of a pillow that is clearly not my own. My breath hitches with that knowledge. But where am I? Slowly, I open my eyes to a room I’ve never been in before. I look around, trying to figure out what the hell is going on and how I got here—wherever here is.
I blink, drawing in a ragged breath, and suddenly I know. The entire room smells familiar. Like Kade . But… what am I doing in his bedroom?
And then, an ominous cloud throws everything I know into shadow before violently unleashing upon me all the things that transpired last night. The memories crash down, and all I want to do is hide while they threaten to drown me. Hands on my body that shouldn’t be. The deafening crack of marble on bone. And the sick metallic odor that’d scented the air. I shudder hard.
Through it all, my heart is pummeled—my very soul, too—with the meaning and weight of what I’d been forced to do. All the air heaves from my lungs, and I cover my face with two trembling hands as utter devastation shrieks inside my skull.
No . I lamely shake my head back and forth. A sob rips up my throat as I choke on the truth.
I killed my father. He’s… gone. And I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about that. In fact, the relief that floods my veins has grief swamping me, on the verge of dragging me under its murky depths. My heart thuds, the impact on my rib cage bruising and harsh. I work a swallow past the hard knot of tears in my throat. Unless by some miracle my mother shows her face, my only blood tie in the world is gone . I’m twenty years old and all alone.
Raw panic surges through every cell of my body, and my mind scrambles, twisting in on itself. Oh my god. What do I do? He’s?—
I wrench myself from the chaos in my head. That’s why I’m here. My hand comes up involuntarily, covering my parted lips. Kade. And Rhett. They know. That’s why I’m here.
As I draw my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them, more and more details from last night come back. My stomach gives a violent lurch as shame coats me from head to toe. Do Kade and Rhett understand what Dad did? I remember them showing up, but I must have been in shock—and maybe I still am—because I can’t recall what I said to them, if anything at all. What they must have seen is damning.
I wish Kade were here. It’s gotta be— What time is it? I glance out the window on the far side of the room, facing the barn. It’s light enough out there, he must already be up and at ’em. The entire ranch will be rising soon, and as I sit there contemplating what to do next, I pause. From the sounds of it, someone is in the kitchen cooking . Scrubbing a hand over my face, I wince. Oh, hell, Sage .
Unless Kade or one of his brothers prepares breakfast, that can only mean one thing: Josephine Rivers is downstairs.
I’ve seen her in passing out on the gravel road our homes are situated on, and possibly a few times at school events. But I’ve never spoken to her. Not once. My father always told me not to have anything to do with the Rivers family. I wince, rubbing a hand over my forehead. He can’t possibly have anything to say about this now. And I can’t even find it in me to care what he would think.
One time, Jonah confided in me that he wished our families got along. Of course, that would’ve made it easier for him and Lucy. Instead, they’d been forced to keep their relationship a secret from our parents. I take several deep breaths and slowly sit up, glancing down at my attire .
I’m dressed in a soft pair of joggers that have seen better days and an old T-shirt that’s probably two sizes too small. Crap . Kade—or maybe Rhett—must have pulled these out of my dresser for me to wear after… After I…
I give myself a shake, knowing I can’t go there right now. On quiet feet, I creep across the room, then pause and listen with my hand on the knob. Much to my relief, when I turn it, the door opens silently, and I slip out to stand on the landing.
There’s only one thing to be done—face last night’s horror in the stark light of day and hope like hell I don’t crumble when I’m confronted by the reality of what I’ve done. Of what he forced me to do.
But that doesn’t mean I’m ready to join the matriarch of the Rivers family, who I’m certain is downstairs. How do I explain myself? Does she know I’m here? Exhaling hard, I peek around the corner, down the rustic staircase.
My body jolts in surprise when Josephine’s sunny face peers up at me from the kitchen where she’s scooping eggs from a pan into a serving dish. She studies me for a moment before a smile twitches her lips. Then, giving me a knowing nod, she lifts a hand and beckons to me.
“Get your sweet little peach down these stairs. Daylight’s burning, honey.”
A surprised gasp leaves my lips before I cautiously return her smile. “Yes, ma’am.” I don’t waste time because she’s watching with keen eyes, so I jog down the stairs to join her. I pause at the bottom, taking her in. I’ve always thought she had a kind face, and I can only hope it’s not simply for show.
