SAGE
22
After Kade and his brothers took off for the fields again, Josie had insisted I at least try to get some more sleep, but I’ve done nothing but toss and turn restlessly on Kade’s bed for more hours than I can count. She must have knowledge of what went down at Lilac Meadows last night, but it’s nothing I can bring myself to dwell on at the moment.
I don’t know how I’ll ever repay the kindness she’s shown me in the hours since her grandsons brought me to their home. She’s made sure I’ve been fed throughout the day, but otherwise, has left me to my own devices. Usually, I don’t mind being alone, and I could definitely use more sleep, but every time I close my eyes, all I see is the trophy in my hand as it cuts through the air and smashes into my father’s skull.
My emotions are all twisted up, and I’m not in the right headspace to deal with what I’ve done. My chest has become increasingly tight as I sit on the edge of Kade’s bed and stare out the window that faces the general direction of my family’s land. I’m unable to do more than breathe. Fuck. One thing’s for certain. I’ve got to get a hold of myself because right at this moment, I feel like I could fly apart into a million sad, scared pieces.
As the sun slips below the horizon, it paints the sky in vibrant shades of purples and pinks, making me wonder how something so beautiful can coexist in the same world as my father’s ugly behavior.
I lose track of time, staring at that sunset, then practically jump out of my skin when there’s a soft rap on the door behind me. I whirl toward it as it edges open.
A startled gasp works its way from my throat. Kade stands in the doorway, filling up all the space with six foot six of sweaty, muscular cowboy. His grin is wicked as ever—and totally what I expect of him—as he removes his hat and hangs it on the bedpost. But his eyes are assessing as they roam over me. There’s no doubt he’s concerned for my state of mind. Hell, I’m concerned for me, too.
He grasps the back of his neck with one hand, tugging hard as he murmurs, “Sorry it took us awhile to finish up today.”
I’m fully cognizant that part of the reason why it took them so long is the extra work I created for him and Rhett. The mess I made. My stomach revolts, flipping madly. I rub my hands over my face as I draw in an exaggerated breath. “It’s okay. I’ve been right here all day, mostly.”
“Have you eaten?” he questions, his voice gruff.
A tremulous smile finds its way to my lips. “Oh, yes. Your grandma made sure I was fed. I really am fine—as fine as I can be right now, anyway.”
Giving a swift nod, he closes the distance between us, catching my chin with a few fingers, and tipping my face up. “I’m not sure I buy the story you’re selling, but I’m going to take a quick shower and then we should talk about a couple things if you’re up for it.” He exhales hard, eyeing me again.
My tongue darts out to dampen my lips, unsure of where that conversation will lead us. I hold up a hand to stop him because there’s definitely stuff I don’t have the stomach for hearing. “Just so we’re clear, I don’t want to know what you were doing today. I just don’t.” I let out a long exhale as I peer into his dark eyes and allow myself to consider what sort of horror he and Rhett were forced to deal with on my behalf.
His voice quietly reassuring, Kade murmurs, “I won’t tell you anything you don’t ask about. But frankly, Sage, there are other things I want to know. And things we should discuss.” A breath heaves from him.
My heart thuds heavily in my chest as I take in the concern on his face. And that’s when I realize that whatever he wants to talk about has nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. What I’ve been through. And keeping me safe. Knowing that takes the sting out of the aloneness I’d felt this morning, because I think Kade might care. And it’s been so long since I’ve had anyone really, truly looking out for me that it practically knocks me sideways. I chew on my lip for a moment.
So, I have Kade… but I guess I have more than one person now, and I’m unsure what to make of that. Both Rhett and Ms. Josie have been there for me today, too, in different ways.
I can’t quite decide how I feel about anyone knowing what I’ve been through. I’ve kept the ugly secret to myself for so long. At some point, though, I will have to figure out how to move on with my life. May as well start now. I drag in a deep, cleansing breath, finally ready to agree to whatever he wants. “Yeah. Okay. We can talk.”
He nods. “Good girl. I won’t be long.” Spinning on his heel, he crosses the room in several long strides and shuts himself in the bathroom. I sit quietly, my head in my hands because nerves have begun to prickle under my skin.
True to his word, the door cracks open no more than five minutes later, and steam billows from the bathroom as Kade steps out in a pair of boxer briefs that leave nothing to the imagination. My breath hitches as he comes over and deftly scoops me up before taking us both down to the mattress. Butterflies take flight in my stomach, and the next thing I know, he’s eased us against the pile of pillows, rolling until I’m on my back and he’s at my side. He grasps one of my hands in his larger one, bringing it to his lips and skimming them over my knuckles.
“You look like you’re about to bolt, Wildflower.” His voice is full of grit and gravel but so damn reassuring at the same time as he continues, “You have nothing to fear from me. Promise.” He squeezes my hand before letting it go.
I shift, peeking up at him from under my lashes. “I know. But I’m scared all the same.”
“Of what?”
