Chapter 4
FOUR
KIJA
Ican hear Grace’s cackling laughter as I approach my office.
It’s early.
Too early for Grace to be so jovial. She can’t even be through her first cup of coffee yet, because I have it clutched in my hand.
One of our many agreements is that I provide her with tasty “treatos” in exchange for her unending devotion and stellar work ethic.
I am more than happy to ply her with goodies because I’m very aware that I would be lost without her.
A sudden wave of panic washes over me, worried that I’ve missed a meeting with some office in another country where it’s still yesterday.
I know she wouldn’t let that happen, though.
She’d have called me, giving me a plausible excuse and a plan for making it look like I was the one right on time and they had gotten it all wrong.
The brightly-colored floral arrangement catches my attention as soon as I walk into the reception area outside my office. It would be impossible not to notice the way it stands out in a riot of pink, yellow, and orange against the otherwise muted monochromatic surroundings.
And there’s Grace, giggling, hands clasped over her heart as she gushes about the bouquet and calls Lux ‘cariad.’
Lux?
Lux, who for some reason is standing at Grace’s desk, giving her a charming smile and telling her she deserves to have beautiful things in her day.
He’s right, of course; she absolutely does. But why is he the one delivering them? What does he know that I don’t?
They both seem to realize I’m there at the same time. Lux’s eyes roam over me in a way that is so entirely obvious that I’m almost impressed at his total lack of subtlety. I’d been a little worried about what I was wearing today, but suddenly I feel pretty good about everything.
Grace clearly sees what he’s doing, too, and snickers as she reaches for the to-go cup I’ve still got ahold of. “Look at this lovely surprise I’ve got!” she exclaims, gesturing toward the flowers before she takes a sip. “Ah, coffee and flowers. What more can a girl ask for?”
There’s a moment where we’re all looking around at each other, unsure of what to do.
I can’t go into my office because Lux is blocking the door, Grace is peering at me like she expects me to say something, and I honestly have no idea what.
Finally I clear my throat and manage, “Good morning, Grace. Lux. The flowers are beautiful. Is there a special occasion I missed?”
Lux shakes his head. “No. Just because I wanted to let her know I appreciate her.”
“As everyone should,” Grace preens, nose in the air to sniff at the flowers again.
“So you’re trying to make me look bad because I only brought in a lukewarm caffeinated beverage?” I chuckle.
“Like you could ever look bad,” Lux mumbles.
I almost didn’t catch it, but Grace obviously did because the grin that lights up her face is absolutely devious.
I don’t know what’s going on, and it’s starting to make me nervous.
“It was nice to see you, Lux. I’m just going to…
” I wave in the general direction of my office and take a step towards the door.
“You, too, Kija-hyung.” Out of the corner of my eye, I can see him give Grace a little bow. “Have a wonderful day, noona.”
“You, too, Lux-ah. Thank you so much again!” Grace calls as he takes one last look over his shoulder before he disappears down the hall.
Setting my bag on the floor, I have to wonder what all of that was about.
I know Grace is well-liked and respected by the idols when she gets a chance to work with them, but most don’t ever get to interact with her.
While I know she’s fond of the members of RYSING, I certainly didn’t realize that she was acquainted enough with anybody to be socializing or getting fancy flowers from them.
I’ve only managed to pull my chair out when Grace appears in my doorway. She immediately makes her way to the couch, sitting down with her coffee. “What a fantastic surprise this morning,” she says. “The bouquet, I mean. I expected the coffee. You need to step up your game.”
“I didn’t realize it was a competition,” I grumble. “Or that you handed out ‘cariad’ so freely. I thought I was special.”
She reaches over to pat my cheek, tsk-ing at me. “It’s cute when you’re jealous.”
Scowling, I start to argue that I’m not, but Grace scoffs because she knows what I’m about to say. Instead, I point to her coffee. “You better enjoy your dalgona today, because that cup is your last.”