I have my answer a moment later when she gives me a quick no-nonsense nod. “Good. Now, there’ll be none of that ‘ma’am’ business,” she admonishes with a quirk of her lips. Walking over to me, she hooks a hand at my elbow before steering me into the airy kitchen. “Ms. Josie will be fine.” Before I can even respond, she gives me a stern look, the kind grandmothers must come by naturally, before gently scolding me. “You gotta eat.”
“Oh.” I press a hand over my stomach. “I’m not really hungry.”
The older woman huffs. “Don’t be silly. You need some meat on those bones, girl. Besides, I’ve got waffles, eggs, and bacon almost ready, and I’m not shy about saying I’m a good cook. How do you think my grandsons are built the way they are?” Her eyes twinkle with mirth, catching me in her gaze.
I let out a surprised laugh, and I’m positive there’s simply no way she’ll let this slide, so I may as well go along with her well-meaning demand.
Once we reach the island, the scent of bacon frying has my stomach rumbling audibly.
“See? A girl’s gotta eat. Have a seat. A fresh waffle will be done in another minute or so.” She pauses, giving me a wry smile before continuing. “Oh, and count yourself lucky that I’m not asking what’s going on between you and my grandson.”
Damn, Ms. Josie is sharp as a tack. Before I can say a word, she turns away, bustling over to the waffle iron that has seen plenty of use this morning judging by the huge pile of golden-brown waffles on a platter.
She glances at me, a grin twitching to her lips as she takes in my expression. Her bony shoulders bounce as a laugh spills from her, and she huffs, “May as well not deny what’s as plain as day to this old woman.”
My cheeks heat as I wonder what exactly she knows. As she glances over her shoulder at me to wink, a slow smile emerges on my lips. “Oh. Okay.” Ms. Josie, as she told me to call her, brings a large bowl of scrambled eggs and a platter of bacon over to me.
The woman is back at the waffle maker before I can blink, and I call out, “Can I help with anything?”
“Oh no, honey.” She deftly collects another platter and shakes her head, smiling in my direction. “Just make yourself at home. Tuck into some of this food. The twins’ll be down in a minute, and if you don’t take your share, they’ll descend like a couple of hungry hogs and devour it faster than you can blink.”
My lips twitch in amusement as an image of Cole and Jace Rivers scarfing down the breakfast before us floats through my mind. Those two rowdy cowboys were a year behind me in school, and while I don’t know them that well, I could easily imagine what Josie is claiming to be true.
While I’ve been lost in thought, Josie has brought more food—a bowl of cinnamon-stewed apples and a plate piled high with the inevitable hash brown potatoes that are customary to a ranch breakfast.
I nod, surprising myself when an easy smile reaches my lips. The feud between the Everett and Rivers families has gone on for a long time now and runs deep as a canyon. I don’t claim to know what’s in this woman’s head or her heart, but with her family’s dislike of mine, I wouldn’t have thought she’d treat me kindly or welcome me into their home.
But, calm as you please, she leans over the island and spoons some apples onto her own plate. “This recipe is my favorite.” With a wrinkle of her nose, she confides, “I have a terrible sweet tooth.” Looking over at me again, she questions, “Are you okay?”
“Yes.” I exhale hard, staring at my empty plate. “I was just thinking how strange it is to be sitting in your kitchen. We’ve been neighbors my whole life, but…”
Josie’s brows furrow, and she pauses. “You know, it’s nice to have another woman in the kitchen again. I’ve lived with these four heathens on my own since their pap passed.”
I chew on my lip and nod, still wondering how she isn’t chasing me out of her kitchen .
A second later, though, she lets loose a hearty sigh. “Listen to me, Sage. What the generation before you—your parents and Kade’s—have made a mess of isn’t your doing, nor your fault.”
I assume she means to reassure me about Kade and me being involved—because she obviously knows all about it—but the mention of our parents has memories from last night swirling sickly around in my head. My father’s raspy, booze-soaked voice in my ear. Alice . My stomach churns. On a ragged exhale, I breathe out, “Yes, ma’am,” then grimace. Not wanting to offend her, I quickly correct myself. “I mean, Ms. Josie.”
