13. Thoren
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
thoren
L ily’s vanilla scent hit me when I buckled her into the truck, and now I am salivating over it. She smells warm, like freshly made muffins on an autumn day. She looks so pretty today, but then again, I always think she does.
“Thanks for coming today, and I’m sorry about Sherry. We grew up together and she’s one of the volunteers on my SAR team. She’s unique.”
“She is certainly something,” Lily mumbles under her breath.
Unique isn’t the word I want to use, but I don’t want to call her a bitch even if she was one today. Seeing her car pull up this morning sent a full body shiver through me in the worst way. I was Pavlov’s dog and everytime she came near it put a grimace on my face and my balls shriveled up. There was a moment where I sensed a look of jealousy on Lily’s face when Sherry put her hands on me and I hated it. I need to set the record straight because even if my blood heats at the thought of her being jealous over me, I don’t play games like that.
“Just to clarify, there is nothing, has never been anything, nor ever will be anything between her and I,” I tell her as I pull into a parking spot in town.
A blush travels up her cheeks as she unbuckles, changing the subject. “Michele told me that. Where are we going for lunch?” Dainty hands reach to open the truck door.
My hand snaps out to squeeze her knee before I can stop it. “Wait.” I hop out and jog around to her side, opening the door for her. I love the way those pink cheeks are now a rosy red as I hold my hand out and help her down.
“Thank you.”
“When you ride with me, you never open your own door, understand?” She sucks in a breath when I cup her face, but I don’t move until she nods. “Good girl,” I clasp her small hand in mine. “I thought we could go to a staple around here. Cedar Ridge has a Bavarian history, and what comes with that is beer and brats. Is that okay?”
Her face lights up as we walk into the outdoor seating area of Munchen Garten. “I’ve been wanting to eat here! You have to tell me what to get on my brat like a real local.”
“Do you trust me?” I seat her at a small picnic table.
“Yes.” Her confident reply makes me preen.
“Okay, I’ll be right back.”
I wait in line at the ordering window, ready to blow her mind with the best beer and brat combination she will ever have. Today is turning out to be amazing. I got DeWitt on the phone this morning and she was everything River promised. Understanding and kind, but with a bit of an edge to her. She agreed to tell Lily that she would be working pro bono and send me the bill, so that was a huge bonus. Then I got to do one of my favorite parts of my job, and now here I am having lunch with Lily.
When the line clears, I place our order and wait for them at the next window. I ordered us pork brats with apple cider sauerkraut and a crisp pilsner on the side. By far the best things on the menu in my opinion, and all of it is made locally.
With food and beer in hand, I walk straight to our table. Lily’s eyes widen when I place hers in front of her and she sees the size of the sausage. She digs right in, taking a monstrous bite without testing if she might like it first.
My dick stirs watching her wrap her pink lips around it, and all the blood rushes south when that’s followed by her shoulders sinking into a low moan. Fuck. Watching sauerkraut drip onto her chin should not be turning me on like this. Reaching for my beer, I drink down a few gulps, trying to think of anything but the show in front of me.
“This is amazing,” she says after swallowing her bite. “Thank you, Thoren. This might be the best sausage I have ever had in my mouth.”
Beer flies from my mouth as I sputter, trying to remember how to breathe. I grab a napkin from the table, wiping my face and the mess I made, coughing up the rest of the beer. The tips of my ears feel hot as I face Lily who looks beyond proud of herself for that comment. I raise an eyebrow at her, but she just shrugs it off.
“You were quiet over there, not even touching your food yet. I thought I would perk you up,” she giggles.
“It perked something up.”
She changes the subject quickly. I like that she’s getting bolder with her words, but that bravery never seems to last long. “I thought about the lawyer. Thank you for finding one for me. I would like to talk with her, and maybe meet with her. Is she local?”
“She’s in Seattle. River sent me his home game schedule for the month, maybe we can kill two birds with one stone. Go to his game and you can meet with Kinsley DeWitt?” I slide my phone from my pocket and open our text thread. “I’m sending you her phone number and the home schedule. When you call her, see if there are any of those dates where she could meet with you, and we can go from there.”
I was hoping that it would work out this way. I want to be there for her through all of this. This isn’t something she should have to go through alone, and I want to protect Lily. She needs a safe harbor, someone to hold her and give her strength when things get tough. I don’t want her to have to see the lawyer alone, and this way I can be there if she needs me.
“Thank you, for all of this. The lawyer, helping me with my book, going to Seattle with me, being my friend. It all means so much to me,” she says, placing her hand on mine.
I turn my hand over to lace our fingers together. She keeps using the friend word, but as I let my thumb glide over the sensitive skin inside her wrist, I watch the goosebumps travel up her arm. There’s a connection between us and I know she feels it just as much as I do.
