14. Lily
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
lily
I soak up the warm sun on my small balcony, watching the wind blow through the trees. I let my thoughts wander to yesterday, focusing on Amber, Sherry, and my potential lawyer. In between all of that, I let myself be consumed by thoughts of Thoren.
Every time I think about how much my life has changed recently, I can’t help but consider calling my parents. I want them to know what is going on in my life. More importantly, I want them to be proud of me and to be actually interested in what I’m doing. The last text I sent to them said I was moving to Washington, asking if there was a good time for me to call. My mom responded by asking what job I had gotten here and when I replied I was pursuing writing full time, I never heard back from them.
My phone sat heavy in my hand, my thumb hovering over my dad’s contact icon. I debated taking the plunge and just calling, but decided against it. If they wanted to be in my life, they would make the effort. Instead, I click on Andrea’s name. I know it’s Sunday, but she’s always working and willing to take my call.
“I’m important again,” her cheery voice comes through the line.
“Oh, hush, we just talked two weeks ago.”
“Too long, if you ask me. Good timing though, I was just going over cover artist options for your book and was going to send them to you. Swap me to video and we can go through these together.”
See, always working. I transfer to video as her smiling face overtakes the screen. She’s always polished, a full face of makeup, with a silk blouse and slicked back pony. I, however, have a nest of hair piled on my head, not an ounce of makeup on, and a coffee stain on my shirt.
“Okay before we get into the cover options, how’s the book coming? Did you meet with the baseball player yet? Oooh, lightbulb! Can we use him as a cover model? Oh my god, I looked him up, women would go feral over him in his tight baseball pants with no shirt,” she rambles like this is already a done deal.
“Absolutely not. Nope. Not happening. He is already doing so much for me and I will not ask that of him. I’m a little over a third of the way complete. I’m meeting with River soon. He found a lawyer to go against Tyler that I’m calling tomorrow. The hope is to meet both of them on the same visit to Seattle. Plus, I was thinking of going illustrated for this cover.”
The thought crossed my mind for half a second to ask River to model for the cover, but I don’t want to take advantage of people, and the more River continues to do for me, the less I want to use that. That mindset only got deeper engrained when Tyler used me, and now I was hypersensitive to everything I asked of others. My mom harped it into me from a young age that you never use anyone’s status or overstay your welcome. She ensured I knew I was to make my own success to be able to offer others, specifically a man. I believe her exact words when she decided on my majors for me in college were, As a woman, you should be seen and not heard, and your successes should speak for themselves. She didn’t seem to see the misogyny and contradicting nature of her thinking though. It’s how women should be raised, Lily. To honor their father and mother in preparation of honoring their husband.
I honored Tyler, and look where that landed me. I can stand on my own two feet with my career, yet that still isn’t enough for her. It’s not a career she can proudly wave in front of her friends and our family, so no matter how successful I become, it will always be an embarrassment to her. It’s the same thing Tyler told me when I finally admitted to him that I was an author on the side. You write porn Lily, that’s not an accomplishment.
Andrea lets out a long whistle, “There’s a lot to unpack there. First, I am so damn happy you are taking action against him and that company. That’s a hard step and you’re doing it. I hope you burn that place to the ground. Back to the book cover, though… illustrated and not a sexy man… can you at least sneak a picture of him for me when you meet him?” she jokes, but I hear the seriousness behind it. “How are you feeling about the book so far? I have been beyond thrilled with the chapters and was going to send back a few notes this week.”
“I’m not commenting on the creepy photo taking. I am really happy with where the book is going. I think this might be my best book yet, and with River and Thoren’s help, I think it has the potential to be a bestseller.” I want to be humble, but the words have been flying from my fingertips lately. Having an inside look into the professional baseball world will draw my readers in even more. “Now, let’s look at those cover artists.”
We discuss the different style options, prices, and availability, ultimately deciding on a newer illustrator with incredible skills. I explained what I was picturing, and Andrea was fully on board with it. With that conversation behind me, I researched everything I could find about Kinsley DeWitt. From what I found, Thoren was right. She is a beast in the courtroom and has a history of defending women in the workplace. I still can’t believe that he found her and she’s willing to take me on pro bono, but I know better than to look a gift horse in the mouth.
