SAGE
29
Sitting at our kitchen table, I stare across to the space my father used to fill. I will never be able to look at his chair again without remembering him sitting there. I want to fucking smash it to pieces. Maybe I will. I rub my hands over my face, frustrated at the strange path my mind has taken. This sort of thing has been happening for a week now. Every time I look at anything that reminds me of him, I come close to losing it. Most often, I’m sad, but there have been plenty of instances when I’m simply mad at everything he put me through.
Even the steaming cup of coffee laden with cream and sugar doesn’t alter my current foul mood. Maybe it’s too much to expect—and too soon—that I’d be able to adjust easily to life without the man who tormented me.
It’s obvious why today has been bad—I’ve been walking a tightrope of emotion the last few days. It’d taken everything in me to go to Kade and Rhett for help with the Samuel situation. Can’t say I’m sorry they told him to fuck off and not come back until my father does. Then there’s the fact we contacted the police to report my father missing. I feel terrible that I don’t even want to think of him as my dad anymore. What he did to me has forever altered the fabric of my being. I’d rather cut all memories of him out of my soul with a dull blade.
A rap at the front door makes me jerk so hard my chair scratches across the floor, the sound of it grating like nails on a chalkboard. My first thought is that Samuel is back, and it sends my heart galloping hard. Unlocking my gaze from the mug of coffee clenched in my grasp, I push back from the table, standing on unsteady legs.
But wait.
Samuel wouldn’t come to the front of the house. He’s always knocked on the side door, here in the kitchen, much like he had the other day. Kade and Rhett wouldn’t knock either, they’d simply come in and announce themselves—and that’s okay by me because they aren’t deplorable human beings like our ranch hand is. Please tell me it’s not him.
But if not him, then who? It’s all I can do to put one foot in front of the other to take myself to the entryway to answer the door. One quick glance out the window reveals a police cruiser. Oh, thank god. That thought is immediately followed by, Oh, fuck. I was unsure what the response to my missing persons report would be or how fast it would happen. I should have guessed they’d send a deputy to the house.
Winston Granger shifts in place, hands resting on his hips, and is staring downward at his feet while he waits. I know him, though not well. He was ahead of me in school—maybe around Rhett’s age? Played football and joined the ranks of our town’s law enforcement not long ago.
Steeling myself against whatever is about to happen, I reach for the doorknob and ease the heavy door open. I stare into Winston’s curious eyes as he gives a firm nod. “Mornin’ Sage.”
“H-hi.” I hold up a hand in greeting. It doesn’t escape me—or the deputy—that I’m shaking. His eyes roam my face, taking in details I really wish weren’t there—the dark circles under my eyes and the tightness in the hesitant smile I offer him. Barely able to wrench the words from my throat, I whisper, “Is it my dad? Is he okay?” That’s what he’ll expect. Oh god, Sage. Don’t blow this.
He winces before rushing on, “We actually don’t have any leads yet. We haven’t been able to locate him. That’s why I’m here.” He pauses, gesturing to the rocking chairs on the porch. “Mind if we sit? I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions.”
I blow out a hard breath before nodding and slipping through the doorway. There’s a warm breeze this morning, in contrast to yesterday’s rainstorm. The chairs rock ever so slightly. Deputy Granger—it feels weird to call him that—clears his throat as he sits down, pulling his hat off and resting it on his thigh. I shift the other chair so we can carry on a comfortable conversation before settling in. As I wait for the questions to begin, I rub my sweaty hands over my thighs. It feels like interminable moments before Winston finally speaks.
“Haven’t seen you working at Boozin’ Boots too much lately.” His brow raises.
My eyes flick to his, wondering if this is going somewhere or if he’s simply trying to be nice because we know each other. I bite my lip, shrugging. “Oh. I asked for fewer shifts. I’m getting ready to start summer classes at the college. Dad said it’d be a good idea.” Bile rises in the back of my throat. This small talk can take a hike.
I can’t tell what he’s thinking, and it’s unnerving me. Not to mention, it’s really fucking awkward to chat with a deputy from the sheriff’s office who you’ve watched down a huge pitcher of beer in one sitting.
“Yeah. That’s smart.” He nods, rubbing a hand over his jaw, and he’s quiet for a long stretch of time.
I wet my lips while I wait, anxiety rushing through me. It’s clear gears are working in his head, trying to sort out what else he needs to ask. I can’t help but wish Kade were here to hold my shaking hand, though I knew I’d have to do this part alone .
Drawing in a breath, he lets another question loose. “So, tell me… when was the last time you saw Ridge?”
“Like I mentioned over the phone, I haven’t seen him since last Monday night. He was watching some of his old videos. This time of year, he likes to do that. He tends to get a little down right around the anniversary of my brother’s death.” And no one could possibly know he wasn’t asleep by the time I came home. “It’s tomorrow. Been six years now,” I mutter, my voice wistful. At least my sadness over them being gone isn’t a lie.
Winston pushes against the wood boards under his feet, setting his chair to sway gently. “Jonah was a nice guy, we had chem class together. His and Lucy’s deaths affected us all.”
My breath hitches as I meet his somber gaze. “I think my dad misses the way our family used to be.” It’s common knowledge in this town that my brother died and my mom left, so I stop there, assuming he’s heard enough.
The deputy lets out a sigh, shifting. “Sorry this is dredging all that back up.”
I can’t do much more than nod before whispering, “It’s okay.”
“When did you realize something was wrong?”
I drag in a breath. “I didn’t see him Tuesday morning before he left for the cattle sale, but I never heard from him that day.” My chest squeezes hard, like my rib cage is collapsing around my heart. “Or any day after that.” I drop my gaze to my hands again. Embarrassment for the man I knew as my father weighs heavily on me, though it shouldn’t. His inability to handle his liquor is not my fault. His inability to deal with the hand life dealt him isn’t on me either. “I assume he went on a bender while he was out of town.” He nods, and I see a certain understanding in his eyes. Everyone in town knows my old man is a drunk. Correction. Was a drunk.
“But then to not come back… He always comes back, even if it’s drunk off his ass.”
“Okay, Sage. I think I have what I need.” The deputy slowly rises from the rocking chair, and I do the same. “Would you mind if I took a look inside the house and around the property? I don’t have a warrant or anything, so it’s just if you think you’d be okay with it.”
I stiffen, my stomach rebelling angrily, but hurriedly nod. I don’t see a choice. Either I act like everything is okay and allow it, or I don’t and raise his suspicions. “Sure. If you think it’ll help.”
“I don’t know that it will, but maybe there’s something obvious,” he says as he moves toward the door.
I hold it open for him, pointing toward the staircase. “His bedroom is upstairs at the end of the hall.”
“Thanks, Sage. I’ll just be a minute.”
Please don’t go into my room. Please. My mind flashes back to the shaking of my hands as I knelt on the floor with the trophy I’d won two summers prior clutched in my grasp. The wound I’d inflicted bled profusely, creating a dark puddle underneath his head. I know Kade and Rhett did a good job cleaning the room, but I’m terrified something will give my secret away. Panic tears through me. Raising a few fingers to my lips, I can’t do anything but tremble. Swallowing hard, I grimace as my stomach pitches, threatening to empty itself.
A few minutes pass before I hear footsteps sound from inside the house, approaching the door.
Oh, shit. I suck in several gulping breaths and rub my hands over my face, then sit down on the porch steps.
“Sage, I don’t see anything of note. I’m gonna give a look around the property, if that’s okay.”
With my lip pinned between my teeth, I nod. “Yeah. That’s fine. Do whatever you need to do.”