The stool next to me scratches across the floor, snagging my attention as she takes a seat. Knowing eyes wander my face. No matter how hard I try, I’m positive I’m doing a shit job of hiding what’s on my mind. Seemingly, with every breath she watches me take, it feels obvious what’s happened to me at my father’s hands. A shudder runs through me at the idea that anyone could look at me and know.
“Go on, now,” she murmurs, gesturing toward the food.
At the sound of a good-natured argument transpiring upstairs, I spur myself into action. Picking up the fork to spear a waffle, I then quickly add a piece of bacon, a small portion of eggs, and a sampling of Ms. Josie’s favorite apple recipe .
Giving a nod of approval, Josie serves herself, then stops to study me again, her lips pursing thoughtfully as a hint of a smile graces them. “You know, you look an awful lot like your brother. Same lips and bone structure.”
Frowning, I consider her words, bringing a mental image of Jonah to my mind. I haven’t ever thought I look anything like Jonah … but maybe it’s because we don’t have the same eye and hair colors, and those differences stand out. My heart clenches at the idea she sees a similarity, though, and for several agonizing breaths, I let myself remember my brother. His sunny disposition, his charming wit. I loved him so . The fact that he’s gone makes me ache in the worst way, wondering what he’d be like today all these years later. Would he and Lucy have gotten married? Would it not even be the slightest bit strange that I’m sitting here? Would there be a tiny baby in a high chair with Lucy’s sparkling eyes and Jonah’s strawberry-blond hair? I take a deep breath. And maybe more importantly, if Jonah were here, would I have suffered so much these last few years? My brother was my confidant and protector, always.
With a sad sigh, I tear myself from those thoughts, pick up my fork, and use the side of it to cut into the waffle. I glance over at Ms. Josie before mumbling, “I’m so sorry I’m in your way this morning.”
“Don’t you go apologizing. Kade asked if it would be okay, and I agreed, no hesitation. My door’s always been open for anyone who needs it.”
“Well, I appreciate it.” I pour syrup over my waffle before taking a bite. I chew thoughtfully, trying to figure out from the angle the sun is coming in the window what time it actually is. Ugh. My phone. It’s probably still in my room. I didn’t think to grab it before Kade and Rhett insisted we leave. I clench my teeth tightly together and swallow hard in an attempt to keep what little is in my stomach down. My gaze finally lands on an old clock on the wall. It’s already past eight. No wonder Kade is nowhere to be found.
“The boys will be back soon,” Josie offers. “In case you were wondering. They had some potatoes to tend to.”
I draw in a breath. “Okay, thank you. I’m a little out of it, I guess.”
“Under the circumstances…” She shakes her head, almost as if she’s thought better of whatever she was going to say. “Sage, can I say something?”
My eyes flick to hers, a swarm of bees taking flight in my abdomen at her tone. And even though I am scared of what she might be about to bring up, I quietly murmur, “Yes, of course, Ms. Josie.”
Patting her lips with a napkin, she tilts her head to the side for a moment. “It does my heart good to see you and Kade becoming close.”
My cheeks color, and I wonder if he said something specific to her about me or if she’s drawn her own conclusions.
One fine brow raises on her forehead. “You know, Kade isn’t the only one of my grandsons who thinks a lot of you.”
I set my fork down, willing to wait to find out where she’s going with this rather than somehow sticking my foot in my mouth.
Her head bobs. “From what Rhett tells me, the two of you have built a pretty solid friendship since he’s been working with the animals at Lilac Meadows.”
I don’t think it’s a mistake at all how she doesn’t mention that Rhett’s been working closely with my father. Not by a long shot. “Oh, uh, yes, I suppose that’s true. We talk sometimes, but”—I lift a hand, sudden panic flooding me that she smells a new family feud brewing where there isn’t one—“we’re just friends.”
Josie grins. “I’m aware that it’s Kade who thinks the Idaho sun rises and sets in your eyes. I can tell by the way he looks at you.”
“Oh.” I wet my lips. “Kade is— He’s been?—”
“It’s okay, honey. No need to explain. He’s a good man, like we’ve tried to raise him to be.”
The thundering of footsteps on the stairs reminds me we aren’t alone in the house. A moment later, Cole and Jace skid to a stop as soon as they spot me. Miniature versions of Kade, though I can’t quite tell them apart. They wear identical devilish grins.
One of them cocks a head to the side, studying me as he throws up a hand in a quick hello. “Mornin’, Sage. We thought we heard someone else down here.” Curiosity coats his features.
