Chapter 26 Sloane
Sloane
I’ve not been myself lately. Not at all.
I thought I was getting over…whatever the hell is going on with me.
My workload is less. Cheer practice has eased up thanks to Becca and Daniella.
I no longer babysit except for the odd weekend here and there.
Damn, I was even chilling out about college until Eden’s birthday.
Then I felt like I was spiraling again. It’s ridiculous, I’m used to pressure and overcoming obstacles.
It’s how I made it to cheer captain, for God’s sake, yet the second Kiera opened her mouth and started yammering about the statistics I was wrecked.
I nearly ruined Eden’s birthday night, even if we did have great sex.
She knew there was something wrong, but for the life of me I just couldn’t verbalize it.
After that, things got worse. I clammed up—not just with Eden, but everyone. Except Kiera, which looking back pisses me off. I genuinely think I’m having a breakdown. For some reason I’ve been pushing people away, while my mind conjures all sorts of dark thoughts. Losing my friends. Losing Eden!
The only reason I spoke with Kiera is because she’s not really my friend, I guess.
It sounds wrong, huh? But my brain sees the logic.
I’m not afraid of losing her. She distracted me with the 5k charity run organization, and that’s what I needed.
Just a break from the constant worry and heartache I felt every time I looked at my beautiful girlfriend or my goofy friends laughing.
Fuck, Eden deserves so much better than what I’m giving her.
She’s so thoughtful and patient, and I’m fucking it up.
Maybe she’s right and I am burning out, or at least suffering from delayed consequences of years of trying to attain perfection.
It’s all self-inflicted. Mom and Dad have never put that onus on me.
I wanted to be the best at everything, and for the majority of high school I achieved that…
until now. Senior year is great, so many wonderful things have happened, but it’s also kicked my ass. I’m tired.
We’ve still got another semester until summer. I can’t wait to do nothing, hopefully with Eden. Though, in the back of my mind, I know I’m going to struggle to fully relax. College is a massive change, and if I’m panicking now, imagine what I’m going to be like a few weeks before we all leave!
This is the stream of thoughts on a constant loop around my head. The reason I’ve been such a shitty girlfriend. Too wrapped up, once again, in my own anxiety to be there for Eden. I’m not the only one worrying about all this crap.
I hate that my actions have hurt her. I hate that she’s comforting me right now, telling me she loves me for the first time, after the way I’ve behaved. In two weeks I turn eighteen, a legal adult, and yet I’m nowhere near acting like one. Is it possible to regress?
“Sloane?”
Fuck, I’m in my head again. “Sorry…God, I’m just sorry, Eden. I’ll do better. I love you too.” She has to know that, right? This isn’t the most romantic way of telling her, but we’re putting it all on the table. I can’t have her thinking this is one-sided.
She sighs. “Baby, I don’t want you feeling bad. I hate that I can’t do anything to make you feel better.”
Slotting my knees over her hips, I straddle her and wrap myself around her upper body.
“Eden, you make everything so much better. I’m just so scared about what comes next.
I don’t know why, though. I’ve looked forward to college since the beginning of high school, but now it seems so big.
Like everything will change and it’ll be too much. ”
“Have you spoken to your mum and dad? Told them how you feel?”
I shake my head.
“Maybe start there. Or make an appointment with the school counselor.”
A part of me feels like I’d be failing by admitting how hard I’m finding things right now.
If I don’t, though, I’m going to lose one of the most important people in my life.
Eden is amazing, but she’s not a doormat.
I know there’s only so much she’ll put up with. Only so much she should put up with.
“Okay, I’ll talk to Mom and Dad. I don’t want to keep doing this to myself, or you, babe.”
We stay snuggled together for a few minutes. Her heartbeat is steady and helps calm me down.
“So…you got into Harvard, huh?”
Another weight of guilt settles. I shouldn’t have gone out with Kiera this evening. Not when I really wanted to be here with Eden, and especially not when Kiera told Eden my news. I’m not blind. I know she did it to be spiteful, something I thought she’d moved past.
This evening will be the last time I hang out with her on a one-to-one basis.
I don’t want drama, so I’m not going to call her out on what are obviously manipulative behaviors, but I’m also not going to put myself in a position where she thinks she means more to me than Eden. I’ve learned my lesson.
