Chapter 25 Eden
Eden
Ishould’ve known things were going too well. No one gets to sail through life as happy as I’ve been recently, not without some universal balance.
It all started on my birthday weekend two weeks ago.
Everything leading up to the fire pit was fucking epic.
Sloane’s mum and dad really went all out, and I was extremely touched by their generosity.
All my old and new friends came along, and we had a blast. I could’ve done without the speech by my mum, to be fair, but that was the only embarrassing bit.
Then Kiera opened her fucking trap, and it all went downhill.
I felt Sloane retreat within herself. The long distance thing has been a dark cloud hovering over us, even though we’ve discussed it at length.
We’d finally gotten to a place where it wasn’t overshadowing our relationship, and then Kiera spat out her stupid statistics.
I saw it in Sloane’s face as she absorbed the information. One thing I’ve come to realise about my girlfriend is she’s someone who tends to overthink. Small worries get bigger as she turns them over and over in her mind until she’s brimming with anxiety.
I tried to get her to talk to me that evening, but she needed more time to process. We ended up having sex again, which was fantastic. However, I knew she was keeping something back from me and it stopped her from fully letting go in bed.
Since then I’ve felt her pulling away, and I sort of get it. She’s trying to protect herself. I doubt she even realises what she’s doing, which is why I’ve given her whatever space she needs.
So that’s been an adjustment and pretty crappy. Then I got my first rejection letter. Rhode Island, my first choice of college, wasn’t letting me in. Sucks major fucking balls, but what can ya do, eh? I’ve still got two other colleges I’m waiting to hear from.
The third sign of the universe balancing the scales was my truly ungraceful fall off of the gym treadmill. Yup…full-on wiped out in front of the entire class. Grazed the shit out of my knee and shin. Rolled my ankle too, which is worse because the charity run is next week.
I’ve been hobbling around like an invalid for the past three days. The bruise is a doozy and for a second I panicked about internal bleeding. Mum took me to the emergency room to be on the safe side.
Fourth, and I’m not sure what this means: Sloane and Kiera have gotten close.
For the first time I might be experiencing jealousy.
I trust Sloane completely, but I’m on the fence about Kiera’s intentions.
She was generally cool at my party and has been nice ever since.
I know they’re working on the charity run together.
Kiera is majorly connected and has really helped organise everything.
It’s just…why isn’t Sloane wanting to organise it with me?
A flicker of insecurity is alight in my chest, and I really don’t like it. Sloane and I are different. Sloane and Kiera are not. They’ve got loads in common. It’s why I thought Sloane would say yes to Kiera taking her out on a date before I knew she liked me.
Rationally, I know the distance between me and Sloane isn’t helping my brain compute her and Kiera’s sudden friendship. I just don’t know what to do about it.
Sure, I could talk to Sloane, but what if I come across as needy? Worse, what if Sloane is reconsidering our long distance plan? Could the two percent success rate make her give in before we’ve even tried?
“Eden, you’re going to need a dentist if you grind your teeth any harder,” Pia says, sinking to the ground next to me. The weather is still unseasonably warm, and I’ve taken to eating lunch on the field under a big tree. It’s kind of romantic. Well, it would be if Sloane was here.
“Where’s Todd?”
“Bro-ing out with Bryce. It’s gross.”
Bryce and Todd’s blooming friendship is another surprise. They seem to have hit it off at my party and are now BFFs. Pia’s not pleased, but that’s only because she doesn’t have Todd all to herself anymore.
“Ah, leave them alone. They love each other.”
She flicks my ear but laughs along. “True. Anyway, what’s with the jaw clenching and teeth grinding?”
I sigh, because what can I say? I miss my girlfriend and life seems to be fucking with me right now.
“Nothing, I’m fine.”
“I call bullshit. Is it your ankle?”
Wiggling my foot, I work out some of the stiffness. “Nah, it’s fine.”
“So it’s Sloane then?”
God, Pia’s like a dog with a fucking bone.
“P, it’s nothing. I’m just feeling a bit sorry for myself.”
“You’ll get into CalArts, Eden. I know it.”
“Fingers crossed,” I reply. I’m really ready for today to be over. I need to paint my stress away.