“Mmm-hmm,” she hums, taking another sip. “Do you want to know what’s on your schedule today, or do you want to sulk some more? Think fast; I have these beautiful blooms to enjoy.”
“You are unbelievable,” I tell her, but still settle in so she can catch me up.
???
(13 months ago) 10:51 p.m.
That offer for dessert still stands.
[images attached]
01:15 a.m.
I appreciate the offer, but I’m going to decline.
It was nice to see you tonight, Chaeji,
but I don’t think we want quite the same things at this point.
01:15 a.m.
You don’t want it like that?
I’ll give it to you however you want.
(12 months ago) 07:10 a.m.
Getting ready. Thinking of you. Wish you’d call.
[image attached]
(10 months ago) 09:46 p.m.
You’re an asshole.
If you aren’t interested you should have just fucking said something.
A million guys would want this.
[image attached]
11:12 p.m.
I did say that I didn’t think we were looking for the same things.
I know many guys would love to have your attention.
I wish you the best of luck with finding the right one.
11:13 p.m.
It should be you.
Think about what I could do for you.
[image attached]
(9 months ago) 01:09 p.m.
Out to lunch with some loser.
So far he’s promised me a penthouse in Dubai and a Ferrari.
He has no idea what I want.
I know you do.
(7 months ago) 05:29 a.m.
Would it matter if I told you I had changed?
If I was different now?
I keep going out with all these guys.
But they can’t make me stop thinking about you.
No one does.
(6 months ago) 10:11 a.m.
Oppa, I miss you.
I know we only spent a few hours together.
But I really think we shared something special.
I wish you’d reconsider.
03:54 p.m.
Will you just answer me?
I saw you in a picture with that group today.
You looked so handsome.
You’re exactly the kind of man I need in my life.
12:07 p.m.
Chaeji, I continue to wish you the best.
I have seen you in some ads recently and I hope that brings you success.
12:08 p.m.
I knew you were paying attention.
Here’s something else for you to see.
[images attached]
12:13 p.m.
For your own sake, please stop sending nudes.
While I will delete them, you can’t be too careful.
12:14 p.m.
Sure, you “delete” them. ; )
I love to think about you looking at me.
(3 months ago) 11:26 a.m.
Still here in bed.
Still wishing you were here with me.
[images attached]
(today) 06:47 p.m.
Oppa, it’s been too long.
When can I see you?
Sighing, I set my phone back on my desk, face down, not bothering to reply. I don’t think it would make a difference anyway.
I wonder if I should block her number. It feels a bit unnecessary when she’s more of an occasional annoyance than anything. She’ll get the hint eventually.
???
“Hello, eomma,” I say, smiling as my mother’s face pops up on my phone. She’s shown remarkable restraint in having waited two whole days since our last conversation to call and check in again.
She puckers her lips at me like she’s blowing a kiss, her ever-present red lipstick one of her signature features.
My mother is a classic beauty, radiant and refined.
My father has never missed a chance to tell her how stunning she is, and she still lights up every time.
I hope one day I am as enthusiastic about my spouse as they are with each other.
“There’s my gorgeous boy,” she coos. “How are you? What have you been doing today? Is Jase there? Are you still getting along?”
I have to laugh at the rapid-fire questions, so typical of her. She wants all the information, immediately. “I’m well. I got up, did some laundry, picked up the parts of the last toy Noel destroyed, Jase and the furry nightmare are currently with his boyfriend and yes, we are doing just fine.”
“This is good practice for you to share space. It’s important to know how to live with someone. I worry about when you get married,” she says, brows creasing in concern.
“I know you do. You remind me all the time.” I’m joking, but it’s also the truth.
The sigh that escapes her sounds like a mother who is tired of waiting. “I want you to be happy, son. I cannot believe a man that is as handsome and successful as you has so much trouble finding a wife.”
“Who said I was having trouble?” I chuckle. “I’m just not looking. I work a lot, I travel pretty often, and this is not the right time for a relationship. It is certainly not for lack of options.”