When the sun sinks behind the trees, the rays of light creating hues of orange and pink, I realize I’ve spent the entire day on my balcony. Tomorrow I will get back on the productivity train and go for a walk, paint, and call the lawyer. I should probably do a quick whole house clean too, and make a grocery list. The notebook that lives on my little side table is in my hand in no time as I write out my to-do list for tomorrow. My phone pings in my lap, but I ignore it until my list is complete.
Thoren:
You still being a slug?
He texted me this morning asking if I was enjoying a porch coffee. It was the first morning in a while I hadn’t, but my bed was just too comfortable to leave, so I told him I was hibernating for the day.
Lily:
Haven’t moved in 4 hours.
Thoren:
How did I know? When you do finally move, check your front porch.
That got me to leave my post. Did he come to my house and I didn’t even notice? I fling open the balcony door and skip down the steps to my front door, where a plastic bag awaits me. I glance around as I grab it. Thoren is nowhere to be found, but I’m starting to like that he leaves gifts on my porch. Inside, I put the bag on my counter, pulling out warm containers. There’s a water bottle filled with pale pink liquid, a container with a roasted sweet potato, and one that holds grilled chicken strips with what looks like a mango salsa topping. My phone pings again beside me.
Thoren:
I discovered I don’t own to-go cups that won’t spill. The water bottle has a rose and chamomile tea in it. My mom’s favorite.
I don’t even know what to say. He knew I was having a reset day, so he made me dinner. I have never felt so seen or cared for in my life. My parents never took rest days. They said it was lazy and set a bad precedent. When I allowed myself one, I was met with disappointment. Yet here Thoren was, bringing me food with zero judgement.
Lily:
Thank you, it all looks and smells amazing. How’d you sneak it over?
Thoren:
There was no sneaking, Shadow and I just dropped it off on our way out for a run. Enjoy your night, Lily.
Crap. I really didn’t think I was ready for another relationship, but Thoren is no ordinary man. He came out of nowhere, throwing around green flags like they were beads at Mardi Gras. I didn’t listen to the red flags from Tyler, and I learned the hard way from that mistake. Tyler taught me not to take a man’s words at face value, yet here I am, trusting Thoren. He also spoke with words and actions, which is something my dad always talked highly about when I was a kid, telling me The words of another means nothing without the actions to prove it. Watch the way a man treats you and those who can do nothing for him, meisje, and you will know if his words hold weight. Thoren’s words held their weight. Hell, half the time he didn’t even use words, just actions. His actions tell me he’s a good man, who in just a month’s time cares deeply for me already.
Those feelings were mutual. I want to have a closed off heart, one that is surrounded by impenetrable walls to keep me safe. The tattered organ in my chest seems to beat easily around him though. His soft smiles, the way he always finds a way to touch me in the most reassuring of ways, his subtle dominance in keeping me protected. He stokes a fire inside of me just by being himself. Maybe I need to let myself feel what my body and heart are clearly craving from him.
I carry the food and tea to my small table and dig in. The man can cook, and I’m starting to think there’s not much he can’t do. He has the body of a Greek god, he can renovate a house, fix my deck, cook amazing meals, and he’s selfless and loves his family. I never stood a chance against him.
I send off a thank you for the incredible dinner and retreat upstairs. I may have done nothing today, but I’m mentally exhausted at just the thought of the phone call with the lawyer tomorrow. My hope is she will be okay with a brief explanation so I can tell the full story to her in person when we meet. I don’t want to recount it all on the phone and again when we are together.
Since moving here, I have allowed myself time to reflect and rest when my body and mind call for it. I never realized how much one day of reprieve could have such a major impact on my stress level and outlook. I don’t think I can ever go back to a rigid corporate schedule with no ‘me time’ after this.
After an early bedtime, I rose with the sun this morning. With coffee and notepad in hand, I reclaim my usual morning routine on the back porch to start on my grocery list. I only have milk written when a rustling in the woods and Shadow’s telltale woof interrupt me. She comes barreling onto the deck and straight to my feet, waiting for pets.