Throwing an arm over my shoulder, Pia leans her head against mine. “Want to hang out? It’s been way too long since we’ve had a bestie night.”
She’s not wrong. With the change in group numbers and dynamics, we’ve not been hanging out with each other a lot.
“How about this Friday? Sloane’s got a game but I’m not going. We could sit and watch crap telly?”
“Why aren’t you going to the game?”
Another sigh. “I get the feeling Sloane needs some space from me. I don’t want to keep turning up everywhere she is, not if it’s annoying her.”
“If she’s getting annoyed with you being there for her, I’d say you need to talk to her…like now.”
I shrug. “Something’s off with us. I think it’s the whole going away to college thing, but I’m not sure.”
“Then absolutely talk to her.”
A shadow cuts off the sun. Sloane and Kiera stand there looking down at us. I smile because just the sight of Sloane makes me feel better.
“Talk to who?” Sloane asks. I can’t miss the fact she hasn’t kissed me hello, or the fact that Kiera is practically glued to her side.
“Talk to you,” I say. “Wanna come over tonight?”
“Sorry, Eden, I’ve already made plans with your girl,” Kiera says, not looking in the least bit sorry. I’m no longer on the fence about Kiera’s intentions. She’s trying to fuck with me.
Ignoring Kiera, I look at Sloane, who is biting her lip. “That’s cool. Just let me know when you’re around.”
Kiera can kiss my arse. She’s not getting between me and Sloane. Pia is right, we need to talk and sort out whatever the fuck is going on. I’m not a passive person, and I don’t intend to become one now.
“I can come over after?” she says, playfully batting her shoe against my leg.
“I can’t believe you’re not taking her out to celebrate,” Kiera says, with a knowing smile plastered to her smug face. Sloane tenses and I feel her become wildly uncomfortable. “It’s not every day your girlfriend gets into Harvard!”
Ah, so Sloane got an acceptance letter and chose not to share it with me. Yeah, she’s definitely freaking out about the long distance thing. It stings she told Kiera, and we definitely need to talk about it. Preferably when Kiera isn’t trying to goad me.
Standing, I gently pull Sloane into my arms. It takes her a second to relax, but eventually I feel her weight against my chest and her arms around my body.
“Congratulations, baby,” I whisper into her neck. “I’m so proud of you.”
Pia hops to her feet and launches herself at us, causing all three of us to stumble. Sloane chuckles in my arms as I bat Pia away like an annoying mosquito.
“Nice one, Sloane,” she says, still trying to muscle in on our hug. “We’re absolutely celebrating. Let’s go to the diner tomorrow after school.”
“Pia, will you fuck off.” I laugh.
The bell rings, forcing Sloane and me to part. “Have a good night, and text me if you still want to come over.”
She looks at me with…I don’t know. It’s like she’s trying to figure something out. Stretching to her toes, Sloane gives me the kiss I’ve been waiting for. My chest warms, and I feel our connection bright and strong as ever. I just need Sloane to feel it, too.
Ignoring Pia’s many throat clears, I push the kiss a little further. We’re panting by the time I pull away. Sloane looks dazed but very happy. A grin forms on my face as I brush our noses together.
“See you later.”
Later is close to 9.30 p.m., which is fine. I’m just glad she showed up. I spent the day zombie-ing through school, and then the rest of my time launching paint at a blank canvas. It was hella therapeutic.
I’d just finished in the shower when the doorbell chimed. Mum answered and let Sloane upstairs. She found me laying on my bed listening to The Chili Peppers through my headphones.
In only a tank top and penguin boi boxers, I was getting ready to sleep when I felt a hand on my leg almost catapulting me to the floor in shock. Her laughter was soothing…after I’d calmed down enough to see the funny side.
“Hey,” she purrs, looking me up and down. “Am I interrupting?”
“In the best way,” I reply, standing from the bed and scooping her into a hug.
I’ve decided to stop buggering about. After the shit show at lunch, I’m closing the gap between us.
I’ve given Sloane space, but now it’s time to step up and work this crap out.
I’m not borrowing drama. By that, I mean I’m going to find out from her what’s wrong instead of presuming and we’re going to work through it together.
There’s been enough teenage relationship fiascos at Holcroft for me to know how not to handle this.