We finish our lunch, sipping our beer and watching people shop. I collect our trash when we finish, throwing it away as we walk back onto the street. I’m not ready to give up my time with Lily yet, so I put my hand on her lower back and steer her to the store next door.
“Want to do a little window shopping? Explore some of the best shops in town?”
“Yes! I’ve been dying to go to the hat shop, and I looked up the pet store that I really need to go to.”
“Lucky for you, both are down the road. Hat shop first?” I ask, holding the door to it open for her. It’s a ridiculous store, but it’s beloved by locals and tourists alike. It has every hat you can think of, from local baseball caps to ones with rubber chickens and spinning umbrellas. Lily goes through every section of the store trying on the ones she finds delightful. She turns to me every time asking how ridiculous or crazy she looks, but all I can focus on is the light in her eyes and the ease of her laughter. Plus she’s cute as fuck in every single one of them.
“Please, oh please, put this on,” she begs, holding out a purple fuzzy cowboy hat that is at least three feet tall and three feet wide. It’s so big she can’t lift it up to my head, but I oblige and slip the thing on. It’s not even fully seated on my head before she’s doubled over in laughter, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes. “You have to let me get a picture,” she wheezes out between bursts of more laughter.
I plop a hat with fake dreads coming out of it on her head, and tell her she can only have a photo if she’s in it with me. My hat is so big we can’t fit it in a selfie, so we ask another shopper to get one of us. I gently place my hand on Lily’s hip and pull her into me for the photo. She’s stiff at first, but as soon as her back touches my chest, she melts into me.
“You better send me that picture,” she says as we put our hats back on the shelves and head to the next store. I peek at the photos they took and send the one of us both smiling at the camera to her. “Ooh, can we stop at Cedar and Sage? I bought a candle from there when I first moved here and it’s almost burnt out.”
I follow her into the small boutique as she heads straight for a table of local items in the back, including candles. I have to admit, it smells nice in here, so I ask Lily to pick one out for me. I keep my home clean, but Shadow likes to roll outside, so a candle can’t hurt to fix the dog smell.
Lily picks out some candles, refusing to let me pay since I bought us lunch. The girl behind the counter has red rimmed eyes, and looks like she hasn’t slept in days. I try not to stare and make her feel worse, but Lily shocks me by asking her about it.
“It’s Amber, right?” The woman nods, continuing to ring her up. “I had to come back and get some more of these candles that you sold me last month. You were so kind to me that day, and helped me get some little gifts for my realtor. Can I, umm… can I repay that kindness by giving you a hug?”
Amber looks up at Lily, her eyes glassy. She stares at her open mouthed for a moment, but instead of replying, she walks out from behind the counter. Lily immediately wraps her in a hug, rubbing her back as the woman's shoulders shake slightly. I glance around, but we are the only ones in the store, so I take a few steps back to give them a moment.
They stay in the embrace for a few minutes, talking to each other in hushed voices. When they finally separate, they both wipe their eyes, then go to their respective sides of the counter like nothing happened. Lily thanks her, pays, and we walk out. We walk down the sidewalk in silence and I can feel a heavy weight on her shoulders. Before we get to the pet store, I lightly grab her waist and move her against the storefront behind her. My body is hovering over hers, giving her the space to express her feelings without prying eyes.
“Are you okay?”
Her bottom lip trembles, but her voice remains strong. “Her mother had a stroke this week, and the recovery is not looking good. She seems so heartbroken. I don’t do well when others are suffering.”
Her empathy to a total stranger is astounding, and ridiculously attractive. I can’t imagine if my mom had a stroke right now. I make a mental note to ask my mom to stop by there this week and see if there’s something she can do. She loves setting up meal trains, and last year, I found out she has been visiting people in the hospital with long term stays that don’t get visitors. Apparently she’s been doing it for years, she just didn’t want to make a fuss about it.
Lily reminds me of my mom in that way, and that thought secures her grip on my heart a little more. I wrap her in my arms, soaking in her vanilla scent again. “That is horrible, but I think what you did today made a big difference. What did you say to her?”
“I told her that I recently discovered how comforting a hug can be, and while I can’t do much, I can give her that. It took you and Michele constantly giving me physical reassurance for me to realize how touch starved I have been in my life. Your small acts of hugs and a hand squeeze startled me at first, but have turned into a sense of solace for me.”
That confession brings an ache back to my chest. I was raised in such a loving household that I don’t even register touch half the time. I want to be the place where she heals, the place where she gets everything that has been missing from her life. I take the bag of candles from her when we separate and grab her hand to lead her to the pet shop. “What do you need from here?”
“I wanted to get one of those purple dragons for my place. I really love having Shadow over, but I feel bad that she doesn’t have toys.”
She grabs a basket on our way in, and within fifteen minutes, it’s filled with toys, treats, and a water bowl. We are in the aisle with kitschy things when Lily squeals with delight.