Her furry face, floppy ears, and tongue hanging out make my entire morning, but it gets even better when Thoren steps up onto the deck with his morning mug of coffee. Much to my disappointment, he has a shirt on this time, but his work uniform of dark green utility pants and a green shirt sitting tight over his broad chest is just as drool worthy.
“Morning,” he says nonchalantly as he takes a seat next to me. “Did you sleep well?”
I grin into my coffee as I bring it to my lips. “Good morning, neighbor. I did, did you?”
“I slept wonderfully.” He leans back on the outdoor sofa, stretching his free arm out behind me. He smells good, his crisp woodsy scent blending with the morning dew around us.
“So is this our thing now? You two hooligans showing up to drink our coffee together?”
He takes a long sip, not dropping eye contact. “Do you want it to be?”
I think for a moment, tapping my finger on my chin. It certainly starts my day off right, seeing both of their smiling faces. Plus if he’s going to be in this uniform for me to drool over… yeah, I could get used to mornings like this.
“I wouldn’t mind it. What happens if I’m not up?” It’s not even seven, and there are days I may not drag my butt out of bed on time to do this with him before he leaves for work.
“Shadow seems to know. She didn’t run to you yesterday and you said you weren’t out here. Today, however, she raced over here the moment I opened my back door.”
I peek down at my favorite girl, rolling around on the deck and chewing on a leaf she found. My chest squeezes at the sight. She seems to be as in tune with me as Thoren is. Having her here today would make things easier knowing she’s by my side.
“Can she stay with me today?”
His boot slides out to nudge her lightly, “You good with that, Shadow?”
Shadow lets out a small bark, then moves to sit in front of the back door. We both chuckle, taking that as a yes. All three of us enjoy the quiet of the morning while Thoren’s hand behind me plays lightly with a strand of hair, sending chills throughout my body. The slightest touches from him send heat to my core, and the smug look on his face tells me he is well aware of it.
“I have to head to work,” he finally says. “You ladies have a good day. And call DeWitt, I promise you’ll be glad you did. You’ve got this.” He squeezes my shoulder before getting up and giving Shadow some head scratches. I watch him walking back through the woods to his house again. Like I said, I never stood a chance.
Shadow and I head inside when my coffee is empty and I trade out her bandana that has pine cones on it out for the new one I bought her. I show her the little basket in the living room corner that I put all her new toys in. While she takes her time dragging out every toy and examining them, I finish taping off the rest of the house and paint the first layer.
It goes fairly quickly since the cabin is such a small space, and before I know it, it’s lunch time. I make a sandwich for myself, giving Shadow some lunch meat and a piece of cheese. After we have eaten and cleaned up, I slide out my phone with shaky hands. It’s now or never. I sit on the couch with Shadow next to me for moral support and make the call to Kinsley DeWitt.
I spent thirty minutes on the phone with her, delighted to find Thoren was correct. She is exactly the person I need in my corner for this, and she was so kind. I told her the condensed basics of the scenario with Tyler and she got to work. We decided on meeting Wednesday afternoon of next week where she would have a list of all our options moving forward. She said I could email the details if it was easier on me, or go over it all in depth next Wednesday. I decided on emailing, and that alone took the burden of saying what happened out loud again.
I couldn’t believe how easy it was talking to her. She reminded me of Michele in the way her feminine rage came out over him lying and me losing my job because of it. Getting to work with her is the best case scenario.
With that problem behind me, I finished writing out my grocery list and planned out a dinner to make for Thoren and I this evening. Shadow whined at the door as I put my shoes on, so I let her pile into Marge with me for the drive into town. I made sure to leave the windows down and park in a shady spot while I flew through the grocery store faster than ever before.
Once we got back home, I put the groceries away, enjoying the breeze wafting through all the open windows due to the paint drying. The day is too nice not to take advantage of, so Shadow and I ran back to Thoren’s for her leash and harness. It felt really good after my lazy day yesterday, so when we got back home, I decided to do a pilates workout on the back deck. My stressful day was turning out to be anything but. With another hour before I needed to start dinner, I painted a second layer on my walls. The cabin was looking less and less dingy and more like my own every day.