Assuming I know what the problem is, or making shit up in my head based on very little evidence, is the absolute wrong way.
I’m not falling into that crap. For once, my assigned ‘old lady’ status is going to work for me: I’m going to talk to my girlfriend honestly, and do my best to listen.
“Did you have a good night out?”
Sloane’s face immediately changes from seduction to worry. I didn’t mean for that to happen, but it has, and now I have to work out what it means.
“I’m sorry, Eden,” she replies with wide eyes.
“I didn’t intentionally tell Kiera about my college acceptance.
I was reading the letter and she saw it over my shoulder.
Then she organised a celebration. I felt bad saying no because she’s been so helpful with the charity race and everything, but I swear I didn’t go to her. I wanted to tell you first.”
Pulling her to my bed by her hand, I settle against the headboard and guide her to sit between my legs, which she does with a contented sigh. Her head hits my chest and she snuggles down.
“I’m going to be honest with you now, S. Okay?”
She doesn’t answer, but nods. I’m not here to make her feel bad, or heighten her anxiety. However, I’m the other half of this relationship, and my parents always taught me my worth. I need to voice my feelings and hope she receives them as intended. Not to place fault, but to work through things.
“You’ve been absent lately. Ever since my birthday. I have an inkling I know why, but I don’t want to guess. I’d like you to talk to me, Sloane.”
“I’m sorry.”
Shaking my head, I hold her tighter. “I don’t want an apology. I want to find a way forward. I also need to say that I’m not feeling great about being sidelined for Kiera.”
She jerks forward and turns to look at me. “Eden, you know I’d never—“
“I’m not saying you would. Nor do I think that’s what’s going on.
But you’ve stepped away from me and are spending all your time with her.
I know she’s helping with the 5k, and that’s great.
But I can’t help wondering why you haven’t asked me?
I could’ve helped with flyers, or whatever.
It feels like you’re pushing me away, and it’s hard to digest.”
Tears pool in her eyes. I hate this so much, but if we don’t air it out, our relationship is gonna rot and we can kiss the idea of long distance goodbye. Maybe that’s what Sloane wants. Ugh, I have to ask, don’t I?
“Babe, do you need us to break up?”
“No!” she practically shouts. “No, that’s the last thing I want.”
“Okay. Then you have to talk to me. I can’t read your mind, Sloane.”
Wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her hoodie that she absolutely stole from me, she takes a few deep breaths. “I don’t know what’s going on with me lately,” she begins. “I’ve felt so overwhelmed, which is weird because usually I’m great under pressure.”
Remaining silent, I take her hands in mine, encouraging her to go on.
“Getting to be with you is the best thing that’s happened to me, Eden. Please believe that. It’s also scared the shit out of me. Like, how can I be so lucky? Which then led me to think, I can’t be that lucky and something’s going to go wrong, or I’ll screw it up like I’ve been doing.”
“You’re not screwing it up, babe.”
“I am! I got in my head about the two percent chance we’ll make it through college as a couple and instead of telling you, I ran away. I…I just found it hard to be around you knowing I’ll probably lose you next year.”
“I’m here with you right now, Sloane. We’ve got time until college.
Not a bucketload, but enough to put a plan in place.
I’ll sit up all night and schedule it out with you if that’s what it takes.
Phone call time slots, video chatting. Vacation times, etc.
We can plan it all, but pushing me away isn’t the answer.
We might as well call it quits tonight if that’s how it’s going to go until next fall. ”
“No, please don’t say that. I’m sorry.”
Cupping her face, I kiss her softly. “Stop apologising. I just want us to lay it all out there. I can’t keep doing what we’re doing, Sloane. I miss you.”
“I miss you too,” she sobs. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“I think you’ve had a burn-out. A lot has happened this semester. With college looming over us, it’s been hard. We have more homework, more pressure. You need to have a proper rest. Let me organise something for Spring Break. It can be a friends thing, or just a you and me thing.”
Smiling at me, she leans her head against mine. “Yes. That sounds so good. I think I’d like a you and me thing.”
“Then that’s settled.”
“You’re too good to me, Eden.”
“I’m in love with you, Sloane. I’d do anything for you.”
There I said it. The three words I’ve wanted to say for weeks. I just hope Sloane registers just how much I mean them.