Her eyes go wide. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“What? Nothing. There’s not anything to tell!” Hands up in front of me, her gaze is just as intense as if she was standing right here with me.
“Show some respect for your mother, Kija,” she scolds. “Don’t hold out on me.”
“I would never,” I assure her. “I do not have a problem finding women who are interested. If anything, I am having difficulty getting them to let go.”
“Let go? Who needs to let go?” She leans in toward the screen, squinting in suspicion.
I figure I might as well tell her just to get her to calm down for a while. “I went out with a woman a while back that I didn’t think was a good match, but she seems to have thought otherwise. Despite my telling her repeatedly I don’t want to pursue anything, she continues to be hopeful.”
Now her arms are crossed, and I realize I’ve said too much. “Well, who is she? Should you maybe reconsider?”
Groaning, I drop my head into my hands. “No, I don’t think I should reconsider. She was far too intense for my taste.” I look back at her and add, “You wouldn’t have liked her, anyway.”
She gasps, clearly offended that I would presume to believe I am capable of knowing whether or not she would have approved of this potential mate. “What have I done to deserve these kinds of nonsensical assumptions from you?”
I’d roll my eyes, but I know better. “Would you want Kwon Chaeji as a daughter-in-law?” The brief silence that follows is satisfying. “That’s what I thought.”
“Chaeji is… very beautiful,” mom comments carefully.
“She is indeed.” I nod. I know there’s more coming, though.
My mother taps at her cheek, a habit when she’s nervous or trying to think of a way to be polite when she really doesn’t want to. “I’m not sure her reputation would benefit a man of your status.”
I snort. “Status? I work in the entertainment industry. I don’t have any status.”
“I see you socializing with celebrities enough to know that’s not true,” she says with a frown. “I have seen plenty of stories about her out and about. You don’t need to date an inssa.”
Social butterfly would be a generous term for Chaeji’s party girl persona. We moved in the same circles enough that a date had seemed inevitable at some point. But one was enough.
“I know, eomma. I think I’m past that period of my life and I’m not looking for someone to take me back there.” I’m honest about that, I know that scene has no appeal for me anymore.
“Good.” She gives me a firm nod of her head, approving.
Jase comes bursting through the door then, setting Noel down to scurry across the floor. She immediately runs toward me, skidding to a stop to start gnawing at my slippers. Again.
“Hello, Jase!” my mom calls, startling him with the sound of her voice.
He whips around to bow to her image on the screen. “Oh, hello! So nice to see you! Sorry to interrupt your call.”
“I was just about to go. You boys have a good evening.” She blows me a kiss and gives me a little wave before she disconnects the call.
“Good day?” I ask, looking at the near-blinding smile on his face.
“So good,” he tells me, rolling up the sleeve of his shirt. “Look what I got.”
I think my jaw drops as he reveals the black ink on his arm. Leaning closer, I can see that it says “naekkeo” and there’s a small heart next to it. I can’t believe Jase has a tattoo. “Wow.”
“I know, right? Nikko wrote it for me. He also drew the heart a while ago.” He’s still beaming at me. “I’ve been thinking about it and it just felt right. I wanted to do it, something that was big. For me. For him. For us.”
“You moved across the world for him,” I remind him, teasing. But I love this—how happy he looks. It makes me hopeful that one day I can feel the same about someone. “Did Nikko get one, too? I promise I’ll pretend to be shocked when the company freaks out about it.”
He chuckles. “No, he didn’t. He got a new piercing in his ear, so I doubt anyone will notice…”
“Oh, they’ll notice.” Obviously he still has a lot to learn about VOX. The RYSING fans don’t miss anything. Ever.
“The jewel in the earring is a diamond. My birthstone,” he tells me proudly.
I have to admit, “Okay, that’s clever.”
“We thought so.” He sinks into the couch, everything about him looking pleased. Satisfied with his life and his decisions.
It’s a good look on him.
There’s a twinge of something I can’t identify, somewhere in the back of my mind. I keep wanting to say it’s not envy.
But maybe it is.