“Of what you think of me—” My voice breaks, my lips trembling as I stare into his eyes. As if he senses there’s more to what I was going to say, he simply inclines his head, then carefully slips his hand under the hem of my shirt. His fingertips stroke the words emblazoned on my skin over my rib cage. “‘Grow through what you go through.’ Isn’t that what your tattoo says?”
My brows dart up, surprise rolling through me. The quote is tattooed in a delicate script with a rose. “You noticed that?” Not many people have ever commented on it.
“Wildflower, I notice details. Especially when they have to do with you.” He lifts a hand, bringing the pad of one finger to my bottom lip, tracing it ever so softly. “Keeping that in mind, I have an idea of what’s been happening in your home.”
My chest jerks, and he shifts, caging me in and bringing his face close to mine. As I stare into the depths of his eyes, I already know I’ll lay my secrets bare. Kade has become someone I can depend on. He’s my new protector. To me, Kade means safety. And because of that, I can tell him anything.
I draw in a ragged breath. “I could let my father off the hook and say he’d been drinking. But”—my body begins to tremble as I force the words up my throat—“that wasn’t the first time.” It feels like I’m ripping in two as I admit my truth to him. “He was a sick man. And it makes me want to vomit to admit that.”
“I thought as much. Back in ninth grade I remember seeing bruises on your wrists and forearms. It was then I started to pay more attention. Watching you from afar until you became my sole focus, my obsession. Did he leave those marks on you, Wildflower?”
I nod, and a muscle in Kade’s jaw jumps mercilessly, and his voice is a low growl when he speaks. “He’s fucking lucky he’s dead. Because I’d have killed him a million times over in horrific, deranged ways for doing what he did to you. For hurting you.” He winces, his eyes crashing shut. “I’m so fucking sorry,” he whispers. “So sorry.”
My body won’t stop quaking, and tears sting the backs of my eyes. Exhaling hard, I grit out, “No.” Shaking violently in Kade’s arms, I repeat myself, my voice sharp. “No! ”
Kade raises a hand, cupping my face as he peers into my eyes. “Wildflower?”
Wetting my lips, I grind out, “It’s not you. I just don’t want to break down. I can’t. ”
“I won’t ever fucking judge you for it. And if you need to fall apart, you can do it with me.”
I slowly shake my head. “I won’t let him have that power over me. Especially now that he’s gone.” I press my lips together into a tight line. I’ve got to get this out. “He’s been hurting me for years—both physically and mentally—and nothing would have changed that. I know it.” I press a hand to my chest, trying to hold my heart inside. It’s pounding so hard it might explode through my rib cage. My heart near breaking, I whisper, “I’m not sorry I did it.” Then with more strength, I bite out, “I’m glad.” Lifting a hand, I slide my fingers into Kade’s hair. “Is that wrong?”
“Fuck no. We both know you weren’t at fault for any of it. I hope before his heart stopped he knew who killed him and why. He deserved to never see another sunrise. To never look upon your face again. And because you were strong when you had to be, he’ll never touch you again. The end he met and the way we disposed of him was justified.”
I draw in a breath at that last bit but nod. “Is he”—I wince—“taken care of? Hidden?”
Kade gives a rough chuckle. “You could say that.”
“Like I said, I don’t wanna know. ”
“If you ever do, I’ll tell you. But right now, I think we need to talk about what we need to do going forward.”
“Okay. What do you mean?”
“We make sure you keep up appearances. Do nothing to raise any alarms. Rhett mentioned Ridge was supposed to be heading out of town this morning for a week, so that helps.”
“That’s right. He was going to a cattle sale a few hours away. So…” I chew absentmindedly on my lip, considering how long it’ll be before anyone notices my father never showed up at the event or if anyone would even think to question it.
“You act the same as you would have if he had left for the sale this morning. In fact, put it in your head now. He left earlier as far as you know.”
“But what about his truck?”
Kade presses his lips together, giving me a firm nod. “Already taken care of.”
“Really?” I lift a hand, rubbing it over my face. “Maybe I should call him. Every day.”
“If that’s what you normally would do, yes.” Kade lets out a heavy breath. “And I’m guessing you won’t want to hear this, but we should get you back home as soon as possible.”
I suck in a breath. “Just the thought of being back at Lilac Meadows is enough to turn my stomach. ”
“I know. That’s why tonight you’re going to stay with me. And when you do go back… I’ll be with you.”
The relief I feel is huge, and I quickly nod, exhaling as I do.
“For now, put it out of your mind. You need sleep.” Kade reaches out a long arm and switches off the bedside lamp, sending us into darkness, then as he resettles, he pulls me closer, and I curl against him, seeking comfort in his strength.
I lie there for interminable minutes, shifting every so often until Kade finally presses a kiss to the top of my head. “Talk to me, Sage.”
Wincing, I let out a disturbed sigh. “I’m sorry. I’m afraid to sleep. Terrified of what I’ll see when I close my eyes.” In the dim light, he gently nudges my chin upward.
“Sage, listen to me,” Kade rasps in a tone that commands my attention and comforts me all at the same time. “You are safe. I may not have been your father’s reaper, but understand this… I won’t hesitate to end anyone who hurts you.”