“Yeah, I did.”
Eden chuckles into my neck. “And are we happy about it?”
I smile to myself. “Yeah, we are.”
Eden’s body shakes as she laughs silently. I’m being silly, I know. It’s a massive achievement and I should be bouncing off the walls, and I will, just…after a little more time in my safe space.
“Okay, then we need to celebrate.”
Pulling back, I look down into her eyes. “It’s a little late to go out for milkshakes, babe.”
Pumping her eyebrows like a dork, Eden rocks forward, sending me backwards until my body hits the mattress.
“Who said anything about milkshakes? I’ve got a better idea.”
Her eyes are sparkling, and my body is humming with happy anticipation. Yes, this is definitely the way I want to celebrate.
“Yes, please,” I beg, earning another chuckle. I don’t care. After today and the past few weeks, I need her to make me feel better. I need her to do whatever the hell she wants to me.
Gathering her tank top, I tug it until she leans back and allows me to strip it off. The penguin underwear shouldn’t be as sexy as they are. They’re the next item to go.
“Um, one of us is a little overdressed, babe.” She grins.
I must look desperate as I try to take everything off at once, only leading me to get stuck in my sweater. Eden helps me break free, her eyes alight with amusement. I puff out some air to remove the hair from my mouth. I know I’m a flustered mess, but I don’t care. This is what she does to me.
Pulling her back to me the second the last article of clothing hits her bedroom floor, I claim her lips. Eden doesn’t hold back either, and we’re both breathing heavily in no time at all.
“Time to celebrate my intelligent, gorgeous girlfriend,” she purrs against my lips. I have no time to reply as she slips down my body and nestles between my legs.
Every thought vanishes from my mind as Eden strokes me with her tongue. We might be new to this, but I’d say we’re pretty fuckin’ good at it already. She knows just where to touch me, breathe on me, and what to say. I’m a mess of jumbled words as she continues to “celebrate” me.
The last conscious thought I have is of Eden and how much I adore her.
When my orgasm hits, I scream silently to the ceiling and then promptly sag into the bed.
All the energy I had is gone. My eyes are slipping shut when I feel my body being moved.
Warm blankets cover me, and Eden’s body holds me close.
“Sleep, babe. Everything’s okay.”
I’m so warm and comfortable. It takes me a second to remember where I am: curled up in Eden’s bed, naked. A smile creases my face as I recall Eden’s choice of celebration. Then I feel a little embarrassed. I fell asleep without reciprocating.
The bedroom door creaks open, and Eden shuffles in with a tray. The smell of coffee hits me and instantly perks up my fatigued mind.
“Mornin’, sunshine,” she says, smiling.
“Hey. What time is it?”
“Still early. Plenty of time for breakfast and a shower before school.”
Crap, it’s a school day and I stayed out all night. Mom is going to bust an artery.
“Sloane, relax. I messaged your mom last night after you passed out. I didn’t have the heart to wake you up.”
Sitting up, I grin at Eden’s less than subtle ogling of my bare chest. “You’re the best. Thank you, babe. For last night, and just generally being my rock.”
She is my rock. She’s quickly becoming my everything, which in itself is a little scary. Mom and Dad found each other in high school, and I love that they made it. I just never thought I’d have the same luck. Well, that’s if I can stop myself from constantly messing up.
“I made eggs and coffee. I can grab something else if you want, though.”
Taking the plate, I shovel a forkful into my mouth. My stomach unclenches, and I realize I’m ravenous. Another side effect of my recent anxiety is the inability to eat properly. Eden sits on the bed next to me, watching with slight amusement.
“Need me to make some more?” she asks. I’ve gobbled the lot in record time.
“No, that was perfect. Now gimme coffee!”
Laughing, she hands over the mug and leans against the headboard, opening her arm to offer me my favorite position. Tucked into her body.
“We’ve got time, you know,” I say. My mind has wandered back to last night. “We could fool around a little.”
“As much as I would love to do that, babe, we really haven’t got time.”
Huffing, I sip more coffee. It’s nice waking up and taking a few minutes to just be. At home, I spring out of bed the second my alarm goes off. It takes a while to get myself “cheer captain” ready, if you know what I mean.
