Chapter 1 #3
“I’m not looking for anything, but thanks,” I say as I get the plates and silverware out while Antonio goes back to talking about how sweet Frank is. He’s still singing his praises when Felix returns, apparently no longer on the phone with the thunder god and ready to annoy us some more.
“Frank will never be forgiven, so his name shouldn’t even be spoken in this house,” Felix whispers.
“You forgave him and you know it,” Lane says.
“Only because he’s helping keep our business afloat,” Felix murmurs. “But my heart was shattered after he made fun of my height.”
Antonio leans against the counter with a smirk on his face.
“You know, if you didn’t bring it up so much, I bet fewer people would make fun of it.
And what about you? I’m positive you’ve made fun of everyone in this house at least a hundred times or more.
Hell, since I walked in, you made fun of Cal’s intelligence, his ability to mold onto furniture, and more for sure. ”
“Lane, they’re being mean to me. Rough them up for me.”
“Do you want me to wait until Cal is done cooking?”
“Yes, please.”
“Got it.”
“Antonio, we only need three plates, thank you,” I say. “Felix has chosen violence and violence is all he needs to fill his stomach.”
“Cal, today you are magical,” Felix starts. “I was actually talking to Lane mere moments ago and was saying something like, ‘Have you ever seen a more magical being than Cal?’ And Lane was like… ‘Besides you, I don’t think I have.’ And then we praised your amazingness.”
“If this was a video game, your bad charisma skill would be maxed,” I say.
Felix thinks about that for a second. “Am I not supposed to take that as a compliment?”
“That would be ideal,” I respond as I begin bringing stuff over to the table. Brigs tries tripping me because he thinks that if he uses his macro size, he can cause me to throw more food onto the ground for him.
“Your pig is trying to murder Cal,” Antonio says, just watching the scene. He has plainly abandoned any idea that he was going to help.
“He’s not. He just loves Cal so he wants to be near him. And Cal loves him,” Felix declares.
“Pigs belong outside,” Lane says.
“Not mini pigs, Lane. Mini pigs are house pets.”
“There is absolutely nothing about that pig that is mini. Maybe his manners,” Lane grumbles.
“I’m going to train him to be a seeing-eye pig, and then we’ll see who has the last laugh when you need his services,” Felix says.
I think about that for a moment. I can only imagine how that would go. “He’ll lead you to food, that’s for sure. So make sure if you’re ever stranded out in the middle of nowhere starving to death, you take him with you. Otherwise, he’ll just lead you to a nice sunny spot so he can sleep.”
“Take him with you to a place in the middle of nowhere so you can eat him? Is that what you said?” Antonio asks.
Felix gasps and points to the door. “Get out.”
“It was a joke! A joke. I wouldn’t eat him. We’d probably all agree that if we had to eat someone in this room, it’d be you, Felix,” Antonio says.
“You’ve turned into a cannibal?” Felix asks.
Antonio points at the two animals staring up at Felix with adoration in their eyes. It’s all a scheme to get food from him, but the instant Felix locks eyes with them, he nods in understanding.
“I will sacrifice myself for both of you and Lane. The other two can starve,” he decides.
I raise an eyebrow. “Glad to know that if I was hanging off a cliff and your pig was hanging off a cliff, you’d save the pig.”
“He’s not even strong enough to save the pig,” Lane says before stilling. It’s like he can feel Felix’s eyes burrowing into him even though he can’t see him.
“That’s why I have you, babe ,” Felix tells him.
“So there’s two of you and you’re still just saving the pig and not me?” I ask.
“Yum, these tacos sure look good,” Felix says before telling Lane what’s spread out in front of him. Lane reaches for a shell and Felix pushes his hand over to it when he misses it by a couple of inches.
I’d transferred the meat to a bowl so he wouldn’t accidentally touch the hot pan, so he should be good with the rest. He’s definitely not one who likes to be waited on, and the group of us never care if he fumbles around or accidentally sticks his finger into the food.
“This is sooo good,” Felix moans. “Cal, I’d like to hire you as our chef. And pay you with compliments.”
“I’ll consider it,” I say, not necessarily because I enjoy cooking, but because the moment I enter my place all alone, it’s as though the suppressing darkness starts to consume me.
“Why don’t we just have a slumber party here?” Felix asks, and it makes me wonder if the man who seems to understand zero social cues is actually quite talented at reading people.
“I’m game!” Antonio says. “Frank’s been gone a couple days, and like day one it was fun in an ‘I’ve got the house to myself, listen to this silence’ way and then after that I was like dear god, was my life always this boring? It was. I realize it was.”
“Sure,” I agree. “I can sleep on the couch.”
“You can share a bed with me. Frank won’t mind,” Antonio says.
“This couch and I are old friends, I’m fine,” I assure him, but Antonio won’t hear of it.
So after we’re done eating, Felix sets us up with a movie while repeating the words, “You know what goes good with a movie? Brownies. I sure love brownies. I think brownies would just set the movie off. I might die without brownies,” until I cave and make brownies out of a box.
The noise of a home filled with people enjoying brownies and watching a movie fills my mind and pushes all of that darkness far away.