The other chuckles. “That or Grandma was talking to herself again.”
Josie trains her eyes on the offending brother. “Cole Rivers,” she snaps.
It’s clear from the flame color tinging his cheeks that he regrets opening his mouth. Cole scrubs a hand through his hair. “Sorry, Grandma.”
“How’s it going?” Jace murmurs as he sits down.
I smile at him through clenched teeth. “Good, thanks.” I exhale unsteadily. I’m not good. But this is one of those times when no one expects anything but a little white lie. And I’m unsure whether or not the youngest of the Rivers brothers have a clue what happened last night. I sure hope they don’t.
Thank goodness his attention returns to their grandmother. “Where’re Kade and Rhett? I thought they said it was fine if we got a late start today.”
She shrugs, her eyes flicking to mine, but only briefly. “Yeah, well, sometimes plans change. Eat up, then out to feed the cows. Rhett and Kade are prepping so you can plant the last field of potatoes.” She roughly clears her throat, her focus shifting to the door at the same time footsteps sound on the porch. “That’ll be them now.”
I don’t have a clue how she heard them before I did. My heart skips in my chest, but I can’t bring myself to look up as the door creaks open and their shadows fall across the kitchen. The sudden onset of nerves is unexpected but also makes perfect sense. There’s a low rumble of conversation among the members of the Rivers family, but I’m too keyed up to hear what they’ve said, my mind tumbling with questions I’m terrified of the answers to.
A second later, Kade’s big hand lands on my thigh, and I realize he’s stopped right beside me and crouched down. His dark eyes find mine as he grips my leg in a gentle squeeze. “Come on out to the porch with me for a sec, would you?”
Slowly I set my fork down on my plate, my chest heaving with uncertainty.
“Everything’s fine, Wildflower.” He doesn’t hesitate to use the nickname he’s given me in front of his family. Rising to his full height, he holds out a hand for me, then nods briefly at everyone else. “Be right back.”
Outside, I can’t help but shift uneasily from one foot to the other. I frown as I finally notice he’s wearing different clothing than he was last night. Come to think of it, Rhett had been, too. My eyes scan over him, and that’s when I realize his hair is wet, like he’s taken a shower. But I don’t know when that would have happened. My stomach flips upside down, wondering again what transpired in the hours I managed to sleep. I search his eyes for answers I’m unsure I want.
“What am I gonna do?” I whisper, the question falling from my lips before I can stop it.
He draws in a deep breath, shaking his head. “You’re not gonna do anything. I told you last night we’d take care of things, and that’s what we’re working on.” He grits his teeth. “There are a lot of little details we need to make sure we deal with. But Rhett and I are on it. Don’t worry.”
A disturbed whimper sneaks out of my mouth as gooseflesh rises on my skin despite the warmth of the sun-drenched morning. I heave out an anxious breath and find the courage to meet his eyes. “Thank you. For coming when I called.”
Kade’s jaw twitches. “I will always be there when you need me. No matter what.” The low rumble of his voice comforts me as much as his words do. “Understand?” I nod, and he takes a step toward me, running the palm of his hand up my arm, gently squeezing my bicep. With the other, he shifts, fishing in his back pocket and pulls out my missing phone. “Thought you might need this. Battery’s low. My charger’s on the nightstand in my room.” Exhaling with a deliberate huff, he murmurs, “Now, do me a favor and go finish your breakfast, then get some more rest.”
My lips tremble as I tip my head back to stare up at him, cataloging the features of this man—the one who had come to my rescue in my darkest hours. The one who said all the right things and kept me from completely losing it. The one I never thought I’d want, much less rely on or need. “Kade—” There’s so much I want to say and not enough words to ever express what he did means to me. And even though he says not to worry, I don’t have any idea how we’re going to fix this. I’m just this side of a very real panic attack at the thought of what could happen. My entire body shakes as a choked noise exits my throat.
Kade takes my head between his hands, coming in close so his lips brush mine. “I got you, Wildflower. Everything will be okay.” His thumbs skim over my cheekbones as a tear slips from my eye. His voice rough and full of grit, he whispers, “You’re going to trust me someday—with your whole heart.” His brow arches, as if daring me to argue. “I’ll prove myself to you. I fuckin’ promise.”