“Crap, I haven’t got any clean clothes. I can’t show up to school wearing yesterday’s stuff.”
Eden kisses my head. “Borrow something of mine.”
“Pfft, Eden I’m smaller than you and slightly thicker.”
Growling, Eden snatches my empty coffee cup and places it on the bedside table before tackling me to my back. “Yeah, you are. God, I love your muscles…and tits.”
“Charming.” I giggle beneath her. “I thought you said we didn’t have time for…this.”
Eden’s leg is between mine and I’m ten seconds away from grabbing her butt and grinding into her. Taking my lip in her teeth, she playfully bites down.
“We don’t. I just can’t resist you, which is why I’m getting out of bed.”
My pout and verbal protests go ignored as she pushes herself into a plank and then off the bed. Her workouts are really…working out.
Giving myself an extra second to pout, I fling the cover back and stand. I can see Eden is regretting her stance on the whole staying in bed a little longer thing as she eyes me from head to toe.
Closing her eyes, I watch her jaw tighten and then relax. I have to say, it gives me great satisfaction every time I see how I affect her. Great for a confidence boost. Eden hands me her robe and opens the door. I pass her and flick my tongue over her lips as I go by, heading to the shower.
Freshly washed and dressed in a baggy hoodie and gym shorts, I grab my phone and thank Becca for the third time.
She agreed to swing by my house and pick up my backpack.
Eden takes my hand and leads us outside.
Liz wasn’t bothered in the least that I’d stayed the night.
Jenna didn’t make any comments either, which is progress. She definitely seems happier nowadays.
Walking to school hand in hand with Eden, I feel lighter than I have in days. Another glaring reminder that my disappearing act serves no purpose other than making things worse.
Speaking of making things worse, Kiera is waiting in the parking lot. I see her eyes travel from my face to our locked fingers. A small scowl forms, and in that moment I know I let myself get duped.
Kiera never intended to be friends with me and Eden. She’s been playing the long game, and I didn’t see it. Too wrapped up in my anxieties to see what was clearly right in front of my face. Something I’m sure Eden spotted days ago.
“Hey, S,” Kiera says in a soft voice.
“Morning,” I reply, holding Eden’s hand tighter. It hasn’t escaped my attention that Kiera didn’t greet Eden.
“Are we still on for lunch?”
“Not today, sorry. Eden and I are going for a dinner date at the diner.”
Clearly I just made that up, but Eden turns to me and smiles. “Celebratory milkshakes?” she asks with a brow pump.
“Something like that.” I grin.
Clearing her throat, Kiera steps forward and places her hand on my forearm. “Still up for a movie night at my place?”
I’ll admit I’ve been totally dumb and blind.
Now that I’m out of my head fog, I can see exactly what this sounds like and what Kiera is doing.
The thing is, she doesn’t know Eden very well.
If she’s trying to get a rise, it’s not going to work.
Now that we’ve spoken and cleared the air, I can feel Eden relax next to me.
I know that if she thought I wanted to have a movie night with Kiera, she wouldn’t protest because she trusts me. The thing is, I don’t want to. I want to go back to spending my time with Eden. I’ve got a lot of making up to do.
“Crap, no, sorry. I’m helping Eden with her last few training sessions before the 5k.”
“Right,” she grinds out. I look at Eden, who is completely relaxed, swinging our hands between us, checking out the parking lot, looking for our friends.
“Babe, Pia and the gang are here. Ready to head in?”
Nodding, I smile at Kiera one more time. I kind of feel like a bitch. After all, she did help me with organizing a lot of things for the upcoming 5k race. But now I know her intentions were less than altruistic, and I need her to understand I’m not playing the game.
Giving her a wave goodbye, I let Eden pull me along until we reach Pia, Todd, Becca, and Bella.
Becca gives me a heart-stopping smile when she sees me clutching on to Eden.
It’s obvious my bestie has been worried about me, too.
Hopefully, me being here with Eden and my friends is all she needs to know that I’m making my way back to being me again.
Instead of heading to class, I break away and go to the student counselor’s office. If I don’t do it now I’ll chicken out. Eden was totally right last night, I need someone to talk to. A person who can help me step back and see things from an objective point of view.