“Can I get this? Oh, please, let me get this. I know she’s not really my dog, but I feel like I have some parental rights here. I mean, we do share joint custody sometimes.”
I turn to see the set with a coffee mug that says ‘World’s Best Dog Mom’ and a bandana that says “I Woof My Mom”. I have to admit, it’s cute and Shadow has grown to love bandanas at the rate my mom buys them for her.
“I think we need to ask your lawyer to draw up something official. You know, stating that you have rights to a minimum of one Shadow filled day a week,” I joke, adding it to her basket. “Shadow will love it.”
The light is back in her eyes as we walk to the register. I slide my card to the cashier before Lily can, drawing a scowl from her. I don’t care, I like taking care of her. Plus these things are for my dog. Our dog. We spend another hour strolling through town, popping into shops here and there, just enjoying each other’s company.
Eventually, we make our way back to my truck where I buckle her in again. Jake might be onto something with his kink, because knowing Lily is tied down and safe in my truck gets my blood pumping.
“I had fun today. I enjoyed watching you work. Your love for your job is palpable, and I learned a lot. Thank you for inviting me and showing me around town.”
I feel hyper aware of her presence beside me. The soft slope of her nose, the tiny almost imperceptible kiss of freckles there. The way her eyes look a lighter shade of blue when she is happy and like the dark depths of the ocean when she’s upset. The fact that she likes what I do, even if it isn’t a fancy job that will never make me wealthy, makes me inherently happy. I like everything about this woman, and I would happily spend my days in her presence no matter what we are doing.
“I’m glad you could come. Are you upset with me? For telling River?”
“I’m not. I was in the moment, but then I thought about it and that’s not fair. If this lawsuit goes to court, it won’t be a secret anymore. Plus, he helped you find a lawyer so I can’t be upset at that. I don’t see it as you betraying my trust, like you said. I never told you that you couldn’t say anything. I am more embarrassed and ashamed than anything when it comes to telling others.”
“You shouldn’t be. He was rightfully pissed for your sake, just like I was. We both hope you and DeWitt take the bastard down. He’s really excited to meet you though, and I promise he won’t bring up anything but baseball.”
When I drive up to her house, she waits for me to open her door which makes my dick stir again. I’ve picked up on a possible praise kink with her, so I decide to test it again. I walk her to the door, and as she unlocks it, I gently tug her waist to turn her toward me.
“You are brave, facing the demons in your past, and I am so proud of you. Lily, you are such a genuine soul and I love every moment I get to spend with you. Let me know when you call DeWitt and the date you guys decide on for the game and meeting, okay?”
Her breathing turns slow and shallow, her eyelids heavy over stormy blue eyes. Her perfect lips part on a soft exhale, “Okay.”
A small smile plays on my lips at her reaction. I was absolutely right. Tucking her hair behind her ear, I place a gentle kiss on her forehead, “Have a good night, Lily.”
My boots crunch on the gravel back to my truck where I wait until she is locked in her cabin before backing up and heading home. The short drive fills me with satisfaction that she is so close. Shadow greets me at the door, her tail wagging a mile a minute.
“Hey my girl, how was your day? Sorry I was gone so long, I was with Lily. Yeah, your other favorite human,” I talk to her as I give her a full body rub down. Should I be embarrassed that I talk to my dog like she’s my kid? Maybe, but I’m not.
Shadow was kind of my savior when Jen and I broke up. She was just a little squirt, and she only met Jen a few times, but she kept me busy and distracted after so I couldn’t wallow. Lily is the first woman Shadow has spent time with besides my mom, and they both got attached quickly. I worry that one day Lily might leave our lives and Shadow will feel the loss as deeply as I will.
I push that thought from my mind, instead focusing on the fact that today she let me hold her. She let me wrap her up in my arms, and hold her hand, securing that nothing has ever felt so right. Her small body fit well against mine. She has to feel the strings pulling us together, that everything feels like it’s falling into place when we are near.
Seeing her be so genuine and selfless, so utterly and unapologetically herself today was the highlight of my week. She let herself feel all her emotions out in the open which just made her more endearing. On top of that, she has had a rough week and still felt more for a stranger than for herself, taking the time to make her feel better.
That is something in all my years of knowing Jen that I never once saw her do. Her feelings and what was happening in her life were always at the center, just the way she liked it. I didn’t realize how much I disliked that about her until I watched Lily today. Jake and River tried to tell me how self-centered she was, constantly asking me what the last thing she did for me or to support me was. I never listened because I liked taking care of her. I didn’t think I needed someone to take care of me back.
Seeing Lily care for a stranger, my dog, and even me is changing that perception. Maybe it was just Jen’s care that I didn’t desire, or maybe it was that I knew she wasn’t capable of putting others before herself. But now, I crave Lily’s attention and time. I want her to put her focus on me, with quiet mornings drinking coffee together and making meals together. I know what that feels like with her now, and I’m not willing to let it go.