Needing to wash the sweat and paint from my skin, I hopped in the shower, trying to ignore the fact another tile was falling off. I kept the bathroom door open since I painted the bathroom walls today, too, and I didn’t know if the steam would ruin anything. Shadow scared the crap out of me twice by sticking her snout through the curtain to check on me, but I liked her company anyway.
With a fresh set of running shorts and a tank top on, I meander into the kitchen to start on dinner. I sent Thoren a text asking if he could pick Shadow up on his way home. That way, he can decide if he would like to stay for dinner, and if not, he can take some home. I decided on homemade pizza, one of my comfort foods. I top one with pepperoni and the other with sausage and peppers.
By the time Thoren is knocking on my door, I have one on the cooling rack and one in the oven. I surprisingly beat Shadow to the door, but she’s busy playing with her new purple dragon. I open the door wide, inviting him in.
“Hey Lily, how was your- oh my god, what is that incredible smell?”
A small chuckle escapes me, “I made pizza. Would you like some? You can eat here or take it home if you don’t want to stay.”
His imposing body steps into my space, forcing my body against the wall. I crane my neck to look up into his hazel eyes. One of his hands settles on my hip, the other on the wall above my head, sending heat to my core.
“I want to stay,” he says with a gruff tone that rocks straight through my body to my suddenly wet panties.
“Okay,” my voice comes out barely more than a whisper.
I try to blink out of my lustful haze and move past him, trying not to rub on him like a cat in heat. In close proximity, the heady amber scent is stronger than the juniper. Thankfully, my oven timer pulls me back to focus and I step around him to remove the second pizza.
“The walls look nice. Can’t even smell the paint over the pizza,” he comments while washing his hands in the kitchen sink.
“Thank you, I did them today. They should be almost dry, but still be careful of where you touch.”
I cut the pizzas into the best slices that I can manage and pull out two plates, pointing to the fridge where I have beer, water, and wine. It’s not lost on me how domestic this is, how easily we float around each other in the kitchen again. “How was work today?”
He scrubs a hand down his face, breathing in a heavy sigh. “Long. Jake gave his notice, so I’ll help cover shifts until we find a replacement. Did you have time to call the lawyer today?”
I can’t keep the relief out of my voice. “I did, and you were right. She’s incredible. She said she can meet next Wednesday afternoon. River has a home game on Thursday. Is that something you can make work?”
His face lights up as his shoulders relax. I know he thought I was going to chicken out on calling the lawyer. I feel bad that he has even more responsibility on his shoulders at work now and I’m asking him to take time off with little notice. He doesn’t seem to feel nearly as bad though.
“That’s perfect, I’ll call Riv tonight and let him know. I already gave my boss a heads up that I might need a few days off soon. I haven’t taken a vacation day in a long time, plus I have SAR training again this weekend, so I am due for some days off.”
We take a few bites of our pizza while Shadow begs beneath us. Another green flag to add to Thoren’s ever growing list is that he can sit in the silence with me. Tyler always had something to say, which inevitably led to talking badly of others or complaining about things constantly. I know Thoren had a long day; it’s written all over his tired face. Still, he’s sitting here enjoying dinner with me and not one negative thing has left his mouth.
When our plates are about empty, my brain goes into planning mode. “Will you be staying with River when we go? If not, I can get you a hotel room with me. It’s the least I can do. We can take Marge and I’ll pay for gas and all our food. Is there anywhere out there that you would like to go that we might have time for?”
His shoulders shake as he looks at his plate, shaking his head. “You can’t stop, can you?”
“Stop what?”
“Planning. Being prepared for anything and everything.” His eyes catch mine when he looks up. “When was the last time you had the chance to sit back and enjoy something?”
I think about it for a moment, “When you took me hiking.”
His grin is downright devious. He pulls out his phone and starts typing out some notes before putting it back down on the table. “Okay, then it’s settled. I am planning everything. You pack your bag and be ready for me Wednesday morning at nine. Oh, and who the hell is Marge?”